CTU Versus IBM

My sister hates it when I do stuff about 24 since she doesn't watch it so she doesn't know what I'm writing about. I'll admit I got hooked on it this season, but I had to quit taking it seriously after Jack faked the store holdup to slow the terrorist down long enough for Potato Face to get a satellite into position. I'm also not doing any more updates other than pointing out some amazing things in the plot, like the Mummy's ability to walk right past CTU folks and travel faster than airplanes. TWoP does a much better job than I could ever do. I love the nicknames. Potato Face, Bitchelle, Soul Patch, Lispy Skip, et. al.

I see they also do Alias. Alas no good nicknames. Why not CL (Collagen Lips) for Sydney?

Watching 24 takes me back to my last six years at IBM. I see so many similarities between CTU and I/T Support for IBM I/T Education Services. I think it's still I/T Education Services. They change the name every other year or so. I worked in IBM education in the same building for 19 years and had about six different job titles working for about eight different divisions but only performed two jobs: Technical Instructor and Systems Programmer. Reorganization is one of IBM's core functions.

At the start of this season, CTU had Driscoll, a CDSM® (Clueless Dipshit Manager). I worked for a CDSM® for six years.

Potato Face is the best worker they have but is somewhat temperamental. I can relate to that. She used initiative to help Jack and left management out of the loop. Yep. I can relate to that too. She did the right thing and that made Driscoll look like an idiot. Yep. Been there, done that. Then what did Driscoll do? She shitcanned her most talented employee. I wasn't the most talented employee anymore. My CDSM® took care of that about three years after I started working for him.

Driscoll gave Potato Face a deal. IBM gave me a package. Let me say I'm not bitter about leaving. I had informed management that I was gonna retire at the end of 2004. They let me leave in October and gave me three months pay as a going away present. Had I not tipped my hand, I might have been able to get six months pay.

I've been waiting for a Diversity Meeting to break out at CTU but then, they have a female manager, a black guy, and a black chick (a temp, who dies, but that counts). With the return of Soul Patch they have an Hispanic. They need a gay and a crip and they'd be all set. Maybe Lispy Skip is gay.

Driscoll didn't listen to Curtis when he warned her about the black chick. Driscoll wouldn't listen to Jack. My CDSM® wouldn't listen to my team lead or me when we tried to tell him shit.

With all the meetings CTU has it's amazing they get anything done. In one episode they must have had five different meetings. The Mummy calls up one of his minions and tells him to take care of shit. Driscoll calls a meeting. We did the same thing at IBM.

We had a Project Manager in my department that I named the PMICOUM (Project Manager In Charge Of Useless Meetings). Whenever a problem came up he would say, "We will have to hold a meeting on this." and did we ever hold some meetings. There wasn't a problem that he couldn't try to meeting to death. Sometimes the people bitching about problems got tired of all the meetings and shut up and went away. Hey. Whatever works. PMICOUM would fit in real well at CTU.

Train wreck. "We will have to hold a meeting on this."

SecDef kidnapped. "We will have to hold a meeting on this."

Nuke plant meltdowns. "We will have to hold a meeting on this."

Relating CTU to IBM makes a lot more of the plot clear. My department went through considerable downsizing my last three years there. In fact, in a discussion on staffing a potential project, when my team lead said that CDSM® was planning on understaffing it, CDSM® said, "They told me I couldn't cut 50% of my staff and still produce, but I did."

My team lead wouldn't say shit if he had a mouthful, but this was the only time I ever saw him pissed off. I was on the phone so I didn't rise up out of my chair and try to choke CDSM®.

So that explains Potato Face getting canned. Driscoll was supposed to cut head count. Bitchell had to fire Special Agent Breck to create a space to bring Potato Face back. And now I understand another way CTU downsizing works. All they have to do is send an agent out with Jack, and he's dead. Instant downsizing. (It's kinda like watching Star Trek reruns. The dude you've never seen before, in the red top, is the guy who's gonna die. I think they had one spare uniform and they gave it to the soon to be dead guy.)It all makes perfect sense now. They have IBM managers helping them write the scripts.

So next week the terrorists are gonna steal a nuke. They have the section of the playbook with the activation codes. Whatever is CTU gonna do?

PMICOUM knows what to do.

"We will have to hold a meeting on this."

Posted by denny at April 12, 2005 03:42 PM