May 24, 2004

The Church of Heavy Metal

A while back I said I wanted to start the Church of Heavy Metal right across the street from that mosque in Hamtramck Michigan which is gonna blare out their call to prayers five times a day, seven days a week. My church is gonna have its call to prayers every hour from 5:00 AM to midnight seven days a week. The speakers are gonna be pointed right at the mosque. With the help of many readers here's what I'm gonna use to call the faithful to prayers.

5:00 For Those About To Rock - AC/DC
6:00 Welcome To The Jungle - Guns and Roses
7:00 Running With The Devil - Van Halen
8:00 Reap What You Sow - Climax Blues Band
9:00 Hellion - Judas Priest
10:00 Highway To Hell - AC/DC
11:00 Lemon Song - Led Zeppelin (Just "Squeeze me baby 'til the juice runs down my leg" oughta piss off the Muslims.)
12:00 Jumping Jack Flash - Johnny Winter (His version is so much better than the Rolling Stones.)
1:00 Long Tall Sally - Cactus ("She saw Mary coming, She balled him in the alley." Yeah. That'll piss'em off. This is the best version of Long Tall Sally you'll ever hear.)
2:00 Thunderstruck - AC/DC (I know. AC/DC is in this list a lot. But they're good and loud. Everytime I hear Thunderstruck, I think of the video I linked to a while back that had the gunships going after the bad guys. )
3:00 Angels of Death - Hawkwind (Sent to me by Clutch. I thought I was the only one who remembered Hawkwind. You're showing your age Clutch.)
4:00 Hell's Bells -AC/DC (Again)
5:00 Evil - Cactus
6:00 Dazed and Confused - Led Zeppelin (I would expect the assholes to be pretted dazed and confused by now.)
7:00 Highway 61 Revisited - Johnny Winter (Great slide guitar work.)
8:00 I Don't Need No Doctor - Humble Pie (Good and loud. Peter Frampton was in this group before he went solo.)
9:00 Crossroads - Cream
10:00 I Want To Rock and Roll All Night - Kiss
11:00 Enter the Sandman - Metallica

Just when they think we're done for the night at midnight we'll blast 'em with
In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida by Iron Butterfly.

Can I hear an amen?

Posted by denny at May 24, 2004 08:00 PM  

Sure. Here's one from my corner: AMEN!!!

Posted by: Indigo on May 24, 2004 10:42 PM


Posted by: Tina on May 24, 2004 10:46 PM

Amen! I could live quite comfortably there now

Posted by: Jonathan on May 24, 2004 11:44 PM

Amen! Can you squeeze in the long version of Innagodddavita by Iron Butterfly?

Posted by: Sailor in the Desert on May 25, 2004 02:02 AM

You can not get an Amen. But, you can get a "HELL YES".

Posted by: JMike on May 25, 2004 04:31 AM



Posted by: Jesse Brown on May 25, 2004 05:57 AM

Gotta have some Ozzy in there......."Crazy Train" seems appropriate. Amen, brother.

Posted by: marcel on May 25, 2004 07:41 AM

Amen from this Michigander!

Posted by: Mixlespick on May 25, 2004 08:22 AM

So when's the metal?

Try Strapping Young Lad - Oh My Fucking God

Posted by: Dave The Australian on May 25, 2004 09:17 AM


Imperial Keeper

Posted by: Elizabeth on May 25, 2004 09:28 AM

Either "Bat Out of Hell" or "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" by Meatloaf should be enough to drive them nuts and I agree with the above post that almost anything by Ozzie should be sufficient. Great list. Terry

Posted by: Terry Reynolds on May 25, 2004 09:32 AM

Sounds like you know your music. Did you forget the Allman Brothers?

Posted by: Catfish on May 25, 2004 10:14 AM

Amen, do you know if the video is still out there?

Posted by: Deathknyte on May 25, 2004 10:30 AM

Sailor - It would be the long version.
Marcel - Dammit! How could I forget Ozzie? I do have early Ozzie with Black Sabbath. Maybe we'll need to go on a 24 hour schedule with a prayer call every half hour.
Deathknyte - I just checked and the video is gone.

Posted by: Denny Wilson on May 25, 2004 10:47 AM

Ditto on "Crazy Train".

And while it's outside the heavy metal genre, I'd include "Devil's Night Out" by the Mighty Mighty Bosstones.

The devil was drinking
And dancing up a storm.
The band was so hot
My beer got warm.
Just when I thought
It would all cool down,
That evil mother-fucker screamed
"Burn this place down!"

Posted by: Bruce on May 25, 2004 10:50 AM

Recommended Ozzy? "Paranoia"! ;-)

Also don't forget to throw in a few Blue Oyster Cult hits like "Godzilla", "Don't Fear the Reaper" (mhehehe!), and "Frankenstein".

Also recommended, anything by Ted Nugent! MWAAHAHA!


Posted by: Denita TwoDragons on May 25, 2004 10:52 AM

Denita - Wasn't Paranoia from his Black Sabbath days? I think that was on the same album as War Pigs and Iron Man. I wore out the 8 track I had of that. I was really thinking long and hard on Ted Nugent. He is, after all, from Michigan.

Posted by: Denny Wilson on May 25, 2004 03:41 PM

Gotta have "Black Betty" by Ram Jam in the mix too.

Posted by: Bruce on May 25, 2004 04:19 PM

AMEN....can you burn me a CD while you're at it?

Posted by: pamela on May 25, 2004 04:27 PM

Howsabout wakin' 'em up with the Jimi Hendrix version of "The Star Spangled Banner"?

That should get 'em kinda steamed.

Posted by: Raging Dave on May 25, 2004 08:17 PM

RD's got the right idea! Wake their asses up with Jimi! Play it all through Spinal Tap's amps, they go to 11.

Posted by: Ralph Gizzip on May 25, 2004 08:28 PM

Speaking of terrible Ted, how about "Wang Dang Sweet Poontang" from the double live Gonzo album? A stone cold classic.

Posted by: Anthony L. on May 26, 2004 08:56 AM

Great list! How about working "Gonna Raise Hell" by Cheap Trick in, as well?

Posted by: Kaptain Krude on May 26, 2004 11:59 AM

Make it Gonzo Teds "Stranglehold"

Posted by: lars on May 26, 2004 12:46 PM

AMEN bro. If anybody has not heard the AC/DC music in the slide show from Maj.Sean,go back + look in early March (3rd-7th) archives + check out the awesome pictures of the early days of the war. One of Denny's greatest hits, besides any Saturday boobage.

Posted by: Paul in Pa on May 26, 2004 01:44 PM

Paul - Unfortunately the link doesn't work anymore.

Posted by: Denny Wilson on May 26, 2004 01:46 PM

Denny-Thats ashame. That was one of coolest things I've seen. They are some remakable people. They do us proud! AC/DC's Thunder was perfect for when the choppers started opening up on the bad guys.

Posted by: Paul in Pa on May 26, 2004 04:18 PM


Those f**ks gotta hear Twisted Sisters' "Ain't Gonna Take It".

Semper Fi

Posted by: EddieP on May 26, 2004 08:28 PM


Allow me to add another one: "Hair of the Dog", by Nazareth (Now you're messin' with a... son of a bitch)

"Ballbreaker" would be another good AC/DC song to add to the mix...

As would "Seek and Destroy" by Metallica.


Posted by: Jay G on May 26, 2004 10:59 PM

OK, so Clutch is an almost 48-yr-old that still likes his heavy space rock, like Hawkwind (who, btw, are still active, touring and recording). Just 'cuz I'm getting old doesn't I gotta start listenin' to that E-Z jazz station with Kenny G and all that other lame sh!t on it.

Now, if you will excuse me, I need to dig out my copy of "Paranoid" so that my son can practice "Iron Man" on the bass (he digs the ol' mans' Blue Oyster Cult, Deep Purple and Skynard CD's, too. Soon, I will let him hear some Zappa...heh-heh-heh...)

How about "Die, MF, Die" by Dope?

Posted by: Clutch on May 27, 2004 04:52 PM

What about Saxxon's song 'Crusader'

"For christiandom's sake, we'll take our revenge, on the pagans from out of the east"
"Fight the good fight, believe what is right, crusader the lord of the realm"


I'd change the metallica song from Sandman to "Don't tread on me"

Posted by: pete on May 27, 2004 05:21 PM

A few more:
Motley Crue needs to be included
One of these three:
Kickstart My Heart
Shout at the devil
Girl, Girls, Girls (for the pure piss off factor)

Ted Nugent's "Don't Tread on Me" is better than any I have heard

Black Sabbath's "Iron Man" being left out was enough to make you do pennance. You had better include it pronto or you will be forced to listen to Pat Boone sing "Sandman" ten times.

Posted by: MunDane on May 27, 2004 10:54 PM

It was Damn Yankees (which had Ted in the group) that did "Don't Tread on Me", FYI.

I've been toying with the idea of getting a Gadsden flag tattoo. This may tip the scales...

Posted by: Jay G on May 27, 2004 11:05 PM

He is, after all, from Michigan.

So is Michael Moore ;-)

Posted by: BrigadierGerard on May 28, 2004 12:25 AM

Hey how about some Lynard Skynard? 'Freebird' would piss off those fuckers with the diapers on their heads. Metallica also has some excellent music to piss off carpet jockeys with.

Posted by: Mike B. on May 28, 2004 01:45 AM

'Get Back' by the Beatles (although not heavy metal) was actually McCartney protesting the invasion of Pakistani's into England and taking away all the jobs. Due to the times, McCartney changed the Lyrics from "Don't dig no Pakistani taking all the people's jobs/ Get back to where you once belonged.

Posted by: Mike B. on May 28, 2004 01:54 AM

I do believe if someone started a fund drive to assist the new congregation with building the facility I would donate. :)

Posted by: crash on May 28, 2004 07:59 PM

Someone got to "Iron Man" before I did...but not the classic Allice Cooper my roomate used to play at full blast from his 200W amp Firday afternoons as we got ready for Parade at The Citadel: "No More Mr. Nice Guy"

Posted by: Curt on May 29, 2004 10:54 PM
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