An end of summer Monday Pun from PappouDrew
A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the
beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was
at the beach pretty much every day.
She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she
carried, except for one thing; she would approach people
who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively,
then speak to them.
Generally the people would respond negatively and she
would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and
there would be a quick exchange of money and something she
carried in her bag.
The couple assumed she was selling drugs, and debated
calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they
just continued to watch her.
After a couple of weeks the wife said, "Honey, have
you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom
boxes and other electronic devices?"
He hadn't, and said so.
Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and
our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out
what she's really doing."
Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost
hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk
to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and
met his wife at the road.
Well, Is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly.
"No, she's not," he said, enjoying this probably more
than he should have.
"Well, What is it, then? What does she do?" his wife
fairly shrieked.
The man grinned and said, "She's a battery salesperson."
"Batteries?" cried the wife.
"Yes," he replied.
"Do you mean...?"
"Yep!"
"She sells C cells by the sea shore ."
(whoops. hey, when I reloaded the page, my first one wasn't there, I thought I'd realised my mistake when I had to re-type my info.. and I'd hate for anybody to think that addison saw it coming, when it really was Addison!)
Posted by: Addison (the other one) on August 29, 2004 11:33 PMA quartet of Addison posts coming...
Anyway, here is a spectacular example of Manhattanite elitist bigotry on display.
Posted by: addison on August 30, 2004 05:07 PMAhehhhhh...*groan*
Posted by: Funkalicious on August 31, 2004 12:16 AMOh yeah, and most big ass radios take D cells, not C cells. Heh.
Posted by: Funkalicious on August 31, 2004 12:16 AMHere's one.
Doesn't qualify as a Monday Punday Special but that's all right, today's Tuesday.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
One could learn a lot from such a man . . .
The Commandant of the Marine Corps was General Al Gray, a crusty old "Field Marine." He loved his Marines and often slipped into the mess hall wearing a faded old field jacket without any rank insignia on it.
He would go through the chow line just like a private. (In this way, he was assured of being given the same rations that the lowest enlisted man received. And, woe be it to the mess officer if the food was found to be "unfit in quality or quantity.")
Upon becoming commandant, General Gray was expected to do a great deal of "formal entertaining," fancy dinner parties in full dress blue uniform.
Now, the general would rather have been in the field eating cold "C-rats" around a fighting hole with a bunch of young "hard charging" Marines. But the General knew his duty, and as a Marine, he was determined to do it to the best of his ability.
During these formal parties a detachment of highly polished Marines from "Eighth and Eye" (Marine Barracks located at 8th and I Streets in Washington, D. C.) were detailed to assume the position of "parade rest" at various intervals around the ballroom where the festivities were being held.
At some point during one of these affairs, a very refined, big chested, blue haired lady picked up a tray of pastry and went around the room offering confections to the guests. When she noticed these Marines in dress blues, standing like sculptures all around the room, she was moved with admiration. She knew that several of these men were fresh from our victory in Desert Storm.
She made a "beeline" for the closest lance corporal. As she drew near him she asked, "Would you like pastry young man?"
The young Marine snapped to "attention" and replied, "I don't eat that shit, Ma'am." Just as quickly, he resumed the position of "parade rest." His gaze remained fixed on some distant point throughout the exchange.
The fancy lady was taken back! She blinked, her eyes widened, her mouth dropped open. So startled was she that she immediately began to doubt what she had heard. In a quivering voice she asked, "W-W-What did you say?"
The Marine snapped back to the position "attention" (like the arm of a mouse trap smacking it's wooden base). Then he said, "I don't eat that shit Ma'am." And, just as smartly as before, back to the position of "parade rest" he went.
This time, there was no doubt. The fancy lady immediately became incensed, and felt insulted. After all, here she was an important lady, taking the time to offer something nice to this enlisted man (well below her station in life). And he had the nerve to say THAT to HER! She exclaimed, "Well! I never...!"
The fancy lady remembered that she had met "that military man" who was over all these 'soldiers' a little earlier. She spotted General Gray from across the room. He had a cigar clenched between his teeth and a camouflaged canteen cup full of liquor in his left hand. He was talking to a group of 1st and 2nd lieutenants.
The blue haired lady went straight over to the commandant and interrupted, "General, I offered some pastry to that young man over there. And, do you know what he told me?"
General Gray cocked his eyebrow, took the cigar out of his mouth and said, "Well, no Ma'am. I don't."
The lady took in a deep breath, confident that she was expressing with her body language her rage and indignation. As she wagged her head in cadence with her words, and she paused between each word for effect, "He - said, I - don't - eat - that - shit - Ma'am!"
The lieutenants standing there were in a state of flux. A couple of them choked back chuckles, and turned their heads to avoid having their smirks detected. The next thought most of them had was, "God, I hope it wasn't one of MY Marines!", and the color left their faces.
General Gray wrinkled his brow, cut his eyes in the direction of the lieutenants, put his free hand to his chin and expelled a subdued, "Hummm. Which one did you say it was Ma'am?"
"That tall sturdy one right over there near the window, General," the woman said with smug satisfaction.
One of the lieutenants began to look sick and put a hand on the wall for support.
General Gray seemed deep in thought, hand still to his chin, wrinkled brow. Suddenly, he looked up his expression changed to one indicating he had made a decision. He looked the fancy lady right in the eyes and said, "Well, fuck 'im! Don't give him any."