Babs and Madonna

Ring. Ring.

Material Slut: (Sleepily) Hello?

Babs: Hello, Madonna?

MS: Yes. Who the fuck is this and why are you calling me at this hour. Do you know what time it is?

Babs: It's me. Barbra Streisand, and of course I know what time it is. It's 8:45. In another fifteen minutes the West Wing comes on with that adorable Martin Short, who I wish was really our president instead of that horrible John Bush.

MS: Listen you dimwit, it's 4:45 in the morning here in London and you just woke my ass up. This shit had better be good you stupid cunt!

Babs: You don't have to get all snippy with me. And by the way, I've always wondered, is Madonna your first name or your last name? Are you like Doris Madonna or Madonna Smith or what?

MS: It's Madonna Ciccone you stupid twat! Now why the fuck did you wake me up?

Babs: You sure are grouchy. It must be from wearing those stupid conical bras. That has got to hurt your breasts.

MS: I don't want to talk about my tits. Why the fuck did you call me?

Babs: Well Weasley Clerk just dropped out of the race and I know how smart you are politically and I was wondering who you are gonna endorse now? I'm surprised People Magazine hasn't already called you about it.

MS: Why don't you call Michael Moore and ask him and leave me the fuck alone so I can go back to sleep?

Babs: He won't talk to me ever since I called him to talk about his autobiography, A Stupid Fat White Man. And now he has another book out called, Dude, Where's my Cunt. That's a funny name for a book isn't it?

MS: I cannot believe I am having this conversation. This has got to be some sort of bad dream.

Babs: I really wanted Jimmy Looberman to get the nomination because he's Jewish and I think it's gonna take a Jew to balance the budget. My tax lawyer is a Jew. Is yours?

MS: What?

Babs: I remember seeing some pictures of you where you had hairy armpits. Now that you live in London did you quit shaving your armpits? That's what Europeans do don't they?

MS: I can't take this anymore! Don't ever call me again you stupid bitch!

Click.

Babs: Hello? Hello? What an incredibly coarse and rude person. Why do people keep hanging up on me? Don't they realize I'm a rich, beautiful, international star?

Jim. Come on. It's almost time to watch the West Wing. Now there is a real president unlike that dreadful person we have in the Big House.

Posted by denny at February 11, 2004 08:40 PM