Vicki sent me this writeup on this new evening class offered at her local community college.
(Women In Charge Of Everything)
is proud to announce the opening of its
EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!
ALL ARE WELCOME
OPEN TO MEN ONLY
Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participants
The course covers two days, and topics covered in this course include:
DAY ONE
HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS
Step by step guide with slide presentation
TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practicing with hamper (Pictures and graphics)
DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.
REMOTE CONTROL
Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups
LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down while screaming - Open forum
DAY TWO
EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play
HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation
REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did
IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation
LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNER
Online class and role playing
HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques
REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class
GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counselors available
Posted by denny at September 10, 2005 11:26 AM
Sounds like they've thought of everything except why it's wrong to have your buddies over for cold beer and football.
Posted by: Ed Poinsett on September 10, 2005 02:17 PMI have a class for women- no fees, no books, no studying, and class lasts 10 seconds- "get down on your knees, then go make dinner"...
Posted by: Rob Cooper on September 10, 2005 02:40 PMThat's hilarious! My stomach's hurting! The only thing that's missing is "Putting the Toilet Seat Down."
Posted by: John on September 10, 2005 05:25 PMNot putting the toilet seat down is only natural! Men have been doing this since the inception of the toilet seat. I never make an effort to put the seat down and don't know a guy who tries to, it only seems rite to keep it open for use. I don't like having to put it up when i want to pee, so it is left up- where it is supposed to be. And I normally use one toilet in the house for #1 and a seperate toilet for #2, it works great. But I'm sure just as apes turned to homo-erectus men will eventually put down the seat, its only the natural progression of things, and untill then women will just have to deal with it!
Posted by: W.T.F on September 10, 2005 06:08 PMI was KIDDING Vicki...She can take a 5 minute break in between. There, is that better?
Posted by: Rob Cooper on September 10, 2005 06:35 PMYa did it now Denny!!,
I've been reading your blog for some time now and have found little fault with your preaching, ,,,until now.
You have a responsibility to post warnings on your site when you post " wife sensitive" material. While reading the post you put up from Vicki I was laughing loud enough to not notice my wife reading over my shoulder. What I thought was funny,, she thought made good sense. Now she wants me to find, and enroll in that course. Gee, thanks a lot Denny.
However, in reading the post again I must admit that I am guilty of about all the items covered in the course curiculim. Hell,, sign me up
Rob, if I could only hold it for 10 seconds, I darn sure wouldn't get on the internet and brag about it.
Posted by: Jeremy on September 10, 2005 08:54 PMRob, I think Jeremy got you!... touche'...all is forgiven, now.
Posted by: vicki on September 10, 2005 09:04 PM"Women In Charge Of Everything" - You only need to occupy two places in life - second & horizontal. That's all you need to know. Class dismissed.
Posted by: Vulgorilla on September 10, 2005 09:06 PMJeremy, you're a moron. I meant the instruction time in the class, dumbass...
Posted by: Rob Cooper on September 10, 2005 09:06 PMVery funny post. But I know a lot of women who Like these undiserable qualities in men. It is what makes a man, well, a man. Unfortunetly for you guys, we do not like such said qualities when we are PMS'ing. And I know that you guys can't be expected to keep up with our cycles, Hell! Most can't even remember where they left their car keys last.
Posted by: Teresa on September 10, 2005 09:54 PMRob, isn't it a "hands on" course?
LOL
I had one a while back of University courses for men. I must have deleted the E-mail but it was good. Male Econ I Cheaper to keep her.
Jeremy- These are from when I was a student...
University Courses For Men And Women
Whatsamatta University's Seminars For Men Fall Catalogue...
Once again, the female staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for men of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required.
1. Combatting Stupidity
2. You Too Can Do Housework
3. Resistance to Beer
4. How To Properly Fill An Ice Tray
5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underwear For Christmas (Give Us Credit Cards)
6. Understanding The Female Response To Coming Home Drunk At 4:00am
7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (also called "Don't Wash My Silks")
9. Get A Life - Learn To Cook
10. How Not To Act Like An Idiot When You Are Obviously Wrong
11. Spelling - Even You Can Get It Right
12. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence
13. You, The Weaker Sex
14. Reasons To Give Flowers
15. Garbage - Getting It To The Curb
16. You Cannot Always Wear Whatever You Please
17. How To Put Down A Toilet Seat
18. Give Me A Break - Why We Know Your Excuses Are Lies
19. How To Go Shopping With Your Wife Without Getting Bored
20. The Remote Control - Overcoming Your Dependency
21. Helpful Posture Hints For Couch Potatoes
22. Mother-in-Laws Are People Too
23. The Weekend And Sports Are Not Synonymous
24. How Not To Act Younger Than Your Children
25. You Too Can Be A Designated Driver
26. Male Bonding: Leave Your Friends At Home
27. Attainable Goal - Omitting Foul Expletives From Vocabulary
28. You Don't Really Need That Porsche
Whatsamatta University's Seminars For Women Fall Catalogue...
Once again, the male staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for women of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required.
1. Combatting The Impulse To Nag
2. You Can Change The Oil Too
4. How To Properly Fill A Beer Mug
5. We Do Not Want Ties For Christmas
6. Understanding The Female Causes Of Male Drunkenness
7. How To Do All Your Laundry In One Load And Have More Time To Watch Football
8. Parenting - Your Husband Gave You Children So You Could Have Someone Other Than Him To Boss Around
9. How To Encourage Your Husband To Cook More And Be Able To Stomach His Slop
10. How Not To Sob Like A Sponge When Your Husband Is Right
11. Get A Life - Learn To Kill Spiders Yourself
12. Balancing A Checkbook - Even You Can Get It Right
13. Comprehending Credit Card Spending Limits And Financial Responsibility
14. You, The Whining Sex
15. Shopping - Doing It In Less Than 16 Hours
16. If You Want To Know How That Looks On You, Ask Your Mother
17. How To Close The Garage Door
18. If You Don't Want An Excuse, Don't Demand An Explanation
19. How To Go Fishing With Your Mate And Not Catch Pneumonia
20. Living Without Power Windows - How To Turn A Crank
21. Romanticism - The Whole Point Of Caviar, Candles, And Conversation
22. How To Retain Your Composure While Your Husband Is Relaxing By Himself
23. Why You Don't Need To Invite Your Mother Over Every Weekend
24. Payday And Shopping Are Not Synonymous
25. How To Act Younger Than Your Mother
26. You Too Can Carry A Backpack
27. Female Friendship - Why Your Best Friends Are Not The Women Who Complain About You The Most
28. Learning To Appreciate The Beer Belly And Lard Butt Morphologies Of Men
29. Attainable Goal - Catching A Ball Before It Stops Moving
30. How To Close The Top On The Toothpaste
Rob,.I gotta give ya credit. That was some funny shit. My overall opinion of your past comments has been well,..dismal at best. And for the record, I could Out Fish your ass any givin day!
Posted by: Teresa on September 10, 2005 10:49 PMTeresa, in all honesty, I couldn't care less what you think of my past comments. Opinions are like noses, we all have one, and they all smell. As for your fishing "challenge", I have better things to do with my time.
Posted by: Rob Cooper on September 10, 2005 11:09 PMRob,...You are such an idiot. In the words of my 10 yr old,..Fishing rules and the rest of you drool. I am sure that you have better things to do,..Like sitting your fat white azz in front of the computer and judging others,..Bring it on Stupid,.....You need to get a sense of HUMOR for crips sake,..T
Posted by: Teres on September 10, 2005 11:37 PMTeresa, you have to use a 10 year old to get your point across and I'm stupid? Try arguing with ignorant liberals before moving to the major leagues and I make you end up looking like the uneducated fool you sound like. You actually sound like a lib, complaining about me judging you, but yet it was no problem for you to judge me.
Posted by: Rob Cooper on September 11, 2005 12:33 AMRob, your list is similar to the one I was talking about. There was another in the column for women titled "You too can put the seat down" and the male econ I Cheaper to keep her. It actually laid out a two year degree for men and women. If I find it I'll E-mail it to you.
Didn't mean to hurt your feelings, but that one was wide open. My wife got quite a chuckle as I wrote it.
Regarding women and sports, my mother and sisters are bigger sports fans than dad and us boys are. At 85, she still follows her teams, knows the rosters and stats, and their histories.
She was named Ruth in 1920 and you can guess why. Not to say we boys don't follow sports, but I'll never bother to learn the stats of opposing pitchers quarterbacks or goalies like mom has. Go to her house, and there is a game on.
I linked this piece for Sun Sep 11
Thank you
Jeremy, you mean your Mom was named after Ruth Bader-Ginsburg???
Posted by: Rob Cooper on September 11, 2005 03:09 AMJeremy, fyi- my feelings can NEVER be hurt. And nothing personal, but I'll pass on the invitation to your grandma's house. The smell of mothballs makes me puke...
Posted by: Rob Cooper on September 11, 2005 03:29 AMOK, Rob IS too stupid to guess why. Badbitch grinch was born in 1933, Babe Ruth was traded to the Yankees three days before mom was born. Keep trying Rob. The victims of Katrina need all the humor they can get.
Posted by: Jeremy on September 11, 2005 03:30 AMJeremy, your stupidity is astounding. It was a fucking JOKE, kinda like expecting you to be able to figure it out...You and Teresa would make a great couple. Between the two of you, you could qualify for foodstamps.
Posted by: Rob Cooper on September 11, 2005 03:48 AMBTW Jeremy- are you and Teresa actually Fabrizzio and Prosper? There's a lot of similarity to your postings.
Posted by: Rob Cooper on September 11, 2005 03:55 AMRob, I'm hurt LOL. Why would I invite you to grandmas house? She died when she was 101.
And no, I am not Fabreezeio or prostitute. I get up early to see what they post before Denny has fun with them though.
AND BTW, sorry for implying you had problems with premature ejaculation, and my sympathies to your significant other if you do.
This is too much fun, but lets not eat up too much of Dennys bandwidth with it.
uh.......it was a joke?
really........?
(Great post -- Thanks!)
Posted by: Mr. Completely on September 11, 2005 12:46 PMDenny
the children are restless today.....Get the ridilin out.
I agree Greg. C'mon people, save your insults and fighting for the trolls. This piece was humor. It was not a reason to start a fight amongst my regular commenters.
Posted by: Denny on September 11, 2005 05:03 PMDenny, I thought it was all in fun.
Rob, found my old one, very similar to yours just a few variations
A new two-year degree is being offered at the University of Minnesota that many of you should be interested in: Becoming A Real Man. That's right, in just six trimesters, you too, can be a real man-as well as earn an AA degree (AA Real Men). Please take a moment to look over the program outline.
FIRST YEAR Autumn Schedule:
MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
MEN 102 You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103 PMS-Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings for Christmas
Winter Schedule:
MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4am
MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End with Conception
EAT 100 Get a Life, Learn to Cook
EAT 101 Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A What's Hers is Hers
Spring Schedule:
MEN 120 How NOT to Act Like a Buttface When You're Wrong
MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122 YOU, the Weaker Sex
MEN 123 Reasons to Give Flowers
ECON 001C What Was Yours is Hers
SECOND YEAR Autumn Schedule:
SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep without It
SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower
SEX 103 How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 201 How to Put the Toilet Seat Down
Elective (See Electives Below)
Winter Schedule:
MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211 How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
MEN 213 Honest, You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise
MEN 230A Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 1
Spring Schedule:
MEN 220 Omitting %&*! from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221 Fluffing the Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary
MEN 222 Real Men Ask for Directions
MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 2
Advanced courses for those wishing to pursue a degree in becoming a husband and father:
THIRD YEAR Autumn Schedule:
ECON 001D Cheaper to Keep Her
MEN 307 Resistance to Beer
MEN 308How To Properly Fill An Ice Tray
MEN 309 Spelling - Even You Can Get It Right
Winter Schedule:
ECON 001B Understanding Your Financial Incompetence
EAT 301 Garbage - Getting It To The Curb
MEN 237You Cannot Always Wear Whatever You Please
MEN 301Give Me A Break - Why We Know Your Excuses Are Lies
MEN 302 How To Go Shopping With Her Without Getting Bored
Spring Schedule:
MEN 303 Helpful Posture Hints For Couch Potatoes
MEN 304 Mother-in-Laws Are People Too
MEN 305 The Weekend And Sports Are Not Synonymous
MEN 306 Male Bonding: Leave Your Friends At Home
Elective (see electives below)
Course Electives:
EAT 101 Cooking with Tofu
EAT 102 Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103 Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231 Mothers-in-Law
MEN 232 Appear to Be Listening
MEN 233 Just Say "Yes, Dear"
Denny...these are obviously not very 'liberated' men...LOL...pushed a few buttons with our "humor"?... better stick to boobs and bashing the libs....glad to have you back in control.
Posted by: Vicki on September 11, 2005 07:18 PMNo Vicki, I'm not a liberated man. I still hold the door for my wife, and take her arm when we walk. Theres an old saying, If you want to be king, treat your wife like she's the Queen.
I'm still a pervert, but hey!
I need to stop posting comments at 2AM, since I'm usually trashed. Not that I drink too much, though... ;)
Posted by: Rob Cooper on September 12, 2005 01:22 AMSorry Teresa, I love you! Jeremy- You're okay.
Posted by: Rob Cooper on September 12, 2005 01:24 AMMan's Rules for Women
Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, and NASCAR.
Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Check your own oil! Please.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done - not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
Posted by: RHJunior on September 12, 2005 08:01 PM