Babs faxes Hillary
To: Hillary Clanton
From: Barbra Streisand
Dear Helen,
First, let me say what a great job you've done with your daughter Cheryl. I saw her in a picture with some dumpy looking blonde. Who was that anywhay? (Courtney Love - GOC) You may want to watch out who she hangs around with. Anyway, Shelley looks so much better since you had her hair straightened, but you really must do something about her nose. Oy vey! A good Jewish family whould have given her a nose job for her high school graduation.
I must let you know that I am supporting Jim Looberman for President. If your husband would run again, and I wish I knew why he won't, I'd support him. As it is, I heard that Coffee Anon is retiring as King of the United Nations and Bill is gonna take over his job. That would make him King of the World, and you would be Queen. But back to Jake. I want him to be president because he is Jewish. When he is president, you could take over his job as the conscious of the Senate.
If John does not get elected in 2004, I'm hoping that you will run in 2006. I know that you will be elected with 95 to 100 per cent of the vote. I just hope the Republican White Shirts don't riot in Florida like they did back in the last election when they stole the election from Al whats-his-name and made Jeb Bush president. I really look forward to sleeping in the Lincoln bedroom again. What a treat it was to sleep in the same bed that Andrew Lincoln slept in!
How do you feel about the upcoming war with Iran? I tried to talk to Jo Jo Clooney about it, but he started talking about sodomy, got very rude, and hung up on me. I think we should give peace a chance and give the inspectors more time. Since you are the smartest woman in the world, I would like to hear your thoughts on the matter.
I now must get a little personal. Where does your hunky husband get all his sexual energy. You're so beautiful that I know he must be taking care of you every night, but he still has all that sexual energy to chase other women. I'm lucky if Jim and I get it on once a month. I got him some of that Vitagro drug, but it doesn't seem to help. What is your secret?
Well, Heloise, I've prattled on long enough. Let me know when you and the hunk are coming out to Hollywood. I'd love to have you over to the house. We could even hold a fund raiser and I would sing for you.
Luv ya,
Babs