One thing you can always count on from Molly Ivins is a good laugh. Unfortunately, reading one of her columns can be hazardous to your brain. I can only read a little at a time. The Atlanta Urinal and Constipation prints one of her columns every Monday in the editorial section. It should really be on the comics page. I tried to find last Monday's column in their archives, but they must be ashamed, so I had to go to the Fort Worth Star-Telegraph to find the column. Some excerpts follow:
Across the length and breadth of this great land of ours, from the mountain to the prairie, from every hill and dale
from the oceans white with foam...God Bless America
comes the question
the country waits with bated breath
Where are the Democrats?
For sure, that's the question I've been asking myself, but Molly continues
They're among the missing,along with Judge Crater and Osama bin Laden. So this is what it is like to live in a one party country.
Yep! Them thar Republicans in the Senate borked Judge Pickering, defeated drilling in ANWR, and will not bring up making the tax cut permanent. Ya know, prominent Republicans like Chuckie Schumer, Teddy Kennedy, and Tommy Dasshole. She goes on to ramble about the Republicans.
the John Ashcroft-Trent Lott school of patriotism
as opposed to the Barbara Lee, Cynthia McKinney, and John Lindh school of patriotism
which holds that questioning our elected (or even not-so-elected) leaders
News flash Molly! The election is over. Bush won. Gore lost. As the Clintonoids were fond of saying over and over 'Let's just move on'.
one only has to look at the performance of these same definers of 'patriotism' as blind obedience when Bill Clinton was struggling to fight a war.
And that war was ..against the Constitution? Against the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy? Against impeachment? Against truth? Against justice? Against the American way? Look! Up in the sky. It's a bird! It's a plane! No, it's Sleazy Bubba! Wait! It gets better.
When the Clinton administration was trying to track and kill bin Laden
Let me count the ways: one aspirin factory in the Sudan and a tent in Afghanistan. Not to mention the collateral damage to the goats. He also tried to track him at lots of fund raisers and many golf courses. Hey OJ if you help me find bin Laden, I'll help you find Nicole's killer. Maybe we can get Condit to help us and we'll help him find Chandra.
Republicans gratuitously dismissed the entire effort
Two cruise missiles..Damn! Just missed him!
as an attempt to change the subject from the all important Monica Lewinsky
And it was actually...???? Molly doesn't say. Here's a knee slapper.
we have forgotten what principled opposition means
Clinton attack dogs James Carville, Paul Begala, Sidney Blumenthal. Now there are fine examples of principled opposition. Yeah Molly. I guess we have forgotten what principled opposition means. We haven't seen it from the Democratic Party in some time.
However President Bush's sex life"
Unlike Bubba's
has nothing to do with the fact
this is a good thing
that his foreign policy is so inept
Clinton really solved that Israeli-Palestinian thing didn't he? And took decisive action for the embassy bombings and the USS Cole. Look his lip is bleeding from all the times he bit it and felt our pain.
that all the Arab countries, including our friends and allies the Saudis
bin Laden and 15 of 19 of the 9/11 hijackers were Saudi nationals. With friends like these...
and the Egyptians
Amazing what $3 billion per year can buy.
are now siding with Saddam Hussein instead of the United States. You really have to work at it to produce a result that bad.
Hey Molly, I bet if we kick Saddam's ass, the Saudis will be falling all over themselves to be our friends.
We still haven't caught bin Laden.
Even though Sudan offered to turn him over to the Clinton administration...Oops, forgot about that. Hey this next part is kinda neat.
Why not point out that suggestions and solutions offered before Sept. 11 were ignored by Bush?
Molly Ivins, meet Cynthia McKinney. Cynthia, Molly. More liberal twittering.
Nineteen Democratic Senators recently voted with Rebublicans against requiring automakers to increase gas mileage.
Molly, here is how this works. The American people do not want this. Have you ever heard of polls? Remember, the American people didn't want to impeach Clinton. You were for public opinion then, right? So public opinion was good then, bad now? Just checking. Now some sermonizing about Kyoto and the Nuclear Test Ban Treaty and
the International Criminal Court (which would have been such a useful option for dealing with bin Laden)
First, Bill, OJ, and Condit have to track him down. But the way the international community is against us, we would probably be brought up on charges for the war in Afghanistan. Also, there is a slight matter of the Constitution. Remember the Constitution? That's that pesky document that liberals call a 'living document' and keep reinterpreting and trying to circumvent . In all probability, since the International Criminal Court would take precedence over our laws, it would violate the Constitution. The last sentence of the column is
Let's get started."
No. I'm finished.
Posted by denny at April 18, 2002 09:34 PM Category: Molly Ivins Fisks