Perusing the letters to the editor in Friday's Atlanta Urinal and Constipation, I came upon this gem written by Charles Smith of Smyrna Georgia.
President Bush was certainly not the only one to join the National Guard to avoid being killed, to be lax about attendance or to seek an early discharge to go to school.So why is his National Guard service still big news?
Hmmm --- who would benefit most from diverting attention from such issues as a failed foreign policy, a rapidly deteriorating economy, the war on the environment, religion in politics? I wonder . . .
We now take you to the White House.
W: Well Karl, my plan worked. That arrogant asshole Dan Rather is history.
Rove: Yes Mr. President.
W: You didn't think my plan would work did ya?
Rove: No Mr. President.
W: Rather and those other fools at CBS didn't know what hit them.
Rove: Yes Mr. President.
W: And I would be the last person they would ever expect to be behind the forgeries. What is even neater is I typed them myself. Heh. Heh. Heh. Heh.
Rove: Yes Mr. President.
W: And it was such a nice touch to have our operative fax them from a Kinko's in Texas wasn't it Karl?
Rove: Yes Mr. President.
W: They wanted to believe them so bad they ignored all the warning flags. It only took four hours and the bloggers had already shown them for the obvious forgeries that they were. How ironic that they say I got taken in by forgeries pertaining to Iraqi WMD's. At least those forgeries were professionally done.
Now we gotta figger out how we can bring that supercilious, sneering prick Peter Jennings down. Got any ideas Karl?
Rove: Not yet Mr. President.
W: Little do they know that my persona of a bumbling moron is only a sham. Look at who was the smartest Smothers brother. It was Tommy who played the fool. I've been snookering all my opponents for years. Look at that moron Algore. He was supposed to wallop me in the debates and the expectations for my performance were so low, all I had to do was show up.
Rove: Yes Mr. President.
W: But it suits my purpose to have the Democrats think that you're the evil genius and that Cheney and Rumsfeld are running the country. The Democrats are such simple fools. And then they go and nominate that pompous idiot John Kerry. His campaign is based on four months in Vietnam fer gawdsakes. What an idiot! I was hoping for Howard Dean. He's at least more entertaining than Kerry. Kerry's so boring I'm afraid that I'll fall asleep when I'm debating the butthead. Maybe I can just have Mr. Nuance debate himself. Then when he gets confused I can ask him, "Why the long face, John" Long face. Get it Karl?
Rove: Yes I do Mr. President. That was very funny.
W: The only Democrat I worried about was Joe Lieberman but the leftist Bush haters have taken over the Democrat Party and have let their hatred of me blind them to the best candidate.
Rove: Yes Mr. President.
W: Karl, as soon as I get reelected we're gonna have to start thinking of a successor. It's too soon to have my brother take over. If McCain wants the job, and he doesn't think 72 is too old I think I may just let him succeed me. He's been a good supporter during this campaign.
Rove: Yes Mr. President.
W: With any luck the Democrats will nominate that bitch Hillary Clinton. Then we can leak those pictures of her, Janet Reno, and Donna Shalala going at it. Heh. Heh. Heh. Heh. Heh. We can send copies to that crippled dude in Atlanta. He'd publish them for sure.
Rove: Yes Mr. President.
W: Time to talk to Rumsfeld. We need to figger out what to do about the Iranians. Would it be best for us to take out the reactor or let Israel do it? Geez! All this talk about screwing CBS and the Democrats has made me hungry. Let's go to lunch Karl.
Rove: Yes Mr. President.
W: We can talk about my plan for world domination after lunch.
Rove: Yes Mr. President.
Posted by denny at September 19, 2004 06:57 PMIs Rove reallythe brains behind the operation? (Just asking what the black helicopter crowd is asking.) Carville thinks Rove is evil even though Carville is the one that looks like a serpant. The dimocrats have McAwful running their show. How f**king lucky are we? E*A*G*L*E*S
Posted by: Paul in Pa on September 19, 2004 08:27 PMGeez, you are so bad.
Keep it up hon.
BTW, I just picked myself up onto the chair after reading this. TFF.
Posted by: Gina on September 19, 2004 10:47 PMThe fact one of my neo-hippy buddies would believe this is what i think is the most hilarious. i'm usually accused of channelling the spirit of rove. hehe
Posted by: Alli on September 19, 2004 11:01 PMRighteous!!!
Fortunately, I wasn't drinking anything when I read this. You did not post a "Splatter Alert".
Posted by: Ryan on September 20, 2004 01:26 AMYou know, I know Liberman was the most moderate of the Democratic candiates and appealed to swing and Republican voters more... But in this time of war with Muslim terrorist groups and also trying to broker peace between Palestine and Isreal, don't you think that having a Jewish president would be a VERY, VERY bad idea?
And I wouldn't doubt for a second that Bush and Co. would have found some way to bring that very doubt into voters minds.
So, Not so bad that he wasn't nominated.
Good post. I'm not sure what I laughed at more, the idea of Bush planting the documents that led to CBS's seppukut, or that Bush is really "super smart" and plays like a dumbass.
Posted by: Robin Palm on September 20, 2004 01:55 AMSpeaking of "Kerry as victim", he seems to be dropping farther behind Bush in a number of polls. Although far too many polls are "push polls" or are otherwise flawed and unreliable indices of opinion, Lurch seems to be losing considerable traction. I'm sure that the "Rathergate" backfire, ocurring coincidently with the appearance of "hired guns" McAuliffe, Carville, et. al. has contributed substantially to this widening gap.
Doubtlessly, before these events, many "undecided" voters had begun to question Kerry's presidential qualifications based on his post-Vietnam activism as well as his Senate voting record vis-a-vis national defense and taxation. Now, I believe that even the most dimly perceptive among us are simply frightened at the idea that one who can so monstrously fail to lead his own political campaign wants to manage our country!
Posted by: Ryan on September 20, 2004 02:02 AMI agree, Ryan.
And as for Bush being "super smart" (gotta love the implied sarcasm there), he has degrees from Harvard and Yale. Do you, Robin?
Elizabeth
Imperial Keeper
I too have met a few radical lefties in pink who would have said, "Don't laugh, it could be true!"
Out at my fiancee's site I posted one about Bush being a human/alien hybrid monster with secret plans for using Iraq as a 'growth tank' for creating further hybrid clones in order to form a brain-eating army for world domination via mind control as part of an agreement with the aliens at Area 51 in exchange for them not destroying us with their inter-galactic coalition for the attrocities we committed with our alien autopsies and stealing their technology. lol
Posted by: The Moose on September 20, 2004 12:30 PM#1 Could I afford to go harvard/yale?
No, I'm an orphan and not the son of George H.W. Bush. The costs of tuition would have well exceeded Federal and State Grants, and given my current choice of major in history, I wouldn't have been able to pay off student loans for 30 years.
#2 Could I get into Harvard/Yale?
No, even with great grades, High Sat scores and the like, that doesn't beat the LEGACY admission policies. I'm sure everyone that applies there has at least a 4.0 and a 1400-1600 SAT... and tons of those kids get denied in favor of kids who have some connections.
#3 Do I have to go to Harvard/Yale to know what sovereignty means?
No,surprisingly enough, but apparently Bush doesn't know, even though he went to Harvard/Yale.
Seriously you all, you thinked he EARNED those admissions to Harvard/Yale?? If he was regular joe schmoe guy? Puh-lease.
Elizabeth, my sarcasm wasn't implied. It was blatant.
*** think. Not thinked.
Posted by: Robin Palm on September 20, 2004 02:26 PMGolly Robin - It's a shame that Woodrow Wilson and FDR didn't know what sovereignty meant either. How dare we invade Germany!
Posted by: Denny on September 20, 2004 02:47 PMAnd we've been blatantly occupying Germany since 1945!
END THE GERMAN OCCUPATION!
P.S. Robin, I was well aware of your blatant sarcasm. Sorry you couldn't see mine.
I wasn't born rich either (am the daughter of a working-class stiff with a 4th grade education). I went to VCU the old-fashioned way, I paid for it myself. And when I was working at McDonalds to pay for said college in 1970 ($235 a semester, I think it was), the person flipping burgers with me behind the counter had a Master's Degree in History. Kind of changed my major after that. Kept it as a minor, however.
Elizabeth
Imperial Keeper
And I forgot. Saddam Hussein didn't know the definition of sovereignty either. But I guess we should forget about freeing 25 million people and and shutting down the torture rooms and put him back in charge. Is that what you want? Would that make you happy?
BTW. It is now Bush 327 Kerry 211. And Kerry has not held a press conference in over 38 days. You say Bush is a dummy, but Kerry was on Imus last week and tried to explain his Iraq policy. Remember, Imus likes Kerry and will probably vote for him, but even he said, after Kerry hung up, that he still didn't know Kerry's policy on Iraq. No wonder Kerry's avoiding the press. If I were in his shoes I would too. And I would certainly make Teresa shut the fuck up.
Posted by: Denny on September 20, 2004 04:07 PMRobin - I just found out that Charles Johnson at Little Green Footballs voted for Gore in 2000. Another one to add to the list.
Posted by: Denny Wilson on September 20, 2004 09:01 PMFunny, Elizabeth. I go to VCU. And I'm paying for it the old fashioned way. Too bad it runs a little bit more money these days, with the state budget crisis, the massive building construction, and good old 20 year inflation. But point being, could either of us have gone to Harvard/Yale? No. So I'm not too impressed that Bush did. It's an elitist school. If he went to MIT or something... I'd be impressed.
Yeah, I won't get a master's in History. Most likely, I'll take a commission in the military after I graduate this semester... aiming for Chinese Intelligence MOS. Should be able to make money somehwhere down the line with that.
Denny, I wasn't talking about Iraqi sovereignty, the president was asked a question about tribal sovereignty, and clearly didn't know what he was talking about. Don't go changing the subject again.
Posted by: Robin Palm on September 21, 2004 02:22 AMI didn't have the SAT scores, 1210. But my brother could have. 1510. He's now an engineer who paid his way through Virginia Tech (majored in Aerospace Engineering when the bottom dropped out of the market, remember, Denny?). He was a member of National Honor Society in 1967.
The point I'm trying to make is I don't give my black bunny's butt how Bush got into school, the point is that he graduated. Didn't flunk out. So he must be as smart as you and me, right, instead of some "chimp" having his strings pulled by Karl Rove and Company? That's what I find so funny. Bush is so stupid, but he graduated from Yale and Harvard.
Oh, and I voted for Gore in 2000. Damned glad he didn't get it.
Elizabeth
Imperial Keeper
Denny... Check the site today. Kerry 239 Bush 256.
Although Gallup is releasing polls tomorrow. Which will tilt it back towards Bush (Gallup uses 40% republicans in their sample... for what reason. I have no idea)
Elizabeth, the point you were making wasn't that he just "graduated from school", it was the he went to Yale/Harvard.
Otherwise you wouldn't say "Bush has degrees from Harvard and Yale, do you?"
So which is it? He's better than us cuz he got into those schools? Or he's just like us because "the point is that he graduated"?
If he's just like us, then I hold him to the same standard as everyone else, which means a diploma (master's or otherwise) doesn't keep you from being a class A idiot.
It would have been interesting to see a Gore presidency. He's a good, measured guy. Not a very good candidate, but a good man. I don't blame him for losing his rocker though, if you lost the election by 537 votes, 1 electoral vote, while losing your home state, you'd go kinda bonkers too.
Posted by: Robin Palm on September 21, 2004 11:33 AMRobin
1. I can change the subject anytime I want. My blog. My rules. I didn't realize that you were talking about Indian sovereignty. As for that, I don't believe in it. Inidans should assimilate.
2. Losing the election totally unhinged Algore. What do you think 9/11 would have done to him? At least when they carted him off to the loony bin Lieberman would have been available.
3. You stated earlier that you didn't want a president dumber than you are. Bush is the first president to have an MBA. Algore flunked out of divinity school and law school. Which is the dumb guy? And speaking of privilege, Gore did go to Viet Nam, with bodyguards. His daddy pulled some strings. The only reason he did at all was to give him a chance to say he didn't shirk his duty. How pissed do you think he is that Clinton dodged the draft and still got elected? And golly, here we have Elizabeth, yet another person who voted for Algore who is glad that he didn't get elected.