Modernized Quotes

Frequent contributor Ron has done it again. He's Obamasized quotes from past presidents.

President Barack Hussein Obama updates famous quotes from past presidents:

George Washington: To be prepared for war is one of the most effectual means of preserving peace.

Barack Obama: To have really good speechwriters is one of the most effectual means of re-election.

John Adams: The happiness of society is the end of government.

Barack Obama: What people really want is someone telling them what do to, how to do it, and when to do it.

Thomas Jefferson: That government is best which governs the least, because its people discipline themselves.

Barack Obama: What people really want is someone telling them wh-- , oh, I said that already.

Thomas Jefferson: The price of freedom is eternal vigilance.

Barack Obama: The price of government should be paid by overtaxing the rich.

James Madison: I believe there are more instances of the abridgement of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachments of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations.

Barack Obama: Most people are too stupid to deal with freedoms and need the guidance of federal czars to show them how to manage their lives.

James Monroe: National honor is a national property of the highest value.

Barack Obama: Teleprompters are the most valuable property a government official can have.

John Quincy Adams: Always vote for principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost.

Barack Obama: Always vote for the socialist, and don't worry if your vote is lost 'cause we have thousands of dead people's names we haven't even used yet.

Andrew Jackson: I know what I am fit for. I can command a body of men in a rough way, but I am not fit to be President.

Barack Obama: I am the magic negro and I can do anything, even be President, even though I'm not qualified for the job.

Martin Van Buren: It is easier to do a job right than to explain why you didn't.

Barack Obama: It is easier to blame Bush for everything that goes wrong.

William Henry Harrison: I contend that the strongest of all governments is that which is most free.

Barack Obama. I believe, and I'll prove it to you, that the best government is that which costs the most.

John Tyler: Popularity, I have always thought, may aptly be compared to a coquette -- the more you woo her, the more apt she is to elude your embrace.

Barack Obama: The average American is like a mushroom -- the more horseshit you feed him, the more likely he is to vote Democrat.

James Polk: Public opinion: May it always perform one of its appropriate offices, by teaching the public functionaries of the State and of the Federal Government, that neither shall assume the exercise of powers entrusted by the Constitution to the other.

Barack Obama: It's precisely that kind of nineteenth-century twaddle that has gotten us into the fix we find ourselves in today. The states need to relinquish ALL power to ME.

Zachary Taylor: The idea that I should become President seems to me too visionary to require a serious answer. It has never entered my head, nor is it likely to enter the head of any other person.

Barack Obama: The idea that I should become both King and a Living God seems perfectly reasonable to me.

Millard Fillmore: It is not strange . . . to mistake change for progress.

Barack Obama: What's strange is to continue operating with a set of rules written by white men in white wigs and knee britches over 200 years ago.

Franklin Pierce: The storm of frenzy and faction must inevitably dash itself in vain against the unshaken rock of the Constitution.

Barack Obama: The storm of conservative frenzy from right-wing nutball factions will inevitably dash itself in vain against the supreme logic and beauty of Das Kapital.

James Buchanan: The ballot box is the surest arbiter of dispute among freemen.

Barack Obama: Ballot boxes are for rubes and idiots. The true determiner of elections is ACORN.

James Buchanan: There is nothing stable but Heaven and the Constitution.

Barack Obama: The most trustworthy forces in the universe are socialism and ACORN.

Abraham Lincoln: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can not fool all of the people all of the time.

Barack Obama: You can fool black people most of the time, and liberal white people all of the time, and if you can just get half the Latinos to vote for you, you'll win.

Andrew Johnson: The goal to strive for is a poor government but a rich people.

Barack Obama: The noblest goal is an all-powerful central government and redistribution of rich people's money.

Ulysses S. Grant: My failures have been errors of judgment, not of intent.

Barack Obama: It remains to be seen if I will have had any real failures, and if I do, they'll be Bush's fault.

Rutherford B. Hayes: Nothing brings out the lower traits of human nature like office seeking.

Barack Obama: Nothing requires so little qualification and experience as running for President.

James Garfield: Whoever controls the volume of money in any country is absolute master of all industry and commerce.

Barack Obama: If it appears your industry and commerce might run out of money, print up some more.

Chester A. Arthur: If it were not for the reporters, I would tell you the truth.

Barack Obama: If I had a clue what it is, I would tell you the truth.

Grover Cleveland: A man is known by the company he keeps, and also by the company from which he is kept out.

Barack Obama: Hey, I never listened to Reverend Wright, and Bill Ayers is just a guy I met at a party one time . . . honest!

Grover Cleveland: It is the responsibility of the citizens to support their government. It is not the responsibility of the government to support its citizens.

Barack Obama: It is the responsibility of the citizens to support the government, and it is the responsibility of government to take from the rich and give to those who voted for it.

Benjamin Harrison: We Americans have no commission from God to police the world.

Barack Obama: We Americans have no good reason to pick on devout Muslims or to support Israel.

William McKinley: In the time of darkest defeat, victory may be nearest.

Barack Obama: In these darkest of times, it's Bush's fault.

Theodore Roosevelt: To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.

Barack Obama: To criticize any Democratic president is unpatriotic. All Americans must stand by me with my programs of hope and change. Failure to do what you can to support me is racist.

Theodore Roosevelt: Speak softly and carry a big stick.

Barack Obama: Talk constantly and get rid of the stick.

William H. Taft: Next to the right of liberty, the right of property is the most important individual right guaranteed by the Constitution.

Barack Obama: The American people elected me on the hope that I would change the Constitution so that people with too much property are required to give it to low-income blacks and other disenfranchised deadbe-- uh, freelo-- uh, complai-- uh, sufferers.

Woodrow Wilson: Some people call me an idealist. Well, that is the way I know I am an American. America is the only idealistic nation in the world.

Barack Obama: Some people call me a socialist. Well, of course I am, and the only reason socialism has never worked properly anywhere is that I wasn't The One in charge.

Warren G. Harding: My God, this is a hell of a job! I have no trouble with my enemies . . . but my damn friends, they're the ones that keep me walking the floor nights.

Barack Obama: This job can be lots of fun if you go about it right. I just let my czars and the mainstream media handle my enemies so Michelle and I can go on vacation at taxpayers' expense every few weeks.

Calvin Coolidge: Character is the only secure foundation of the state.

Barack Obama: Equivocation is the only safe way to handle issues.

Herbert Hoover: Absolute freedom of the press to discuss public questions is a foundation stone of American liberty.

Barack Obama: Freedom of the press is good . . .except where Fox News is concerned.

Franklin D. Roosevelt: The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

Barack Obama: The only thing I have to fear is the Constitution . . . and Fox News.

Harry Truman: We need not fear the expression of ideas, only their suppression.

Barack Obama: We need not fear the expression of ideas, except from Limbaugh and Beck.

Harry Truman: A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities, and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties.

Barack Obama. Harry Truman took over a war that was all but won and an economy that was the strongest in the world, not the mess I inherited from BushCo.

Dwight Eisenhower: I never saw a pessimistic general win a battle.

Barack Obama: I never saw a general I couldn't fire.

John F. Kennedy: And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country.

Barack Obama: And so, children of America, ask not what I'm going to do for the country; ask what you can do for me.

Lyndon Johnson: You ain't learnin' nothin' when you're talkin'.

Barack Obama: What!? Hey, if I weren't allowed to make speeches and foto ops, what would be the point?

Richard Nixon: I like the job I have, but if I had to live my life over again, I would like to have ended up a sports writer.

Barack Obama: This president job is one great gig, but If I could have a do-over, I think I'd like to be white next time.

Gerald Ford: A government big enough to give you everything you want is a government big enough to take from you everything you have.

Barack Obama: Damn right!!

James E. Carter: We must adjust to changing times and still hold to unchanging principles.

Barack Obama: He's right about the changing times thing, and we need to start working on changes to the Constitution, too.

Ronald Reagan: Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall.

Barack Obama: Mr. Murdoch, shut down Fox News.

George H. W. Bush: If anyone tells you that America's best days are behind her, they're looking the wrong way.

Barack Obama: America's best days are behind her, and it's your son's fault.

George H. W. Bush: I want a kinder, gentler nation.

Barack Obama: I want to buy the world a Coke and sing Kumbaya in Arabic and Farsi.

William J. Clinton: If you live long enough, you'll make mistakes. But if you learn from them, you'll be a better person. It's how you handle adversity, not how it affects you.

Barack Obama: Now that I've established my legacy as First Kenyan President of the United States, I don't really give a rat's ass what happens to the country. And besides, it's Bush's fault.

George W. Bush: We will bring the terrorists to justice; or we will bring justice to the terrorists. Either way, justice will be done.

Barack Obama: I will deliver apologies to any nation who wants one. I will free all the illegally held detainees in Guantanamo prison. I will bring government-sponsored health care to this country whether the people want it or not. I will bring the troops home. And if I don't succeed, it'll be Bush's fault.

Posted by denny at October 7, 2009 02:12 PM