After reading this speech by Michael Chrichton, I have the solution to global warming. It's so simple and it uses the same junk science that the proponents of the Kyoto Treaty use.
Remember thirty years ago when these same people were worried about the nuclear winter? Setting off a bunch of nukes would plunge us into a new ice age. And remember when Carl Sagan said the oil fires in Iraq would cause a temporary change in climate? Of course the oil fires had no effect whatsoever. Sagan was using junk science.
Here's my solution to global warming. Let's nuke Syria, Iran, and North Korea. Using junk science I predict that this will counteract the warming effects of grrenhouse gases. As long as we use the right amount of nukes we can avoid the nuclear winter and just have a nuclear autumn. As a bonus, it will wipe out three terrorist states and tell the rest of the world not to fuck with us.
There. I've just solved global warming.
Now I'm gonna take some drugs and take a nap.
Posted by denny at February 17, 2005 03:41 PMYou sure you didn't take the drugs before writing this article?
Sounds like we might have some of the same drugs - your suggesstion makes perfect sense to me!
Posted by: GOC in Winston Salem on February 17, 2005 05:23 PMTurn them into parking lots.
Posted by: Robert on February 17, 2005 05:35 PMI am sure that rubbing J. Lo's boobs would influence the climate. Sure enough to give it a try in the interests of science, of course.
Posted by: Walter E. Wallis on February 17, 2005 06:59 PMYou are a damn genius. Wish I'd thought of that.
Posted by: jmon on February 17, 2005 08:36 PMNuke the Axis of Evil to solve Global Warming?
Brilliant!
Posted by: Ralph Gizzip on February 17, 2005 09:29 PMWhy can't we just ram a cork up Michael Moore's ass? Wouldn't that help?
Posted by: Paul on February 17, 2005 09:50 PMPaul & Denny
Lets combine your solutions. How 'bout we shove a cork up Michael Moore's ass, let him stew for a day or two, take him to Syria, facing upwind, and remove the cork. The effect would have to be as damaging as a nuclear device, and Syria would become uninhabitable.
In fact, if we'd done this 2 years ago, we could have him in Syria, ass toward Iraq, and with a good wind taken care of them both, and Iran would be gravy (uh, not your cream gravy Denny, which is best served over a chicken fried steak, for the Texas flavor). No Korea would get the message, and they'd STFU.
Posted by: daniel on February 17, 2005 11:26 PMThe Israeli's will deal with Iran before they ever get a bomb. No doubt what so ever about that and there's not a damn thing Syria could do about it either.
Posted by: Robert on February 18, 2005 01:24 AMYay! You're back! This is the first solid post I've seen since you retired. Awesome.
Posted by: Drew on February 18, 2005 02:26 AMHoly Crap!!
You don't happen to wear a glove on your right hand do you?
Denny Wilson is actually Dr. Strangelove? We should make a movie about you "Dr. Killdair, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Global Warming"
Good article,
Bryan out
Denny,
Seriously, anything wrong or just a regular cold?
If Sagan were right about the oil fires, then every major volcanic eruption in recorded history should presumably be followed by a decrease in temperature.
Posted by: addison on February 18, 2005 10:47 AMActually, nearly all "major" volcanic eruptions have altered climate for a few months to a few years. They make pretty sunsets too! But all the smoke from burning oil didn't make it high enough to be a big factor, nor was there the volume of particles hanging in the air that exploding cubic miles of mountain side can produce. Hippie eco-nuts suffer from the same delusions of importance that most of Hollyweird does. Mankind has to work pretty hard to mess up the planet permanently.
Posted by: Chris Van Dis on February 18, 2005 12:15 PM