I'm gonna finish out the week with senior moments. This was sent to me from someone at work.
My sister and her husband just took delivery of a brand new BMW Z4 today at the BMW plant in Greenville, South Carlolina. To show it off, and to rub it in that I only have a two year old Z3 that I got at a dealer and not at the the plant, they drove down to see me tonight. Since I have to ooh and aah accordingly (the Z4 is neater, but my Z3 is a nicer color - light blue with a tan top as opposed to dark green with a black top), I don't have time to do a really good post tonight so I'm gonna post sumpin' that my sis' former neighbor sent me.
When a pilot discovers sumpin' wrong with an aircraft he fills out sumpin' known as a squawk list. I even did this when I was a student pilot.
No shit? You were a student pilot? This was before you became a cripple, right?
Wrong! This was after I became a cripple. I even solo'ed. Unfortunately, the FAA doen't approve of some of the (legal) drugs I take, and I can no longer pass the medical exam. If I could, I would have my private pilot's license.
Anyway, this is a compilation of actual problems and solutions from squawk lists.
(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget
And with that, I'm calling it a night.