There's too much shit running through my mind to do justice to just one thing.
I can't believe it's September and I'm still getting string beans from my garden. I like to cook them the way Julia Child does, <JuliaChildVoice> boiled just past crisp and sauteed in butter and garlic</JuliaChildVoice>. So tonight I threw a piece of chicken on the grill, had some fresh stringbeans a la Julia Child, and some fettucini al Fredo. Opened up a Spanish wine, Borsao ($5.99 a bottle and worth a lot more) and that took care of dinner.
Speaking of my garden, this has been a strange year. My friend Cindy grew some heirloom tomatoes from seeds and we put the plants in my garden. They first produced cherry tomatoes and then big tomatoes on the same plants! Cindy's husband, Michael, suggested we probably should have done a green harvest. That's where you pick most of the green cherry tomatoes and what is left grows big. I think he was right. Anyway, the big tomatoes were incredible! They were the sweetest tomatoes I have ever tasted in my life. I also had cucumbers until late August.
I was in school all last week. I am a test site for IBM's new z/OS operating system, so I had to go to an IBM site to attend the training on the new system. It was a web conference so the IBM person dialed into a conference number and all the slides were displayed on his pc via the web. Of course, I cannot talk about the system since I signed a nondisclosure agreement. I get a copy in December and I get to install it and test various functions and provide feedback to IBM. I've done this for the last six releases. This is fun stuff. I love playing with new code.
Because of this, I missed a bunch of meetings. I missed the latest meeting on the German project. It is now dead. It looks like <Itoldyouso>they were using us as a bargaining chip</Itoldyouso>.
I feel just like Cassandra (she made truthful prophesies that no one believed). From the beginning I said that this was what the Krauts were doing and we should not expend so much energy on the various proposals. My manager has had this big ol' boner about going global and allowed this to cloud his decision making. There were too many times during this process that I told him to tell the Krauts to take it or leave it, but he insisted on crunching numbers over and over again. Dipshit!
One of the bedwetting liberal editorial writers for the Atlanta Urinal and Constipation, Martha Ezzard, wrote a column about the detainees at Gitmo and how they are "entitled to be heard". Christ on a crutch! These bleeding heart assholes drive me straight up the fucking wall! The detainees are not American citizens so they don't have any fucking rights under our Constitution as far as I'm concerned. <Saturdaynightlive>Martha, you ignorant slut!</Saturdaynightlive> Let's drop you in a Muslim country and see just how many rights you have. These assholes are enemies of the United States. They're living better in Gitmo than they would be living back in caves in Afghanistan.
Jimmy Carter just won't shut the fuck up!. Now he's saying that Bush "was too busy handling a broad range of international affairs to focus on settling the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. " That's right you addled fuckwit. He's fighting this war on terrorism and also trying to clean up this fuckup in Korea that you and Clinton were responsible for. That's all the fuck we need: to be lectured on foreign affairs by the most incompetent president of the 20th Century.
For those of you who came in late and have never heard my favorite Jimmy Carter joke, here it is. Why does Jimmy always lay on the bottom when having sex? Because all he knows how to do is fuck up.
Yeah, Jimmmah brokered the Israeli/Egyptian peace deal and all it cost us was $3 billion/year to Israel and $2 billion/year to Egypt. Our tax dollars at work. And we all saw what a smashing success he was in our deal with North Korea. Take your Nobel Peace Prize and shove it up your ass!
Carter, who spoke at the Woodrow Wilson International Center for Scholars, said the roadmap for Mideast peace including the creation of a Palestinian state by 2005 was "identical with the basic premises of Camp David, Oslo and the Declaration of Principles," the first peace pact between Israel and the Palestinians signed in Washington September 13,1993.
Oh yeah. Oslo has been a smashing success hasn't it? And now here we have Arafat coming out with his same old bullshit and offering another truce. My buddy Grognard and I don't agree on too many things regarding the Israeli/Palestinian situation, but one thing we do agree on is that Arafat has to go. There will be no peace as long as Arafat is alive. Just kill that fat fucker and get it over with. Oh, but that will cause chaos in the Middle East and enrage the Palestinians and the Arab street. As opposed to the stability we have now. GMAFB!
Referring to the possibility of being expelled by Israel, Arafat said he would be ready to die as a martyr, Army Radio reported.
Fine, you fat fuck. Here's a bomb belt. Strap that sucker on. Let's see just how brave you are.
My friend Michael asked what I thought should be done with Arafat. Here's my solution. Lock a bomb belt on him like Sandra Bullock in Speed. As long as he keeps pressure on the switch in his hand he's OK. He relaxes, he blows up. Lock him in a room by himself. Have a camera on him and sell the rights to cable. What a great pay per view. I'd pay good money to see that. Hell, we could even have betting on how long he lasts. Wonder what the Vegas line on that would be?
Thank you Wesley Clark! I was pissed off when the Dimocrat presidential field went from seven to nine. Seven was perfect since we had the Seven Dwarfs. Here was my list from an earlier blog:
Snooty - John Kerry, the noble patrician and war hero from Taxachussetts. It never hurts to marry money. By the way, he served in Viet Nam.
Doody - Dickhead Gephardt (I hope I spelled that correctly. I've had so much fun spelling it wrong in my faxes from Babs, I'm no longer sure how it's supposed to be spelled). I was wondering about this one. Kim calls him Grumpy, but that just didn't seem to fit. Last night Ryan told me he looked like Howdy Doody, and, Eureka! That's it! Doody.
Sleazy - John Edwards. A trial lawyer. 'nuff said.
Dorky - Howard Dean. Former Governor of Vermont. The new liberal darling. Dukakis II. Now, if we can only get him into a tank for a photo shoot.
Whiney - Joe Lieberman. Senator Snagglepuss. The "conscience of the Senate". What a hoot that was. We saw a fine example of that when Clinton was disgracing the office of the presidency. And we saw how strong his convictions were when he ran for vice-president. Vouchers? Who me? No, I was never for vouchers.
Porky - Who else? Al Sharpton. And check this out. Al Sharpton wants the same favorable treatment that Ted (the swimmer) Kennedy and Hillary Clinton got.
"The next time anybody wants to know about Tawana Brawley, I'm going to ask them, 'Do you ask Teddy Kennedy about Chappaquiddick? Do you ask Hillary Clinton about her husband?'"
Rev Al, do you realize that that's the first black president you be talkin' 'bout? He be one of the bro's. I mean, he be havin' an office in Harlem. If the press went after him they'd be, like, racist.
Slimey - Carole Moseley-Braun. I thought long and hard about this one. I was trying to figger out an acronym that would include the words stupid incompetent black racist bitch coddler of repressive black African dictators who allowed her boyfriend campaign manager to sexually harrass female campaign workers and who defrauded the gummint out of medicare payments to her mother that she used for herself but gave it up as a losing cause and just used Slimey. The liberal press knew of all her ethical lapses from her previous gummint (dis) service, but was so enthralled about the opportunity to elect a black female to the Senate that they gave her a pass. Bunch of assholes!
Now I gotta decide among Graham, Kucinich, and Clark who's gonnna be Moe, who's gonna be Larry and who's gonna be Curly.
Suggestions are welcome.
Nyuck! Nyuck! Nyuck! Nyuck!
Posted by denny at September 17, 2003 09:37 PM