So I open today's Atlanta Urinal and Constipation and on the editorial page was another negative column by that washed up old hag Molly Ivins. I always wonder why it takes her so many words to say Bush is dumb, the Republicans are fascists, our country is doomed, and where is Osama bin Laden. Let's see what kind of Bush bashing bullshit she has to say this time.
Sigh. You write an article advocating what you think would be useful, constructive suggestions about Iraq, and you get an avalanche of right-wing reaction about "failuremongers" and "nattering nabobs of negativism."
Sigh. That's because everything you write about Iraq is failuremongering and you are one of the "nattering nabobs of negativism". I'm sure this column will carry on in that vein.
Bill Safire is back at the same old stand after all these years, denouncing "merchants of dismay" trying to justify their "decade of appeasement."
Yeah. Clinton defenders. Your hero turned down a chance to get bin Laden so maybe you should be carping at him about the whereabouts of binny. Just remember, bin Laden said that when he saw us leaving Somalia with our tails between our legs, that's when he knew America could be defeated. So go ahead and defend the Clinton administration's "decade of appeasement". Oslo and North Korea have been smashing successes haven't they?
Great, anybody who opposed this war in the first place was accused of lack of patriotism,
I am getting sick and tired of this "anybody who opposed this war in the first place was accused of lack of patriotism" bullshit. You people on the left are always screaming about this. It's one thing to be anti-war. That I can understand. But blaming America for all the troubles on the planet? That's bullshit. And another thing that pisses me off is people like you who want us to fail in Iraq just because you hate George Bush. I wasn't for us intervening in the Balkans, but I sure didn't want any of our troops to die there because I hated Clinton. You people on the left make me want to puke.
and now anybody who points out that it's not going well is guilty of defeatism.
Well, yeah. What's your point? You are defeatists. You'd be perfectly happy if we just packed up and went home.
If you raise your hand and ask where the weapons of mass destruction we were told were the reason for this war are, you're instructed to just Get Over It.
Jesus Molly, you fucking liberals were willing to give the UN years to find the weapons, but we were supposed to find them yesterday.
Well, I ain't gonna take it anymore.
Exactly when did you "take it"? And what's more, who gave it to you?
I am not shutting up for Bill O'Reilly or anyone else.
And this is some kind of new policy on your part?
I opposed our unprovoked, unnecessary invasion of Iraq on the grounds that it would be a short, easy war followed by the peace from hell.
Good for you. Do you have a few days so I could explain to you in very simple words what is going on? How we are now engaged in World War IV and Iraq is the first battle of that war? You liberals did everything you could think of to make us lose World War III (the Cold War). And even two years after the Pearl Harbor of World War IV, the war against radical Islam, you are trying to make us lose this war also. Just like in World War III, everytime we elect a Dimocrat president, it will only extend the war.
I predicted every terrorist in the Middle East would be drawn to Iraq like a magnet. I was right, and I'm not going to apologize for it.
And exactly why is it wrong for every terrorist in the Middle East to be drawn to Iraq like a magnet? Bring 'em on! We won't have to hunt 'em down. They're coming to us. We have soldiers there. They're paid to fight. We won't have to go to Saudi Arabia to find 'em.
I also realize the future in Iraq is a lot more important than any petty "I was right" vindication.
But I notice that hasn't stopped you from saying "I was right" you petty sow.
I don't know if the glass in Iraq is half-empty or half-full, but what is clear is that the situation is deteriorating.
You can't even find the fucking glass! And the situation is not deteriorating. I know you want us to fail in Iraq, but we are not.
That's why the Bush administration has changed course 180 degrees and is now asking for help from the United Nations.
We're asking for help so we can send some of our soldiers home. Also, we're trying to get the UN to pay for part of the reconstruction so we won't hear daffy dizzy dingbats like you natter on about how much we're gonna spend in Iraq.
But naturally, we're not supposed to mention that the administration has reversed itself -- no, no. As Paul Wolfowitz, who now has all the credibility of Ken Lay,
Dontcha just love liberals, after spending eight years defending Bill Clinton's credibility, bitching about the current administrations's credibility?
explained, the new U.N. resolution "didn't sort of emerge out of nowhere a few days ago. It's been on our agenda ever since the fall of Baghdad."
Maybe it has. Were you at any of the administration's meetings on Iraq? I didn't think so.
He said the bombing of U.N. headquarters was "a breakthrough -- a sad one. The bombing, I think, changed the atmosphere in New York, and it looks like we can move forward in that area."
Kofi: Holy shit! The turbans are gonna bomb us too? Maybe if we contribute a few troops and some money the Americans will protect us.
Right. The United Nations changed its position, we didn't change ours.
We were always willing to have the United Nations on board. That's why we kept going back to it and trying to get it to enforce its own resolution. When we finally realized it was useless, we, the British, and some other nations invaded Iraq.
How dumb do they think we are?
Do you really want me to answer that question?
I am tired of being asked to swallow lies by this administration.
Now you know how I felt during the eight years of the Clinton adminisration. Of course, Clinton was often trying to get people to swallow other stuff besides lies.
For $87 billion bucks, the least we deserve is some candor.
That's how I feel about the $4 trillion we've spent on the War on Poverty. When's it gonna be over? How much more are we gonna spend on it. Iraq's only been going on for a few months. The fucking War on Poverty has been going on for almost 40 fucking years!
I want to know who was responsible for the whole weapons of mass destruction fiasco, and I want to see some accountability for it -- resignations and firings.
And I want to know who's responsible for our sorry educational system. Oh, wait a minute. I do know. It's liberals and the teachers unions. When are we gonna see some accountability there?
In May of this year, President Bush said, "We found the weapons of mass destruction." No, we didn't. We have yet to find any evidence of nuclear, chemical or biological weapons in Iraq.
But we found a whole shitload of mass graves. I thought you liberals were so caring and compassionate. Y'all should be happy that we freed the Iraqis from a horrible despot and we are now engaged in nation building. Oh yeah. It's a Republican doing it so it must be bad.
President Bush's entire speech Sunday night was devoted to Iraq as "the central front" of the war on terrorism.
Actually it is. The Bush administration has an ambitious plan to reform the Arab world as a first step in World War IV. If it works it will make the Marshall Plan look like a walk in the park. There was an excellent op-ed in today's AJC about the reconstruction of Europe. One paragraph.
It took the United States four years before a German government could be established to help rule the nation in a democratic and orderly fashion, free from Nazi rebellion or resurgence.
Bush said after 9/11 that the War on Terror would be a long war. The only real setback will be if we elect a Dimocrat president.
The biggest bait-and-switch move of this whole administration has been to substitute Saddam Hussein for Osama bin Ladin.
You just gotta get the "where is Osama bin Laden" in here dontcha Molly. I'll tell you where he is. He's dead. He's worm food. He's looking for his 72 virgins.
Iraq had nothing to do with the acts of terrorism perpetrated against the United States.
And your proof is ... ? Didja use a Ouija board and talk to the 19 dead terrorists? How are Qusay and Uday doin'?
The real villains, both Al Qaeda and the Taliban, are now regrouping in both Pakistan and Afghanistan, while we're stuck in the quicksand in Iraq.
Yep! We wiped out a bunch of Taliban last week. Bring 'em on! And you used the wrong Q word. It's quagmire not quicksand.
I am trying hard to be a responsible citizen here:
When did that start?
I don't think the choice is between "staying the course" or "cut and run." I think we need to change course and be honest enough to admit it to ourselves and everybody else. The security situation in Iraq is deteriorating because we had a poorly planned and badly botched postwar strategy. We need help, and we need to ask for it nicely.
GMAFB! We're going to the UN to free up some of our troops to send 'em home and to shut up liberals like you who keep saying, "Go to the UN!" So we're going to the UN. Are you happy? No! Now you're pissed because we won't let them run the show. We're not gonna let them run the show because if we do they'll fuck it up. Exhibit A: Africa. Exhibit B: the Balkans. Any questions?
The eeriest part about Bush's $87 billion request is that it may not be enough. Sixty-six billion will go to the military and intelligence, leaving a relative pittance for actually rebuilding Iraq. According to most experts, getting the lights and water back up, not to mention the oil industry, is critical to the security situation.
The eeriest part about the $4 trillion spent on the War on Poverty is it hasn't been enough.
Meanwhile, indications are that homeland security is still pretty much a pathetic shambles. With Al Qaeda stirring around again, we might do some rethinking in that area, as well. I've been taking off my shoes at the airport to make us all safer, but don't you think we need to work on the ports, start screening container shipping, and take a look at our chemical and nuke plants?
What? You're badmouthing the TSA? These are gummint employees and they're very professional. Remember, little Tommie Dasshole said "to professionalize we must federalize." That's why we refuse to profile Middle Eastern males. And I do agree about the ports. This is probably the only time in this entire column that you make any sense. A stopped clock is right twice a day.
Speaking of people trying to be constructive, Hussein Agha and Robert Malley had a piece in Sunday's Washington Post pointing out that Israeli-Palestinian negotiations are once again in the toilet and suggesting that it's time to start at the other end. Instead of a step-by-step approach, work out a two-state map with international backing and present it with an international force to back it up. Since everybody knows that's the only way it can end, why not start there?
Now there's a fantastic idea. Give Yasser Arafat his own state. Then he could raise a real army with real weapons. And then let's put some UN peacekeepers between the Palestinians and the Israelis.
Pretty good idea, I thought.
Pass me the bong Molly. You've had enough.