March 27, 2008

On The Phone

One of my operatives taped a phone call between Thunder Rodent Thighs and BJ. Caution! Contains strong language.

Ring. Ring.

BJ: Hello.

TRT: Bill? It's me.

BJ: How's it goin' Hillary?

TRT: Goddammit Bill! WTF do the MFCS's at CBS think they're doing? Jesus H. Christ! They've always let us lie like rugs before. WTF is going on here? Have you seen my poll numbers? 37 fucking percent! (Crash!)

BJ: What was that sound?

TRT: WTF do you think it was? You've heard it often enough. I threw a fucking lamp against the wall. But back to CBS. They've always loved us. Why are they turning on me?

BJ: Hillary, you're just not as good of a liar as I am. I've tried to teach you.

TRT: But it shouldn't matter. Those bastards have always covered for us before. I mean CBS used to be the Clinton Broadcasting System. This shit wouldn't be happening if that idiot Dan Rather were still around. He worshiped the ground we walked on. I bet it's that little bitch Katie Couric. Can't you get her to give you a blowjob or something?

BJ: Hillary, you're just not very likable. Maybe you should start crying again. It saved you in New Hampshire.

TRT: Goddammit Bill. Not you too. (Crash) I stayed with your worthless ass and helped cover up your bimbo eruptions and pretended I didn't know about it and you're turning on me as well.

BJ: Did you just throw another lamp?

TRT: You're damned right I threw another fucking lamp. I'm losing to that black bastard Obama and it just ain't fucking right. ABC did our bidding with breaking the story with that racist preacher buddy of that black bastard and then he makes a speech calling his grandmother a racist and everyone fucking swooned over it. That loudmouth Chris Matthews acted like it was the best speech made in this country since FDR. This is bullshit! (Thud!)

BJ: What was that noise?

TRT: I kicked a fucking chair over. You act like you've never heard me do that. Goddammit! I'm pissed. I feel like firing someone. Jesus Christ! I wish you were here so I could throw an ashtray at you. (Bang!)

BJ: C'mon Hillary. I want to get back to the White House just as much as you do.

TRT: Well you're not doing a very fucking good job. Playing the race card in South Carolina. How fucking stupid was that? You're supposed to be such a brilliant politician. Every time you open your fucking mouth you're fucking up my campaign. (Crash!)

BJ: Another lamp?

TRT: Yeah! There's only one more left in this room. I gotta send my staff to get some more. I swear Bill, if I lose the nomination I can't go back into the Senate. I hate to be the junior senator from New York and having to put up with that fucking Jew bastard Schumer.

BJ: Now calm down Hillary. I'll think of something before the convention. We're still in it.

TRT: That's easy for you to say. You never had those assholes at CBS turn against you. Even those pricks at Kos and Moveon have turned against me. It isn't fair. This was supposed to be a cakewalk and then that piece of shit Obama comes up with his hope and change bullshit. I swear to God Bill it's all I can do to keep myself from slapping the shit out of him. I have to sit up there with him and smile. And then the MFCS gives me that, "You're likable enough Hillary." I wanted to stab him with my pen.

In the background. "Bill, come on back to bed."

TRT: Omigawd Bill! You're fucking some whore aren't? You bastard! I'm fighting for my political life and you're fucking some cheap slut. I stayed with you for all those years so I could be president and you're still cheating on me. You MFCS! The next time I see you I'm gonna slap the shit out of you.

BJ: Ooops! Gotta go Hill. I'll talk to you later. (Click)

Crash! Bang! Thud!

Posted by denny at March 27, 2008 02:19 PM  

"Hill, Baby..that is no Cheap Slut...Spitzer loaned me his slut to help with his legal defense...something about a "Toofer"

Posted by: ty guy on March 27, 2008 04:07 PM


Posted by: Sandy G on March 27, 2008 04:53 PM

I need to find a good Hillary impersonator so I can have this script recorded as a radio broadcast. I can do a halfway decent impression of BJ, so with the right actor doing What-The-Hill's voice, I'm thinking it could turn into something great.

Posted by: Agamemnon Jones on March 27, 2008 05:47 PM

Political Soap Opera........

Crude, Rude,Vulgar,Hatred,Jealosy,Whimpering,Rage,
Whores,Spite,Temper Tantrums,Racism & Threats......Pretty much got them pegged.It ain`t the Beverly Hillbillies but it is Hilly & Billy.

Sponsered by the DNC ....Howard Dean Chairman..... coming soon to a primary in your town.

Posted by: dudley1 on March 27, 2008 07:14 PM

"Obama comes up with his hope and change bullshit"

Change is good ....... dollars are better.

Posted by: Glenmore on March 27, 2008 11:01 PM

The implosion of the dims is their own doing. The traitors deserve it. And more.

Posted by: vetfromhell on March 27, 2008 11:21 PM

This election is a circus but it did accomplish one thing. You can now speak to and pat David Duke on the back if you want. Hussein O, his pastor racist Wright, and those democrats supporting him have made it impossible for anyone to critize the KKK for anything they do without providing proof positive that the democrats are the most racist folks on earth. The KKK should schedule another march in Ohio immediately, the blacks will have to protect them from the little kiddie cops or show they (blacks) are all talk and no guts. Isn't it great?

Posted by: Scrapiron on March 27, 2008 11:50 PM

This is the bestest theatre going! I was gonna take my Mom to see the Jersey Boys, but watching the DNC implode on the nightly Ham and Cheese provides way more fun for my entertainment dollar!
Rock on Hillbillary and Howard Dean! ;)

Posted by: LisaKay on March 28, 2008 11:00 AM

The key word out of Hillarys mouth there is "cakewalk" I strongly believe that is exactly what she thought this whole deal was going to be, from beginning to end. Now it has turnned into a political fight for her life. One she seems to be losing at the moment. Thats just a dirty lowdown shame. Snicker.

Posted by: defshepard on March 29, 2008 10:21 AM

What I can't figure out is why all these people are swooning for Osama Obama & his "change" mantra.
Stalin wanted 'change"; Hitler wanted "change"; Mao wanted "change"; bin Laden wants "change"; and look where it got all the sheeple under them.
Fuck 'em all.

Posted by: Horrabin on March 30, 2008 12:08 PM
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