Jesus H. Christ! Can't someone protect us from these Chicken Littles running around screaming, "Global Warming! Global Warming!"? In Thursday's Atlanta Urinal and Constipation there was an op-ed by Lenore Skenazy of the New York Daily News. I guess she must be New York's version of Molly Ivins.
Global warming no fabrication
That's right. It's not a fabrication. It's bullshit!
The thing about global warming is that all you have to do is say those two words and most people's eyelids --- like our polar icecaps --- start sliding down, down, down.
Unless you're a liberal environazi. Then we have to hear bullshit like Kyoto. We'll get to that later.
Mine too. But in a minute, your eyes are going to boi-i-ing open so wide,
Boi-i-ing? What is this? Viagra for the eyes?
you may not be able to sleep tonight. That's because global warming is suddenly Topic A at two places not normally associated with hugging trees: the Pentagon and the insurance industry.
WTF? Pentagon? Insurance industry? Tell me more.
They have just realized: Hey, if the climate really is going to hell ---
Notice the "if". Now she inserts an unsupported conjecture (a common liberal trick)
thanks to willy-nilly burning of fossil fuels
Not proven. Junk science.
--- this could mean tidal waves, droughts, searing heat and freezing cold.
Huh? Freezing cold? I thought we were talking about global warming.
Not to mention nuclear war.
The liberal mind. A wonder to behold.
That means global warming is: (1) At least as big a threat as terrorism,
In her mind.
and (2) Probably going to cost a whole lot in insurance payouts.
If global warming actually happens.
Yes, yes, I find realization No. 1 more troubling than No. 2, too. But the good thing about the hawks and corporations starting to voice the same concerns is that these are two groups the Bush administration may actually pay attention to.
What the Pentagon and the insurance industry are doing are "what ifs". I'll be willing to bet they've also got "what ifs" for global cooling which could be caused by a massive volcanic eruption or a nuclear winter. They are not saying global warming is gonna happen, they're saying what if global warning happens. It's like me saying, what if you and Molly Ivins can actually come up with a rational thought.
The Pentagon report was commissioned to assess the threat to national security if there is an ''abrupt climate change event.'' And the report's conclusion?
There's that pesky "if" again, which I highlighted.
There's a huge threat. If global warming brings on famine and drought, these could trigger wars for water, food and oil. If the average rainfall in Europe plummets, we could see massive boatlifts of people attempting to enter America.
If. If. If. Hang on tight! Here she goes.
If America and China both enter an ice age, they might go to war for Saudi Arabia's oil. Etc., etc., etc.
Wait a minute! I thought we were talking about global warming. Oh that's right. If we have an ice age it's because of global warming.
The Pentagon bigwig who commissioned this report is Andrew Marshall, a wise and experienced 82-year-old legend.
Never heard of him.
Marshall released the report's findings to Fortune magazine, and his motive seems clear: to goad the business community into taking action, because goading President Bush has gotten nowhere.
But the report doesn't say global warming is a fact. It merely says it is possible and states what could be the consequences. And since when does a liberal believe anything that comes out of the Pentagon?
Bush has not only pooh-poohed warnings on global warming, he has gone so far as to distort his own Environmental Protection Agency's findings. He also refused to sign the Kyoto Accord on greenhouse emissions, claiming America needed more time to research whether this was a man-made problem.
And. There. It. Is. Kyoto. The treaty that was unaminously defeated in the Senate. Not one senator voted for it. Not. One.
Here is what I would like to do with every liberal who thinks Kyoto is a good idea. Put them in a shack with no heat and no electricity. Take away their cars. No candles. No fires. No energy use whatsoever. That's what it would take. If every liberal who believes in Kyoto would do that we might be able to meet the emission demands of Kyoto.
If we were to ratify Kyoto we would turn into a Third World nation. Do you want to eliminate greenhouse gases? Fine. Let us build nuclear power plants so we won't have to use coal fired power plants. But you fucking liberals won't let us do that. You want windmills and solar panels. Fine. Go out and buy a fucking windmill and power your house with it. Get all your energy from solar. Leave me the fuck alone until you actually come up with some solutions instead of your fucking liberal fantasies.
All I have to hear is one liberal mention Kyoto and I go right up the fucking wall!
Swiss Re, a giant company that insures other insurers, issued a call to action. In its blockbuster report, Swiss Re estimates that in 10 years, the economic cost of disasters such as floods, frosts and famines caused by global warming could reach $150 billion annually. That's the cost to the insurance industry of a World Trade Center disaster every year.
Notice the "could" that I highlighted. No one knows. There is still no scientific proof of global warming. None. Jesus! Twenty years ago the same people screaming about global warming thought that we were heading into a little ice age. The sky is falling! The sky is falling!
The way to avoid this horrible scenario is clear, says Jon Coifman, a spokesman for the Natural Resources Defense Council: We must cut way back on our country's carbon dioxide emissions.
Wait for it! Here it comes!
''We are about 4 percent of the population and produce about 25 percent of the world's emissions,'' he says.
Yep! We're the problem. It's always the United States' fault.
To pollute less, we need to switch to cleaner,
Howza 'bout nuclear power? No? Didn't think so.
renewable energy sources.
You won't let us build more dams because we might wipe out snail darters. Solar is still not efficient enough. Windmills are not the solution. I know. Wave the magic liberal wand. Abra Cadabra! Magic. We now have clean renewable energy sources. Here's a better idea. Send all the liberals who think we use too much energy to another country. With the energy we save with the population decrease we may just be able to cut our emissions down. I know we would cut down on the hot air emissions.
We need more fuel-efficient cars and trucks.
Pass them laws. Make it so! We decree that all cars will get 100 miles per gallon.
And we need new laws limiting industrial emissions.
And industry can not have any more emissions. Now that is easy to fix. Let's just shut down all the industries and move them overseas. Uh oh! Where did the jobs go? Overseas with the industries. But we do have the liberal utopia.
Fortunately, there is a global warming bill coming to Congress this spring that addresses these issues. It came within just seven votes of passing last year. This year, it must pass. Or else.
Or else the world will come to an end.
I'm really worried.
Dear New York Daily News. I can write really stupid stuff like Lenore when I try. Will you give me a job?
Posted by denny at March 19, 2004 08:17 PM