C'mon people. What do I have to do to get some hate mail around here? Geez, I've picked on affirmative action, diversity, ethnic and racial profiling, and the poor, just to name a few. The closest I've come was Instapunditwatch calling a fisking of Molly Ivins a 'hatchet job' and 'crap'. (I'd link to it, but Blogger's links are broken again.) I loved that, because I got over 100 referrels from her web page. I'm still getting 'em. There really is no such thing as bad publicity. So let's see if I can piss off someone else today.
Religion of Peace - Today in the Atlanta Urinal and Constipation we have some more whining from the members of the Religion of Peace.
Recent federal raids of local jewelry stores coupled with reports that terrorism suspects are under nationwide surveillance has renewed anger and fear in Atlanta's Muslim community.
Raise the hue and cry! This is blatant ethnic profiling!
People are very frightened," said Hasan Kamal, a Muslim from India who attended Friday prayers at the Al-Farooq Masjid in Midtown. "They are really scared, even though many of them are American citizens. They think their civil rights will be denied."
Yep. Here come the thugs! We're gonna arrest you, confiscate all your possessions, and throw you out of the country. Ooops! Wrong country. That's what Muslim countries do to Jews.
Some Atlanta area Muslims said Friday they support the Justice Department's efforts to snag suspected terrorists. Nevertheless, they are scared of being profiled. And they don't want federal operations to become a witch-hunt.
Then how about acting like Americans and if you know of any al Qaida members turn 'em in?
We want to make sure anyone being questioned or detained that their due process rights are respected," said Rashid Naim, a Georgia State University professor and spokesman for the Council on American-Islamic Relations. "We are in favor of rigorous law enforcement, but law enforcement based primarily on profiling is a matter of great concern."
Listen up Rashid. The people we are looking for live in the Muslim community. Where do you expect us to look? Hey, let's raid a few synagogues. Bet there's a whole big bunch of al Qaida members there.
Hassan Hodan, a spokeswoman at the council's national office took it a step farther.
"It has been: 'Guilty before proven innocent,' " she said.
No Hassan. That's the way it worked where you came from. You're in America now. And I got two words for you: Bull and Shit Oh? It's one word? OK Bullshit!
HIV positive Muppet - Now here's an interesting item.
The first HIV-positive Muppet will soon join the
cast of "Sesame Street" in South Africa to educate children about the
deadly virus that infects more than 10 percent of the country.
How about educating me? How the freaking hell can a freaking Muppet catch AIDS? I don't even want to think about Kermit gettin' it on with Miss Piggy.
The female character, whose color, name and personality traits are still on the
drawing board, will be introduced on "Takalani Sesame" in September.
All right, who gave it to her? Who's been porkin' the babe? Is she gonna be a slut? Maybe a druggie. Howsa 'bout a Muppet on crack? Miss HIV Crackhead.
We want to build hope and address the issues of stereotypes against HIV," Kgame
said. "It's about instilling positive attitudes toward people HIV infected."
Yeah. If you have AIDS in South Africa, we're pretty positive you're gonna die. Egypt ain't the only country in Africa that has da Nile.
With more than 4.7 million people living with HIV, South Africa has the world's
largest population infected with the virus. Despite this, there is a crushing stigma
surrounding the virus in the country.
Not just a crushing stigma, but a full scale government policy of denial! But, I don't think an HIV infected Muppet is gonna do the trick. Hey, Desmond Tutu, instead of lecturing Israel, why don't you get your ass back to South Africa? Charity starts at home bucko. And Jimmy Carter is back from Venezuela (dammit). Maybe you can get him to go to South Africa with you. I'm sure his moral presence would be a big help. Maybe he could do some good for a change. And while he's there, he could build a few houses. That's sumpin' he actually can do.
Letters - Every Saturday in the AJC there are no editorials or op-ed pieces. The Opinion section is made up of a colum by Mike King, the Reader's Advocate of the AJC. He usually justifies some stupid thing the paper has done. There is also a section called Good Neighbors. This is where people write letters thanking folks for some random act of kindness. At least once a month there is a letter like the one from Mary Ann Siegal (third one down).
I had a flat tire on Camp Creek Parkway. I was very grateful that Carl Eberhart
was there to help. He guided me as I maneuvered my car into a self-serve gas
station, changed my tire and inflated the spare tire to the correct air pressure. I
watched him very carefully, so I would know how to change the tire if it ever
becomes flat again!
That's just great Mary Ann. Why didn't you know how to do it yourself? Before my sister or I could even get a driver's license, my father taught us how to change a tire. And then he made sure we could do it by making us do it in front of him. I'm a freaking cripple and I can change a tire. If you can't do sumpin' simple like changing a tire you shouldn't even be allowed to drive!
Leaving the good neighbor letters we now get into the serious stuff. Marjorie Davis (next letter down) of Roswell checks in.
I have long feared to speak out about our nation's leadership because I have felt
that many people would consider my concerns unpatriotic.
That never stopped Cynthia McKinney so I guess you can say stupid things too. Ya see, we have this thing called the 1st Amendment that pretty much allows you to say just about anything you want no matter how stupid. So, carry on.
But after the huge showing of patriotic fervor on Independence Day,
I realize there are many ways to show patriotism. One is to speak
out on things that can be changed.
Yeah, like getting Cynthia McKinney out of office. Oh, I'm sorry. You were saying...
This administration asks for coalitions, but turns down other ways of doing the
nation's business. It has abrogated the ABM treaty,
And that is bad because?
negated treaty conferences on small arms
An anti-gun nut. Why am I not surprised?
and refused to consider the Kyoto Protocol, a convention that 118
nations favor.
Marjorie, let me 'splain it to you. We live in a republic (not a democracy), and the people do not want Kyoto. The Senate (remember them? They're part of the gummint) voted 100 to 0 against the Kyoto treaty. And if we did sign on, we would have a massive ennergy shortage and you would be screaming for the gummint to do sumpin' you liberal twit!
I found it fascinating that our president said he accepted that global warming is
real and is at least in part caused by human beings, but because it had been
going on for so long, we would just have to learn to live with it.
I find it fascinating too Marjorie, since the EPA said that, and then the President didn't agree with it and said we needed more studies.
Does that mean we should just accept the drought that is so largely the source
of the forest fires in Colorado?
No, the source of two of the fires were gummint employees who started them. It was in all the papers and on the TV news. You must have missed it. Must have been out playing ALTA tennis or watching Oprah.
Welcome the floods of the area of south central Texas?
I'm a little confused. How does a drought cause a flood?
Put up with the melting glaciers that profoundly affect the water supply of
much of the Northwest?
It's called climate. It may or not be man made.
There are ways to manage the problem.
Please enlighten us. We're waiting with bated breath.
First, we must begin to lessen our dependence on oil.
Sounds good. How about some nuclear power plants. Wanna bet she's against 'em? We need wind, solar, blah, blah, blah..Save the whales.
Second, we must refuse to listen to corporations that want to
make larger profits by keeping the gas mileage low,
It's them evil oil companies. Did you hear that they've kept inventions that would increase gas mileage off the market? Marjorie does live in Roswell, after all, even if it is Roswell, Georgia.
or Congress, which will not force the issue.
Whose fault is that? We elected the bastards. Maybe the rest of the people in the country don't want to drive Yugos.
Don't forget that the emissions from our automobiles are a root cause of global
warming. And finally, electric cars or gas-electric hybrids could relieve much of
traffic-caused pollution.
What do ya wanna bet that Marjorie drives an SUV?
And, finally, Lucy Worthen, from Atlanta tells us about the most earth shaking problem that confronts America today. Seventh letter down.
Let's lighten up a little and focus on one of our minor, but irritating, problems. If I
were vying for the Miss America crown, my platform would be to work on
changing America's table settings.
What about world peace, hunger, AIDS and poverty? Some Miss America you would be.
Yes, you read correctly.
I wasn't really sure if I did read you correctly. I was really worried that the last hit on the bong put me over the edge.
Why do we persist in placing forks and salad plates to our left instead of to our
right?
'Cause Martha Stewart says so?
I know, I know. It's the way our European friends have always dined since
modern manners and flatware came into use. But they have a reason for it. They
hold a fork in their left hand and a knife in their right the entire meal. Americans
don't.
Have you ever watched a lefthanded person eat? He (or she) holds the fork in his (or her) left hand. If we moved the flatware, it might offend a minority. Lefthanders of the world unite! Lucy wants to discriminate against you!
We should, therefore, opt for convenience and logic. Frankly, I'm tired of dining
"correctly" and watching my sleeve trail in food on my right arm's way to the
salad.
Lucy, you should be more careful. Your manners must be pretty bad if dining "correctly" entails dragging your sleeve through your food. Have you thought about maybe wearing short-sleeved blouses when you dine? I sure ain't gonna invite you to my house for dinner.
Seriously.
Seriously? Seriously? This had to be a joke right? I know it was.
There are more hilarious letters. For example, Cress Joiner, of Talladega, Alabama, goes on about how Congress is helping the evil, hated rich. This excerpt is a howler:
George W. Bush is by far the most political president this country has ever
known.
Hey Rip Van Dickhead! Did you sleep through the eight years of the Clinton Presidency? Now there was the most political president this country has ever known. He is by far the best politician of my generation and I don't mean that as a compliment.
I call "Little" George the television president. If he can find any reason to
be on television, we will see him on television.
And I call Clinton the asshole president and we saw too much of him on the television wagging his finger and biting his freakin' lip. Go back to sleep Cress!
The letter right below Lucy's said we should 'Give Mississipi more respect.'
I don't make this shit up. I wish I could.
Pass me the bong.
Posted by denny at July 13, 2002 12:39 PM