I'm leaving tomorrow for Breckinridge, Colorado for a few days of skiing. I'll be back next Wednesday. No, I'm not having any guest bloggers. I'll leave you with some new medicines that I got from Woody.
Medicines that should be on the market.....
D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
ST. M O M M A'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.
E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.
D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ... Can we get naked now?.."
B U Y A G R A
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, a nniversary, or phone number.
A N T I T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
N A G A M E N T
When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing
it herself.
And the latest on the French Mars probe, also from Woody.
FRENCH MARS PROBE SURRENDERS
Robotic Arm Extends White Flag
The French space program took a significant step backward today as the European Space Agency announced that a much-heralded French Mars probe surrendered just moments after landing on the red planet.
The probe, which had been expected to travel extensively across the surface of Mars to collect and analyze rock samples, stunned the French nation by surrendering only eight seconds into its mission.
As millions of astonished Frenchmen watched on national TV, the probe extended a robotic arm -- designed to scoop up rocks from the surface of Mars - and raised a white flag aloft, waving it back and forth.
The probe then used a robotic shovel to dig a hole in the Martian surface before disappearing into the hole, apparently hiding.
At a press conference in Paris, French President Jacques Chirac denied that the probe had surrendered, arguing, "This mission was always intended to be eight seconds long. The probe has performed courageously and superbly."
Despite earlier announced plans for the French Mars probe to exchange information about the surface of Mars with the American Mars probes, Mr. Chirac said, "The Americans will have to go it alone."
In other news, Hollywood's annual Golden Globes celebration was disrupted Sunday night when former Vermont Governor Howard Dean took the stage to denounce the Hollywood Foreign Press Association for not naming him Best Actor in a Musical or Comedy.
After excoriating the Golden Globe voters, Mr. Dean began shouting a partial list of U.S. states in no particular order before being escorted offstage by security personnel.
Posted by denny at January 28, 2004 08:34 PM