Omigawd! This is just so beautiful, I have to share it.
Awright. Why do I sit down at my computer every night and type out some rant, or screed, or essay or an attempt to be humorous? It's because I got tired of screaming at the radio and television and throwing the editorial page of the Atlanta Urinal and Constipation across the room and saying, "Does Jay Bookman really believe that shit or is he just making it up? Can anyone be that out of touch with reality? And Molly Ivins? If women are from Venus and men are from Mars she must be from fucking Pluto!"
I tried writing letters to the editor. They published three out of the ten I submitted. Obviously they didn't recognize genius, the liberal fkwds!
Y'know, people denigrate O'Reilly, but he is the only interviewer on television who won't put up with bullshit. I remember during the 444 days of 'America Held Hostage' on ABC which was the precursor of Nightline, when Ted Koppel would ask these Iranian dipshits diplomats questions and they would go off on tangents and start spouting their bullshit about how bad America was, and I would scream at Ted Koppel to tell the camel jockey to shut the fuck up and answer the fucking question. He never would.
O'Reilly does. He asked some Jesse Jackson apologist to give some examples of Fox's rightwing bias. The guy said there were too many to name. O'Reilly just asked him to name one. The guy said there were too many to name. This bullshit went on for five minutes which just showed all the viewers that this guy was just blowing smoke up his ass.
He did the same thing with that bald headed PBEM ( Palestinian booger eatin' moh-ron), who I swear reminds me of Henry Waxman. He asked him a question and the PBEM started spouting the 'it's all the fucking Jews fault' bullshit and O'Reilly stepped right in his shit and told him to answer the fucking question. The PBEM started off on some more of his bullshit and O'Reilly told him to stop acting so stupid and answer the fucking question. Then the PBEM got pissed because O'Reilly called him stupid. Fuck you, you PBEM answer the fucking question! We need more interviewers like that.
So, why am I so pissed off tonight? I was driving home and one of the talk radio stations was interviewing the owner of a local newspaper (not really a newspaper but for lack of a better name I'll call it that) called Creative Loafing. Let's face it, the guy who runs a publication called Creative Loafing must be a liberal because this must be a publication for grasshoppers looking for more creative ways to fuck off. I have a friend who has a sister who is in her 50's, has a PHD. in English, and has never held a fulltime job (her parents support her). The sister was a campaign worker for George McGovern's campaign. She used to write a column for Creative Loafing. She's a socialist. Wotta surprise!
So this guy starts off spouting the normal liberal bullshit:
Asshole: The war is evil! It's all about oil.
Talk show host: OK! How do we get out of this situation?
Asshole: Uh. I don't know.
At which time the Grouchy Old Cripple would say, "If you can't come up with any constructive ideas, then shut the fuck up!"
But the asshole is not done. He has to go right to liberal talking points:
Asshole: Bush was appointed president.
This is when I started screaming.
GOC: Read the fucking Constitution you fucking asshole! (BP 140/90)
Asshole: Bush was not elected with a majority of the votes.
GOC: Neither was Gore you fucking asshole! They both got 49%. (BP 150/95)
Asshole: Clinton was elected with a majority.
GOC: 1992 43%, 1996 49%. (BP 160/90) And talkshow host, why are you letting this asshole get away with this shit unchallenged?
Give me a chance to interview these assholes. I'll have a tape of Glen Gould playing the Goldberg Variations and I'll be rhetorically beating them with a nightstick like Hannibal Lector in Silence of the Lambs.
And while I'm talking about beating someone with a nightstick, Rachel Lucas was much too merciful about what she would do with Ansa Akbar, the bastard who rolled the grenades into his comrades' tents. I wouldn't execute the bastard right off the bat. He'd have to slip on the soap in the shower a few times. He'd have to fall out of bed a few times. And when it was time to shoot the sorry sonuvabitch they would have some sorry marksmen who would shoot out his knees first. Then maybe gutshoot the asshole. Someone like that, who would turn on his comrades, deserves to die slow.
Sorry I'm in such a foul mood tonight.
Better stuff tomorrow.
Posted by denny at March 25, 2003 09:13 PM