Huh? Waddya mean I'm a failure? After yesterday? Yep. And I'll get to why in a minute. First off let me say that yesterday was the best day of my short life in the blogosphere. I would like to thank Fred at Rantburg and Mr. Quick at DailyPundit (and go there to read a letter from someone who calls himself a 'liberal moron' and then sets out to prove it...didn't Mark Twain say sumpin' along the lines of it's better to be thought stupid rather than opening your mouth to prove it?...Paraphrasing of course. Oh man, hate mail like that is like manna from heaven. I'm looking forward to stuff like that.). So, I'm writing last night's blog and the phone rings and it's my sister in California and she says, 'InstaPundit just linked to you!' Thank you Glenn Reynolds! Got more hits last night than in my two previous months in the blogosphere put together. And thanks to all those who took the time to send me e-mails. One person was nice enough to give me the name of the P. J. O'Rourke book, Holidays in Hell (it will be in my next Amazon order), that describes the Middle East as God's Monkey House. Another, was nice enough to send me the link to the Atlantic Monthly article that Molly quoted. Dammit, I lost the link, but if you go over to Isntapundit.com (not instapundit) I think he links to it in one of his blogs. I would have put that in as a link, but, I always check my links and I got sumpin' wrong on my PC and when I try to go to his site Netscape blows up and Internet Explorer pisses off Windoz (it must be a family feud...how can it blow up?..it's part of the Windoz code!) and won't work either. This is only on my PC. At work I was able to access his site. Give him a visit. In the future, a rant about Microsoft. Back to Molly She only quoted the parts that agreed with her argument. Actually, the article was pretty much pro war with Iraq. Molly, like most leftists, never seems to let facts get in her way. I answered every letter, but, if you didn't get a reply it has to be sumpin' wrong with the pops server. I sent two notes to my work id and they never arrived. Yeah. Yeah. A likely story.
I am a technocrat. I'm also a techno prima donna. If you don't know what that makes me, go get Scott Adams' book, the Joy of Work. I gave that to my friend, Cindy, one year for her birthday and she called me up the next day and asked when I had met Scott Adams, 'cause I was in his book. Think of Dilbert on crack. I've mellowed out some. I haven't screamed at anyone in almost a year. And in my last two meetings with my manager for my evaluation and for my TIETDNY (Things I Expect To Do Next Year) planning session I just sat there with a shit-eating grin on my face like an Organian telling Captain Kirk that there was nothing to worry about. No one's been killed. See, I turned 55 last year and they can't fire me. They can only make me retire. heh heh heh
As anyone who has poked back through my archives knows, here at TCIDNN (The Company I Dare Not Name), when times get bad we usually have a FQP (Quality Program...and they always say at the start 'This is not Another FQP'. Which of course tells everyone the the Last FQP was Another FQP). Another variation is a competency program. My sister, who is also a technocrat tells me they do similar things at TCSDNN (The Company She Dares Not Name). This is where CTF (Crawl To Failure) comes in. CTF is a competency program that all of us who work for (here comes a mouthful) MBUOMPOOTCIDNN (My Business Unit Of My Particular Organization Of TCIDNN) have to take. It will solve all of our problems. It is a computer based learning course that will make us all better workers for MBUOMPOOTCIDNN. In previous blogs I discussed how part of the course consisted of neat multimedia displays with twirling geometric shapes and other things of wonder and delight. I didn't learn much, but I had to hand it to the designer, he/she did an excellent job. I also had to download databases and get passwords and authorizations. I also got to see the Vision and Mission Statement of MBUOMPOOTCIDNN. These were literally works of buzzword art. Nay, they had to be written by the Michaelangelo of buzzwords.
Wednesday, I started on the very last unit of CTF. It was another course that I had to sign up for. So I went to sign up.
Well, this ain't working. Oh look, there's a place to reset your password.
So it's off to e-mail. Look, here's a note.
And back to e-mail and there's my new password. As Dave Barry would say. 'I am not making any of this up.'
Off to the website to enroll in the course. It's another multimedia course, but not as much work went into this one. None of the figures in the displays move. I feel cheated.
The first module discusses MPOOTCIDNN's (My Particular Organization Of TCIDNN) business strategy and says it is based on The MPOOTCIDNN Method known as 'The Method'. Bam! I'm immediately transported (my mind that is) to Ethel the Frog. Ethel the Frog? Yep! Ethel the Frog from one of my favorite Monty Python episodes. Besides Ethel the Frog, it had in it the Gas Cooker Sketch and the Ministery of Silly Walks.
Doug and Dinsdale Piranha...began to operate what they called 'The Operation'.
Flashback over, I began to concentrate on the matter at hand, i.e. learning sumpin'. I soon discover that you can actually bypass the screens in the module and go right to the review questions and, this is the neat part, you don't have to answer the questions properly:
The Method is important because:
OK let's see...What should I pick?
Now here's the neat part. If you write down all these questions with the right answers you've got it made because, with a few minor differences, these are the same questions used for the final exam. One of my coworkers told me this. I, ahem, aced the final exam. No. No. Hold the applause.
So the only real reason I went through most of the course was to increase my buzzword vocabulary. A short list follows:
It was about this time that I quit keeping track and tested my way through the rest of the course. Then all that was left was to send in my completion notification.
I did it! I'm done! I've Crawled to Failure! I am a Failure!
It's a wonderful feeling!
Posted by denny at June 28, 2002 12:22 PM