And Bad Taste Office Humor Week comes to a close
Here is another post from when I was on Blowspot. I think I was up to about 20 readers a day when I wrote this.
Here we go again. Michael Jackson is pissed off because his last album didn't sell and can you guess why it didn't sell? Yes, it is that old tried and true excuse: racism. Listen you pedophile freak, your time has passed. You're washed up. Take a hike. And I really like what Michael Bates has to say, 'Only in America could a poor black boy grow up to be a rich white woman.' Isn't the expression on Rev. Al's face as Michael kisses him priceless? Please, someone, caption that photo. How about, 'Why is this freak kissing me?'
But we're not done yet. Let's hear what Julian Bond has to say at the NAACP convention.
We support language assistance to voters, but most of the
thousands of black Floridians who were denied the right to vote
speak English," Bond said. "The margin of their disenfranchisement
surpassed the margin of victory for candidate Bush."
Well boys and girls here we have a text book example example of the big lie. The never ending story: the 2000 election. Did you know that in spite of trying and trying the civil rights commission was not able to find one (1, ein, uno, une) black registered voter who was not allowed to vote? That means there were no (nada, nein, zip, zero, nil, diddly-dip-point shit) black voters in Florida who were not allowed to vote. It is a big lie told over and over and over again. In fact, there was a record turnout of black voters. And I, for one, am sick and tired of hearing this bullshit over and over and over again. Give it a freaking rest!
And this allows me to segue into Diversity (All hail Diversity!) For it is good! Bullshit! It sucks! Let's discuss the history of Diversity. (All hail Diversity!)
I have worked for TCIDNN (The Company I Dare Not Name) for 29 years. Every year we would have to have a meeting to discuss affirmative action and equal opportunity. Basically, these are good policies. OK we're done. One minute. We used to have an opinion survey every year. If we said we didn't agree with affirmative action and equal opportunity, we would have to spend ten minutes discussing how good it was in our meeting. So every year:
Do you agree with TCIDNN's policy on affirmative action? Hell yes!
Do you agree with TCIDNN's policy on equal opportunity? Hell yes!
Sure made for shorter meetings.
But before we go any further, lets have a real quick discussion of what affirmative action and equal opportunity actually are.
Affirmative action says, we need to fill a job with a black person so find me one. It's a quota system. I'm just curious. but what if they did this in the NBA? I want affirmative action for grouchy old cripples. But you can't play basketball. Exactly my point. Affirmative action does not care if the person is qualified or not. That's why it sucks.
Equal opportunity on the other hand at least has some basis of merit. What it says is if we have two people of equal qualifications we will err in favor of the minority. That minority could be female, black, Hispanic, or, pick your own. I have no problem with equal opportunity because it is addressing an under representation of a particular group, but it is doing it on merit! Also affirmative action was for blacks only. Women need not apply.
In the late 80's they added sexual harassment to the affirmative action equal opportunity meeting. They even showed a video. I'm guessing Bill Clinton never watched this video. Oh right, I forgot. Gloria Steinen said after Clinton's groping that we all got one free grope. Funny. That wasn't in this video.
Then, around 1994, things began to change. See, affirmative action got a bum rap. Lots of people saw it as a quota program, which it was, and a lot of unqualified people were hired and, because of affirmative action, they were next to impossible to fire because if you did you were (all together now) racist.
I'll bet there are some people reading this who think I'm a racist SOB. Think what you want. By the way, have you met my friend Flip? He's a bird.
I think it was around 1994 that I got a company e-mail that there was gonna be a Diversity (All hail Diversity!) Town Hall meeting at one of our central sites. Since I hadn't been apprised of Diversity (All hail Diversity!) yet, I did not know what was in store for me.
I showed up at the appointed time and there was coffee and pastry. At least I'll get sumpin' outta this meeting. Then, we all went into the auditorium and I discovered that Diversity (All hail Diversity!) was simply affirmative action (without equal opportunity) repackaged and renamed Diversity (All hail Diversity!).
The first speaker, who was, of course black (GOC your racism is showing - no, I'm just telling it like it is) showed the now famous visual of the buying power of various groups. Let's see, there were blacks, old people, Hispanics, and, a new group, gays. It turns out that there are an awful lot of rich gay people. The whole point of this is that since we want to sell to these groups, we should have people employed who are members of these groups. OK Sounds good. But, he wasn't finished. He had to drone on for another hour talking about how great Diversity (All hail Diversity!) was. Hey bucko! There's a little overkill here, don't ya think? Finally he quit.
Then we moved on to speaker number two. He was also black (not racist - dammit, he was) and, he was the vice president in charge of Diversity (All hail Diversity!). He droned on for another hour about how good he was and how good Diversity (All hail Diversity!) was.
As an aside here, I got an e-mail from a person who had a similar experience at her company. Her Diversity (All hail Diversity!) meeting consisted of a black professor from a college (unnamed) coming in and telling them that the only Diversity (All hail Diversity!) issues that mattered were black and white. So the person who sent me the e-mail is obviously racist. As another aside, the wife of one of my co-workers went to our vice president in charge of Diversity (All hail Diversity!) with a sexual harassment concern and was blown off. (Bad choice of words. Pun unintentional, but I'm leaving it in anyway.) Anyway, he didn't want to have anything to do with it. Obviously, some people are more diverse than others.
After the town hall meeting was over, I saw on tables, in the back of the auditorium, literature on a gay group for gay TCIDNN employees. OK. The gays have joined forces with the blacks. Geez! Now y'all probably think I'm a homophobe also. I'm not racist and I'm not a homphobe, but think what you want. Hey Flip, some more people want to meet you.
So, now, every year we have to attend a Diversity (All hail Diversity!) meeting. The year after the Diversity (All hail Diversity!) Town Hall meeting I had to attend a Diversity (All hail Diversity!) Awareness Workshop. I told about that joyous event in my May 15 post. I also told about this year's Diversity (All hail Diversity!) meeting which was a real fun event also.
A few years back, we had another Diversity (All hail Diversity!) Town Hall meeting. I dutifully drove to the site, and, lo and behold, there was not enough handicapped parking. Since I'm a cripple and Diversity (All hail Diversity!) aware, this came as a complete shock to me. How could a town hall meeting designed to ram Diversity (All hail Diversity!) down our throats, be so Diversity (All hail Diversity!) unaware as to not have enough handicapped parking for a Diversity (All hail Diversity!) group? Dammit! I'm a cripple! My group is on the visual! I'm pissed!
So I have to park way far away from the convention center and hobble (I walk with braces and crutches) on over. I get inside and make a beeline for the coffee and pastries. I eat my pastries, drink my coffee, make sure I'm seen by my manager, and leave. Got more important stuff to do than to listen to this bullshit again. I saw the movie once. It sucked. Don't need to see it again. On my way out one of my friends saw me and asked where I was going. Back to the office. Can I ride with you? Sure.
At TCIDNN we have a program where we can vent to upper management, completely confidential, about various company policies. When I got back to the office, I immediately vented my displeasure at the Diversity (All hail Diversity!) insensitivity displayed by there not being enough handicapped parking. I pointed out the irony that a meeting designed to 'ram Diversity down our throats' (my exact words) did not have enough handicapped parking for one of the diverse groups. I'm on the visual dammit! I got a bullshit reply that told me I should have requested special accommodations. That's not the point. Don't they realize that they're supposed to accommodate me? Bunch of insensitive bastards! But see, I don't expect any special treatment. I don't want to be judged on the merits of being a cripple. I want to be judged on job performance. I was just yanking their chain.
And this is what pisses me off about Diversity (All hail Diversity!) and all the other code words used to protect groups. When I started back to work after my accident, my manager started telling me the things they would do to accommodate me. I was in a wheelchair at the time and was an instructor. He said they'd put in a ramp up to the podium. I told him no problem, I'd be walking soon and I did. My career took off because I outworked everyone else. I didn't want to hear anyone say that the only reason I had a job was because I was disabled. The telling point was the last year I worked for this particular manager. I'd had an incredible workload that year and it had taken its toll and I was exhausted. I went to see my manager and told him I had to slow down. 'I'm not a well man ya know.' 'Oh, what's wrong with you?' 'Uh, you haven't noticed? I'm disabled.' 'Oh, that. I think nothing of that.' And that's just the way it should be.
A few years back, one of my politically incorrect co-workers (You mean you aren't? - No, he's even worse than I am.) and I came up with the perfect mix of Diversity (All hail Diversity) to be completely protected from being dismissed from TCIDNN. You had to be a black, gay, female, over 40 year old, Viet Nam era veteran, with an Hispanic surname. I mean, ya got all the bases covered.
It turns out that we were wrong. Remember, some people are more diverse than others. So, I've decided to set up a point system to show the hierarchy of Diversity (All hail Diversity!)
So now you should all know all about Diversity (All hail Diversity!). And if you don't support Diversity (All hail Diversity!), you're all a bunch of bigotted, racist, homophobes.
Hey Flip! How ya doin'?