This is not quite Bad Taste Office Humor, but it's close enough. A big thank you to Barbara for this one.
BTW, there are two Barbaras who send me this stuff.
I wrote the following last year. Some of it is dated and the AJC link doesn't work, but the Ann Coulter link does. Since I heard they are cutting back on Sky Marshalls already, I'm now even more in favor of arming pilots.
The lamb's blood on the lintel of the doorway to my office must have worked. The dreaded Dark Angel of Layoffs passed over my office and I survived yet another purge. And, yes, rumors were correct, as my friends in Dallas informed me. They knew some people who were told that their services were no longer desired by TCIDNN (The Company I Dare Not Name) today, albeit, not of their own choice. I also heard there are going to be some site consolidations. That means people will have to move to keep a job or leave TCIDNN. Tough choice!
But today I want to deconstruct an editorial from the Atlanta Urinal and Constipation. The editor of the paper is Cynthia Tucker and, although she is an unabashed liberal, she does have principles. For example, she actually called for the resignation of Bill Clinton at the start of the Lewinsky scandal. That surprised the crap out of me. She has also come out against the crass, money grubbing antics of the King family, who have turned Martin Luther King's I Have a Dream legacy into I have a Cash Cow by selling his name and writings to the highest bidder. In Atlanta, it takes a lot of courage to disparage St. Coretta and her brood, but Cynthia has actually done that. Also, she has taken on Atlanta's other Cynthia, that certified nut case, Cynthia McKinney, who, I'm ashamed to say is my congressional representative.
But Ms. Tucker does have a weak point where guns are concerned. She's against them. Whenever an anti gun editorial appears in the Urinal and Constipation, you can bet your ass that Cynthia wrote it. Let's look at todays anti gun editorial:
Nobody wants pilots to have guns in the cockpit but pilots themselves and a few congressional supporters.
Wait a minute! I want them to have guns and in the words of Jesse Jackson, I am somebody. And goddammit, I know my sister, my brother-in-law, my nephew, my friend Richard, Neal Boortz, and whole big bunches of other people want pilots armed. Cynthia, are we a bunch of nobodies?
The Bush administration, in the person of Transportation Security Administration Director John W. Magaw, is opposed to the idea. And Magaw knows what he's talking about.
He does? Sez who?
"The responsibility of the pilot is to control the aircraft," Magaw told the Senate Commerce and Transportation Committee this week. "The use of firearms aboard a U.S. aircraft must be limited to those thoroughly trained members of law enforcement. Our position is: make that cockpit as safe as we can, control that plane and get it on the ground."
Wait a minute. This was the paradigm (I just can't resist getting a buzzword in here) before 9/11. Get the plane on the ground? He is right that the pilot has to control the aircraft. What better control is there than shooting some brainwashed madman who thinks he can go bang seventy two virgins by flying the plane into a building? And this bastard knows what he is talking about? Has he ever been on a hijacked airplane?
Since Sept. 11, the idea of guns in the cockpit has taken on all the momentum that could be mustered by the nation's thousands of commercial pilots, but the airlines themselves, the federal government and other members of the flight crews all oppose it.
All right. Let's think this through. Who is in charge of the airplane? Yes, you in the back. That's right. The pilot. He's the HMFIC (the man in charge). And, ya know, over thousands of pilots couldn't be wrong.
Magaw said rigorously trained air marshals should be the only armed people on a flight, and the government is committed to increasing their presence.
But until there are enough marshals, I would sure feel safer if the pilot is packing heat.
Magaw is not just a federal bureaucrat with an opinion. He spent 40 years in law enforcement and consulted extensively with experts and interest groups on this. He is joined in opposition by Transportation Secretary Norman Y. Mineta, the Airline Transport Association and the Association of Flight attendants.
Here's a simple question. Whom do you trust? A bureaucrat or a pilot who is reponsible for many lives on a daily basis? Uh, Yes, you in the third row. The pilot? Good answer. I'd feel safer if the pilot had a rod. Pilot to Abdul, 'Hey buddy, I got your trip to paradise right here.' Bang!
Yet some members of Congress vow to continue trying to pass a law allowing pilots to arm themselves. The House Transportation aviation subcommittee will take up legislation on the issue today, and a group of senators is also backing a bill.
Good for them. I bet Cynthia McKinney and Ted Kennedy are not among them.
Advocates said Magaw's comments did nothing but pressure them to redouble their efforts. That's disappointing.
No. That's encouraging.
There are many, many other aviation security issues that Congress could better spend its time on. As just one example, airport screening procedures still need a lot of work. Congress ought to let go of the issue of guns in cockpits.
Airport screening procedures need a lot of work? Now there's the understatement of the year. Good God, there was another metal detector unplugged in Houston yesterday! Jesus! I thought little Tommy Daschle said, 'To professionalize, you must federalize.' Great! Half the airport screeners, wait, better than half of the airport screeners couldn't get an order at McDonald's correct and you want us to depend on them for airport security?. And all these asshole democrats (Jesus, God, would someone just ram a sock into Hillary's mouth) ranting and raving about how the Bush Administration had advance warnings of 9/11. What the hell were they supposed to do? Pick out Middle Eastern men and search them? Isn't that like, um, racial profiling? Let's hear what Ann Coulter has to say about that. Even though 15 of the 19 hijackers were Saudis, even now we cannot single out persons of Middle Eastern origin. Yeah. Airport screening procedures. That's the ticket. Wake the fuck up! Man, now I'm really getting pissed! Many pilots are ex-military and guess what? They have been trained on how to use guns. Airport screeners are the dregs of society who will soon be unionized, which means we can't fire them, and most of them couldn't even say 'Do you want fries with that?' C'mon Cynthia, get with the program!
All this reminds me of what Archie Bunker once said on an All In the Family episode. Issue everyone a rod when they board the plane. That way when the hijacker tries to take over the plane he's outgunned.
Works for me.