He's Doing What?

Barbara comes through again with another Bad Taste Office picture.

Yeah, baby!

I'm beat! I've spent the last two days (well a couple of hours of them) pulling fiber optic cable out from under the floor.

Wait a minute! You're a programmer. Why are you doing grunt work?

Because it has to be done. And we've gotten rid of so many co-ops, I have to do a lot of this crap myself.

But you're a cripple.

So?

Why are you doing this?

For many reasons:

1. We've replaced processors and I/O and we never bothered pulling out the old fiber.

2. We've consolidated most of our stuff at one end of the computer room but we still have switches and patch panels at the other end. I'm in the process of getting everything moved to the end with the rest of the equipment.

3. I have to get all the unused fiber out to see how much we have so I'll know how much more we need to get if we get the German project.

4. It gets me away from the area where my office is and all the paranoia about The Fucking Audit!

Argggghhhh! I am so sick of The Audit!

It started Monday, and I haven't even seen an auditor yet, but with all the fear and loathing, I expect to see people in trenchcoats come in and say "Ve're ze Audit Gestapo. Your paperz pleaze!"

We had our Waste Fifteen Minutes Every Other Tuesday conference call on Tuesday and after the normal waste fifteen minutes bullshit, my manager had to talk about The Audit for another twenty minutes, so it wasted thirty-five minutes of my time. Well, not totally, since I always take off early and take the call from home and read the newspaper while I listen with half an ear.

It's getting so bad that my team lead joined me in pulling out fiber. He's getting sick of The Audit 'cause he's responsible for the entire team. This is just one more reason I'm glad I'm no longer team lead. If I had been for the past month, I would no longer be now 'cause I would have told my manager exactly what I think about The Audit.

We had our last corporate audit ten years ago and I don't remember any of this shit. Back then I was working for a different (and better) manager and without jumping through all the hoops our group has had to jump through the past month, we somehow passed it. Just lucky I guess.

My team lead told me that my manager is giving a presentation to the auditors.

Me: He's doing what?

TL: He's giving a presentation to the auditors and has over thirty foils.

Me: He's doing what?

TL: A presentation.

Me: A presentation on what?

TL: On all of our processes showing how we meet corporate standards.

Me: (Even more incredulously) He's doing what?

TL: Giving a presentation.

Me: Don't you think that's rather stupid?

TL: It's incredibly stupid.

Me: It's like saying, "Here Mister Fox. This is how we have the henhouse arranged." It's like walking into the IRS for no reason whatsoever and going over your tax return line by line. I cannot believe this guy is doing sumpin' this dumb.

TL: You got that right.

I don't believe this! You make the auditors ask you for stuff. You don't just give them shit unasked.

This might be his boss's idea. My manager has no spine and I guess it would be expecting a lot to have him take his head out of his boss's ass and tell him that giving a presentation to the auditors is not a very good idea.

Every fifteen minutes or so as we were diligently pulling out the fiber I would find myself saying, "He's giving a presentation to the auditors?"

Even now, it's nine PM and I'm still amazed as evidenced by the fact that I'm writing about it.

We got a lot of fiber pulled out today and I'm beat, but I think I'm gonna go to work in grubs tomorrow and pull out some more. It's grunt work and about three hours of it is about all I can take (I'm a cripple y'know), but it gets me away from The Audit.

He's doing what?

He's giving them a presentation?

Amazing!

Posted by denny at August 6, 2003 08:35 PM