To: Cruise Bustingmontie
From: Barbra Streisand
Dear Caruso,
Let me say right off the bat that I am totally against this redial thing that the Republicans are trying to pull off here in California. They stole the 2000 election and now they're trying to steal another one here in California. None of California's problems can be blamed on Greg Davis. It's all Bush's fault.
Now that I've said that, if Gary does lose, I hope that you win. You have done a great job as his secretary and you are a credit to your race. Better we have a Mexican as governor than that nazi Schrawtzenigger. And Ariana Huffington? She's a Greek. We certainly don't want a Greek person as governor.
I do have a few questions. What is this Me Cha Cha organization I keep hearing about? It sounds like a Latin dance organization. I asked my maid Conchita about it but she doesn't speak very good English and didn't appear to understand what I was asking. Some people have told me it was a racist organization, but, as anyone knows, Mexicans aren't racists. Only white Republicans are racists.
And I've also heard that Me Cha Cha has something to do with Assland. What is Assland? Is that some place in Mexico? Is it a separate country? Oh how I wish my servants could speak English so they could explain things to me. But, since I am a strong supporter of multiculturalism, it is wrong of me to expect them to give up their cultural identity and learn the language of the oppressive white people who stole their lands.
I'm still rooting for Green, but in the interest of diversity, I would be willing to donate money to your campaign. Do I give it to you in dollars or pesos? And could you please get back to me on the Me Cha Cha and Assland stuff? As soon as I can get that snake out of my computer, I would like to write something on my web site about it.
Adios Peon (See, I know some Spanish)
Luv ya,
Babs