Is awesome the main word that generation y'ers use? I just got back from skiing in Breckenridge Colorado and that word was constantly used by the 20 somethings on our trip and by the 20 something ski instructors.
Wait a minute! You're a cripple right? How can you ski?
Elementary, snowbreath. I use a mono-ski.
Whazzat?
In my case, they mount a bucket like chair (which is a real bitch to get in and out of) on top of a ski. I then use two outriggers, which are poles with little skis on the ends for balance, braking, and steering. But, I'm getting ahead of myself.
I had to get up at five o'clock last Thursday morning to get to the airport for an eight o'clock flight to Denver. On the plane there were two things that annoyed me and I have suggestions for both of them.
Memo to the airline industry:
Listen up assholes. Why don't you take a cue from the churches and have a crying section on the plane? Put the screaming, seat kicking brats at the back of the plane behind some plexiglass so I don't have to listen to the little rugrats bawl and put up with them kicking the back of my seat.
Raise the price of alcoholic beverages to $5 so the flight attendants don't have to waste so much time making change. Or run it like a regular business and give them a stash of $1 bills.
Anyway, we got to Denver and rode up to Breckenridge in a couple of vans. That's when I started hearing the word awesome used over and over again by the younger members of our group.
"Look at those mountains!"
"Awesome!"
We stayed at the The Village at Breckenridge.
Where am I?
In the Village.
Who are you?
The new Number 2.
Who is Number 1?
You are Number 6.
I am not a number! I am a free man!
Oops, wrong village.
The Village is located at the base of the mountain very close to the ski lift up Silverthorne run. After we checked in (We had some problens with our rooms that I'm not gonna detail, but, a wonderful lady named Vanessa got everything under control. Memo to self: Write letter to Village about Vanessa), we had to get over to BOEC to get fitted up for our eguipment. Check it out! There's a picture of a guy on a mono-ski on their homepage.
Some of us used a mono-ski and some used a bi-ski, which is a bucket like seat mounted on two skis. Bi-skis are for people with injuries higher up the spine who do not have good torso muscles. On both rigs, the seat has to be balanced properly on the ski(s). The outriggers need to be adjusted to the proper length. The skier also needs to be properly balanced in the chair, which is done with padding. The whole process took about thirty minutes.
That night we all ate at a Mexican restaurant across from the Village.
Friday morning we were off to the slopes. I was scared shitless! I met my instructor, the German (that's what all the other instructors called him) whose real name was Peter and he was from Germany. He showed me how we were gonna get on the lift (There is a way to raise the chair higher above the ski so it is at lift level. Then we request a slowdown and a pullback. The lift operator slows the lift, it comes up under my seat, and he pulls me back on the lift.) and we did it. We were going up the mountain. Awesome!
Now came the really scary part: getting off the lift. "No problem", said Peter. "I'll just ski you right off the lift.", which he did. Unfortunately, he dropped me and I fell right on my left shoulder. Not awesome! It hurt, but not enough to quit.
He taught me how to stop by using the back end of the outriggers. There is a serrated edge at the back and it needed to be adjusted. Unfortunately, some booger eatin' moh-ron had put in the wrong screw and it wouldn't adjust properly. He flagged down another instructor who was with another member of our group, named Julia. She came to a screaching hockey stop spraying snow everywhere. Awesome! She has been doing this for four years and has her own gear and they were just taking her down the easy slope to get back into it before going on to the more difficult runs. Peter got the right size screw but since the plastic was stripped, he still couldn't get the brakes adjusted. He decided to use what we had and to get new outriggers when we got down the mountain.
So off I went. Initiate right turn. Fall. Peter pulls me up. Initiate left turn. OK. Initiate right turn. Fall. Peter pulls me up. And so on.
Peter flags down another instructor. They check my balance. They make some adjustments. Off I go.
Initiate right turn. Fall. Initiate left turn. OK. Initate right turn. Fall. And so on. Not so awesome. What am I doing here?
Down at the botom of the mountain we got a new set of outriggers and headed back up. This time we got off the lift OK. But I still had the same problem falling on right turns. We only got three runs in in the morning. In the afternoon, Peter bucketed me. What that entails, is the instructor holding on to the back of the seat and telling me when to turn. He would steady me as I did the turn so I would feel what the turn was supposed to feel like. We only made three runs in the afternoon and he dropped me getting off the lift on the last one. No injuries this time. My left shoulder was still sore and would stiffen up that night. I woke up the next morning and could hardly lift my left arm. No skiing for me on Saturday. (Memo to self: Next time bring Icy Hot and Ibuprofin. I went out and bought some Ben Gay and Ibuprofin) But, I realized what I was doing wrong on Friday.
Here's how a beginner should ski on a mono-ski. To turn right, you turn the right outrigger to the point where you are supposed to go. You keep the ski flat and skid into the turn. When going left, you turn the left outrigger to where you want to go and let the ski skid. Anyone out there figgered out why I was falling yet?
For you standup skiers, remember how you learned. You did a snow plow. The first mistake beginners make is looking at the skis to make sure they're in the plow position. Guess who was watching an outrigger instead of watching where he wanted to go? The second mistake a standup skier makes is leaning into the hill. That's what I did. To keep my ski flat, I needed to keep my body perpendicular to the hill, which would make me feel like I was leaning down the hill. It's counterintuitive, but that's the way it works.
Sunday was an off day. I found out there was a hot tub in my building (Memo to self: Next time bring sumpin' to wear in a hot tub.) Monday I showed up where we transferred from chair to ski and they told me to go down to the office to readjust my padding to fine tune my balance. They rearranged some padding and readjusted my outriggers. We then hit the slopes. I had been doing visualization all weekend and was gonna make this work. Also, Julia (who is awesome) had told me when she was first starting, she almost gave up 'cause it took her so long to get it. And, to top it off, it snowed five inches overnight and I was gonna be on fresh powder.
I had two instructors this time, Dan and Brian. Normally, they use two instructors for beginners, but, they were shorthanded on Friday because they were teaching some 'developmentally challenged' students how to standup ski. Developmentally challenged? What does that mean? Slow? Retarded? Brain damaged?
Dan and Brian got me off the lift OK. They checked my outrigger adjustment and turned me loose.
"What do you want me to do?"
"Ski."
Dan gave me a push and I was off. I started doing little S turns and gradually widened them out. Whoa! It's working! I'm skiing! I'm not falling!
We got down near the bottom where I could take the trail marked 'The Easy Way Down' or continue down a steep stretch.
"Which way should I go?"
"Go straight."
I do and I make it. No falls! This! Is! Awesome!
On the way back up, Dan tells me he now wants me to start turning my torso as soon as I feel the skid to get the back of the ski around quicker.
We go back up and I do it again, only faster. I also start using my torso to get through the turns quicker. I almost fall a few times and I recover each time. This is fun!
Going up the lift for the third run, Dan suggests that we go do Beaver.
"Beaver? Isn't that like, an advanced slope?"
"Yeah, but you're ready."
Omigawd! This reminds me of the time when my sister and her husband took me up on a blue trail at Heavenly Valley. Just getting down to the lift to take us up was an adventure. Then when we got there, it was a bloody cliff!
"All you have to do is ski across and do a kick turn. Show him, Ryan."
Yeah. That was easy. Sorry, I missed the lesson where they taught kick turns.
Anyway, we take the trail that takes us to the Beaver lift and the very last part was steep. Fortunately, it was wide enough that I was able to bleed off enough speed before turns. But. I. Was. Going. Very. Very. Fast. When we got to the bottom Dan asked how that felt.
"Right at the edge of my envelope. Is that how Beaver is?"
"Pretty much. You ready?"
"Uh, maybe later."
We did a few more runs before lunch, and on the last one, I found this really narrow steep chute that had almost no ski tracks. Half way down I fall, because there was not enough maneuving room for me to slow down enough to make the next turn. The nice thing was that it was nice powder to fall in. They got me up and I swished down the rest of the chute. The rest of that trail was dull because it didn't have much of an incline after the chute. We broke for lunch. I was stoked!
After lunch I learned how quickly snow conditions can change. The snow had packed down a bit since the morning and as a result the surface was faster. I went racing down the slope and when I hit the steep part and started doing my turns I realized that I was going too faaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh! Wipe out!
The rest of the afternoon was uneventful except for the last run. As we were going up the lift Dan was talking about how much fun it was watching the snowboarders near the end of the day. They would be tired and they would have some spectacular wipeouts.
Since we didn't do Beaver, Dan and Brian thought I should take the run down to the Beaver lift just to finish the day with a little challenge. Remember what Dan said about tired 'boarders? The same holds true for tired skiers. I did two incredibly spectacular falls. I would have loved to have had pictures of them.
Got up at five o'clock Tuesday morning to catch a flight back to Atlanta. I ached all over. I'm still sore today. At the group dinner Monday night, we were told that the dates for next year's trip will by January 29 to February 3.
Memo to self: Mark on calendar. Sign up for next year.
Awesome!