But first, the continuation of Bad Taste Office Humor Week
Where the fuck can I get me one of those?
I have a Sommelier Guild function and no time to write sumpin' original, so I decided to answer Acidman's quiz. Jesus the whole blogosphere is answering this quiz. Even Den Beste did it!
1. Do you have a personal hero? If so, who is it?
My Mother. See my Mother's Day post.
2. What is your favorite book of all time and what made it so fucking good?
Has to be a Heinlein book. They're all good and most of them have a libertarian philosophy. TANSTAAFL - There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.
3. What does “diversity” mean to you?
Bullshit! Code word for gummint sanctioned racism.
4. What is the wildest thing you’ve ever done?
Don't know. I was probably too drunk to remember.
5. Do you regret doing it?
How can I? I was too drunk to remember it.
6. Can you drive a stick shift?
I used to drive nothing but stick shifts. Now due to my partial paralysis, my left foot sometimes hits the brake instead of the clutch. Bummer of a power shift. All my cars are now automatics.
7. What’s the highest speed you ever traveled in a car?
130 mph in my 1992 BMW 325is on I-64 in Illinois. The only way I could tell I was going that fast was by how fast the telephone poles were zipping by. The ride was smooth and quiet.
8. Were you driving, or riding at the time?
Driving! I'm not stupid enough to ride in a car going that fast if someone else is driving.
9. Which is better: snakes or spiders?
I hate 'em both, though I hate snakes less. I can tell the poisonous ones. Not so with spiders.
10. What is the most disgusting thing you ever ate?
Squid. Calamari sucks!
11. Have you ever shit your pants? Be HONEST!
I do it on a regular basis. I did it today as a matter of fact. It's a benefit of having a spinal cord injury. I piss in my pants occasionally also. It's fun being a cripple!
12. Was losing your virginity an enjoyable experience?
Hell yes!
13. Should oral sex be outlawed or encouraged?
Encouraged! Especially among the poor and the stupid! Oral sex does not create babies!
14. Name one man with a fine ass.
Huh? Are you kidding? I have never looked at a man's ass in my entire life! Are you a pervert or sumpin?
15. Do you watch golf on television? If not, will you iron my shirts?
I'd rather watch paint dry. Get Martha Burk to iron your shirts. She has way too much time on her hands.
16. Who is Martha Burk?
The busybody who should be ironing your shirts instead of annoying people in Augusta, Georgia.
17. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Fix my paralysis!
18. Do you eat raw oysters?
Eeeew! No way!
19. Are you claustrophobic?
No.
20. If you rode a motorcycle, would you wear a helmet even if the law said you didn‘t have to?
I wouldn't ride a motorcycle so the point is moot. I rode a motorcycle when I was young, invincible and immortal. After I grew up I gave it up. I have a friend with scrambled brains who was wearing a helmet. He was forced off the road by a car. Drivers often don't see motorcycles. It's not the bike or the biker who's dangerous, it's the car that doesn't see 'em.
21. Name five great Presidents.
Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, and Reagan.
22. Name three shitty Presidents.
Lyndon Johnson, Jimmy Carter, and Bill Clinton. Want more? FDR who gave us Social Security and sold out Eastern Europe near the end of WWII. Woodrow Wilson who started calling the U.S. a democracy instead of a republic and helped form the League of Nations, a monstrosity akin to the disaster called the United Nations.
23. Now call me fanny and slap my ass. Just kidding.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
24. This is the 4th of July. Did you set off any fireworks?
Nope. Had a good dinner and drank some good wine. I live a dull life.
25. If you could have dinner and conversation with anyone in the history of the planet, who would you choose? (Should be 'whom would you choose?')
Julius Caesar and Jesus Christ. These were two of the most influential people who shaped Western Civilization. Caesar was a brilliant general, a statesman, and a philosopher. Christ preached a 'religion of peace' ( unlike Mohammed) which was actually reform Judaism. He would have been surprised at the cult, called Christianity, that grew up around him. I am an atheist but would love to be able to talk to a brilliant philospher such as Christ. Just listening to Caesar and Christ talk philosophy would be incredibly fascinating.
Now it's time for bed.