I was involved in an HOA in which the President was a retired Marine officer who had previously been in charge of a major Marine facility, but he didn't let retirement alter his ways. He ran herd on everyone and even cut down signs that were too high. These HOA Nazis are consumed with their little power kingdoms. Oh, if you really want to know who can be a pain, just get into it with the Dekalb County fire marshall who suffers from a Napolean complex.

As a renter of a little shoebox of an apartment, I am not too informed on the HOA, but isn't that why you pay HOA fees? So they take care of that crap? What's the point of paying a fee on top of your mortgage if they aren't going to do shit for you? And what happens if they bill you and you don't pay it? Sorry for the ignorance, but I'll never own my own home as long as I'm in San Diego.

What's the opposite of gold? Mexican chrome? I say you paint your pine cone whatever the opposite of gold is. Just to give them the finger.

As far as the bushes go, if you have a talented gardener, you could have him trim them to look like the bush-guy mooning like you posted months ago. That would be some funny shit!

In our neighborhood, our lots run from a half-acre to 1.25 acres. My next-door Neighbor, the Lady Cop of Dekalb County POE-LEECE, is the neighborhood-organizer; -she couldn't be FURTHER from a Nazi!

We have no notices or even email on the subjects of the subdivision. She walks door-to-door with a written-list of what's good & bad within our sub and TAKES NOTES that she shares with us on her second-walk through the subdivision later in the month.

I hesitate to say this, but we have a neighborhood and don't have to lock our doors and can leave our keys in the ignition.

We are black, white, Bosnian, Viet and are young, old, married, single; we are professionals and we are construction superintendants. The many, many children of this hood are delinquents and Dean's List.

At least every other month or so, we lug folding-chairs to the driveway of a neighbor to harrangue, harass and to ultimately LISTEN to the concerns of those on this steep-hill street.

A certain neighbor has us all paying apallingly-low rates for both Homeowner's and auto insurance; another neighbor will go to AMAZING-lengths to do home-maintainence for merely the cost of supplies ... for which the Lowe's-employee Neighbor gets us a 10%-discount.

I guess I have to say that within this neighborhood we all recognize that we are in it together. We look out for each other and the families of each other. I provide computer, cable, communications and library support. My Son provides basketball coaching.

We've lived here over 25 years; we've seen kids go Navy and Soldiers buried. We've rebuilt entire homes that were wiped-out by ice-storm-induced falling trees. We've watched kids be wimps on driveway-basketball courts later to come home with a Bronze Star and a Purple Heart.

Sorry this is so long, but before today, I NEVER equated Nazi & Home in any perjuration. Now, I will have to figure out how to equate those two words & work them in here in 'OUR' 'Hood.

Wouldn't it be nice if the worst thing we all had to worry about was the color of our pine cones? This woman doesn't have enough real work to do! Maybe, if you're lucky, she'll have kids - THAT will take care of her!

My headline reads "Disabled ex-serviceman harassed by Corporate Body to perform manual labor".

Sub headline - "Fully abled fashion nazi threatens punitive action."

Care to comment?

There's always the screw em from the inside method. Get the rule book, form a cabal for other disaffected residents and take her out a sudden coups vote under long forgotten rule 37 dash 4 paragraph 8 subsection 12 - Thou shalt not piss people off by being a pain in the ass.

But thats sooo much effort.

Oh yeah, and DanS., by "bush-guy" I'm not speaking of W, just the bush that was trimmed in the form of some dude mooning his neighbor that Denny posted a while back.

In a rare turn of events, DanS. and I agree completely.

These assholes make trouble for homeowners who decide to build a wall on their property that is very much like many other walls in the neighborhood. Never mind that many other people have virtually identical walls; the construction is unacceptable because the association said it is unacceptable.

These people are worthless.

Most of them are on a power trip that has probably been going on since childhood. Back then, it was their only claim to legitimacy. Now they get elected to these HOA boards, and suddenly they're important for the first time in their lives. It goes to their heads.

People who were mocked and ridiculed early in life somehow find themselves getting elected to positions of power. What happens then, you may ask? Easy. Abuse, and lots of it. These people have resented most of the other people they've met over the course of their lives. Now they get to be in a position of power, because they fooled a bunch of people into voting for them. And they vehemently resent their constituency.

Resentment and power has always been a very dangerous combination. The mini-bureaucracy and sub-government created by the HOA's are no exception.

Hell, I'd sooner live in a van down by the river than in a subdivision where I'm reined in by covenants and deed restrictions.

I'm not the type to paint my house electric pink, or put a huge marble fountain in the front yard, but if I want to throw a few plastic flamingos in my shrubbery, I'll be got-damned if I'll have some pencil-necked doofus with a clipboard tell me I can't do it.

CD: You know LONG & well that I am your largest-supporter! In fact, I was 'struck by angst' in wondering when you'd show up!

Yeah, I'm anathema to those who haven't the luxury of reading the World's Press each day. Some here get but wee tiny bits of the far-larger issues in play. Myself, I'm but bewildered by all I read in any given-day.

Nonetheless, I count myself PROUD & HAPPY to have an online-HONEST-voice such as yourself.

Did that sound 'gay'? TOO FUCKING BAD! It wasn't meant that way and it damn-sure wasn't sent that way.

What does that say about perception here?

That ALL OF US might be under persuasion of ethyl in one form or another?

Bottom line: I have NEVER heard your voice to be anything less than both strident & honest! On that alone, you could tell me that blue chickens are tastier than bevelled-beef & I'd have to consider what you've said seriously.

Aside from that, mostly, your solutions suck. :)

But you ARE eloquent in making your sucky-points!

Nah, just doing with you as you are doing with our 'other's'.

RAGE ON my Good Man! You score more points when you least expect it than you perhaps realize.

Tell her you are a ham operator and you are putting up a 100' tower soon :)

VetFrom:

I was "Alpha India Alpha 4 Charlie Lima" for perhaps 6-years of the 70's decade! Did we exchange CQ's regarding SNL's then?
Dah di Dah dit! Dah dah Di dah!

Ham-fist Dan

I'm out in the middle of nowhere, and still stuck with covenant restrictions. They aren't bad, No dog kennels as in breeders, No trailers or manufactured homes, and no move in houses. Must be new construction. My house at $260,000 is the cheap place in the neighborhood.
I recently sub divided my property and sold five acres to a friend. Denny, I don't envy you your problems. I doubt Peggys wish will come true, your nazi sounds like my ex, the sort that would make a man turn queer. Hey, I offered $50 to any man who would date her twice, and even offered to pay for supper. I still have that fifty in my wallet. I'd bet she is too over the hell for kids any how.

Is there really a difference between an HOA and an HMA?

Glad I've got my 3 acres to deal with and but two neighbors!

Current HOA would be the county, and I give them apologizes rather than asking permission! Just seems easier. (Oh it is, it is)!

wow, she sounds like a real old bitch Denny...

I think you should send her a reminder that from your viewpoint HER bush needs trimming! and I don't mean the one outside her house!
If she doesn't comply you will be forced to hire a guy with a weedWHACKER at her expense.

ROFL! Merrrrry Christmas!! :)

Denny, I feel for you. And I take it, like me, you don't mind rousing a few feathers. On that note, you should make this bitch an entertainment issue in your life. I'm thinking about doing this in my neighborhood with a chick that's not even on the board (though she was President for 2 years so that does "earn" her the right to gripe more than others). We have a small community with some fairly loose restrictions. It's way up here in the country mind you and it's called Country Crossings hence, one would expect it to be somewhat "country" in it's charm. Well she's griping lately about people not cutting their grass. Who the Fuck cares. But since I'm on the board, I have to listen to her complain incessantly about how we need to enforce the covenants. I personally have about 3/4 of an acre of very lush, greener than green fescue. When she was bitching about the neighborhood grass, the "black" stains on the older shingle roofs, etc., I decided to turn the knife in her back. I told her I was thinking about turning under my fescue and planting a wild flower field (I really am, since there's little to no maintenance). Anyway she commented that it would look beautiful. Then I reminded her to look at the median on 400 where they do this and 8 months out of the year, it looks like a bunch of dead sticks poking up out of the ground. She was then very unhappy and said "you can't do that". I looked at her from the top of my eyes and said "is that a challenge?". So now she's told everyone in the neighborhood that my once lush looking manicure lawn is going to look like a prairie (so what's wrong with that?). Everyone despises her so bad, I've already had offers to help me do it. How an association can have the balls to tell us how our homes must look and what we can and can't do borders on emminent domain doesn't it? But then I guess if one didn't want to live like that, we just shouldn't move into a community with covenenants huh?

NN0CWL 1982-1984

and still a ham.

In '04 I bought my 3 y/o retirement home near Phoenix, AZ, which was a 10 hour round trip for me from LA, CA. We would go there monthly getting the house furnished and set up for my retirement. The neighborhood Nazi started our HOA sending us notices when a weed would appear in the front yard. In the AZ desert, it's hard to grow anything but weeds! The front yard had a few bushes and trees and the rest was covered with rocks. We struggled with this for 13 months, then gave up and sold out. We're now in a small CA mountain town in a new tract where the CC&Rs are on 1 page and consists mostly of "no chickens, cars parked on lawns, etc."

Denny.....

She must be a leftwing liberal dimocrat,they think it their duty to direct the masses.

My sister & brother-in-law bought a piece of property some years ago & built a house. shortly there-after a developer bought the remaining land & built a sub-division complete with all sorts of restrictions with an "Association"

My brother-in-law had his first run in with the 'Association" when he installed an above ground swimming pool. A violation of "Association "regulations was delivered to him via registrered mail, he ignored it & was subsequently notified to appear before the local magistrate on a given date. He as required showed up , listened to what they had to say. He in his defense stated he believed in minding his own business & politely suggested the 'Association " do the same & read the fine print on the "Association " agreement with the developer as to which properties were included in that sub-division. It seems My brother-in-laws property was excluded as he had purchased it prior to the formation of the sub-division & later formation of the "Association" as well had declined an invitation to join it prior to construction of any of the "Association" properties. Case dismissed!

My sister & brother-in-law lived there many years & had numerous incidents with the "Association "attempting to apply their regulations onto them .......the "Association" lost everytime, my brother-in-law took great delight in aggravating the various "Association" administrators. The one thing he wanted to do but my sister forbid, was to use the property in accordance to zoning regulations. My brother-in-laws property was still zoned as agricultural rather then residential like the "Association" , he wanted to construct a fenced in area & buy a couple of pigs.

When my brother-in-law passed away several years back my sister said maybe she should have let him do it.It would have been classic & hilarious to observe.

I'm glad we live in an old "neighborhood" with everyone living on a half acre or more. All of the houses were built at different times (beginning in the 1920's) by different contractors so they all look different. No "cookie cutter" houses or developments for me. In fact, the term "sub-division" is an unfamilar term around here. ;-) Heck, we still have our own wells for drinking water. When my wife and I were married in 1972, we lived in an apartment for 2 years. That was enough! We vowed NEVER to live someplace where we could be dictated to as to what we could or could NOT do in our own home. Too independent for that, I guess.

I could not handle that shit Denny. I'd have to slap the bitch. Guess that explains why I don't live in that type of HOA subdivision. Yikes.

My dad has recently started going to our city council meetings. I have joined him on a few. It is fucking scary how important some peolple think they are when they get in positions of "power".

Snide assholes, write them a letter and tell them you are going to file a restraining order if they don't stop harrassing you.

HOA are set up to protect the homeowner and ensure the value of your home does not decrease because a neighbor does not take care of their property. In your case as in many cases the association has delusions of granger and decides to take things way to far. I would recommend going to https://www.condocerts.com/home.html and getting a copy of your HOA documents. You should have been provided one within a few days of writing the contract on your house. In MD its 10 days but real estate laws very state to state. If you don't have the docs you will have to pay a couple hundred dollars for new ones. I know it sucks but it is the only way you will be able to have all of the powers of your HOA in front of you. You should also be attending the HOA meeting regularly and voicing any concerns you have. If you yell loud enough someone will listen. It is also good to go into the meeting with several allies lined up. It can get very nasty. If you fight any of the HOA's orders and lose and still refuse to have the work done to your property. They can put a lien on your house and if you refuse to pay it eventually you will be foreclosed on. Sorry about your luck and sorry that bitch was elected. Good luck

Your average real estate agent
JonG

Man, what the hell kind of place do you live in and why would you agree to live someplace where others have control over you home's appearance. I would vote to dissolve the home owner's association

GoC:

My sympathies.

I've been in many arguments though the years with people who don't understand why I refuse to live somewhere with a HOA.

Simply put: They will always devolve to this. If Dan stays where he is long enough, he'll see it happen. It's just the nature of rotten fruit, or power-hungry people. They show up, make waves, and as more people turn away, they get more power.

I'm in the city now, which is bad enough.. But hopefully, this is a house we'll fix up, and sell in a few years...

The first thing I checked when I bought sweetthing's half acre was deed restrictions and if there was a Homeowners association..I despise both and would not have bought if they had applied..

For the love of fuck! What a bitch.

Tell her that she can trim your bush if you can trim her's....even steven trade. Then when she's gasping for air knock her off your porch.

"Hell, I'd sooner live in a van down by the river...

Posted by El Capitan"

ROTFL! I have to agree with El Capitan.

When husband and I were thinking of purchasing our home, besides the inspection, finding out if there was a Home Owners Association was at the top of the list.

Our house also has a plaque on the front that says the year the house was built. The plaque represents the local historical society. I also made sure that the house being on the local register didn't include any kind of restrictions similar to what HOAs are capable of doing. I have heard and read too many horror stories to want to invest our hard earned money into a place that is subject to other people dictating what we can and cannot do with our property.

Like someone else mentioned, our neighborhood has homes dating from the 1800s through the mid 1900s. No two houses are similar. All our neighbors like to keep to themselves like we do. We all keep our yards picked up and our houses nice. And, when husband was deployed last time and I'd let my grass get a little too long, no one complained. Instead, when I went to cut it, two of the older gentlemen on the block would come down with their lawn mowers and help me cut my yard. I'm thankful I live in such a wonderful town...and that we bought a house in a great neighborhood.

Hell will freeze over before I'd ever consider buying a place that is ruled over by a HOA. Too many insecure people out there that lose their damn minds when even a whiff of power comes their way.

Moogie and I owned and lived in a townhouse in San Jose, CA, for seven years.

The only trouble we had was when I wanted to paint the garage door red, white and blue.

Moogie absolutely forbade it. The neighbors wanted to see what the HOA Prez would say. The betting ran 60-40 to "Far out, man... but you gotta paint it over" and 40-60 to "Paint it dude, but I'll help".

When we bought our place in Camden County, GA, we almost scuttled the closing when we heard the letters "HOA". We were assured that the HOA was massively dormant - no officers, no meetings, nada, zilch and zip. And so it has proved for the last three years.

And... so far I like the idea of the "Moon Bush". Hell, I'll even kick in a dollar for the Pay the Gardener Extra fund. Failing that, the next time we meet you get your choice of GOOD beer (6-pack, my choice) to drown your sorrows...

Old Wierd Ward

I had that same problem with my grass being a fraction too tall. My HOA had an asshole come out and measure it in the middle of my yard! Now the ASSHOLE lived right across from me , so the next night I go across and write ASSHOLE in his lawn with weed killer. This really didn't make me any friends, or help, but it sure felt good. Alas I get another note from the HOA telling me to cut the grass or they will, and bill me $75.00 an hour for it(If I could get that I'd quit my job TODAY!) so I gave in. Sorta. Okay heres what you do, I did this it works great. I went out and cut EAT ME in the grass in 2 foot tall letters about 3/4 inch lower than the rest. Havent heard a word from them since last July.

Can't stand HOA's, for all the reasons listed in the comments so far. Unfortunately, the real estate and construction industries seem to have sold their souls to the concept, as it's nearly impossible to find any new developments in any urban or suburban area free of these onerous organizations. Hell, I'd pay a premium not to live in such a place.

Here's a couple of websites worth looking at:

http://pvtgov.org/pvtgov/
http://www.ahrc.com/new/index.php/src/home

What could be worse than a HOA? try a TNO, thats a traditional Neighborhood overlay.
One part of my home town was becoming blighted. Many of the houses were falling into advanced states of disrepair. As that happened, developers were buying the properties, dozing them, and building four bedroom duplexes. The duplexes wre big and ugly, strictly utilitarian, rented to college kids. Most of the area was tenant occupied. Those tenants convinced the city to implement a TNO. Suddenly every new structure must conform in design to traditional architecture. No more duplexes, or multi family units.
I got ripped hard. One place I'd bought and was converting into a duplex, but did not complete before the TNO was effective. I'm stuck trying to make the house pay off when the income from it is only 2/3 of the mortgage. Thge blighted houses are getting worse because it is no longer profitable to buy them and refurbish them.

I think we have a winner in the GOC Official "How to Deal With Your HOA" Contest.

...Aaaaaand, the Grand Prize goes to Echo5Bravo for his beautiful submission, "Lawn Messages!"

God, I'm glad I live in a working-class development of three bedroom boxes. No restrictions, and I'd rather live with the school bus parked in the street a few doors up than the HOA Nazis my oldest daughter puts up with.

Elizabeth
Imperial Keeper

So... what are the chances that this woman is a flaming liberal and found out about your webpage?

I hate Associations. They waste the homeowners' money for little practical return, and force annual increases because they mismanage funds by choosing investments that don't do well. Ours (TransPacific) just had the entire complex repainted, and yet our fences are falling down from termite damage and one of our service alley/driveway lights has been burned out for a year, causing a security risk that lets the drug dealers and gang trash hide in the shadows all night - and 1 of the board members lives right next door to me! They really do put the "ass" in Association.