I'm not gonna be posting on Tuesday and Thursday for the next few weeks. I'm jumpin' into the pool and gettin' recertified in SCUBA.
Wait a minute! You're a cripple. How ya gonna do that? Aren't ya afraid of drowning?
Don't have to worry about that. Shit floats.
Har-dee-har-har. Very funny smartass. No really. Aren't ya worried?
Actually, no. I started back last summer and was gonna go on a trip, but got a skin sore on my butt and had to back out.
Yeah, but can cripples do stuff like that?
You'd be surprised. They actually have three levels of certification for handicapped people: HSA1, HSA2, and HSA3. With HSA3, one has to go with two other non-handicapped divers. I think they just pull the person around. But, I'm going for the non-handicapped certification.
You can do that?
Sure. I can swim the required distance and I can float for the required amount of time. See above. The only thing I'm worried about is the diver tow. I have to tow another diver a required distance. My instructor told me he had a complete (no function below the injury) paraplegic who got his regular certification last year and I'm incomplete so I should be able to do it.
But still, aren't ya worried?
Nah! Technically, I'm still certified. Got my certification over 25 years ago. I was gonna go on a trip last year sponsored by Shepherd Center in Atlanta and the dive shop suggested I get recertified, which was a good idea. SCUBA is actually very easy. Just remember two things: Breathe and do not panic.
Breathe? How hard is that to remember?
You'd be surprised. A lot of people have a tendency to hold their breath when under water. And this has caused some people to have their lungs explode when taking a breathe at 30 feet and holding their breath going to the surface.
What about do not panic?
Some people just go buggy underwater. You can run out of air at 100 feet and still have plenty of air to ascend to the surface. Breathe out, and at 50 feet, there is another breath of air in the tank. Just don't panic. And, don't forget to breathe.
I'm really amazed at how much equipment has changed since I last went diving. I took my regulator in to get it rebuilt and the dive shop guy laughed at me. He called it an antique and said he couldn't get parts for it. A second second stage was optional, now it's required. And dive computers? Wow. You still have to learn how to use dive tables to determine dive times and times between dives, but they now have computers that can do all that for you. Technology is wonderful.
I have all my old stuff that no one uses anymore. When I learned 25 years ago, there was a tank harness, a weight belt and a BC (buoyancy compensator). Now, it's all integrated into one unit. With lots of velcro. Instead of a weight belt with big ol' lead weights, there are now multiple pockets with bags of weight pellets. To drop the weight (for an emergency ascent) ya just pull the pockets. Real neat. Real high tech.
So, I hope to be ready for an open water checkout in about four or five weeks. The end of September I'm going down to Roatan for a weeklong dive trip. If I don't get checked out before then, I'll do my checkout there.
More bad news from Israel with the Palestinian animals blowing up more of those ferocious women and children, and then the Palestinian spokesmen accuse the Israelis of practicing genocide on the Palestinians. I just want to slap the shit out of any one of 'em and say, 'Listen putzhead, if the Israelis were practicing genocide on the Palestinians (And that's looking better and better as time goes by. They want to be martyrs? That can be arranged), there would be no Palestinians. Meanwhile, your senseless intifada, has caused the Palestinian economy to tank. There is no work. People have no money. You've really done one hell of a good job for your people haven't you? If anyone is practicing genocide on the Palestinians it's you buttheads!'
But I don't want to talk about depressing things like uncivilized animals who deserve to be caged or shot, I want to share sumpin' sent to me by a friend. The comments after each tidbit are not mine. They are part of the tidbits of information.
Tidbits of information
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
Hardly seems worth it.
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
Now that's more like it!
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
O.M.G.!
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
In my next life, I want to be a pig. I want to be Sally the pig.
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
I'm still not over the pig.
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
Do not try this at home......maybe at work.
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping male's head off.
"Honey, I'm home. What the....?!"
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
30 minutes...can you imagine??
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Something I always wanted to know.
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
Hmmmmmm......
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.
If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
OK, so that would be a good thing....
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
I wonder who was paid to figure that out? (GOC comment:Don't know whom was paid, but I bet it was done with a gummint grant.)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
I know some people like that.
Starfish have no brains.
I know some people like that too.(GOC comment: Me too. They're called managers.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
What about that pig??
And with that, I'm off for the evening. Thanks for stopping by. See y'all on Wednesday.
What about that pig??
Posted by denny at August 5, 2002 08:28 PM