Last week I got two surveys in the mail. On was from Ted Swimmer Kennedy and the other was from Hillary Rodent Clinton. They both had questionaires and they both asked for money. I don't know how I got on these mailing lists. I also get e-mail from Moveon.org. All I can think of is my subscription to The New Republic. They must have given these assholes my information.
I always have fun answering these surveys. They have such loaded questions like
Do you believe it is right for George W. Bush to starve women, children, and old people to finance tax cuts for the rich?
The answers are disapprove, no opinion and approve. Of course I checked approve. There's nuthin' I like better than thinking of starving women, children, and old people while I'm eating my filet mignon on a Saturday night with a nice bottle of wine. I raise my Stoly on the rocks to them and thank them for giving money to the gumment so I can have my tax cuts. What? They didn't? Then how can I be starving them?
Another question:
Do you think it is right for George W. Bush to appoint extremist right wing judges who will overturn Roe v. Wade and deny millions of women in this country of the right to choose?
Hell yes! I approve! Let's turn America into a theocracy. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I checked approve on all the loaded questions. I haven't had that much fun since the last time I took an opinion survey at IBM. We used to get to take them once a year, but Lou Gerstner stopped that when he took over.
They even included a place where I could comment and express my concerns. My concerns were trying to ensure that Ted Kennedy, who is a murderer with no morals, never gets elected to the Senate again, and that Hillary, a fake feminist, never gets elected president.
I then put the surveys into the postage free envelopes and mailed them back.
It was fun.
Posted by denny at September 20, 2005 03:14 PMI want to take the survey! sounds like fun. Another fun thing is to send random stuff back to credit card companies with the supplied postage payed envelopes.
Posted by: losiguy on September 20, 2005 05:00 PMI get junk mail from NARAL regularly. I put as much other junk mail in the return envelope as I can along with some scrap 10 gage steel plate I sheared to business envelope size at work. I've often wondered what the postage on a 3 3/4" X 9" piece of 1/8" mild steel costs.
Posted by: Gerry N. on September 20, 2005 05:44 PMGlue their postage paid envelope onto a brick or fill it with pennies, except they could spend the pennies....
Posted by: Steve on September 20, 2005 05:46 PMlosiguy - I always send the postage paid envelopes back. Often I just send them empty. It gives the Post Office sumpin' to do.
Posted by: Denny on September 20, 2005 06:09 PMYou should at least put something in there. I usually just switch card offers around but when i'm not lazy i tear out funny pictures from the paper or a mag and send those.
Posted by: losiguy on September 20, 2005 06:40 PMYou know, I usually throw those surveys away. Answering them creatively just never occurred to me. Thanks, Denny. I'll fill them out from now on.
And, I quote, "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
(I've been stuffing postage paid envelopes with cardboard and other junk mail for awhile and mailing them back, and that's great fun, too. It's surprising how much you can get an envelope to weigh, if you're careful.)
Posted by: oldcontroller on September 20, 2005 07:59 PMSome years ago I was told to send penny donations in a COD envelope. I occasionally send a dollar to organizations like that, one cent at a time.
Posted by: Jeremy on September 20, 2005 08:31 PMDenny, you're evil, but, the fun kind of evil I like. :-)
Posted by: Jenifer D. on September 20, 2005 10:15 PMThe post office won't deliver a postpaid envelope taped to a brick any longer.
It looks so funny, we don't have that kind of surveys over here, they are much more hypocrite.
Denny, could you send one to me, I'd love to see it !
Posted by: Pierce on September 21, 2005 05:14 AM"The post office won't deliver a postpaid envelope taped to a brick any longer."
That's a damn shame. I always wrapped the brick in brown paper and cut the envelope and taped the address part to the package, nice and tidy like.
I sent the ACLU 4 of them till they stopped sending me shit 2-3 years ago.
I get email from Hanoi John. Some comedian put me on the list. I have the most fun when some dumbocrat has somebody call me with a push poll. Same thing as Denny's poll except you get to give your answer to a real person. Now THAT'S FUN. I give the same sort of answers and listen to the deafening silence between questions.
Posted by: Ric on September 21, 2005 10:37 AMPierce - I'll try to remember to scan one in and e-mail it to you next time I get one. Most of 'em are what we call push polls. They phrase their questions to make you want to agree with them like the examples I gave in my post. The Republicans have their version of it too, but they are not quite as over the top as the Dims are. The Dims are losing and that just drives them nuts.
Posted by: Denny on September 21, 2005 12:15 PMI love it. Thanks y'all.
Posted by: Janice Smith on September 27, 2005 12:20 PM