I went to a wine dinner tonight so I'm in no shape to write anything, so here is a play by Dave from St. Petersburg (Russia not Florida).
I have never written a play before, but here is a thing I have in mind.
I envision this scene in a mountain hideout somewhere in Islamolandia:
(In the glow of a campfire, there are a few dirty, scruffy men, dressed in
ragged white cloaks. Some of the cloaks incongruously bear the wording
'Ramada Inn' markings in faded black ink near the ends. They are sucking on
hookahs and sipping at tin-cups of tea.
Beards are mottled, matted and mangy. But we will leave the women serving
them out of it.)
Mohammed-"We have finally pulled off the impossible! Now, we can fight the
infidels with weapons he understands! No more depending on Allah, the
suitcase nuke we bought will teach those dogs a lesson!"
Ahmed, pointing a bony finger at Mohammed-"He didn't say 'Peace be upon him'
when he said 'Allah!'"
Mohammed-"Shut up you filthy pig! Curses be upon your mustache!"
Tariq-"Let's stick to the point. We now have a weapon capable of doing some
real damage. So, brothers, what do we do with it?"
Ahmed-"Take it to New York! Or Washington! Strike at the Americans! We
hate them the most."
Budwy Sehrman"True..true...but there is much danger getting the bomb to New
York. Getting on an airplane is much more difficult since our brother
Osama's big adventure."
Tariq-"Where else can we strike at the hearts of infidels?"
Badr-"Who is the country we hate most, besides America brothers?"
Mohammed-"Russia!"
Tariq-"That's right. They have been killing our brothers in Chechnya,
Afghanistan, and all over -stanland for years now. Let's consider the
Russians."
Ahmed-"I know! I know! We could go to Moscow, and take the bomb into a
theater! We could hold the people hostage, torment them, and kill them
while the news of the infidels broadcasts our heroism for all to see."
Budwy Sehrman-"Been there.....Done that...."
Mohammed, pointing at Ahmed, -"Sit down and shut up."
Tariq-(Unfolding a piece of paper with the letterhead ARAB NEWS in green ink
on the top.) Here is my plan.....
(Everyone leans in, Ahmed falls into the fire. He jumps to his feet and
begins jumping and screaming. Head thrashing about, tongue bouncing
sideways in his mouth the way the women do when they make that hideous
screaming noise.)
Ahmed-"ulululululullulululululululululululululullululululululu"
Tariq-"Someone please take him outside."
Badr-"He hasn't been the same since Saddam....uh..well... you know..."
(Badr makes a circle with his thumb and forefinger, and jams the forefinger
from his other hand in and out of the hole. He shrugs, then pushes Ahmed,
still smoking and squealing toward the door of the cave.)
Ahmed-(Bangs his head on the top of the cave exit.)"Doh!@"
(Snickering among the cavedwellers.)
Tariq-"We need to go to St. Petersburg. In St. Petersburg there will soon
be a gathering of infidel leaders the likes never seen before. It will be a
gathering of more than 50 heads of state from countries we are at war with.
With one blow we can strike down the combined leaders of the infidels."
Mohammed-"It is truly a gift from Allah! Can we get the bomb to St.
Petersburg?"
Tariq-"That should be easy brother. We can put it in the back of a car. If
the Russian police stop us, they are corrupt. A bribe of 100 roubles, about
3 dollars, will keep them from bothering us. Getting our bomb to the city
will be very easy."
Budwy Sehrman-"True.....true...."
Tariq-"Once we get to St. Petersburg, we have many friends. As you know,
the largest mosque that far north in the world is in St. Petersburg. We
have many, many brothers to help us hide and wait the day of glory."
Mohammed-"It sounds too easy. What about the security for the site?"
Tariq-"It is impossible for any city to be protected from a bomb this
powerful. We don't have to get next to the dignitaries, just in the area.
We will have no problem. The Russian government is weak right now. It is
corrupt, it is understaffed, and their pride keeps them from asking others,
like the US for help in security matters. This, brothers, is a chance we
won't see again for 1000 years. Allah has blessed us truly with this."
Mohammed-"Isn't it true that we bought this bomb from a Russian?"
Tariq-"Yes. It was the Soviet Union that developed this bomb. It is called
a suitcase nuke, and it is designed exactly for this type of purpose. For a
small band of people to get near an event and set off a nuclear blast. The
Soviets lost track of them when the country collapsed, and our supplier had
this one, and a few others. In all, there are almost 50 of these bombs
missing."
Mohammed-"It is very lucky for us that we have this one."
Tariq-"Luck had nothing to do with it brother. It was planning. We worked,
planned, and spent money to get this bomb. Now we have to use it to our
full advantage."
The lights go down, the scene is over.
Now, let me give you a little background on this play.
May 27th is the 300th anniversary of the founding of the city of St.
Petersburg.
They have been gearing up for the city, and they claim they are just about
ready. There will be more than 50 heads of state in attendance, including
George Bush, Tony Blair, and most of the big ones. More than 3000 foreign
journalists have been accredited by the agencies involved to come and
participate, and in about 10 days,(May 27th) it will all culminate in a big
party celebrating what is, to Russians, a tribute to their favorite city.
(Most Russians hate Moscow.)
I am going to be out of town that day.
Dave