When I was a kid, we had an obnoxious neighbor who had a mini-football field for a front yard. It was pretty enormous and was great for football. The walkway was the 50 yard line.

We used to play football there every day after school and his maid would chase us away until he finally called the cops.

One night my friends and I took liquid weed killer and wrote "FUCK YOU" in big letter across his entire front lawn.

We would laugh every day as our infamous crime became more "real" each day.

Needless to say, we all got blamed because of our running relationship with the prick.

Our punshment was to fix the front yard digging up the words wider and more randomly so as to hide the words.

If a kid ever did something like that today, he'd probably end up in court and a juvenial delinquency facility.

We did something similar to a favorite officer, except we used miracle grow, and lots of it. It kept coming back for several years.

Not the same subject but close. While working in Saudi Arabia I ran across some crazy bastards. The best was a guy who had been training the young Saudi men to learn English. Most had already learned the basics and was most inquisitive about the USA. One young man was training to be a Mutawa ( a preacher). He had a problem as he could not grow a beard, which is a prerequisite to become one. My friend was going on vacation to the states and told the guy that he would help him. When he came back from the states he brought a bottle of NAIR. Telling the young man that it would help him grow a beard he left the next day to go home. The young guy was so excited that he shared it with others. Three days later, whatever hair they had disappeared. The Saudi brass wanted the American to return to punish him. I never laughed so hard. What a time we had back in the good ole days.

Gene: Popped a button off my pants laughing at that! This is sort of OT, but related in the sense of applying substances with an unintended effect. My dad worked as a physician in a small town. One day he had a patient who spoke only Spanish. Apparently, the man had a raging case of hemorrhoids. He had stopped by the pharmacy, but was unable to clearly indicate what he needed. The clerk did sell him a tube of ointment. However, when the man showed up at the clinic in agony, the nurse (who did speak some Spanish)asked him if he had been using anything for the condition. He handed her the tube of Deep Heating Rub he had bought at the pharmacy. Talk about lost in translation!

Whaddaya wanna bet Bill Parcells paid off the grounds crew.

Actually, that was probably Drew Bledsoe's doing. BWAHAHA. Anyway, that ain't Texas Stadium. The stadium does not have red seats, and the hole in the roof is too big. Speaking of stadiums, y'all seen the images of the new Texas Stadium 'bout to start construction in Arlington? Oh yeah, baby. Fucking huge!!!

That's a Euro-Trash FUTBOL stadium, not a football stadium.

It's not Texas stadium.