So there I was sound asleep, and all of a sudden, I'm awake. I hear sumpin' striking the side of the house like hail and my bed started rocking. It's the wind, I thought. But why is the bed rocking? I look around. Nope. I'm alone except for my two cats. I went back to sleep. On the way to work I heard that we had an earthquake. An earthquake? In Georgia? Holy shit!
My sister, who lives in California, sent me a note about what a bunch of pussies we were making a big deal about an earthquake that only measured 4.9. Oh yeah? What would y'all do if a tornado hit San Francisco? Huh?
On a lighter note, someone sent me a picture of the new Missouri quarter. I guess they don't call it the Show Me State for nothing.
I was listening to the news on National Proletariat Radio and damned if I didn't hear a story about Vladimir Putin inviting Tony Blair to his house in the woods and, I am not making this up, in the words of the NPR correspondent 'taunting him' about not finding any weapons of mass destruction. Taunting? Thinking I was hearing things, I went to the NPR web site and caught the rerun, and sho' nuff, that's what the guy said. They update the hourly news, and that blurb is no longer available, but let's see what the New York Times has to say. Putin is quoted as saying:
"Where is Saddam? Where are these arsenals of weapons of mass destruction, if they were there?" Mr. Putin asked. "Maybe Saddam is sitting somewhere in a secret bunker with weapons of mass destruction and is preparing to blow up all this stuff and put thousands of people's lives in danger."
"Maybe nothing of this sort will happen," he said. "But we have to think about it and react somehow."
Hey Vlad! Blow me! Where is the fucking money that Iraq owes you. If you keep acting like that, you fucking dipshit, you can kiss it goodbye. And speaking about where are things, where is the fucking Soviet Empire. Remember that, you commie bastard? Guess who won the fucking Cold War? You wanna do some fucking taunting? OK. How's your fucking economy doing? Maybe you should go to France and ask them for some economic aid. Guess what? Their fucking economy is in the shitter almost as bad as yours is. Oh yeah, that's because they're a buncha commie bastards also. You assholes deserve each other. You hear that Matthew? Oh yeah. I guess Matthew doesn't troll here anymore. We were too mean to him. We used facts.
So Vlad, how does it feel to be the ruler of a Third World country? You wanna hear some taunting? Wait until Bush invites you to his ranch again, if it ever happens. Do you think we need to go to the UN to get permission to sell Iraq's oil? We didn't need to get your permission to take out Saddam Hussein. We sure as fuck do not need your permission to sell his oil. You gonna try to stop us? You and what army? Compare what you did in Afghanistan to what we did. You're a bunch of fucking losers.
I heard you said sumpin' about restructuring the debt. Yep. We're gonna restructure it to zero. You wanna make sumpin' of it? I hope Tony Blair told you to kiss his ass. Don't try that taunting bullshit with us. That shit might work with Bill Clinton or Jimmy fucking Carter, but the cowboy from Texas ain't gonna put up with that shit.
And all you Hollywood dipshits can go piss in your pants and wet your fucking beds, but I think the world is gonna start respecting us again. And you know what? I don't give a shit if the rest of the world likes us or not, just so they respect us.
And Vlad, once again, blow me.