Dear Bill,
I need some advice. This Vietnam thing keeps coming back and biting me in the ass. I deserve a purple heart just for what ABC news has done to me. What is going on here? I thought they were on our side. Next thing you know that perky bitch Couric is gonna be up my butt. That's a joke. Get it? Who says I don't have a sense of humor?
Look at you. You dodged the draft fer chrissakes and you skated. How did you do it? Why is it that the press never asked you the tough questions? And how were you able to lie so well? Everytime I lie I get caught. You'd get caught in a lie and it never seemed to matter. You'd just tell a bigger lie and they ate it up. It was almost like you had FBI files on them or something.
And another thing. I supported you in 1992 and said military service didn't matter. How about you coming to my rescue here? The press still loves you. The least you could do is tell everyone what a nice honorable guy I am. So it's a lie. Big deal. The press would still eat it up. They eat up everything you say.
Could I come and spend a weekend with you? I need to learn from the master how to tell whoppers and get away with it. You make it look so easy. And while I'm there, maybe you could hunt up some babes for us. I'm kind of sick of shagging rich ladies for their money. I'd like to get it on with some young babe. Even a fat airhead like Monica would be better than Teresa. That bitch is driving me crazy with her stupid scarves.
In return, as president I would be in position to give you anything you wanted. How would you like to be Ambassador to Sweden? Not only would that get you away from Hillary, but think about all those busty, blonde Swedish babes. They'd eat you up, if you know what I mean. And you could get Cuban cigars there with no problem.
Please Bill, I'm sinking in the polls and I need all the help I can get. I would be forever in your debt.
Your pal,
John
Posted by denny at April 27, 2004 09:30 PM