March 11, 2007

MFing Snakes On The MFing Plain

I left Friday to meet up with some Jawja Blown-Eyed Blodgers to attend the annual Rattlesnake Roundup in Claxton Georgia. This all started when Shoe was wondering where to take her two sons on Spring Break. The ever knowledgable and helpful V-Man suggested that she take them to Claxton. From this suggestion evolved (or devolved depending on your point of view) into an excuse for some Blown-Eyed Blodgers to get together and consume mass quantities of adult beverages.

Little did I know that Claxton Georgia is world famous for its fruitcakes. Actually Atlanta should be world famous for its fruitcakes when the legislature is in session.

I managed to twist my right knee right before I left which affected my mobility the rest of the weekend.

I got out of Atlanta early enough to avoid the Friday traffic jams. Originally, my Garmin gave me an ETA of 4:55. I managed to find some cars who thought that the speed limit signs were merely a suggestion of the maximum speed. In Georgia, that's pretty much everyone. The cars I tied up with were doing 85 to 90. I was in my Z3 and I like to drive it fast. By the time I pulled into the parking lot of the La Quinta in Savannah the Garmin said 4:35.

I checked into the hotel and went to my room and called Eric. He, Elisson and Elisson's wife, SWMBO were in the lobby checking in. Shortly thereafter, Georgia arrived. Georgia doesn't have a blog, but she and her husband Ric, who was driving back from DC, are honorary Blown-Eyes.

We talked to Zonker who got a late start out of Atlanta. When he got to the hotel, he was gonna wait for That 1 Guy who was coming up from Florida.

Yabu, who said he was coming, wimped out at the last minute. He gave us some bullshit excuse about there being some IT issues with the time change so he had to work. What a lame excuse! Hey Yabu, you pussy, wait until you see the rattles that V-Man, Zonker, and I have! They'll trump that stupid spider that you got in Helen.

Catfish wimped out as well. He gave us some bullshit about being sick.

As soon as V-Man arrived we headed off to downtown to eat dinner.

Just our luck. We got stuck in traffic that was stopped for a road race. Runners galore. Who in the heck schedules a race on Friday afternoon during rush hour? The fruitcakes in Savannah, that's who.

We finally got across the street and into the restaurant. Elisson's daughter, The Mistress of Sarcasm, who lives in Savannah, met us there. Stomachs full and thirst quenched, we made our way back to the hotel.

Zonker and That 1 Guy arrived. Ric arived shortly thereafter.

We decided to party in V-Man's room. Big mistake. We've made this mistake before. When I've consumed sufficient amounts of alcohol (in this case 1/3 bottle of scotch on top of what we drank at dinner), my ability to walk degenerates. With my twisted knee it was worse. If I had brought my wheelchair this would be no big deal. I didn't because it won't fit in the Z3. My room was not very close to V-man's room. We decided to switch rooms. So far, so good. (Yep! We've done this before. Eric and I had to switch rooms at Helen I.) Unfortunately, most of the alcohol was in the room with me. That meant that two hours later, some degenerate blodgers pounded on my door and I had to get out of bed and crawl to the door to let them in so they could get the additional alcohol that was in the room with me. Assholes!

Got up Saturday morning and after breakfast it was off to Claxton to attend the Rattlesnake Roundup. They all went to breakfast. Georgia brought me some back from Denny's. That girl really takes care of us! Since there were eight of us we took two cars, four to a car. We got to Claxton OK, but we couldn't find the Roundup. I actually thought V-Man knew where it was. I called him on my cellphone and did a Samuel L. Jackson.

<SamuelLJackson>Hey MF! Here we are in MFing Claxton MFing Georgia looking for some MFing snakes. Where are the MFing snakes, MF? They gotta be on this MFing plain somewhere. </SamuelLJackson>

He kept giving us different directions. In fact at one time we passed them going a different direction. Then we turned around and passed them again when they stopped to look at a car. Somehow we saw a sign pointing us to the right place and our car beat their car to the Roundup.

Elisson's wife didn't come with us. She was the smart one.

Before cellphones how did we coordinate things?

After we parked, a cop came by in a cart and gave me a ride to the gate. The admission was $5, but because I was a cripple, I got in free! Seconday gain. Georgia also flagged down two boys in a cart and they gave me a ride down to the snake pit where all the <SamuelLJackson>MFing rattlesnakes</SamuelLJackson> were. I got me a seat on the bleachers and hung out for the rest of the time we were there.

The snake handler came out and picked up this big ol' snake and had the Rattler Roundup Queen and the other babes wearing tiaras (Did I tell you that there is a Rattler Roundup parade?) pose for pictures with this big ol' rattler. The head on this snake was the size of my fist.

Wait a minute! Who's that dude in the snake pit with a camera? It's Elisson! WTF? How did he get in there? Look! V-Man is in there as well. WTF is going on? <SamuelLJackson>How did those MFs get into that MFing snake pit with all those MFing snakes?</SamuelL Jackson>

Elisson delivered a line of bullshit about how he worked for Sandy Springs Radio and was gonna do a story about this. V-Man said that he worked for a newspaper in Jacksonville. That's what I really like about these guys. Bullshit to the core.

Elisson has already posted a picture on his site. I stole it from him.


<SamuelLJackson>Holy MFing crap! Look at those MFing snakes!</SamuelLJackson>

We're hoping he writes one of his post blodgemeet poems.

The place was packed with people. Things must be pretty dull in that part of Georgia. There really wasn't all that much to see. The rest of the place was food, drinks, and snake related stuff. Elisson and V-Man bought snakeskin hatbands. V-man bought a snakeskin moneyclip. Zonker bought me a rattle to wear around my neck. Take that Yabu, you pussy!

Zonker flagged down a cart to take me back to the gate. We got in our cars and headed back to Savannah where we did what Blown-Eyes do best: eat, drink, and bullshit.

When we were trying to decide where to eat, V-Man suggested that we go pick up all the stuff for a Low Country Boil and take it down to Catfish's house and have him do the cooking. I pointed out to V-Man that Catfish has guns. We decided to go back downtown.

We ate out on the terrace at Churchill's, a British owned pub specializing in British food. I've been to England. The Brits are not noted for their food. They had a waitress there who looked a lot like Bou. My prime rib was so so. The apple pie I had for dessert was nowhere as good as my sister's apple pie.

At dinner V-Man regaled us with stories about his father, the Senator. V-Man can tell a great story. He also does a great Catfish impression. I told V-Man he should write a book about the Senator. I also told him to post more often. It's always a great blodgemeet when V-Man is there.

Back to the hotel. This time we partied in my room. We called Shoe who had made it to Pensacola. She was sorry that she couldn't make it to the Roundup. Her boys would have loved it.

I kicked everyone out at midnight and made sure they took the booze with them.

Had a real nice drive home. Stopped at Macon and put the top down. It was beautiful top down weather. 85 mph in a Z3 with the top down and the stereo blaring. It just doesn't get any better.

So I survived another blodgemeet with the Jawja Blown-Eyed Blodgers.

The next one will be in Texas. Info here. Come one. Come all. Party with the Blown-Eyes! You don't have to be a blodger, but if you attend a meet with us, you do become a Blown-Eye.

Posted by denny at March 11, 2007 08:21 PM  

I'd love to do these all-weekend parties more often but only if I can get a fresh liver after each one. I feel like I got snakes in my MFing brain.

Posted by: zonker on March 12, 2007 12:05 AM

You just need more practice young Zonker! Follow the example of Eric and V-Man.

Posted by: Denny on March 12, 2007 12:21 AM

Sounds like a fun time to me.

Posted by: vetfromhell on March 12, 2007 12:38 AM

A most excellent weekend. Denny, you must be gunning for the job of Official Recording Secretary for the Blown-Eyed Blodgers.

Snake-bit, bullshit. I've been Vodka-Bit.

Posted by: Elisson on March 12, 2007 06:09 AM

... tabernacle....

Posted by: Eric on March 12, 2007 09:11 AM

Heheheh... I knew it wouldn't be long before Eric's Tourette's popped up.

Was great hanging out with you, Denny!

Posted by: That 1 Guy on March 12, 2007 09:20 AM

Can't wait to meet you in person Denny. Ya'll couldn't have picked a better time to come to the Hill Country.

Posted by: kerrcarto on March 12, 2007 10:50 AM

Did you just suggest that I follow the examples set by Eric and VMan?! Wow. I never thought I'd see the day when *that* happened.

Posted by: zonker on March 12, 2007 12:12 PM

Way cool weekend - i live in Jax and go up to Savannah and the low country to dine and party all da time - yum yum - nice lil train ride btw

Posted by: bARNEY on March 12, 2007 07:13 PM

Wish I coulda been there, although I could do without rattlesnakes. I always lend dignity to these affairs.

See ya in Texas.

Posted by: Jim - PRS on March 12, 2007 07:59 PM

Good ole Denny. My hero. Although he seems to remember a kindler, gentler VMan. MF! Tore to the titties, boys.

Posted by: Velociman on March 12, 2007 08:32 PM

Thanks so much for the narrative. I was beginning to think this was going to be a what happened in Claxton, stays in Claxton kind of trip.

Sounds great. I'm sorry I missed it.

Posted by: Libby on March 12, 2007 09:50 PM

Denny- I'm going to go to Kerrville. Got a flight for $172 r/t. what should I bring?

Posted by: Rob Cooper on March 13, 2007 04:17 AM


Kinda looks like a Hillary campaign staff meeting ....they gotta be snakes in the grass just like her! If she wins, the rattlesnake will be the new dimocrat symbol instead of the donkey!

Posted by: dudley1 on March 13, 2007 12:55 PM

Rob, I'd recommend weapons (you'll have to put 'em in your checked luggage) and plenty of alcohol. Everything else is pretty much optional.

Posted by: "Snake" Plissken on March 13, 2007 01:16 PM

Rob - Money for alcohol and a strong liver.

Posted by: Denny on March 13, 2007 01:46 PM

I may have been one of those drivers you met up with that thought the speed limit signs were only a suggestion. I was on the road with Morrigan Friday and I think I may have scared her just a tad :-)

Posted by: Sissy on March 13, 2007 11:22 PM
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