I got a real nice e-mail over the weekend. I do read all my e-mail. I also get ideas for what to blog about from e-mail. To those of you who want to take credit for anything you have written to me, let me know and if I quote you, I will gladly give credit where credit is due. Anyway, the e-mail went like this:
You do the Internet a great service with your open-handed bitch slaps of vitriol and rancor. I'm so pleased that you've come along and offered such a splendid read to us all.
All I can say is 'Thank you. The pleasure is all mine.' And now that just reminds me of all the people in this world, in no particular order, who definitely need to be bitch slapped.
Cynthia McKinney. Everytime she opens her mouth, we get all sorts of racist, bigoted bullshit. Oh, I forgot, according to Joseph Lowery, of the Southern Christian Leadership Council, blacks can't be racist because that implies superiority and blacks can't be superor to other races. Huh? Well yeah, that is one definition, but another definition is hatred of other races, and we know Cynthia hates Jews and white people. So ... Whap!
Eleanor Clift. I finally had to quit watching the McLaughlin Group because I just could no longer take the shrieking of Eleanor Clift. Just like I used to yell at the TV during Monday Night Football when How-wierd Co-sell wouldn't shut up, that's the way I feel about Eleanor. Have you ever noticed in a discussion between a conservative and a liberal, the liberal always interrupts and talks over the conservative? But they get pissed when a conservative interrupts them. Once the McLaughlin Group had Laura Ingraham on and she did not take any crap from Eleanor. She verbally bitch slapped Eleanor. Ah, to have witnessed that. It was a thing of beauty! I just wish John McLaughlin would get out of his chair and ... Whap!
Yasser Arafat. Why is this bastard still alive? He's got more lives than a cat. And what's with the freaking table cloth on his head? Does he ever take it off? I see other Palestinians around him and none of them wear table cloths on their heads. What's he hiding under there? Do you think he sleeps in it? And, Jesus, if he can't grow a better beard than that, shave the freakin' thing off. I really like the fact that he wrote a long letter to Colin Powell saying, I'm reforming the Palestinian Authority. I'm still the leader. I'm trying to stop the violence. Give me another chance. Please? Pretty please with sugar and cinnamon on it? I'll be good. I promise. Sorry Yasser. You are the weakest link. G'bye and ... Whap!
Maxine Waters. Look Maxine, the CIA had nuttin' ta do with crack in Watts. That's a figment of your imagination. Likewise they had nuttin' ta do with AIDS. And cut out the reparations crap! Lots of good men died during the Civil war to end slavery. Blacks have a better standard of living in this country than they do in any other country in the world. You want forty acres and a mule? Go to Zimbabwe. In the meantime shut up or ... Whap!
Li'l Dickie Gephardt. I used to live in St. Louis, Believe it or not, when Dickie first started out in politics, he was a conservative Democrat. I realize that's an oxymoron, but he was pro life (lots of Catholics in his district back then) and voted more centrist. But, once he got aspirations to go national he moved to the left. Let's face it, an anti-abortion Democrat is not gonna go anywhere in the party. The thing that grates on my nerves is when Dickie starts talking about winners and losers in 'life's lottery'. Listen craphead, probably 90% of the 'losers in life's lottery' are there because of their own stupid decisions. My sister and I were lower middle class with a father who was an alcoholic. We worked hard and got an education. We had part time jobs as children. When we became adults we worked hard and made responsible decisions. We are both what you would call 'rich'. We did it ourselves. Barring catastrophic illness, or other catastrophies like breaking one's back and becoming a paraplegic (wait a minute, that may not qualify. That happened to me and I overcame it to become one of the evil hated rich), or having a severe accident, there's really not much excuse for not succeeding in this country. The big trick is education and hard work. But, you, craphead, along with the teachers' unions have so screwed up the gummint schools that people (due to social promotion - what dickhead came up with that idea?) are graduating functionally illiterate. Here in Georgia we use the lottery (a way to get the stupid and the poor to pay taxes. I love it! Walk into the Quick Trip, and damned if there isn't a Bubba or Earline gettin' a sixpack of beer, a carton of Marlboros and five lottery tickets. Tax the stupid!) to fund sumpin' called Hope Scholarships. The students need to graduate with a B average, Here in the Georgia schools they can graduate with an A average and still not be able to read and write. So, Dickie, for all you do, this ...Whap! is for you.
Major Owens. A black Congressman from New York. He got up on the House floor and rattled on about how twenty million (then the next day, wait that's wrong it was two million) blacks were thrown overboard when being transported to America. 'Sharks still patrol the waters to this day looking for the dark meat of slaves.' Major, you're a booger eatin moh-ron and deserve a ...Whap!
Little Tommie Daschle. Tommie wants to be President. And .. and ... I'm the Senate Majority Leader. I want my way, and if I don't get it, I'll ... I'll .. I'll hold my breath until I get my way. And if that doesn't work, I'll lay on the floor and kick and scream. This dodo wants to be President? Let's see if we can pull a Dukakis on him. Find a tank, put him in it, and put a helmut on him. Behold, Rocket J. Squirrel. Tommie, just shut up an ...Whap!
Trent Lott. Trent, like Lisa Lupner's father, was born without a spine. Trent, if you ever get to be the Senate Majority Leader again, act like it. C'mere. I got sumpin for ya ... Whap!
Magaret Carlson. She's not as irritating as Eleanor Clift, but just as dumb. Have you ever seen her when she scrunches up her face? She looks just like a chipmunk. I don't know where Simon and Theodore are, but I think we've found Alvin. Magaret, here ya go ... Whap!
Hillary Clinton. I think we may have found Simon. With those puffy cheeks she looks like a chipmunk also. Hey, did ya here that KFC has a Hillary Clinton special? Two small breasts, two large thighs and one left wing. Wait a minute. Put Margaret, Hillary and Tammy Fay Baker together and we do have Simon, Theodore and Alvin. But back to Hillary. You're a piece of work. A real woman would have taken her child and walked away from that bastard you're married to. Most of my woman friends would have made that bastard resign rather than putting the country through the ordeal and embarrassing his wife and child. But being a victim worked. You're a Senator. I didn't realize there were that many stupid people in New York. Anyway, waddle on over here so I can ...Whap! you.
This booger eatin' moh-ron. Jesus, if you're gonna call someone too dumb, at least spell too properly. This is almost as funny as when Hosea Williams led a protest march in Forsyth, Georgia and a bunch of dumb rednecks were protesting the protest and one of them was holding a sign that said 'Niger go home!' Obviously a product of the Georgia school system. Anyway, BEM, drop the sign so I can give ya a big ol' ... Whap!
There are lots more people I'd love to bitch slap, but my hand is gettin' tired. Probably another time.
Feel free to take over.
Posted by denny at July 15, 2002 01:22 PM Category: Bitch Slapping