After yesterday's rant I've decided to lighten up a little and write of some of the zany goings on at TCIDNN (The Company I Dare Not Name).
Every other Tuesday, at 4:00 in the afternoon my department has a conference call. The purpose of this call is for everyone in the department to learn what everyone in the department is doing. Also, it gives EPS (our manager, an Empty Polo Shirt) a chance to talk to everyone in the department at the same time. Now, I'm in I/T support and our department supports everything from z/OS (that's me...I'm one of them thar dinosaurs who works with them thar mainframes, 'cept'n now we call 'em big ol' servers), to AS400, to AIX, all the way down to PC's. Now, I don't give a rat's ass about what the other folks are doin' and I don't think they give a rat's ass about what I'm doin'. I mean, I've been in computers since Christ was a corporal and half the time, these young whippersnappers (YW) don't understand a thing I say. So the call, run by one of our project managers (PM) usually goes like this:
This goes on for about five minutes until everybody has joined. YW's are always notoriously late for meetings. Then after everyone has joined, we start off with status reports:
We used to have this call every Tuesday, but since no one ever had much to say, and it was a waste of ten minutes, we now have the call every other Tuesday, and waste fifteen minutes. This is a more productive use of wasted time.
In this past Tuesday's meeting, after we had told each other that nothing was new (sounds like we don't do too much in I/T support doesn't it? There's a reason and it's coming up soon), it's now time for EPS to deliver his address. This is where I usually make sure the phone is on mute so no one hears me laughing.
The first thing EPS talks about is CTF (Crawl to Failure). This a competency program dumped on us by upper management. For more info on CTF, I covered it in my May 22 blog. Everyone in my organization has to take CTF. Unfortunately, my department didn't get the word, and they finally told us we had to do it. This was the end of April. We originally had to finish it by the end of June. I always drag my feet on things like this. Half the time they just go away. And this time, I thought I might be one of the people skill rebalanced out the door. No sense wasting time on sumpin' if'n I gonna be laid off. Made the cut. So now I get to do CTF.
I made it through the first two modules in no time flat. Now, I got to module three last Wednesday. I had to download a database to my PC. But first, I had to get access. That meant filling out an electronic registration form. I did and sent it off into TCIDNN Network Land. I immediately got a reply saying my application was accepted, but, I could not access the database until my request was approved, which would take 24 to 48 hours. It took 48 hours. Quelle Surprise! So, it's Friday afternoon, and, since I usually don't do much Friday afternoon, I decided to do the download on Monday. Monday I was sick. When I came in Tuesday there was a lot I had to do, like open my email and read all the jokes and look at all the pretty and funny pictures sent to me from friends, fellow employees, and my sister. Oh yeah, I also had to look at work related email. And I had to do some system related stuff. And I had to go to two meetings one of which was the Waste Fifteen Minutes Every Other Tuesday Meeting (WFMEOTM). So Tuesday was shot.
So today fer sure, I'm gonna download that pesky data base. I look at the approval email and it gives me instructions on how to access the data base and put a local copy on my PC. First, I have to download an exec from the closest server. This is really neat. There is an electronic button in the note. Click on it and stand by for action. After standing by for ten minutes, I ask my office mate who has already completed CTF, how long I have to stand by. His answer: 'A long time'. So, it's off to do other stuff.
About twenty minutes later, I look and the download is finished. Now, I get to go to the directory that the exec is in and run it. After the exec runs, I get to create an icon for the database on my desktop. All right that's easy, now what? To transfer stuff from the database on my PC to the database on my server I need a password. So, I click on the electronic button to request a password and up pops a window that says my password is approved, but, I'll have to wait 48 to 72 hours to access the database on the server. That wipes out any CTF I'll be doing the rest of the week.
OK back to the WFMEOTM. Did I mention that there are three separate tunnels one can use when crawling to failure? Woe be on to him who takes the tunnel for the wrong profession for he has to crawl out of that tunnel and start anew on the proper tunnel. I asked the PM in charge of CTF, to make sure I crawled through the proper tunnel. That was one of the things EPS brought up. He also said, that obviously, many of us would not make the end of June deadline. Did I mention that managers also have to take CTF? I wonder if EPS is on the verge of missing the June deadline? And CTF is one of the reasons that all of us had nothing to report in the WFMEOTM. Fortunately, CTF is counted as productive education in out Stupid Hourly Tracking System (SHTS). For more info on SHTS, see my May 1 blog.
Now, EPS wants to talk about SHTS. Over the years I have learned that management wants two things from work tracking systems: accuracy and productivity. Often these goals are mutually exclusive. There are often times that you are doing non productive work and have to dump that time in a miscellaneous code. Let's call that code 58. When that happens, your manager will come to you and say you are writing too much 58 time. So let's pretend there is another slightly different miscellaneous code that we'll call 48. You dump your time there. Now your manager will tell you that you are coding too much 48 time. It's about this time that you ask your manager, 'Dammit, what do you want me to code?' He replies, 'I want you to code accurately'. 'Make up your mind!' I have actually had this very conversation with a TCIDNN manager.
Back to EPS at the WFMEOTM. He tells us that the people we support want our data to be more granular. They want to see which part of their segment is using the most I/T support. Since this is all internal funny money it shouldn't be that important, but since they only have so much funny money in their budgets, they need to know where it's going.
I am an MVS sysprog and when I build a system it is for everyone's use. I and another sysprog asked EPS back when we first started doing SHTS, how were we supposed to determine our granularity? As a typical manager he spouted off some manager speak, like we have to engineer our processes or maybe it was process our engineers. We could never get him to answer the question and that's when I came up with the analogy that trying to get a straight answer out of EPS was like trying to nail jello to a wall. So, since we didn't have a clue and no manager direction, my team just guesses. Unfortunately, the segments don't like our guesses. I guess (still guessing), we are not giving them the numbers they want. Hey guys, tell us what you want us to code and we'll code it. We want you to be accurate. Make up your minds.
So the upshot of all this is EPS is gonna assign a project manager to work with us to try to get our time more specific. Maybe write an algorythm that we can crunch against the data. This has got to be job security for someone.
So the meeting ended. I quit laughing. Maybe Friday I can access the database I need for the third module of CTF.
In the meantime, I hope we can get our SHTS together for the segments.
And we can engineer our processes.
Or process our engineers.
Posted by denny at June 12, 2002 08:48 PM