Remember when Little Tommy Dasshole uttered the immortal words about how airport screeners should be federal employees? He said, "To professionalize, you must federalize." WTF? Professionalize and federalize in the same sentence? If we had a fair and balanced press Dasshole's statement would have been the laughingstock of the country. But of course, there is not one gummint program, except for the military, that liberals do not adore. Yeah, professional federal airport screeners. That's the ticket.
The reason I bring this up is I heard on the news that the wait to get through security at Hartsfield-Jackson-Young-Campbell-Franklin-McKinney-Lewis Airport this morning was two hours. Two hours? Two fucking hours? Wow! This must really be a professional operation. Just imagine how long it would have been if the gummint hadn't had all those professional screeners.
Unless the airport has changed its procedures since I went through security back in January a third grade pissant could see what the problem is. It is what engineers would call a single point of failure or the rest of us would call a bottleneck.
Before you can go through the metal detectors and the carry on x-ray machine, you need to go through a checkpoint where someone checks your boarding pass and makes sure it matches a picture id. When I went through in January, there was only one checkpoint and they had the dumbest employee they could find manning it. This is a person who wasn't even smart enough to say, "Do you want fries with that?" Also, since she was a federal employee, and since one of the requirements to be a federal employee was lack of people skills, she was also incredibly rude. Stupid and rude. Yeah, Senator Dasshole, that's an example of the professionalism you get when you federalize.
If this person has any kind of a situation that is outside of her intellectual range (And that didn't take too much back in January. It was three little old ladies in wheelchairs.) the whole operation grinds to a halt while the wheels start spinning out of control in her brain (What little brain she has.). At the same time, as in every gummint operation, there are people standing around doing absolutely nothing, some of whom are probably supervisors. Did she get any type of assistance? Are you kidding? This is a professional federalized operation. All she had to fall back on was rudeness as when someone in line asked for her name so he could give glowing praise to the TSA on her performance.
Irate Airline Passenger - What's your name?
Federalized and Professionalized Airport Screener - I ain't giving you my name! You shut up!
I was in a wheelchair so I got to cut in line and missed the rest of this theater of the absurd. Finally a benefit of being a cripple. Heh. Heh. Heh.
Actually there was another time that it came in handy being a crip. In Disney World you (and all the people with you) can go to the front of the line at all the rides if you are a crip. You just go to the medical station and they give you a pass. I'm thinking that when I retire I might move to Orlando and rent myself out. Cut the Lines. Rent a Crip.
People say that the reason the lines are so long at Hartsfield-Jackson-Young-Campbell-Franklin-McKinney-Lewis Airport is because the airport does not have multiple terminals like Dallas so everything feeds through one checkpoint. That is not the problem! Back when everyone could go out to the gates, not just passengers, people moved through the screening area just fine. The problem is the idiot who has to check boarding passes against picture ids.
Put me in charge. First off instead of having just one checkpoint where the boarding pass and picture id is checked, have multiples. Look at where the lines are. Is it that hard to see the problem? Like I said, a third grade pissant could see the problem. Why is it so hard to fix?
Second, instead of having one booger eatin' moh-ron at each checkpoint, have two. That way you can pass twice as many people through each checkpoint. If there is a problem that is beyond the intellectual capacity of one of the screeners (and that doesn't take much), the other screener can check ids while the other one is fucking up.
This is not rocket science. It is common sense. Look at where the holdups are and fix them. If there is a line running outside of the terminal people are not doing their jobs and some heads should roll. This shit in inexcusable!
But they are federalized and professionalized.
Thanks Senator Dasshole!
Denny, you identified the problem and offered a solution all in two words near the end of your post:
"Common sense".
Unfortunately, common sense is the LEAST common of all human traits, found in my experience, in around 0.5% of the population in general, 0.001% of Government employees / Politicians of any type whatsobloodyever, and 0.00001% of academics.
Posted by: Jim Riley on June 1, 2004 11:15 PMWhat we have here is a failure to use perspective...
From the perspective of the 'Professional' Gubmit employee, nothing is broken. The more people have to wait, the more power they have.
How is this situation broken exactly?
You forgot about the part of it being nearly impossible to fire a Gubment employee, only transfer them
Posted by: Jonathan on June 2, 2004 02:25 AMI have a morphine pump implanted in my guts, and its about the size and shape of a stainless steel hockey puck. Due to its programming I CANNOT go thru the metal detectors and must me "shook down" by hand. You want to see a real fuck-up? Those clowns go absolutely apeshit - they still try to wand me! I have even had one of those asswipes try to keep me from boarding my aircraft.
I drive a lot - I'll bet you do too, Denny
Posted by: Fleck on June 2, 2004 06:09 AM"To professionalize, you must federalize." If for NO other reason (and there are bazillions of them), this should be the reason why little Tommy Dasshole does not get re-elected. (Is he up for re-election this year? How about Boozer Kennedy, Grand Kleagle Byrd and Harpie "I'm worth $23M at least" Pelosi? I'd cream my jeans if all four of those oxygen thieves get their walking papers at the same time!)
Posted by: Clutch on June 2, 2004 02:00 PM"I'm worth $23M at least" Pelosi? Good one, Clutch.
Hey, did anybody catch Pelosi's statements concerning the future of Iraq. Yesterday, she said that we must "...internationalize, Iraqatize, energize..." WTF? Iraqatize? IRAQATIZE? Has she gone mad? Why would anyone in a position like hers construct that kind of a term? What an embarrassment to the US Government and the English language for that matter.
Posted by: Paul on June 2, 2004 07:02 PMBut Denny, don't you realize the government makes things cheaper and more efficient? Why, that's why we need nationalized healthcare! As Howard Dean, "Even in Costa Rica they have universal healthcare!"
He didn't really talk about how good it was, though.
Posted by: Eric on June 2, 2004 08:02 PMPaul - What do you expect? Pelosi is a Dimcocrat.
Eric - A few months back some liberal wrote to the letters page of the Atlanta Urinal and Constipation about how wonderful Cuba was because they had free education and universal health care. Every time I read sumpin' like that I wonder why the person who wrote the letter was still living here?
Posted by: Denny Wilson on June 2, 2004 08:49 PMDenny,
Wonderful topic and in general right on target. On 9/11 I was working for a major airline. Today, I work for the Transportation Security Administration as a manager at one of the busiest airports in the U.S.
Although the screening process is certainly slowed down and exacerbated by minimal staffing at many airports, the culprit is not always the most visible element. The primary delay at MOST airports is the scheduling of more flights during a specific time period than the airport can accomodate.
For instance, the average through put at a checkpoint may be 2500 passengers per hour. This is with full staffing and optimum speed and efficiency. There are times during the week that air carriers schedule flights that will cause the passenger loads to well exceed those figures. This is all well and good. I love capitalism and want everyone to make a profit. Selling seats on planes during the time frames that people want to travel keeps us all moving. But, trying to fit 4000 passengers into a 2500 passenger window is going to piss off 1500 people. No way around it.
Congress hasn't helped the situation either. By establishing a nationwide cap of 45,000 screeners they have handicapped many airports. The private company that was contracted to hire for the government overhired at many small airports and underhired at some fairly large and busy ones. The hiring process has remained a contract situation and local control of staffing via the hiring process is non-existent.
As an aside, for those who are interested, the folks who check tickets and I.D. are not federal employees. They are private contractors hired by the air carriers or airport to provide that service. Often understaffed, overworked, underpaid and poorly trained, they do have a hard time dealing with the passenger flow.
The federal workforce and screening process starts the minute an individual walks through a metal detector. At almost all airports, everything prior to that is a private contract company that answers to the airport or air carrier that pays them.
Anyone who requires special screening, such as a medical device that does not allow the usual walk through, wanding, etc., could speed up the process for themselves by asking for a supervisor or manager or requesting private screening. All of our folks are trained to provide this service.
For all of the folks who would like the screening process to return to private contracting, think about the services currently provided by the private companies and imagine them taking over the screening process at an airport that needs in excess of 600 screeners on the floor each day. I'm proud of the folks who work for me and at my airport the average wait time is well under ten minutes.
Airports will have the opportunity to choose returning to private contractors for screening beginning Nov. 19, this year. For most airports, I would take a long hard look at that one. I don't have a dog in this fight. No matter which way the airports decide, my job will be secure. But the folks who provide the federal screening for the most part do a great job and I would put them up against any private company that wants to provide that service. In all likelihood, if an airport does decide to opt out of the federal screening system, the only thing that will change will be the uniforms the folks are wearing.
Keep giving us something to think about.
Take care,
Scott
Posted by: Scott on June 2, 2004 09:50 PM