Bad Taste Office Humor Week continues.
My sister emailed me over the weekend that my writing has gone downhill. She attributes that to me becoming Wally and just not giving a flying fuck what goes on at work anymore. She thinks that I should be able to write about The Audit like I wrote about the LFQP. She's wrong. The Audit doesn't really bother me because it will be easy for me to comply.
1. Encrypt local databases on my PC. Check
2. Power on password on my PC. Check
3. Screen saver password on my PC. Check
4. All porno files removed from my PC. Check.
5. Clean desk. Throw all the shit in my desk drawer. Check.
I'm ready. No sweat. Now, let me tell y'all about Y2K. Back then, I was team lead and it really sucked.
It all started when one of the project managers sent me a note that I was on the Y2K Team. I knew that this was probably gonna be the high point of my career. In the area of TCIDNN (The Company I Dare Not Name) where I work, it doesn't really matter about dates on our systems. If on January 1, of 2000, our clocks said January 1, 1900 it wouldn't make a bit of difference. Therefore, I couldn't get too excited about Y2K.
The first meeting I went to had two guys from the Mother Ship and they were acting as if the Apocolypse was gonna happen on January 1. I had a list of all sorts of things I was supposed to check to make sure that our building wouldn't explode one minute after midnight on 1/1/2000.
Every Tuesday, in our team meeting, I would cover this stuff with my team to make sure that we would save the world by being Y2K compliant. It got old real quick.
On the morning of another scheduled meeting at Building X, I looked at my email and saw more bullshit that they expected me to talk about. I turned to the guy who shared my office and said, "If you hear on the news about someone shooting up Building X with an Uzi, it will be me". There was another guy in our office at the time and I didn't know that he was one of the guys from the Mother Ship until after he left. About an hour later, I got a call from the Y2K project manager who said I didn't have to attend the meeting in person, but could call in instead.
So, I called in. When it came my turn Mother Ship Guys (MSG) started interrogating me.
MSG: What about this piece of hardware?
Me: It's OK
MSG: And this system?
Me: It's OK.
This went on for quite some time and then we came to System B (SYSB)
MSG: What about SYSB?
Me: What about it?
MSG: Is it ready?
Me: How should I know?
MSG: You don't know?
Me: Nope.
MSG: Why not?
Me: It's not my system.
MSG: What if it's not ready?
Me: It's not my problerm.
MSG: Why not?
Me: It's not my system.
MSG: Doesn't that bother you?
Me: No.
MSG: Why not?
Me: (Patiently as if talking to a child) It's not my system.
MSG: You use it don't you?
Me: Yes.
MSG: Won't it bother you if it's not ready?
Me: No.
MSG: Why not?
Me: It's. Not. My. System.
MSG: Whose system is it?
Me: It belongs to xxxxx.
MSG: Have you talked to the people at xxxxx?
Me: No.
MSG: Why not?
Me: Because IT AIN'T MY SYSTEM!!!!!!!!
About that time the Mother Ship Guys gave up and we moved on.
At 4:00 PM I got a call from my manager.
Manager: The MSG's think you have a flippant attitude toward Y2K.
Me: They kept asking me about SYSB which I don't own and I have no control over. It belongs to someone else and he should have his own MSG's breathing down his neck.
Manager: I'm removing you from the project and putting Michael on it. (Oh please, B'rer Fox, don't throw me in the briar patch!).
I saw Michael a week later and he told me, "These Y2K guys are idiots! I'm about ready to go postal on 'em."
"Sorry Michael", I said, "you can't use that ploy. That's how I got off the project."
And that was the beginning of the end of my tenure as team lead.
But, amazing as it may seem, nothing happened on 1/1/2000.
I guess that was because I was no longer on the team.