January 27, 2011

Atlanta Facts

Catfish forwarded an e-mail to me about Atlanta.

This is for anyone who lives in Atlanta, Georgia, has ever lived in
Atlanta, has ever visited Atlanta, ever plans to visit Atlanta, knows
anyone who already lives in Atlanta, or knows anyone who has ever heard
of Atlanta.

Atlanta is composed mostly of one-way streets. The only way to get out of
downtown Atlanta is to turnaround and start over when you reach
Greenville, South Carolina .

All directions start with, "Go down Peachtree" and include the phrase,
"When you see the Waffle House." except that in Cobb County, where all
directions begin with, "Go to the Big Chicken."

big_chicken.jpg

(Yes. The eyes roll and the mouth opens and closes. ... GOC)


Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is not to be confused with:
Peachtree Circle
Peachtree Place
Peachtree Lane
Peachtree Road
Peachtree Parkway
Peachtree Run
Peachtree Terrace
Peachtree Avenue
Peachtree Commons
Peachtree Battle
Peachtree Corners
New Peachtree
Old Peachtree
West Peachtree
Peachtree-Dunwoody
Peachtree-Chamblee
Peachtree Industrial Boulevard

Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home. If you ask
anyone for directions, they will always send you down Peachtree.

Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola. Coke's all they drink there so don't
ask for any other soft drink unless it's made by Coca-Cola. Even if you
want something other than a Coca-Cola, it's still called Coke.

The gates at Atlanta 's Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport are
about 32 miles away from the Main Concourse, so wear
sneakers and pack a lunch.
The 8 a.m. rush hour is from 6:30 a.m. to 10:30 a.m.
The 5 p.m. rush hour is from 3:00 p.m. to 7:30 pm. (Don't forget the
lunch time rush hour!)

Friday's rush hour starts Thursday afternoon and lasts through 2 a.m.
Saturday.

Only a native can pronounce Ponce De Leon Avenue , so do not attempt the Spanish
pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and
stare at you. The Atlanta pronunciation is " pawntz duh LEE-awn."

And yes, they have a street named simply, "Boulevard."

The falling of one raindrop causes all drivers to immediately forget all
traffic rules. If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for
three days and it's on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes
for a week. Overnight, all grocery stores will be sold out of milk,
bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer.

I-285, the loop that encircles Atlanta which has a posted speed limit of
55 mph but you have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from getting run over
and is known to truckers as "The Watermelon 500."

Don't believe the directional markers on highways: I-285 is marked "East"
and "West" but you may be going North or South. The locals identify the
direction by referring to the "Inner Loop" and the "Outer Loop."

If you travel on Hwy 92 North, you will actually be going southeast.
(This is not a joke. It's true. Plus, the name changes often. When I lived in Acworth, my subdivision was off Highway 92. At that point Highway 92 North was heading due East and was called Old Alabama Highway. ... GOC)

Never buy a ladder or mattress in Atlanta . Just go to one of the
interstates and you will soon find one in the middle of the road.

The last thing you want to do is give another driver the finger, unless
your car is armored, your trigger finger is itchy and your AK-47 has a
full clip.

Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Georgia .

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Georgia, plus a
couple no one has seen before.

If it grows, it sticks. If it crawls, it bites. If you notice a vine
trying to wrap itself around your leg, you have about 20 seconds to
escape, before you are completely captured and covered with Kudzu.

It's not a shopping cart, it's a buggy.

"Fixinto" is one word (I'm fixinto go to the store) - also can be
pronounced "Fixinta".

Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it
when you're 2 years old.
(I found out that Texas isn't really a Southern state a few years ago. The Chili's restaurants don't serve sweet tea. If sweet tea is not the default, you are not in the South.)

"Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"

"How's Momma-nem" means: "How's Mother and all of the other children and
other members of the family doing?"

If you understand these jokes, forward them to your friends from Atlanta, Georgia, and those who just wish they were.

Posted by denny at January 27, 2011 01:47 PM  
Comments

"The falling of one raindrop causes all drivers to immediately forget all
traffic rules. If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for
three days and it's on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes
for a week. Overnight, all grocery stores will be sold out of milk,
bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer."

That's not Atlanta, That's England

Posted by: DaveH on January 27, 2011 02:40 PM

That's the whole South, including Texas.

Posted by: Josh Fahrni on January 27, 2011 03:47 PM

And yes, they have a street named simply, "Boulevard."

Pronounced: 'Boo-vard'

Posted by: Bill C. on January 27, 2011 04:05 PM

That's really funny! When I lived in Houston, Texas, a few snowflakes fell one morning. Great panic! They closed down the highways and all the schools. After 45 years, my sons still remember the ONE HOUR it snowed in Texas!

If you say it as it's phonetically written, Ponce De Leon would be well understood by French ears. Also Boo-vard. When speaking fast, we often let go of the middle of a word.

Posted by: Claudia on January 27, 2011 04:28 PM

Denny .....

Except for peachtree it sounds a lot like Erie Pa.....We do have a Peach street though.

Our oddities are..................
Interstate 79 which has a 65 mile per hour speed limit comes into Erie with no warning turns into a 2 lane 25 mile per hour tourist scenic road across our bayfront .....Makes for some very interesting traffic accidents.

The east side bayfront access road from I 90 which decelerates you from 65mph to 45 mph to 35 mph & lastly to 25 mph where it connects to the I79 tourist scenic highway. It`s special features are 500 traffic lights with access from every side street & probably a couple of driveways. Also create`s some unusual accidents. State Police make a fortune on this road.

Everytime a traffic route through town is built or improved , the first thing they do is construct new schools along it which feature 15 mph speed limit`s often on a 4 or 6 lane road. Keeps the frustration level high & business from locating in the downtown area....The non-synchronized traffic lights are a nice touch requiring one to pay very close attention to the green lights when you approach them.

As I said we do not have any peachtree roads or streets, but we do have multiple field houses. The first county field house was replaced by #2 which like #1 has never made any money.After about 30 years # 2 was replaced by # 3 which like # 2 is usually empty. Thus we have two giant ratholes to throw surplus tax revenues into. The city government is going to renovate # 2 in order to make money from people renting it , only problem is # 3 will lose a sizable percentage of the business it has which will guarantee it will continue the white elephant syndrome. Most likely in about 15 years a Democratic city administration will recommend field house #4 be built.

Driving in snow .....one would think being in an area gets 10 to 12 feet of snow each winter should leave most drivers very savvy as to technique.......However standard procedure here is to wait until snow fall accumulates to about 20 inch`s before making an appointment to put snow tires on, ignore the no parking signs on odd & even day s in order to keep the snow plows from doing their jobs. Use winter driving regulations at all times if it looks like it might snow.....
1.Ignore established traffic lanes, drive down the middle of the road when ever possible.You won`t hit any cubs this way.
2.Maintain a safe speed of about 10 miles per hour.A lot of fender benders but few serious accidents.
3.Pay no attention to traffic lights or one way streets.Perfects your dodge-em skills.
4.Always try to tackle any hill even when you do not have snow tires. See #3 for when one careens out of control in front of you backwards down the hill toward you.

So, if any one is interested in having a convention on the beautiful shores of Lake Erie ....let us know we have Field house open dates, just make sure your Auto Insurance is paid & up to date.

Posted by: dudley1 on January 27, 2011 04:32 PM

Makes one appreciate places like Ward South Dakota, and Verdi Minnesota. There, when some one stops to ask directions, you yell accross the fence, "Ray, these folks want to know how to get to your place, care to explain it to em?"

Posted by: Jeremy on January 27, 2011 04:42 PM

I drove in Atlanta for about two weeks one day, trying to get to the airport. That was in the pre-Garmin days. My problem, being from the left coast, was that the ocean was on the wrong side of the map.

Posted by: Alan on January 27, 2011 04:55 PM

It looks like a man could get a nice cold Pepsi at the Big Chicken. I wouldn't be completely lost.

Posted by: Chuck from Tacoma on January 27, 2011 05:13 PM

You left out the special treats for truck drivers, like coming north on I75 and discovering that you guessed wrong as to which way around you should have gone. And you must go one way or the other, there isn't any color that allows you inside the inner loop.

Or the fun games the locals play, like diving in front of an 18-wheeler in an exit lane from the left-most lane, for extra credit, and standing on the brakes forcing the driver to a complete and foul-smelling stop, and then diving out into traffic (preferably in front of another truck) and passing another truck and diving back out again.

There appear to be two objectives--("surviving" is apparently optional), get as many trucks stopped as possible so each will will be in the bottom gear at the bottom of the climbing, decreasing radius connector, and flip off as many drivers as possible for being in your way.

Posted by: Larry Sheldon on January 27, 2011 05:27 PM

I survived driving the interstate in Atlanta. It was a Darwin like experience for NASCAR drivers in training. I live in a major city, but that scared the S&%@ out of me.

What's the plural of y'all?

All-y'all.

Posted by: Dennis on January 27, 2011 07:37 PM

Jeet?
No ... jew?

Posted by: PeggyU on January 27, 2011 08:08 PM

I wuz gonna point out KFC serves only Pepsi. I know, because me wife (the Coca-Cola addict herself) threatens to kill any waitress who asks "Will Pepsi be OK?" after she has ordered a Coke. We are not allowed in KFC anymore.

Posted by: sharpstuff on January 27, 2011 08:42 PM

Having survived (barely) driving through Atlanta a few times - my biggest excitement was the time I took in the Cyclorama & Civil War Museum with a couple of other Yankees. At the end, I advised my friends to not say a word as to not let on that we were from "the other side" - I felt the locals still held a grudge!

Posted by: John Galt on January 27, 2011 09:45 PM

Thought you might enjoy my article, "There Are Only Two Places in Georgia." It features the Big Chicken.

http://willstuff.wordpress.com/2009/06/04/there-are-only-two-places-in-georgia/

I'm not a Georgia native, merely a son, so I'll accept any necessary corrections.

Bill

Posted by: Bill McNutt on January 27, 2011 10:40 PM

Texas supported the Confederacy, granted in a more tertiary way, but supported the South nevertheless. So your notion that Texas is not part of the south izza sum fightin' words brotha! :D

Posted by: Paul on January 27, 2011 11:06 PM

Bill McNutt - Well done!

Posted by: Claudia on January 27, 2011 11:23 PM

I remember a similar one done about Knoxville several years back. That was before they "fixed" Malfunction Junction for the umpteenth time.

Posted by: Sandy G. on January 27, 2011 11:32 PM

Too funny! Love the part about the mattresses in the interstate. So true!

Posted by: Biff on January 27, 2011 11:42 PM

Thanks for posting the pic of the big chicken. I've lived in greater Atlanta since '93, and that's the first time I've ever seen a picture of it.

Posted by: stine on January 28, 2011 12:20 AM

I used to work for a company based in Atlanta back in the mid-80's called Peachtree Bankcard...

Posted by: Rob Cooper on January 28, 2011 07:11 AM

I remember coming to Hot Lanta w/my parents in '68 when I was 11 & MARVELING at at the huge, crowded roads-They were still just building Interstates in NE Tenn then-all the PEOPLE, Stone Mountain, Six Flags, but what really blew my provincial young-boy mind was seeing the C-5As flying around at Lockheed-Marietta...No WAY sumpin' THAT big could fly...

Posted by: Sandy G. on January 28, 2011 07:35 AM

@John Galt - We don't call it "The Great War of Northern Aggression" for nothing! :)

Posted by: John Galt's Angry Nephew on January 28, 2011 08:25 AM

No, no. It's not that Texans are somehow inferior to or apart from the south. It's merely that they are too busy being Texans to be southern.

Being a Texans purty much takes up the entire personality of mortal men.

Bill

Posted by: Bill McNutt on January 28, 2011 11:46 AM

Here's one for you.

You are Driving Westbound on I-80 in Emeryville, CA
Your GPS says you are going South.
The roadsign states you are on I-580 East.

Posted by: jim on January 28, 2011 11:57 AM

I found out about all the Peachtree Street crap both times I was in Atlanta with my friend Linda, especially since we went to Underground Railroad both times.

Posted by: Tina on January 28, 2011 02:41 PM

According to my three-year-experience in Houston, what Bill says about Texas is true. The Texans are a very unique breed of people. They're extremely self-confident, and generous to a fault. Everything is bigger and better in Texas. Specially their hearts! I learned to love America through them. Their support and hospitality helped me, and my two very young kids, to survive the Cuban Missile Crisis and JFK's assassination. I wanted to run home. But everyday, whether at work with Dr.DeBakey'warm-hearted staff, or at home with extraordinary neighbours, I saw what America really is: solid, undaunted, caring and dependable. I still see it that way. Specially after my three years with the GOC.

Posted by: Claudia on January 28, 2011 02:57 PM

I owned a head shop at 14th and Peachtree road back in the 60's. Glad I closed it and moved out of Atlanta.

Posted by: Catfish on January 28, 2011 03:47 PM

The Watermelon 500 ... I love it!

Also the mass transit system:

Moving
Africans
Rapidly
Through
Atlanta

Posted by: Ralph Gizzip on January 28, 2011 05:15 PM

IN CASE OF NUCLEAR ATTACK:

IF YOU LIVE IN SOUTH ATLANTA:
Immediately and will all due speed progress to I-75 and head south for at least an hour.

IF YOU LIVE IN NORTH ATLANTA:
Immediately and will all due speed progress to I-75 and head north for at least an hour.

IF YOU LIVE IN EAST ATLANTA:
Immediately and will all due speed progress to I-20 and head east for at least an hour.

IF YOU LIVE IN WEST ATLANTA:
Immediately and will all due speed progress to I-20 and head west for at least an hour.

IF YOU ARE A GODDAMNED YANKEE LIVING IN ATLANTA:
Immediately proceed to I-285 and remain on it.


(Apologies to Lewis Grizzard.)

Posted by: Unix-Jedi on January 28, 2011 05:18 PM

I miss Harry's Steakhouse, Pippins and One Eyed Jacks. Didn't they just close Clermont Hotel?

Posted by: Otis on January 28, 2011 06:17 PM

Just curious whether the natives make "big cock" jokes about the giant chicken?

Posted by: TalkinHorse on January 28, 2011 06:58 PM

I wanna see the building they thru the guy off of in "Sharky's Machine". Also, ALWAYS wanted to go to the revolvin' restaurant. That was practically brand-new in '68 & a Very Big deal. H3ll, its prolly closed down now...

Posted by: Sandy G. on January 28, 2011 08:12 PM

Unix-Jedi - Remember the Braves pitcher Pasquale Perez? He was the dude who got on I-285 to go to the ballpark and circled Atlanta at least twice before he figgered it out.

Sandy G - Yep. It's the Sun Dial. At one time that was the tallest building in Atlanta. I've eaten there twice. The food was overpriced, but you were paying for the view.

Posted by: Denny on January 28, 2011 10:30 PM

Sandy, you should have seen it during the past year...they hadn't replaced all of the windows that got blown in/out during the storm we had (that I now forget when was.) It was just like when Sharkey blew the guy out of the window.

I can tell you not to looking for the location of the opening scene...you'll probably not survive, or if you do it will be sans car, phone, money, etc.

Posted by: stine on January 29, 2011 01:51 AM

Oh, well.. Ya gotta admit "Sharky's Machine" DID have a killer music selection/soundtrack... And "Dominoe" was a babe.

Posted by: Sandy G. on January 29, 2011 09:55 AM

I drove through Atlanta (on I-2o) regularly during the lead-up to the Olympics. When they said "lane shift ahead" they did not mean get ready to move one lane over like the rest of the country. They meant all 3 lanes of traffic should immediately shift 3 lanes to the left. I have yet to see anything to match it.

Posted by: Marie on January 29, 2011 09:07 PM

After having read post and comments about Atlanta, I wish it had been part of my American experience in my youth.

Posted by: Claudia on January 29, 2011 09:23 PM

Lived at Peachtree Industrial Boulevard and Peachtree Corners Circle in Norcross in '85 and '86. Way too close to Jimmy Carter Boulevard.

Posted by: Dave on January 31, 2011 08:33 AM
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