Behind The Scenes

Ron sez:

Sure would be interesting to point a hidden mike at each one of 'em in a joint clusterfuck of White House cabinet and czars at a meeting and hear what they have to say to each other privately. I imagine some of it would come out like this:

"Oh, I donno . . . what do YOU wanna tax next?"

"Hey! Who put DNR on the back of my security badge!"

"The chances of this POS getting through the Senate now exactly equal the number of Jews in Bin Laden's cave."

"Y'know . . . if we wait 'til the last minute to do somethin about this, it'll take only a minute, right?"

"The truth is, there's nothing so much actually wrong with crossing the line into a socialist state . . . it's pole vaulting over it naked with the cameras on that'll get people riled up."

"So what's wrong with the phrase "fucking retards" anyway? I mean, that's what they are, aren't they?"

"Looks like we're hooked up with a guy who's long past the high point of a meaningless political career."

"Whaddya mean 'accuracy and clarity can't be rushed'! That's the stupidest goddam thing I ever heard from a politician."

"Yeah, I agree that everybody should get an equal chance in America, but not everyone is equal to begin with. I mean, they gotta meet us halfway, right?"

"This health-care thing needs to go on a back burner 'til things cool off. Somebody's gotta tell Nancy to go pound her nuts flat for a while."

"Look, fellas . . . they can't call it malicious if it turns out to be plain ol' ignorance, can they?"

"Jesus H. Christ! What the hell did they expect? I mean, everybody spreads the bull around when he's campaigning. Once it becomes clear that the puppy you're backing is just that . . . a puppy . . . you can't get too mad at him when he pisses on the rug."

"You know . . . this just isn't as easy as we first thought it would be, is it? But we've got 3 more years, and things really can't get any worse. Let's just pretend we're working our asses off and revel in the absurdity of it all."

"Yeah, Harry and Nancy have a lotta work to do before they can announce complete failure to pull the wool over everybody's eyes."

"O.K. O.K.! I admit that my people are slow, but by God they make up for it by doing really shoddy work, don't they? Talk about retards."

"To Harry and a lotta other guys, taking a step forward lately has become just the first phase of falling on their faces."

"Management is really simple. What you do is identify those isolated little pockets of competence and then work 'em 'til they drop. And if you fail, you just blame it all on your predecessor, fire everybody, and start over. Once the pension is in the bag, who gives a shit anyway."

"These economic gurus remind me of that crazy old woman in the attic that you keep out of sight and never talk about."

"You know what I got in an e-mail from a guy in Alabama yesterday? He said, 'Never in the history of elected governments have so many done so much for so few.' What the hell does THAT mean?"

"Apparently the way most people look at us today is that what we do isn't a lot of work. Well, hell yes! It's not a lotta work until YOU have to do it. It's not easy to turn gold into lead."

"I'd like to know where some goddam farmer gets off criticizing me, for Christ's sake. Hell, I got a law degree, and what's he got? Ribbons from a 4H exhibit?"

"My role model has always been Lt. Fuzz . . . you know, that twerp in the Beetle Bailey comic strip. His approach to everything is write this huge fucking report proposal, then just throw money at it 'til it quits squeaking. Dazzle 'em with bullshit and smother 'em with greenbacks."

"I betcha if we knew exactly when that friggin asteroid will hit, most of the shit we're supposed to be doin would still come in behind schedule and over budget."

"Hell, nobody worries about my input. I'm so goddam far down the food chain I have plankton bites on my ass."

"People where I come from consider their congressmen nothing more than sowbelly in what should have been a good roast beef sandwich."

My take on the Obama varsity. Some actually get it, some never really will, and some definitely should . . . right in the ass.

Ron did yet another brilliant post for me so I could be lazy and take a day off.

Monday Pun 2-8-2010

From Dave.

A woman walks into a vet's waiting room, dragging a wet rabbit on a leash.

"Sit, Fluffy," she says.

Fluffy glares at her and then the soaking-wet rabbit jumps up on another customer's lap, getting water all over him.

"I said sit, Fluffy!" the woman shouts. "Don't you want to be a good little rabbit?"

Apparently not, because Fluffy, still wet, jumps onto the floor shakes furiously, spraying water on everyone and then proceeds to squat and urinate, right there in the middle of the room.

"Dammit, Fluffy!" the woman screams, and then, mortified by Fluffy's behavior, she turns to the other people in the room and says, "Please forgive me,

Saints Won

I knew the Saints were gonna win. Mark Bradley, one of the sports columnists for the Atlanta Urinal and Constipation, wrote in his column today that the Colts were gonna win. Bradley is always wrong. I don't know why he still has a job. At least they got rid of the racist Terence Moore.

It's time for what's left of The Who to quit. Having seen them live in their prime it was sad watching them now. Daltry has lost his voice. On the upside, the light show was good.

Televised Blowjob

So Jug Hussein Ears actually thinks that the reason health care reform has not passed is because he didn't do a good enough job explaining it to us dumb rubes. Remember, this dildo thinks the solution to every problem is more JHE. Give another speech. Give another interview. Go on Letterman. The country just cannot get enough of JHE and his magic TelePrompTer.

CBS is cutting its news staff. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! CBS has a news staff? Who knew? I thought they were just a merry bunch of propagandists. Maybe if after Memogate (and Dan Rather still believes the TANG memos were real), they would have decided to become a news organization rather than the propaganda arm of the Dimocrat Party they wouldn't be in the mess they're in now. Paying perky Katie Couric $14 million a year didn't solve the problem did it CBS? Les Moonbat needs to take some of her salary and buy a clue.

Yes, I am gonna tie these two paragraphs together.

CBS, just like JHE, believes that the country just cannot get enough of JHE. So what to do? I know, let's let perky Katie fellate interview JHE right before the Superbowl. That's all we need: ten minutes of Katie fawning over JHE and lobbing him softball questions. Put on your presidential kneepads Katie. What Monica did in private you're gonna do in public for all of the country to see: "Journalistic" porn.

Edward R. Murrow is rolling in his grave.

Sunday Metal 2-7-2010

And this is how more and more Americans are beginning to feel about the Jug Hussein Ears' administration and the Dimocrats in Congress.

Thirty Inches Of Global Warming

Is Pope Albert I of the Church of AGW in Washington DC? Just wondering.

Saturday Guitar

Beethoven this week.

I can tell that this guy is not a classical guitar purist since he only uses his thumb and his first two fingers. Watch John Williams, Julian Bream, and other classical guitarists and you'll see that they use the thumb and three fingers. I'm self taught and I use that picking style for my acoustic and classical stuff. It just seemed right when I taught myself how to fingerpick. It really helped when I started learning some Bach.

Saturday Blonde Joke

From Tom.

A young blonde girl goes to the doctor for a physical. The doctor
puts his stethoscope up to the girl's chest and says, 'Big breaths...'

The girl replies, 'Yeth and I'm not even thixteen.'

Saturday Boobage 2-6-2010

From Don.

AOTW 2-5-2010

Don Surber suggested that I give it to this dude who wanted to block all online comment about the election. Dude! Don't give Jug Hussein Ears, Speaker Blinky, and Harry Reid any ideas.

This dooshbag is truly worthy of the coveted AOTW Award, but I always like to find someone here in the United States to give it to. Yes. I do have someone here. I'm gonna give it to Rahmbo Emanuel for his calling liberal Dimocrats "fucking retards".

Now I have two friends who could be called retards. One had his brains scrambled in a bad motorcycle accident and the other got messed up in a skydiving accident. It is an insult to these guys to be compared to any Dimocrats, not just liberal Dimocrats.

Just two weeks ago, I was qualified to be called a retard. I was all messed up on the anti-nausea drugs plus my brain was a little scrambled. I found myself trying to make Cindy understand sumpin' and I was failing miserably. This little voice was going on in the back of my head telling me, "Dude! She's got to totally think you are a retard and that you have suffered permanent drain bamage!"

Turns out that was exactly what she was thinking. But I'm OK now. Honest!

Just think. Rahmbo was comparing me to a liberal Dimocrat. I'm really pissed about that! So I'm giving this bunghole my AOTW Award.

Clean Your Balls

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! From MoK.

A Piece Of The Action

Any Star Trek fans out there? I'm talking about the original Star Trek. There was an episode titled A Piece of the Action. A Federation ship had visited a planet and left behind a book that had the history of the Chicago gang wars in the 1920's. The planet modeled its entire society on that book. Everyone wanted a "piece of the action".

The Enterprise showed up and by the end of the episode, Kirk had convinced the planet that all the gang leaders had to work together and the Federation would show up periodically to take a piece of the action. By the way, wouldn't what Kirk did to this society be considered a violation of the Prime Directive? Just asking.

Anyhoo, this is what we've got going on here in the good ol' USA. We have our gang leaders (politicians) who steal our money and then cut themselves in for a piece of the action.

For example, we pay taxes that go the federal gummint, and then our politicians bring home pork to their districts and try to convince us that this is a good thing. They're bribing us with our own money. Of course, they've taken their cut as a piece of the action.

This happens all over the gummint bureaucracies.

HUD. We have failed housing developments in our cities. We send money to the federal gummint, HUD takes its piece of the action, and then sends the money back to the cities for Section 8 housing and failed housing projects. Pruit-Igoe in St. Louis comes to mind. Money wasted. The only good thing was watching them blow it up. In Chicago there was Cabrini Green. Pick your own failing housing project in your city.

Education. We send money to the gummint. The Department of Education takes their piece of the action and really doesn't do much of anything but make education worse. Wouldn't it be nice if we could take all of that money and give it directly to our schools rather than having the Department of Education take their piece of the action.

Energy. The same thing happens with the useless Department of Energy. The Department of Energy takes its piece of the action and comes up with stupid money wasting ideas like converting corn to ethanol.

WTF does the Department of Commerce do?

Health and Human Services. They take their piece of the action and then send the money back to the states to help with welfare. Just think if that money stayed with the states and the Department of Health and Human Services didn't take their piece of the action.

If the dudes who wrote the Constitution were to come back and see what happened they would just sit down and cry. They tried to prevent all of this crap. Even John Adams, who believed in a strong central gummint would be amazed at how big and bloated our federal gummint has become. Jefferson would be shocked that the party that claims him is totally for everything that he was against. Jefferson was for a small federal gummint with most of the power devolving to the states.

We have a looting class in Washington DC. They are stealing our money and they want to steal even more of it. After all, the more money they can take from us, the larger their piece of the action will be.

The Budget

So Jug Hussein Ears just sent a $3.6 trillion budget to Congress. Remember, this is the guy who campaigned on fiscal responsibility. I guess it all depends on what you mean by responsibility. And do ya remember what Speaker Blinky said about pay as you go and ripped the Republicans for their deficits? These people really do have no shame.

I also remember JHE campaigning against earmarks but the stimulus porkulus bill Blinky, Reid, and company passed and JHE signed contained over 9000 earmarks. Way to keep that campaign promise JHE!

So now we get to see what Congress is gonna do with this $3.6 trillion (it boggles the mind) budget. They will prolly add more spending. There will prolly be over 10,000 earmarks this time.

Let me at the budget. I might not be able to balance the budget but I'll be able to cut a lot of it and I won't use a scalpel like JHE said he would do, I'll use a meat axe 'cause that is what needs to be done and that is what it will take. How would I do it? By cutting failing programs and failing agencies.

I'll start off with the Department of Energy. This is a legacy from Jimmah Carter. Why did he create it? To give us energy independence. Has it worked? Nope. We are even more dependent on foreign oil now than we were when Jimmah created this failing bureaucracy. Of course a lot of that is because the Dimocrats, Jimmah's party, will not allow us to drill for oil off the coasts and in ANWR. Also, another group of wacko's, the environmentalists, who are a core constituency of the Dimocrat Party, stopped us from building nuke plants and additional oil refineries. The Department of Energy is an epic fail. Over 30 years later and we're worse off. If it can't do the job it was created to do, eliminate it.

The Department of Education is another failing bureaucracy created by Jimmah Carter in return for the teachers unions supporting him in the election. Is our educational system any better than it was back then? Nope. Another epic fail. If it's not doing its job, eliminate it.

Howza 'bout the Department of Agriculture. We were in the process of weaning farmers off the gummint teat and then when we elected Chimpy McHalliburton Bushitler, he and the Republicans started restoring all of the subsidies. Cut the budget of the Department of Agriculture in half.

Get rid of HUD. Let the cities use their own money for "urban development" and subsidized housing. I don't want my money to go to failed cities like Detroit.

No pay raises for Congress. They can't do their jobs. Why should they get raises? Yeah. This wouldn't save much money but I've always thought that people should be paid on merit. When I worked for IBM, I was.

No military jets for Congresscritters and their families. Let 'em fly commercially like we peons have to do. I'm mainly singling out Speaker Blinky on this one. Once again, the savings would be symbolic, but let them go through the same checkpoints and TSA security that we have to go through. They don't have to fly home to their districts every weekend. They can have phone in townhall meetings like my representative, Tom Price does.

This is just off the top of my head. Of course, if we only funded the stuff that is mandated by the Constitution we would have a budget surplus and could cut taxes even more and our economy would grow by leaps and bounds.

Health Care

Well here is sumpin' interesting.

ST. JOHN'S, N.L. -- Newfoundland Premier Danny Williams will undergo heart surgery later this week in the United States.

Whassup wit dat? I thought Canada was one of the models that the rat bastard commies hold up as an example of a successful gummint run single payer health care system. So here we have a Canadian politician coming to the US for heart surgery. Someone call Michael "Mr. Creosote" Moore. He thinks the Canadian system is better than ours as well.

People (cough) Prosper (cough) have pointed out many times that life expectancy is a good metric for comparing health care systems. So let's look at life expectancy figures.

Canada is number 7. The US is number 49. So by the life expectancy argument (which I and others have pointed out is not a good metric to measure health care) wouldn't this dude be better off staying in Canada? Why is he coming here since the Canadian system is so much better than ours?

Here's the deal. Ronald Reagan once pointed out that people voted with their feet. They went to where the best jobs are and where the living is better. That's why people are leaving Mexifornia and migrating to places like Texas. Texas is due to pick up four congresssional seats after the 2010 census. Georgia is gonna pick up at least one. People are leaving high tax and dying states like Michigan. Way to go unions!

But I digress. That's a rant for another day.

Mr. Williams' decision to leave Canada for the surgery has raised eyebrows over his apparent shunning of Canada's health-care system.

He knows that the Canadian system is not as good as ours.

"It was never an option offered to him to have this procedure done in this province," said Ms. Dunderdale, refusing to answer whether the procedure could be done elsewhere in Canada.

But obviously, by his actions, he is saying that he figgers he can get better treatment in the US. It's a good thing he's doing this before the Dims destroy our health care system which is the best health care system in the world. I can attest to that. It's a good thing I had my accident before we got gummint run health care.