Bad taste week continues:
So, to go along with this, let's have a Monica joke.
Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed
up on the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie. "Oh
goodie, now I'll get three wishes!" she exclaimed.
No," said the genie, "You've been very bad, and because of this, I can
only grant you one wish."
"Let's see," said Monica, "I don't need fame, because I have plenty of
that due to all of the media coverage. And I don't need money, because
after I write my book, and do all my interviews, I'll have all the money
I could ever want. I WOULD like to get rid of these love handles,
though. Yes, that's it, for my one wish, I would like my love handles
removed."
Poof! And just like that......her ears were gone.
Speaking of blow jobs, Bill Clinton had to weigh in at the black pander party known as the Rainbow/Push convention held in Chicago. So what did our distinguished former president have to say?
Former President Bill Clinton said "extreme conservatives" are in now in control of the White House, Congress, much of the federal judiciary system, and a growing share of the media.
After the abomination known as the Farm Bill, steel tariffs, and the soon to be enacted prescription drug entitlement, I sure would hate to see what moderate conservatives would do. The judiciary? Not with the Senate filibustering the appointments. The media? Yeah. that noted rightwing consortium of NBCCBSABCCNNNPRPBSCNBCMSNBC, the New York Times, the Washington Post, and most other big city newspapers. GMAFB! But he gets better.
Clinton warned the crowd of Jackson supporters to never stoop to the "demoniz[ing] tactics of right-wing talk-show hosts."
Actually to emulate the "demoniz(ing) tactics of right-wing talk show hosts", the Jackson supporters would have to crawl out of the sewer to join the right-wing talk show hosts in the gutter.
"Let us never demonize or give up on those who disagree with us. We don't want to become like the right-wing talk-show hosts, hammering our adversaries into cartoon characters and denying their humanity," Clinton told the conference.
I guess James Carville, Sid Blumenthal, Janeane Garofalo, Susan Sarandon, Sheila Jackson Lee, Cynthia McKinney, Paul Begala, Barbra Streisand, Sean Penn, Charles Barron, Barbara Lee, Tim Robbins, Alec Baldwin, Al Sharpton, Maxine Waters, .Jesse Jackson, et. al. (Jesus, the list is endless!) didn't get that message from B.J.
Clinton said the guiding principle of his political life has been an attempt to emulate the Founding Fathers' goal of forming "a more perfect union." Striving for that goal helped him achieve an "amazing and completely improbable life," he said.
What is improbable is the Founding Fathers ever believing we could elect a snake oil salesman like B.J. to the presidency.
"Sometimes I think I have no idea how I got to be president, and I am sure the people who oppose me don't either," he commented.
I have a hard time believing it either, but no one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people. And this asshole was elected twice. Fucking amazing! It just shows that even white trash can grow up and become president. Remember Carville's comment about dragging a $20 bill through a trailer park? Clinton wouldd have got to it before Paula Jones.
"We are going to put half-a-million [children] out on the street, so I can get my $80,000 [tax cut]," Clinton said, referring to the amount he expects to save under the Bush tax-cut plan. President Clinton reportedly earned $9.5 million in 2002 in speaking fees alone.
So give it back! No one's stopping you. Write a check. Do it now!
'They ought to audit me'
This is probably the only time in my life I actually agree with sumpin B.J. says.
Clinton bragged that he loved paying taxes.
Yeah. Like I really believe that.
"I must be the only person in America that every time -- I pay the maximum tax rates -- every time I sign that tax form, I smile. I thank God I live in a country that gave me a chance to make the money I do," Clinton said.
This from a man who deducted giving his used underwear away. You know that he and Hillary have tax attorneys who ensure that they pay the minimum amount of taxes every year. He smiles at the amount of money he and Hillary cheat the gummint out of every year.
In addition to his professed fondness for paying taxes, Clinton said he wants to be audited annually. "I think they ought to audit me and everyone in my income group every year, because if I make a mistake, I actually think they can make some real money out of me and I want to pay what I owe," he declared.
People actually believe him when he says this shit! Fucking amazing!
"Most people I grew up with in Arkansas never made that much money in a year," Clinton said, again referring to the extra $80,000 he estimates he'll receive under the Bush tax-cut plan. "They worked just as hard as I did and paid their taxes and served their country in the military, raised their children and did everything they could to be right," he lamented.
As opposed to a fucking draft dodger who deducted used underwear and cheated the taxpayers out of a lot of money with a bogus real estate deal and a savings and loan that was looted. And this doesn't even bring up the money Hillary made on cattle futures. Hey! I have an idea. Let's give Hillary $4 billion dollars and let her invest it in cattle futures. In 6 months, she'll turn it into $400 billion. That will take care of the deficit for this year. Do it enough times and she can retire the national debt. How come no one ever thought about this? After all, she is the smartest woman in the world.
Well Bill, here's an idea for you and all your liberal buddies and to make it even better it was the idea of Mike Huckabee, the governor of Arkansas. It's called the Tax Me More Fund. If you think you are under-taxed, simply write a check to the gummint.
So, do you think B.J. is gonna write a check for $80,000 to the U.S. gummint?
Yeah, that will happen right after he grabs a rifle and fights and dies for Israel.