Babs Continues

No fair! Dadgummit! I do a piece on bitch slapping Hollywood fkwits (and I fergot to bitch slap Mr Gerbil, Richard Gere), and damned if Ann Coulter doesn't do do a better job and put my puny efforts to shame. I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy!

So in an attempt to redeem myself, I'm posting another fax from Babs that my spy in her mansion sent me.

From:Barbra Streisand
To: Nanette Papoose, Minority Speaker of the Congriss

Nichole, I'm really sorry I had to cut my last fax short, but Jim was bugging me to get in the hot tub with him, and quite frankly, I need all the action I can get, and he's not in the mood nearly as much as I would like. I keep telling him to get that Niagra drug, but he says he doesn't need it.

Someone told me that there are two new magazines out and one of them has you on the cover and the other one has that cute Alec Baldwin on the cover. I sent my maid, Conchita, out looking for them, but since she is not too good with English, all she brought back was a National Enquirer and a Star. Have you seen either of those magazines? (Editor's note: The magazines Babs is referring to are here and here. - GOC)

Anyway, I want to finish up my deep thoughts that I posted on my web site. I only did half of them in my last fax. I want to talk about the rest of them in this fax. ( Editor's note: They are here. - GOC)

7. Why now? For 11 years (without attacking the United States) Saddam Hussein has been defying U.N. resolutions, as many countries have. Since writing these questions last September, the international community is now faced with a prime example of this situation, with North Korea defying multilateral nuclear proliferation treaties. The Bush administration’s response has been a policy of containment. Why the double standard? Could this be because North Korea doesn’t have oil? I mean, if this were important, Bill Clinton would have taken care of it. And since we don't seem to worry too much about North Korea, all we have to do is wait until Sadman Hussane gets nuclear weapons and then we won't have to worry about him. But, if we discover oil in North Korea, that will change everything.

8. If we preemptively attack Iraq, will Iraq strike Israel who will then retaliate, leading to the Arab world responding, which will set off the powder keg in the entire Middle East and will disrupt the continuity of some Arab nations Mr. Bush counts among his allies? And what will happen to that quite little Yasir Araphat? He's married to that nice lady Soohoo or Sowhat, or whatever her name is. I know she is a nice lady cause Hillary kissed her after she made some speech about Israeli terrorists poisoning wells. If Hillary likes her she must be OK because Hillary is the smartest woman in the world. She sure is lucky being married to Bill. And she has that cute little daughter Chelsee. And I don't know why they called Bill the first black president. Look at Chelsey. Oy vey! The nose! She's gotta be Jewish, so that makes Bill the first Jewish president, right?

9. Is there really an alliance between Iraq and Al Qaeda, since one society is secular and one is fundamentalist? (I've read that bin Laden had issued a Fatwa calling Hussein an apostate who needs to be destroyed.) Isn't secular a neat word? I'm not really sure what it means, but I heard Phil Donahue use this argument, and, golly, Phil is always right. I just don't understand why no one watches him on TV. And what is a Fatwa? Is it like a wedgie?

10. What is the responsibility of a powerful nation to follow the rule of international law? ... We should be setting an example for the rest of the world. I agree with that cute Woody Harrelson. We should cut our military budget and disarm. We should give peace a chance. As soon as Osamba Been Latent sees that we really mean no harm and we just want to be friends, he will leave us alone. In the words of that poor victim of police brutality Rodney King, "Can't we all just get along?"

11. Will Hussein give weapons of mass destruction to Al Qaeda? (I’ve read Hussein would be afraid to ... because if Al Qaeda obtained weapons of mass destruction, one of their first targets would be Iraq). And anyway, Hussing doesn't have weapons of mass destruction. If he had, the inspectors would have found them by now. And anyway, France wants to triple the number of weapons inspectors. They still won't find anything. After all, France, Germany and Belgium have told us that we have nothing to worry about.

12. What will be the increased terrorist threat to the United States as a result of going to war with Iraq? After all, al Qayda, might be upset, because they wouldn't get to use the weapons of mass destruction that Samdam gave them on Sadoom, who they don't like and might have to use them on us just to make sure they don't go to waste.

Natalie, I hope my thoughts have helped clarify things for you. Feel free to use any of these next time you get to make a speech in the Senate. I am really happy that you are there to make a difference.

Gotta go! Federal Express is here. I ordered some of those blue Vigrow pills and I think that's them. I'm gonna crush one up and slip it in Jim's wine at dinner. I just might get lucky tonight.

Luv ya,
Babs

Posted by denny at February 13, 2003 09:12 PM  Category: Faxes From Babs