It's Time For McCommie To Go Oil Free

So I was at a loss about what I was gonna write about tonight and Bam! I looked at my inbox and there was sumpin' from Moveon.org. Moveon.org? Yep! For some reason they send shit to Denny@Grouchyoldcripple.com. Some troll must have put me on their mailing list. I had one of my trolls sign me up for gay personals. Love dem trolls!

Anyway here is their latest bullshit. Put the coffee cup down before reading this.

Dear MoveOn member,

Last month, 3 million MoveOn members came together and said, "Enough. We want clean, renewable energy, and we want it now!"

Amen brother! What do we want?

Clean renewable energy!

When do we want it?

Now!

Wait! It gets better.Poof! PFM)!

That's why today, we're launching one of our biggest campaigns in the last year—-a campaign for an "Oil-free Congress" to demand that Congress end America's oil addiction and move us toward a cleaner future. We'll pressure members of Congress to make a real difference—-and if they don't listen, we'll hold them accountable in November.

Wow! Sounds good so far. Maybe these booger eatin' moh-rons are on to sumpin'.

To start, we need to ask every member of Congress, including yours, to go "Oil-Free" and sign a pledge not to take any money from the oil industry. Can you sign this letter telling Rep. McKinney to take the pledge?

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! If McCommie sees sumpin' asking her to take the pledge she'll think it's the Pledge of Allegiance and we know that there is a better chance of Bill Clinton staying faithful to Hillary (Hell! There's a better chance of Bill getting any sex from Hillary), than McCommie taking the Pledge of Allegiance, unless, of course, it is to Cuba's flag.

Here's a link they supplied. There is a place for comments. Have a good time.

We're working with a bunch of groups, like Oil Change International

Do they have places like Jiffy Lube where I can get my oil changed? My pickup is overdue.

and the Center for American Progress in the Separation of Oil and State coalition

Is that like the separation of church and state? Is it in the Constitution? Remember, these asstards believe that the Constitution is a "living document". Who knows what you can find in there.

to get every representative to sign the pledge not to take any more oil money. Together, we sent official pledge cards to all of Congress last week. But this call will be much more powerful if Rep. McKinney hears from thousands of her constituents about it, too.

Sorry dude. McCommie is no longer my Congresscritter and since I'm a white guy who lives in Beautiful Dunwoody she wouldn't pay any attention to me anyway. Most of her constituents are wards of the state and are probably not getting this e-mail.

We're aiming to send at least 500 messages in support of the pledge to Rep. McKinney. If we can make that, we'll personally deliver your comments to accompany the letters we delivered last week.

500 messages? Is that all? I thought you wanted thousands. There are more than 500 liberals in Decatur. These are the Cynthia McCommie constituents who can actually read. They live around Emory University and I call them the Emoroids.

With gas prices off the charts, an unstable situation in the Middle East and scientists warning that global warming is at a tipping point, it's fair to wonder, why aren't our representatives doing something about our dependence on oil? The answer is that politicians get a lot of money from oil companies not to.

They also pander to the enviro-nazis who keep us from drilling for oil here. Here's an interesting statistic. Didja know that oil production has increased everywhere in the world except one place? Wanna guess where that one place is? Would you believe the United States? It has dropped by 3% thanks to the Dimocrat Party and the buttwipes at Moveon.org.

Since 1990, Big Oil has given more than $190 million to members of Congress and 75% ($142,635,314!) of those donations have gone to Republicans.1 Those donations guarantee an energy policy that serves the oil industry over the public interest. Until our representatives stop taking oil money, it's going to be hard to make progress on global warming and clean energy alternatives.

Yadda. Yadda. Yadda. Save the whales. Blah. Blah. Blah. Who writes this shit?

Renewable and alternative energy sources, like biofuels, hybrids, solar and wind power are ready today, but Congress's addiction to oil money is holding us back. The best way to move towards energy independence is to end oil corruption in Washington.

Here's an idea. Let's build a wind farm off Nantucket. We'll even build it out of sight of land. Isn't that a great idea? There's just one thing wrong. Ted Kennedy (Swimmer, Taxachusetts) won't let us. It seems the Kennedys like to sail. Unfortunately they also like to drink and they're afraid they might ram one of their sailboats into one of the windmills. Never trust a Kennedy anywhere near water.

Clean energy experts and advocates agree, the obstacles to energy independence are mostly political.

That's why we can't drill in ANWR or off the coast.

And as Al Gore says in An Inconvenient Truth, "political will is a renewable resource."

WTF does that mean?

Can you tell your representative that you're ready to end your addiction to oil, if she is ready to kick her addiction to oil money?

Remember, McCommie was the person who, after Giuliani turned down the money from the Arab dude, she said she'd gladly take it. She begged for it.

Thanks for all you do,

–Nita Chaudhary and Eli Pariser
Monday, June 19th, 2006

No. Thank you for the laughs.

But they're not done yet.

P.S. I just wanted to take a second to introduce myself. My name's Nita Chaudhary and I'll be leading our initiative for an "Oil-Free Congress." This is going to be a major campaign for us and we've got a lot of exciting activities planned for the month ahead:

I'm waiting with bated breath.

* Asking every member of Congress to sign the pledge is just the first step.

A multi-step process. How professional.

* Next, we'll work together on a creative advertising campaign that we'll get back to you on later this week.

Dude! I love creative advertising campaigns! They're like IBM Quality Programs and they're just as effective.

* We've planned a national day of action on June 28th, where we'll take our message to rallies at gas stations across the country. There are already more than 190 events planned!

I just checked my calendar. I'm free on the 28th. I think I'll gas up all three of my cars that day.

* We're also going to take our message on the road, with bumper stickers and signs coming soon.

Uh...Wouldn't that, like, use gas? Are you gonna use hybrid cars for that?

I really hope you'll join us.

Yeah. When monkeys fly outta my butt!

Posted by denny at June 19, 2006 09:54 PM