For all of you women out there doing Christmas shopping for your male loved ones, and in some cases, your husbands, here is a tip on how to buy Christmas gifts for men. Needless to say, it was sent to me by a woman.
RULE #1:
When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he
already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to
complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills.
No one knows why.
RULE #2:
If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word
ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. "Hey
George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. "By-the-way, are you through
with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.
RULE #3:
If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A
99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang
from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one
knows why.
RULE #4:
Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men
bathrobes. I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes,
he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.
RULE #5:
You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn
out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the
little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips,
and flips.
RULE #6:
Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit
in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer.
RULE #7:
Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or
deodorant. I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.
RULE #8:
Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills.
Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere.
Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink. You get the
idea. No one knows why.
RULE #9:
Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on
the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts
left over.
RULE #10:
Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber,
Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire.
(NAPA Auto Parts and Sears' Clearance Centers are also excellent men's
stores. It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA
Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a
'68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.")
RULE #11:
Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook - but they will
barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank.
Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who
wants a hamburger?"
RULE #12:
Tickets to a Red Wing/Lions/Pistons/Tigers game are a smart gift.
However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th
Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.
RULE #13:
Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you
don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a
label maker.
RULE #14:
It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension
ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension
ladder. No one knows why.
RULE #15:
Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at
least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8"
manila rope. No one knows why.
One real-world addition - a hard hat. Hard hats are cool 'cuz real guys who work outdoors with dangerous tools doing dangerous jobs (like felling 300' trees, hooking up 300,000 volt power lines, operating 3,000 hp bulldozers, etc.) all wear hard hats. Giving the gift of a hard hat tells the recipient that he's prepared to tackle real man dangers and is ready to play with real man toys. I always carry one in the back of my Volvo during my daily commute. Just in case a stray Cat D8 dozer ever needs to be moved off of 285...
Posted by: Brian on December 18, 2004 07:13 PM1,2,3,5,11,13,14,15 are all good for me. But, I prefer wood and charcoal over gas and I can be trusted with a chain saw. ...........HONEST!
Posted by: The Moose on December 18, 2004 07:15 PMHell, the only Christmas gift that's guaranteed to work for me involves getting ME unwrapped.
Everyone knows why.
Posted by: Ralph Gizzip on December 18, 2004 09:07 PMDenny:
The North Pole/Santa's Workshop is in Colorado Springs at the base of Pike's Peak. It's retro! A great place. We take our kids there every autumn. Great rides, crappy carnival food, funny shops. It's great! Like the amusement parks we used to go to when we were kids! Roll on out to Colorado and we will take you there. I'll ride on the tilt-o-whirl with you! Merry Christmas, you funny man!
David
Posted by: David on December 19, 2004 02:48 AMThanks, Denny. I sent it to my boyfriend.
Posted by: Rachel on December 20, 2004 02:57 PMThanks for the shopping ideas. My husband still has gifts in their original wrappings in the garage from 5 years ago. I usually buy some kind of flashlight for him. It has become one of those running jokes - you are the light of my life kinda thing.
This year however I decided to give him what he really wants. - I bought myself something sexy. I wrapped it and put it under the tree from him to me. The best present of all - I did his Christmas shopping. I made up some coupons on the computer - good for one....(with a note that it is on demand- no excuses). I will let you know how it turns out!