Bad Taste Barbie Week continues:
Whoa baby! Is that Bill Clinton with that $20 bill?
z sent me an e-mail with a link to Molly's latest bullshit ravings, so I guess it's time once again to fisk Molly's latest..
You've got to hand it to those clever little problem-solvers at the White House. What a bunch of brainiacs. They have resolved the entire problem of global warming: They cut it out of the report!
You've got to hand it to Molly that when she writes a column, she turns off her brain.
This is genius. Everybody else is maundering on about the oceans rising and the polar icecaps melting and monster storms and hideous droughts, and these guys just ... edit it out.
Probably because it's not the catastrophe all the environmental wackos are raving about. And wouldn't it be nice if we could just edit out Molly's bullshit?
"The editing eliminated references to many studies concluding that warming is at least partly caused by rising concentrations of smokestack and tailpipe emissions, and could threaten health and ecosystems," reports The New York Times. Presto -- poof!
The New York Times - Motto: All the news that fits our views. Did Jayson Blair have anything to do with coming up with the "references to many studies"? I'm sorry Molly, the New York Times is not the most credible source these days.
What do they care about health and ecosystems? Think of the possibilities presented by this ingenious solution. Let's edit out AIDS
Good idea. Then we won't have to send $15 billion to that shithole known as Africa. Works for me.
and all problems with drugs both legal and illegal.
Good idea. I'm for legalization of drugs. Legalize, regulate, and tax.
We could get rid of Libya and Syria this way -- take ‘em off the maps.
I'm all for that too, but my process involves bombs.
We can do away with unemployment, the uninsured, heart disease, obesity and the coming Social Security crunch. We could try editing out death and taxes, but I don't think we should overreach right away. Just start with something simple, like years of scientific research on global warming,
And after years of "scientific research" it still has not been scientifically proven that we are causing global warming. This could be a normal climate change. There is simply not enough data yet. The earth has gone through many climate changes. There was a little ice age 600 years ago.
and blue pencil that sucker out of existence. Denial is not just a river in Egypt.
True. It describes the Dimocratic Party and a lot of other dipshits on the left, Molly included.
Inspiring as the remarkable Bush approach to resolving global warming is -- the simplicity of it, the beauty of it, I cannot get over it -- does it not suggest a certain cavalier je ne sais quoi about the future? What I mean is, is anybody there concerned about what happens to people?
Nope. Bush wants to kill everyone. Dammit! Now the secret is out.
realize the energy industry and auto industry and other major campaign contributors would prefer to think global warming does not exist, but how long do you think it will take before reality catches up with all of us? The White House editors (hi, Karl) instead chose to insert a new study on global non-warming funded by ... ta-da! ... the American Petroleum Institute.
And Molly and the rest of the environmental wackos cite studies by ... ta da ... Greenpeace.
Dear old API, author of innumerable ringing editorials on the desperate need to leave the oil depletion allowance at 27 percent (certain Texas newspapers that shall remain nameless used to run those editorials without changing a single comma), is really swell at representing the oil bidness. Fond as I am of many of API lobbyists I have known over the years, I am not quite sure I want those bozos calling the shots on global warming.
Politics is politics. Like the teachers' unions haven't destroyed gummint schools. I love this next line.
I have watched them buy law and bend regulations for decades now, and while I admire their chutzpah, I am impelled to warn you: They have no scruples, they have no decency, and they have no shame.
Holy shit! It sounds like she is talking about Bill and Hillary Clinton!
Well now, danged if that doesn't bring us to the subject of lying and the White House.
She is talking about the Clinton's!
Let us set aside the vexing case of the missing weapons of mass destruction and focus on a few items closer to home.
Looks like she wasn't. About them thar weapons of mass destruction. Could those be the ones that liberals like Molly wanted to give the inspectors more time to find? The inspectors went back in and were there for six months and liberals were screaming, "Give them more time!". We've been looking for three months and they're screaming "Where are the weapons?"
Anyone remember President Bush's 2002 State of the Union Address? No, no, not the one where he said Iraq had a nuclear weapons program.
Give us more time!
The one where he said he was going to expand AmeriCorps by 50 percent, from 50,000 up to 75,000, because giving all those young people a chance to work their way through college by doing good for the community is so noble and effective.
And?
Last week, Bush and Republicans in Congress cut AmeriCorps by 80 percent. According to Jonathan Alter in Newsweek, Congress, under pressure, restored some of it, but it still leaves Americorps with a 58 percent cut and tens of thousands of fewer participants out there teaching poor kids to read, helping old folks in nursing homes, setting up community gardens, and a thousand other good and useful tasks -- many of which get the young people started on careers in that kind of work.
So, Molly, you, Bill Clinton, Patrick Kennedy, and a bunch of empty-headed Hollywood liberals think you're undertaxed. Why don't all you bleeding hearts start a fund for AmeriCorps?
Alter notes that restoring AmeriCorps to its current level would take $185 million, about one-half of one percent of the president's latest tax cut for the rich. The radical Republicans in Congress, apparently egged on by a Heritage Foundation study from April 2003, have decided AmeriCorps is (gasp, shudder) a jobs program.
Bill Clinton has $80,000 he said he doesn't need. That would be a start. Hillary should get a good chunk too. Ask her for some money. I'm sure Meathead Reiner would like to contribute. Howza 'bout Babs? And maybe Janeane Garofalo. Ooops! I forgot. Her series with ABC didn't pan out. Just let me keep mine.
What have these people got against national service?
Ask Clinton. He was called. He dodged. Didja hear that someone threw a beer at Clinton? It was draft beer so he dodged it easily. (Rim shot!)
Speaking of said same tax cut, too bad about the children of the working poor.
If they're poor they shouldn't have children.
Congress just announced it's too busy to get around to the restoring the child tax credit to 6.5 million low-income families (known to The Wall Street Journal as "lucky duckies" because, you see, they pay little or no income tax. They only pay 19 percent of their meager incomes in other taxes.).
That's right. They pay no income tax so why should they get an income tax refund? That's what the tax cut was: an income tax cut. Only in the mind of a liberal. And I've written many a time about in most cases, being poor is due to making bad choices. And if someone cannot make enough money to have children, he shouldn't have children and expect me to pay for 'em.
And now for some of that noted Molly Ivins' humor.
FYI: If you put "George W. Bush" and "lies" into the Google search engine, you get 250,000 references in nine-tenths of a second.
Oh what a neat game. Let's see what z said in his letter.
I only got 172,000 in .32 seconds.
With Bill Clinton, got 128,000 in .21 seconds. With Bill Clinton and "sex", 230,000 in .46 seconds.
With Molly Ivins, 5,320 in .22 seconds -- but she's not as well known as presidents. Molly and "sex" -- 7,580 in .18 seconds.
On the basis of all that, there's a strong correlation between Molly and BJ Clinton -- so Monica wasn't the only one?
Wotta load of nothing. Absolutely no meaning to any of the searches. Maybe proves that Molly is using a phone modem?
What a neat game! Let's do more.
Molly Ivins idiot - 1950 in .23 seconds
Molly Ivins stupid - 6450 in .20 seconds
Molly Ivins bitch - 1110 in .17 seconds
Molly Ivins moron - 790 in .30 seconds
Going the wrong way here. But come up with your own Molly Ivins search. It's fun and can keep you occupied for minutes.
It's better than reading her columns.
Pamela sent me some pictures of Barbie, so this will be Bad Taste Barbie Week. Here is the first one.
They finally buried Maynard Jackson. It's been all Maynard all the time here in Atlanta. Thank God Lester Maddox and Strom Thurmond picked last week to die as that knocked Maynard off the front page of the Atlanta Urinal and Constipation for at least one day.
They held the funeral service on Saturday and the usual supects were there, including our 'first black president' Bill Clinton. He shoveled enough horseshit to fertilize a 40 acre farm. Example:
And we loved Maynard because he loved us. He loved us with that million-dollar smile. He had that creamy voice that could melt the meanness out of the hardest heart. He had the gift of gab that could talk an owl out of a tree. And he had certain convictions about politics because he knew that politicians made choices that could affect people's lives. He saw how much good affirmative action did for well-connected white folk and he thought it ought to be tried for other people as well.
He saw how much good affirmative action did for well-connected white folk? WTF?
Of course, Jesse Jackson showed up. I didn't even want to hear any of his bullshit, since he could probably top B. J.
Maya Angelou even wrote a poem. One stanza:
When great trees fall,
rocks on distant hills shudder,
lions hunker down
in tall grasses,
and even elephants
lumber after safety
Well that's for damn sure. Maynard was big as a tree and he probably did make the earth shudder when he fell in D.C.
I wasn't in Atlanta during Maynard's first reign, but to hear people speak about it, he did everything but part the Red Sea and bring the Ten Commandments down from Mount Sinai. Boortz had a soundbite on his show Thursday morning where one of Maynard's worshippers said "He taught white people how to think!" Holy shit! None of us knew how to think before Maynard?
I only remember Maynard's last reign which was memorable for two things: the Eastern Airlines' hangar and Bill Campbell.
Eastern Airlines had gone out of business and Delta Airlines wanted to expand their maintenance operation in Atlanta. They went to the city of Atlanta and wanted to rent the old Eastern Airlines' hangar. Maynard tried to get Delta to pay a lot more than it was worth, so Delta told him to kiss off and chose to expand its maintenance operation in Cincinnati instead. Maynard's greed cost Atlanta jobs.
And then there is Bill Campbell who was Maynard's handpicked successor. Bill Campbell who was probably the most corrupt mayor the city of Atlanta ever had. Bill Campbell who said during the Olympics that the world was coming to Atlanta for an African-American experience. No, you fucking asshole, the world was coming to Atlanta for the fucking Olympics! Usually at the end of the Olympics, the President of the International Olympic Committee, Mr. Juan Antonio Samaranche says "This was the best Olympics ever". Not for Atlanta. Campbell had so commercialized the Olympics and generally mucked everything up that all Samaranche could say was it was a good Olympics.
So Maynard, RIP. I'm sorry I didn't get to see your good side.
Here is the last bad taste cartoon for this week.
Next week will be Bad Taste Barbie Week.
For those of you who came in late and don't know what I'm talking about when I mention SHTS, here is a post I did last year when I only had five readers a day.
I really don't feel like commenting on anything in the news or in the local paper. And the stuff in the Urinal and Constipation is so rich for ridicule today.
For example, there is a column about hate crimes. I'll tell you I am really sick of that crap!. If I kill you because I hate you are you any more dead than if I didn't hate you? Or, if I'm sentenced to death for murder can you make me any deader if it were a hate crime? Look, crime is crime. I really don't want to talk about how ridiculous the concept of hate crimes is.
Another booger eatin' moh-ron had to weigh in in a letter about how Jimmy Carter was a better President than Ronald Reagon because Iran-Contra was the worst stain on the Presidency in history. I really think that was a very poor choice of words, because the only stain I think about in regards to the Presidency involves a blue dress.
So the paper, today, is a target rich environment, but I'm just not in the mood. Even making fun of Molly Ivins doesn't appeal to me. So I guess I'll just have to talk about SHTS and SPTS.
Everybody says you shouldn't be judgmental, but how can you help it when life is filled with so many idiots? The Rat in the comic strip Pearls Before Swine.
And that is a great lead in to SHTS and SPTS. What the heck are those things you may ask? First let's talk a little about how bureaucracies work.
The first order of a bureaucracy is survival. The second order of a bureaucracy is growth. You can try to trim back a bureaucracy, but it will always grow back, often stronger than before. And, when organizations cannot figure out a bureaucracy, they create another bureaucracy to try to manage the first one. And that brings me to SHTS.
The company I work for, which shall remain nameless, does not seem to know where the money is going and how much certain functions cost. This is a fine example of a bureaucracy at work and it is functioning normally. So the solution was to create a tracking system that would track everything (and I mean everything) that an employee does. I shall call this the Stupid Hourly Tracking System (not the real name) or SHTS for short. SHTS is an elaborate system of codes (lots of codes) and subcodes (lots of subcodes). We were given a one hour training session via a conference call and a printed presentation which was unreadable. Oh, and we had to start keeping track of our time four weeks before the system was available. So we had spreadsheets with codes and subcodes that were incomprehensible to us.
Wait, it gets better. Three months before my organization was supposed to start using SHTS, the only person who knew anything about the administration of SHTS got laid off (surplussed in company speak). Someone with a bad case of clue deficiency syndrome suddenly realized that we couldn't administer SHTS without this person, so she was hired back as a contractor. Talk about management not knowing SHTS!
So comes the day when we have to start entering our time in SHTS. At a meeting, I asked my manager for some clarification on how to do some coding. Have you ever had a manager answer a question and say absolutely nothing? Words came out, but they must have been managerspeak (the language that managers use to communicate with each other so us peons cannot understand them) cause, in the words of Arlo Guthrie, "He talked for forty five minutes and I didn't understand a word he said".
Codes. Did I mention codes. There is a code for almost everything. I haven't found one for going to the bathroom yet, but maybe there is:
Now my manager is gung ho about everything that comes down from the mountaintop of upper management. And what starts as a tiny little turd at the top is a mountain of bullshit by the time it reaches us bottom feeders. Everyone has to have all their SHTS coding done by 8:00 PM on Friday. We have to have ours in by noon on Friday, thus guessing what we'll be doing from noon on. We have two people who come in at noon so I guess they call the psychic hotline to decide what they're gonna do the rest of the day. I can just picture our general manager eagerly waiting until 8:00 PM Friday to pull the reports and see what everyone has been doing.
Who thinks this stuff up? What kind of drugs are they on? Can't you just imagine a bunch of managers at a meeting passing around a pipe and one of them jumps up and says "Here's a great idea. Let's do some SHTS!"
A few weeks ago my manager forwarded an urgent note from the SHTS Administrator to not precode our SHTS. As a good worker bee I asked my manager how this related to his rules. He repeated his rules. Have you ever tried to nail jello to a wall? Oh, and periodically, the project manager comes to us and says we have to go back and change certain codes. I guess they're not getting the numbers they want.
One of my coworkers pointed out to me that SHTS is the perfect bureaucratic tool:
And they're basing business decisions on this.
It just couldn't get any better, except for SPTS which is SHTS existential opposite that completes the duality. SPTS is our Stupid Problem Tracking System. We used to have a mainframe based problem tracking system, but that is now passe. Leaving out the fact that the system worked, was reliable and stable, and could also be used for change management, it was a green screen system. Can't have that can we? So, in our ultimate wisdom, we wrote our own. Just one thing wrong. Shortly after going into production, the guy who wrote the application quit. No one else knew anything about it. And to make things even better, I was at a meeting where one of the project managers told us we were gonna move change management to SPTS. I turned to the person sitting next to me and mumbled 'We're doomed!'
So, I do have a wonderful time at work trying to keep my SHTS together. And it is coming up on the highpoint of the year: our annual diversity training.
I do love my job!
Bad Taste Week is almost over.
When I saw this picture, I immediately thought that this would be sumpin' Acidman would do.
So Kim didn't like John Hawkin's interview with Ann Coulter. C'mon Kim, Ann is smart, quick, and doesn't take any shit from liberals. Maybe you would prefer the interview that Rodger had with her. There is a link to a picture of her showing off her jugs.
On Thursday I was trying to install the latest version of SHTS (Stupid Hourly Tracking System) on my PC at work. I went out to the software site, selected the product, and clicked install. It failed. So now I had to call TCIDNN's (The Company I Dare Not Name) (no) Help (whatsoever) Desk.
I dialed 1-800-FUC-KYOU, and after wading through the voice response system, I finally got a human.
Him: Hello this is (unintelligible). Could I verify your serial number and name please?
Me: (Oh shit! He doesn't speak English!). Yep! Denny Wilson - serial number xxxxxx.
Him: What is your problem?
Me: I can't install SHTS 1.2.
Him: OK! Go to START, select RUN, and type in CMD.
Me: (This dickhead doesn't think I can open up a command window?) OK. Done.
Him: Type in p-i-n-g and the url of the software site.
Me: (Omigawd! I can get to the freaking site. That's not the f'ing bug Einstein!) It's pinging OK.
Him: What do you see? (He doesn't think I know what a successful ping looks like?)
Me: The IP address and the packets.
Then he had me call up some Internet Explore options and change some Java stuff and reboot. Yeah, like that's gonna fix it. Five minutes after I've started shutdown and reboot he starts again.
Him: Is it up yet.
Me: No. TCIDNN has so much shit on this PC it takes ten minutes to boot up. I'll let you know.
Five minutes later.
Me: OK it's up. I've fired up Internet Explorer, I've gone out to the site, and it still fails.
Him: I'll have to bump you up to the next level of support. So I need your name (for the third time), your phone number (for the third time), your serial number (for the third time), and your address (for the second time). Here's your ticket number xxxxxxxx. Someone will call you in 24 to 48 hours. Thanks for calling the (no) Help (whatsoever) Desk.
Yeah. Like I really believe I'll hear sumpin' in 24 to 48 hours. Oh well, I tried.
Friday morning, I explained my problem to my team lead. He said to let him take a look at it. He deleted some files and then reloaded the program that does the software installation. He went out to the site, clicked install, and everything worked. Freaking magic. He said that sometimes one of the files, and he didn't know which one, gets corrupted and the fix is deleting and reinstalling.
Had he been there Thursday, I wouldn't have had to waste 30 minutes talking to (unintelligible).
Oh. And my department was charged $25 to talk to (unintelligible).
And the next level of support still hasn't called me.
Sometimes I really love my job.
Bad taste week continues:
So, to go along with this, let's have a Monica joke.
Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed
up on the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie. "Oh
goodie, now I'll get three wishes!" she exclaimed.
No," said the genie, "You've been very bad, and because of this, I can
only grant you one wish."
"Let's see," said Monica, "I don't need fame, because I have plenty of
that due to all of the media coverage. And I don't need money, because
after I write my book, and do all my interviews, I'll have all the money
I could ever want. I WOULD like to get rid of these love handles,
though. Yes, that's it, for my one wish, I would like my love handles
removed."
Poof! And just like that......her ears were gone.
Speaking of blow jobs, Bill Clinton had to weigh in at the black pander party known as the Rainbow/Push convention held in Chicago. So what did our distinguished former president have to say?
Former President Bill Clinton said "extreme conservatives" are in now in control of the White House, Congress, much of the federal judiciary system, and a growing share of the media.
After the abomination known as the Farm Bill, steel tariffs, and the soon to be enacted prescription drug entitlement, I sure would hate to see what moderate conservatives would do. The judiciary? Not with the Senate filibustering the appointments. The media? Yeah. that noted rightwing consortium of NBCCBSABCCNNNPRPBSCNBCMSNBC, the New York Times, the Washington Post, and most other big city newspapers. GMAFB! But he gets better.
Clinton warned the crowd of Jackson supporters to never stoop to the "demoniz[ing] tactics of right-wing talk-show hosts."
Actually to emulate the "demoniz(ing) tactics of right-wing talk show hosts", the Jackson supporters would have to crawl out of the sewer to join the right-wing talk show hosts in the gutter.
"Let us never demonize or give up on those who disagree with us. We don't want to become like the right-wing talk-show hosts, hammering our adversaries into cartoon characters and denying their humanity," Clinton told the conference.
I guess James Carville, Sid Blumenthal, Janeane Garofalo, Susan Sarandon, Sheila Jackson Lee, Cynthia McKinney, Paul Begala, Barbra Streisand, Sean Penn, Charles Barron, Barbara Lee, Tim Robbins, Alec Baldwin, Al Sharpton, Maxine Waters, .Jesse Jackson, et. al. (Jesus, the list is endless!) didn't get that message from B.J.
Clinton said the guiding principle of his political life has been an attempt to emulate the Founding Fathers' goal of forming "a more perfect union." Striving for that goal helped him achieve an "amazing and completely improbable life," he said.
What is improbable is the Founding Fathers ever believing we could elect a snake oil salesman like B.J. to the presidency.
"Sometimes I think I have no idea how I got to be president, and I am sure the people who oppose me don't either," he commented.
I have a hard time believing it either, but no one ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people. And this asshole was elected twice. Fucking amazing! It just shows that even white trash can grow up and become president. Remember Carville's comment about dragging a $20 bill through a trailer park? Clinton wouldd have got to it before Paula Jones.
"We are going to put half-a-million [children] out on the street, so I can get my $80,000 [tax cut]," Clinton said, referring to the amount he expects to save under the Bush tax-cut plan. President Clinton reportedly earned $9.5 million in 2002 in speaking fees alone.
So give it back! No one's stopping you. Write a check. Do it now!
'They ought to audit me'
This is probably the only time in my life I actually agree with sumpin B.J. says.
Clinton bragged that he loved paying taxes.
Yeah. Like I really believe that.
"I must be the only person in America that every time -- I pay the maximum tax rates -- every time I sign that tax form, I smile. I thank God I live in a country that gave me a chance to make the money I do," Clinton said.
This from a man who deducted giving his used underwear away. You know that he and Hillary have tax attorneys who ensure that they pay the minimum amount of taxes every year. He smiles at the amount of money he and Hillary cheat the gummint out of every year.
In addition to his professed fondness for paying taxes, Clinton said he wants to be audited annually. "I think they ought to audit me and everyone in my income group every year, because if I make a mistake, I actually think they can make some real money out of me and I want to pay what I owe," he declared.
People actually believe him when he says this shit! Fucking amazing!
"Most people I grew up with in Arkansas never made that much money in a year," Clinton said, again referring to the extra $80,000 he estimates he'll receive under the Bush tax-cut plan. "They worked just as hard as I did and paid their taxes and served their country in the military, raised their children and did everything they could to be right," he lamented.
As opposed to a fucking draft dodger who deducted used underwear and cheated the taxpayers out of a lot of money with a bogus real estate deal and a savings and loan that was looted. And this doesn't even bring up the money Hillary made on cattle futures. Hey! I have an idea. Let's give Hillary $4 billion dollars and let her invest it in cattle futures. In 6 months, she'll turn it into $400 billion. That will take care of the deficit for this year. Do it enough times and she can retire the national debt. How come no one ever thought about this? After all, she is the smartest woman in the world.
Well Bill, here's an idea for you and all your liberal buddies and to make it even better it was the idea of Mike Huckabee, the governor of Arkansas. It's called the Tax Me More Fund. If you think you are under-taxed, simply write a check to the gummint.
So, do you think B.J. is gonna write a check for $80,000 to the U.S. gummint?
Yeah, that will happen right after he grabs a rifle and fights and dies for Israel.
Go read this essay by Orson Scott Card. Do it immediately! Link from Little Green Footballs. Also, if you have not read his book, Ender's Game, go buy it and read it.
Holy shit! Michael Jackson's next surgery.
I don't remember who said it, but "Only in America could a poor black boy grow up to be a rich white woman."
Yesterday I wrote about how we didn't have to worry about what Duke Gapeheart (that's what Babs called him) said at a candidate forum in Chicago sponsored by the Rainbow/Push coalition, a front group for noted extortionist Jesse Jackson. Gephardt is never gonna be president. His political career is over.
What did upset me was this:
Al Sharpton said Democrats shouldn't be talking about getting more blacks in high places, but getting the right blacks.
"If we doubt that, just look at (Supreme Court Justice) Clarence Thomas," he said. "Clarence Thomas is my color, but he's not my kind."
That! Is! Disgusting! No. That! Is! Fucking! Disgusting! All right, all y'all black folks. Y'all better be a thinkin' the way Rev. Al say y'all be a thinkin' are y'all ain't really the right kind of black folk.
When I hear shit like that, it drives me up the fucking wall. So, I guess D. C. Thornton ain't Al Sharpton's kind. So Rev. Al, just what is your kind? Condi Rice? Nope, I'm sure she ain't "your kind". Colin Powell? Nope, I know he ain't "your kind". And I'm betting that Brig. Gen. Vincent Brooks ain't "your kind" either you fat RWPP (Race Warlord Poverty Pimp) fuck. You disgust me.
Rev. Al's kind are the black sheep (couldn't help it) who blindly believe everything that he and other RWPP's like Jesse Jackson say. They think everything is the fault of whitey. If there weren't all the racism in the world they could succeed. I am so fed up with this shit!
Liberals love to talk about "root cause". OK. Let's talk about root cause. What does it take to succeed in this country? An education and hard work. I've written this so many times it's pathetic. We have two problems in the inner city:
(1) The schools suck and the teachers' unions oppose any solutions, like vouchers. In the city of Atlanta they spend $9800 per student and the system is failing.
(2) The anti-achievement mentality in the inner city that says studying and doing well in school is acting white. I guess black children who do that are not Al Sharpton's kind.
I want to see black children succeed. This is not a zero sum game. The more inner city children who do well the more likely we are to break the cycle of poverty in the inner city and the less people I have to support with my taxes. Assholes like Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton do not want to see this happen because they will lose their power. By the way, all of Jesse's children attended private schools. Rev Al's children attend private schools.
In Wednesday's Atlanta Urinal and Constipation the following letter appeared:
Do-gooders send wrong message
The Supreme Court's affirmative action decision has harmed another little black child.
My wife gave birth to twins a few days ago. While she was in the recovery room, there was a black couple with their newborn a little girl born at about the same time as ours.
The court's recent decision on affirmative action made me think of this little girl. I wondered, at what age could this child be convinced that her future is dim because she is black? At what age do many black children -- from the never-ending barrage of do-gooders trying to help -- become convinced that they can't make it in life without this program or that -- a helping hand here or there?
I don't know the name of the little black girl born on June 18, but she deserves much better than this.
TERRY M. ADAMS
Cumming
That's what Rev. Al, Jesse Jackson, Maxine Waters, Cynthia McKinney, and all the other RWPP's are saying: "If you are our kind of blacks, you are too fucking stupid to make it without gummint assistance. "
That is disgusting!
To continue with my ongoing bad taste cartoons:
And that about summarizes what came out of Dickhead Gephardt's mouth the other day.
So Dickhead says he is gonna use an executive order to overturn any Supreme Court ruling he doesn't like? Ain't gonna happen. Know why? 'Cause he ain't gonna be president, that's why. Not only is he not gonna be president, he ain't even gonna be on the ticket.
First, why is he not gonna be on the ticket? He has to win Iowa. He's from Missouri and that almost makes him a favorite son. If he doesn't win Iowa, where he's favored by a bunch, he's toast. Dean is doing very well in Iowa. He has a chance of upsetting Dickhead there.
Then we go to New Hampshire. He has to finish no worse than third. How is he gonna finish ahead of Dean, Kerry (Did y'all know that Kerry served in Viet Nam?), and Lieberman? I predict after New Hampshire, he's gonna have to fold his tent.
Let's just pretend that he does get the nomination. When was the last time that someone went from the House of Representatives to president? Not in my lifetime. (I was born in 1946.) In my lifetime we have had four vice-presidents become president: Truman, Johnson, Ford (doesn't really count), and Bush pere. Truman and Johnson made it through the death of the president and Ford made it by virtue of Nixon resigning. Vice-presidents of two term presidents do not usually become president. Bush pere was an exception. Al Bore was trying to buck a trend.
In my lifetime, only one Senator went from the Senate to the presidency and that was Kennedy, who beat out the vice-president, Nixon. There are those who said that Daley got enough dead people in Chicago to vote and delivered Illionois to Kennedy. Dimocrats stealing an election? In Chicago? Nah! Never happen!
So the chances of Dickhead carrying out his threat are slim and none. His political career is pretty much over unless he wants to run for Governor of Missouri or the Senate. Thanks to the Clintons turning Congress over to the Republicans (Thanks Bill. Thanks Hillary), Dickhead never got a chance to be Speaker of the House.
I've known Dickhead for quite some time. I used to live in St. Louis and he was my congressman. When he was first elected, he was a pro-life, moderate Dimocrat. His district had a lot of Catholics in it. It was only when he got national aspirations that he moved to the left and became pro-abortion. What saved him was there were a lot of union workers in his district and he has a very strong labor record. Plus, even the Dimocrats who were Catholic had been Dimocrats all their lives and wouldn't change parties over one issue.
I left St. Louis 18 years ago, so Dickhead's district might have gone through some changes since I left. The person who would know is Chris Johnson at Midwest Conservative Journal who, if I'm not mistaken, lives in Dickhead's district.
Anyway, I think we can pretty much ignore anything Dickhead says. His political career is pretty much over.
And that's a good thing.
I'm thinking of making this bad taste week. An old Navy buddy sent me some horrible cartoons and I'm gonna post one a night starting with this one:
Now that's a cat picture even Acidman could like.
I got my cast off today! Hot damn! It feels great! Cindy's father came by to take me to the doctor's office. Last time I went, Cindy and I were there over two hours, so I was prepared for a long wait. Cindy's dad took me up to the office and then went to park the truck. I signed in and two minutes later, my name was called. I went back to a room and had my cast cut off. Two minutes later the doctor showed up, shook my hand, looked at my hand, said it looked good, shook my hand and said he wanted to see me in two months. I paid my co-pay and went out to the elevators to wait for Cindy's dad. All this was done while he was parking the truck. In and out in less than ten minutes. Amazing!
Saturday night, Michael told me about some actress he had seen ranting and raving on the Scarborough show. He couldn't remember her name, so I guessed Susan Saranwrap.
Nope.
Julia Roberts?
Nope.
Jane Fonda?
Nope.
Who could it be?
He said she really went off the deep end. Then it hit me.
Janeane Garofalo?
Yeah. That's the one.
Michael, that was a trick question. You said actress. She used to be a wisecracking sarcastic standup comedian. She was on Saturday Night Live for one season. She has made one movie that I know of, The Truth About Cats and Dogs. She used to be kinda cute. Now, she's a regular skank, and a rabid one at that. She's lately been bitching about how her anti-war views cost her a sitcom on ABC. Janeane, welcome to the world of actions have consequences.
If you were an established star rather than a second rate talent, maybe ABC would take a chance on you. As it is, maybe they don't want to take a chance on someone who is as unpopular as you are now.
I went out to the MSNBC website and got the transcript of the show and got this raving screed from Ms. Garofalo:
JANEANE GAROFALO, ACTRESS: The Republican Party, their message and their policies of exclusion and the tilted playing field appeals to the dumb and the mean. There is no shortage of dumb and mean people in this culture. So, therefore, their message, the dumb and the mean find a nice home in the GOP.
This dumbing down and this pseudo patriotism, which is very conveniently partisan, because the dumb and the mean love patriotism. Now the dumb believe unto patriotism because it’s really-when it’s as unexamined as it is for the dumb, it’s merely narcissism. Yeah, it’s my country right or wrong. Well what of these colors don’t run? What do you mean? I don’t know. They use the word evildoer with a straight face, knee jerk reactionary phrases that go down well from the Republican Party with the dumb and the mean and then the mean pretend that it’s unpatriotic to be critical of your government.
You don’t let the facts get in the way of your arrogance and belligerence. You just keep saying no, it doesn’t or you just lie about everything. What you have now is people that are closet racists, misogamists, homophobes and people who love tilted playing fields and the politics of exclusion identifying as conservative. They have hijacked that name and somehow they are proud of it. I don’t understand that, why they’re proud of being conservative but that is-seems to be the case. There is no liberal media.
If there was a liberal media that would be good and our culture would reflect it. We can no longer tolerate anti-intellectualism. We can no longer tolerate liberal bashing and we can no longer tolerate the politics of the dumb and the mean. Thank you.
All I can say is "Janeane, you ignorant slut!" This is a person who has called Bush inarticulate.
Let's see. She talks about the dumb and the mean being Republicans. The only people I hear mean stuff from are Dimocrats. Alec Ballwin (a twofer: dumb and mean) saying that we should all go down to Henry Hyde's house and pull him and his wife and children out of the house and stone 'em. Julianne Malveaux saying she hopes Clarence Thomas' wife feeds him high fat foods so he'll die of a heart attack. I hear lots more meanness from the left than I do from the right. If you eliminate the dumb and the mean, that would be the end of the Dimocrat Party. That is their core constituency.
This dumbing down and this pseudo patriotism, which is very conveniently partisan, because the dumb and the mean love patriotism.
Janeane, listen to yourself. You equate patriotism with being dumb and mean. Since the majority of Americans are patriotic and did support the war, you have just done a real good job of pissing off a whole bunch of potential fans. If I worked for ABC, I would have cut you loose also. Do you have a functioning brain?
You don’t let the facts get in the way of your arrogance and belligerence. You just keep saying no, it doesn’t or you just lie about everything.
This from someone who really admires Bill and Hillary Clinton.
what of these colors don’t run? What do you mean? I don’t know.
You got that right. You don't know.
What you have now is people that are closet racists,
Unlike Senator Kleagle Byrd. In all the Dimocrat administrations there has never been a black Secretary of State or a Black National Security Advisor. It took the racist Republcans to appoint them.
misogamists,
Now I'm not really sure what she means here. A misogamist is someone who is against marriage. Conservatives are all for marriage. Maybe she's talking about gay marriage?
homophobes
Only the far right.
and people who love tilted playing fields and the politics of exclusion identifying as conservative.
As opposed to the politics of inclusion where the Dimocrats take the black vote for granted and do nothing but keep them in poverty and dependent on gummint handouts. And the reasons the playing field is tilted are many. The disgrace that is the inner city school system that will not improve thanks to the teachers' union. The anti-achievement mentality in the black community that thinks doing well in school is acting white. The black leaders could get around to addressing that as soon as they take care of the most important problem plaguing the black community: the Confederate flag. And speaking of exclusion, National Security Advisor Rice and Secretary Powell.
There is no liberal media.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
We can no longer tolerate anti-intellectualism.
Why not? We are expected to tolerate you. If you think that we should no longer tolerate anti-intellectualism, then most of Hollywood, including you, should just STFU as Hollywood probably has the highest per captita of anti-intellectuals in the country.
We can no longer tolerate liberal bashing
Why not? Liberal bashing is fun.
and we can no longer tolerate the politics of the dumb and the mean.
Well there goes the Dimocratic Party.
Janeane, I really think you need to up the dose on your Prozac.
Well let's see if I can beat Boortz again. It's really no fair since I'm writing this on a Sunday night and he won't put sumpin' on his website until tomorrow morning, but he should be all over this article in Sunday's Atlanta Urinal and Constipation.
The headline:
Millions wasted at MARTA
Pricey computers in storage will never be used
I'm shocked! Shocked I say. MARTA wasting money? How can that be?
Past two security doors, in a gray concrete building, a 20-by-20 room holds nearly 500 pieces of computer hardware the transit agency never expects to use. The equipment includes stacks of high-end modems, circuit boards and network routers, as well as a $1.26 million IBM mainframe mothballed three years after it came online.
Holy shit!
Public transportation hasn't done too well in Atlanta. MARTA (which some say is an acronym for Moving Africans Rapidly Through Atlanta) has been in financial trouble since its existence. The light rail trains are clean, and, since there is a line that runs to the airport, nice for that purpose. But, since rail is expensive, there is not enough of it.
And MARTA has had some bad publicity lately. A few years back, one of the members of the board was a lady who lived in public housing. Her qualifications? She rode MARTA. Lemme get this straight. We have someone who cannot run her own life as evidenced by the fact that she has to live in public housing, helping to run a multi-million dollar organization. No wonder MARTA has problems.
Many of the items remain in their original shipping containers, and most were never installed. Despite that, MARTA spent tens of thousands of dollars on maintenance contracts to make sure some of the unused equipment would run properly.
WTF? They're paying IBM for maintenance contracts on equipment that hasn't even been unpacked? Wait. It gets worse.
MARTA outfitted the storage room in 1999 to be a state-of-the-art computer center. But after spending $299,000 to equip and secure the building for computer operations, MARTA laid the plan aside, making the space perhaps Atlanta's most well-appointed storage closet.
Purchasing documents show the transit agency spent $2.4 million to renovate the space and to buy and maintain about 30 of the big-ticket items stored there. Officials say they don't know the total cost of the other items in the room.
Heads should roll over this.
The money would have come in handy in recent years as MARTA has eliminated more than 600 jobs and cut back bus and rail service to balance its books. The transit agency continues to face budget shortfalls and is looking for more than $1 billion over the next decade to expand train and bus service.
Yep! But what's MARTA gonna do about this?
General Manager Nathaniel P. Ford said new controls would prevent future errors in technology buying, but he does not intend to dig deeper to see who made purchasing mistakes in the past. "My frustration is that I'm spending time looking back and I've got to get this place rolling," he said.
He's not gonna try to find out who's responsible for this fuckup? What's wrong with this picture? As I said earlier, heads should roll over this.
MARTA officials blame some of those mistakes on continually shifting priorities and leadership in its Department of Information Technology, known in-house as IT. Dunna in April became the department's seventh manager in seven years.
Well, that could explain part of it.
In late 1998, records show, the transit agency spent $394,121 to upgrade its mainframe computer, even though officials had already ordered a new one to replace it. Then, in October 1999, MARTA stopped using the older computer, even though the upgrade had included a Y2K patch to ensure it would still function after Jan. 1, 2000.
Officials acknowledge MARTA continued to pay IBM for maintenance on the mainframe for more than two years after unplugging it. A 1998 invoice from IBM showed the maintenance cost $27,356 a year. MARTA discontinued the service in mid-2002.
Oh man! How would ya like to be the IBM marketing rep who has the MARTA account? These MARTA IT folks are a bunch of fucking idiots!
In the past, Ford said, MARTA executives often did not even understand IT spending. When IT asked permission to buy more equipment, he said, supervisors would say, " 'OK, here. Here you go. You need it. It's technical stuff. Nobody understands it any damned way when you guys are talking.' So it gets purchase-ordered and off people go and they buy
And the IBM marketing reps are fighting over the MARTA account.
In the print edition of the paper they had a nice summary:
The Mainframe
The sniffers
The center
MARTA also had a cellphone scandal a while back. They also spent a lot on a big Christmas party. Probably to celebrate all the money they have wasted.
Yep! Just what we need. A bigger MARTA so they can waste even more tax payer dollars. We have seen the future of mass transit in Atlanta and it does indeed suck.
Big time!
Ta Da! I fixed up my blogroll and I did it all by myself.
But you're a programmer. That should be a piece of cake, right?
Wrong Movable Type Breath! Have you ever read the MT manual?
Now, I'm not knocking MT. It is an incredibly good piece of code and easy to use for blogging, but not the easiest code to install. And as documentation goes it's not really all that different from other software manuals. I'm an IBM customer and some of their software manuals suck big time.
Rachel Lucas installed it for me and then gave me some much needed follow on support. Her code is so clean, I was able to reverse engineer a lot of it and start doing things myself. As an aside, I don't know assembler (code used on mainframes), but I have been able to reverse engineer some source in that language, re-assemble and link it and it worked. If I put my mind to it, I could probably set up an MT site in about two to three days. Rachel can do it in less than two hours. She's one smart lady!
Anyway, I now have a section for Georgia bloggers. I know there are more than I currently have blogrolled, and as I come across more that I like, I'll add 'em. I also alphabetized the blogroll to make it look purtier. I'm starting to get dangerous with this stuff. Purty soon I'll know what I'm doing.
Cindy's out of town, so her husband, Michael is bringing dinner from Outback. As regular reader's know Michael is the wine buyer for Green's a package store here in Atlanta. I buy all my wine from Michael: the cheap stuff (Like Borsao, an excellent Spanish wine with 75% Grenache for $5.99!) that I drink right away and the expensive stuff that I buy young and cellar for drinking when it is ready. He's also bringing wine. All I have to furnish is the wine for the cheese. I took a 1992 Groth Cabernet Sauvignon out of the cellar for that.
I have some of the best commenters in the world! Addison is great! And Adddison, I've been thinking. Since you don't have time to do your own blog, any time you want to do a guest post, let me know. I will be happy to post it for you.
I haven't heard from xCavTrooper in a while. It almost makes me want to unban Blarney just to get xCavTrooper back to commenting. xCavTrooper, if you want to do a guest shot, let me know.
Both Addison aand xCavTrooper write better than I do.
I cannot forget Ralph Gizzip who sends me neat links and pictures.
Now, I have someone relatively new to recognize. Meet TwoDragons who put the following comment in yesterday's post (Swallow all liguids before reading. You have been warned):
Somewhere in an Alternate Universe:
Kim du Toit and Dennis Wilson are merged in a fluke transporter accident. The Wilson/du Toit amalgam later decides to have a sex change at the corner Insta-PP-Whack Booth(TM) and is further transformed into a svelte "31-year-old capitalist oppressor with 2 jobs, 2 dogs, no kids."
Ms. Rachel du Toit Wilson is now officially labelled an African-American-Disabled-Transgender. Taking a cue from the litigous habits of notorious Dictator-In-Perpetuity Spike Lee, Ms. RdTW sues the Democracy of the United States of America for ownership of the months of February, March, April, and June. Her lawyer; the infamous Barbra "Racehorse" Streisand, successfully negotiates for all 12 months.
All citizens of the D.U.S.A. are now forced to pay a monthly royalty charge to Ms. RdTW for usage of the year...
--TwoDragons
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Why can't I think of stuff like that?
I almost forgot about GLBTPM. How the heck could that have happened? I feel terrible! I mean really terrible! But June is not over yet, so I still have time to celebrate. What is GLBTPM you ask? Well, to explain it here is a post from the archives that I wrote last June when, in the words of Kim du Toit, I only had three readers (and Kim was one of them).
After my dinner with Bryce last night, I had to drive home in the rain. I'm between glasses prescriptions and don't see as well as I should which is another story. Anyway, since my vision is a little off, I missed my turn and had to go home the long way, but due to the fact that part of it was limited access highway it was actually faster. Who cares? This is just fill to make this blog longer. After I got home, the rains really came. We had some bodacious thunder boomers. The nice thing about a really good rain is it cleans up the air of all the smog crud.
This morning dawned bright and clear, I mean crystal clear with temperatures in the lower seventies. What a day to drive the Z3 to work. Right after I got on 285 I ran it up to 80 and cranked up Guns 'n' Roses' Welcome to the Jungle on the Harmen Karden sound system. Yeah, I'm 55 and I listen to Guns 'n, Roses. What's it to ya? It doesn't get much better than this: a fast car, top down, stereo blaring. Why couldn't I have afforded this when I was in my 20's? If I could have, I would have probably wrecked the car and killed myself.
I got to work and in the parking lot, met one of my fellow workers and asked him how he was. 'Still here', he replied. This seems to be the standard answer lately. TCIDNN (The Company I Dare Not Name) was visited by the dreaded Dark Angel of Layoffs last week. Excuse me, the current euphemism is 'skills rebalancing' as in we're skill rebalancing your ass right out the door. (Knock. Knock. Who's there? Not you anymore.) So it's not the optimum work environment. My fellow worker told me to make sure to look at the poster on the bulletin board by the restrooms. He said I'd get a kick out of it.
So on my way to get my first cup of coffee I made sure to pass by said bulletin board. And there was a poster informing me that June is Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender Pride Month. (To save space let's just call it GLBTPM) Now if that isn't a mouthful (ooops...no pun intended), I sure don't know what is. Stop the presses! Fire our vice-president in charge of diversity (VPICOD)! Here it is June 5 and this is the first I've heard of this? Where the heck is the company wide memo? But didn't they leave some people out? How about monosexuals? They're the ones who have sex with themselves. How about hermaphrodites? How about cross dressers? Do they fall under transgenders?
So now I'm thinking. This is always a dangerous activity. We have a Black History Month, right? It's February and it only has twenty-eight days and GLBTPM has thirty days. I detect some racism here. Wait a minute! There is Martin Luther King's birthday which is a holiday and since it replaced Washington's birthday and Washington's birthday has been combined with Lincoln's birthday to become Presidents Day, that makes MLK's birthday equal to two days so I guess it all works out. Right?
At the end of the day, I got a call from my friend Gwen. She is a liberal but I don't hold it against her. She has been reading some of my rantings and told me I'm not as bad as Rush Limbaugh and some of the other conservatives. That's because I'm a libertarian. And Gwen has actually been the victim of some political correctness. I keep saying there is hope for her yet. I told her about GLBTPM and she said 'Oh yeah, there are Asian-American and Native-American months.' Once again, our VPICOD is falling down on the job. No one has told me about this. How can I do a good job of Valuing Diversity, if no one tells me what I'm supposed to be valuing that particular month? Why don't they print up Diversity Calendars so we know whose month it is so we can value that particular group?
I had already decided that I was gonna write sumpin' about GLBTPM when I got home, but now I'm thinking some more. Remember that's dangerous for me. I fire up Google and first I start with the hyphens. Let's see what I get when I plug in Asian-American awareness month. Holy fried rice! 394 hits. Their month is May. Didn't get a memo from our VPICOD so I missed it. I apologize to all our fellow citizens with epicanthic folds. (That's for those of you who read) And I really feel bad since my friend Cindy's best friend Carol has adopted a little Chinese girl and I didn't wish Carol Happy Asian-American Awareness Month.
So let's Google our way down the hyphens:
How about sex?
Yeah!
Not that kind, butthead.
March is Women's History Month. Uh, shouldn't that be Women's Herstory Month?
Let's do diseases:
How about disabilities? I'm throwing deaf and blind in here even though miltant deaf folks don't consider that a disability. Maybe the blind don't either. And I don't know about the mutes because they won't talk about it. (Sorry that just slipped out).
I tried hits on paraplegic awareness month, spinal cord injury awareness month, and even cripple awareness month with no success. I need to get Mark Johnson, the professional disablility advocate at Shepherd Center in Atlanta, to work on this and maybe he can chain himself to some buildings until we can get a month. I didn't find any awareness assigned to January, July, August, and December so he can try for those months.
So to summarize:
There is no Grouchy Old Cripple Awareness Month. I want my own month!
Let's start the year off right and make it January.
To: Carol Mostly Brown
From: Barbra Streisand
Dear Carolyn,
You go girl! I just love the fact that we have a sistah ronning for president. You are a credit to your race and I cannot believe that the citizens of Indiana didn't reelect you to the Senate. I myself can't support you for the top spot because, being Jewish, I have to support Jack Looberman. I would really like Bill Clinton (the best president this country ever had) to run again and be president for life, but I hear there is something in the Constitution that says he can't. Darn it. I thought it was a living document. Can't we change it?
Anyway, Karen, I would like to see either you or Al Sharpmen as the vice-presidential candidate and I will be contributing money to both of your campaigns. I will also suggest that to level the playing field, we use affirmative action and give each of you an additional 200 delegates to the Democratic convention. No. That's not enough. Let's make it 400.
I really don't understand Cynthia McKinney who lost her seat to represent the people of Alabama. What does she have against the Jews? As I wrote on my website:
I see people trying to divide the unity of Blacks and Jews, in particular. We can’t allow this to happen, because we have too much in common to be divided. With a shared history of oppression and slavery, as well as a common ingrained culture of social justice, Blacks and Jews, over the years and still today, have been natural allies.
In fact, Blacks and Jews have a long and important history of working together. African-Americans and Jews came together to form the NAACP, the Urban League and to improve education in the South. African-American battalions helped liberate the concentration camps during World War II. One-third of the Civil Rights Movement supporters were Jewish. In Mississippi in 1964, three young men, one African-American and two Jewish, were killed by white extremists on their way to investigate the burning of a black church.
So why do she and her father hate Jews so much? If I could just have her talk to my maid, Shamika ... Oh, wait, I had to let her go. Juanita is now my maid. Maybe I could get her to talk to Danny Glover. Wait. You're Black. Maybe you could talk to her. Tell her that I'm Jewish and I love African-Americans. Some of my best friends are African-Americans. I'm a big supporter of civil rights and I know a lot about civil rights. I've given lots of money to civil rights organizations which makes me an expert.
Finally Cheryl, I've asked many people this question but no one has answered it. Who does Earl Sharpton's hair?
Best of luck in the primaries. You go girl!
Luv ya,
Babs
It's time for me to make some changes to my blogroll. I think I'm gonna set up a blogroll of Georgia bloggers like Kelley, Henry Hanks (Dude, when are you getting off Blogspot?), Ricky West, and, of course, Acidman who is already on my blogroll. Look for the changes this weekend.
My sister and her husband left for Westville, South Carolina this afternoon. In the past two months, they have made three transcontinental trips from Redwood City California to Westville, South Carolina. They have driven two cars (one towing a trailor), a pickup truck, and a rental moving van. They have now officially vacated California. They are renting my brother-in-law's mother's house until they either buy or build a house in Asheville, North Carolina.
I spent two days on an emergency for TCIDNN (The Company I Dare Not Name) and got the systems ready for the user next week. He's doing testing the rest of the week, but I think I got everything working OK. As we would have lost $30K in revenue if I hadn't made these systems work, I'm a hero. My team lead said he would bring this up in the Wednesday Inquisition Meeting, but since I'm on my manager's shit list, it really doesn't do me much good.
Today, I started work on another urgent project that needs to be done by next week. This user has been bugging me since Monday, but I pointed out to him multiple times that he was in the queue, but right behind the other project. I've got about another two hours of work to do and he'll be ready to rock 'n' roll. Not sure exactly when I'll finish him up 'cause the physical therapist is coming at 9:00 tomorrow morning and Cindy is coming at 11:00 so we can go pick up her crapmobile at the crapmobile dealer. While we're out we're gonna take Scooter to the vet so he can be checked out. I'm gonna have him declawed. I know, it's cruel, but he is gonna be an indoor cat, and Doofus destroyed a lot of furniture that I'm gonna have to replace and I don't want to do it again.
Speaking of spending money on furniture, I got my tax cut in my last paycheck. It was $50. Since I get paid twice a month, I'll get an extra $100 a month. Ya know what I'm gonna do with it? I'm gonna spend it! I need a new BCD before my dive trip to Bonaire in September. I need some other dive equipment. I'm gonna stimulate the economy! And what I don't spend, I'll invest. I'll get richer! And do you know why I'll get richer? I'll do all the things that made me rich in the first place: I won't live beyond my means; I won't have children I cannot afford; and I'll save and invest my money wisely. And to all of you poor parasites, kiss my ass! Get yours like I got mine: Get an education, work hard, don't live beyond your means and save and invest.
Since my right hand is in a cast (coming off Monday) and I cannot walk or propel my wheelchair properly, I had to rent an electric chair to get around the house. The freaking battery charger is velcroed to the back of the chair and has a tendency to fall off. Who designed this thing? Tonight it fell off and the electric cord got caught in the wheels and got yanked out of the charger. Kiss my fucking ass! The goddamn power cord was only taped on in the first place (Have you dickheads ever heard of a plug?) and I'm not really too high on rewiring the thing. Even though I was an electonics technician and a computer technician in a previous life, I don't know if I should trust the color coding of these rocket scientists. So, I'm using my regular chair now. Assholes!
Yeah, I'm whining (I prefer to call it bitching). It seems that everytime sumpin' happens to me, it's worse than the pevious bullshit. I got a bad foot sore four years ago, but at least I was mobile. I could use my chair and drive. I got a bad sore on my ass, but I had two hands and could still walk. Who woulda thunk cutting a few fingers would put me out of commission for four weeks? I hate being a fucking cripple!
OK. I feel better now. And to Jacques who commented a few posts ago, I bet I pay more in taxes than you make, you worthless piece of shit! Kiss my ass!
Better post tomorrow. I promise.
Let's check in at the cat spa.
Thanks to Barbara for sending me this.
Not gonna write too much tonight. My sister and her husband stopped by on their way to South Carolina and are spending the night. They needed an internet fix, so I didn't get to start as early as usual.
I just spent two days fixing sumpin' I fixed two months ago. We had an emergency a while back at TCIDNN and I was able to fix it. One of the users had wiped out a load library and it was over three months previous and we didn't have a backup that old. I was able to bootleg a fix off one of my other systems which was actually an upgrade. They decided at that time that they were gonna get an upgrade from Europe and so my work was done for nothing.
Not so fast. It seems the Europe upgrade needs work and they need the system by Monday, so they came back to me. For some reason, the shit I did two months ago quit working. So, now I have to try and remember what I did back then. It took me two days, but I got everything working again. Now, I just have to add one more feature (which I hope to get done by tomorrow) and the system will be ready by Monday. I hate emergencies!
Meanwhile, I got this other user who wants me to create two more images of a test system for some development work. He keeps sending me notes and instant messages and I keep telling him that he's next in line. Arggghhhh!!!!
So my brain is not working too well tonight. Hopefully, I'll be in better shape tomorrow.
Dan sent me another dog picture for Acidman.
Is that a dog or a rumpled up pillow?
I think I'm gonna break down and cry. In Saturday's Atlanta Urinal and Constipation they had this piece of shit about Max Cleland, ex-Senator from Georgia.
Seven months later, Max Cleland can finally talk about it.
Sniff. Sniff. Snuffle. Snuffle. Hold on. It's coming.
The former U.S. senator from Georgia likened his stunning re-election defeat to the moment in Vietnam when a grenade explosion ripped away his legs and part of an arm.
Oh waaaaahhhhhh! Losing an election is just like having two legs and an arm blown off. Damn! Who woulda thunk it could have been that traumatic? Has he been in the hospital for the past seven months recuperating?
"It was like the trauma of being suddenly and traumatically blown up, and I in effect relived all that hell of 35 years ago," Cleland said in an exclusive interview from his new office at Washington's American University. "It's been very tough to recover."
Jesus H. Christ! Cry me a fucking river! You lost a fucking election. Get over it.
What follows is a bunch of bullshit about him getting his life back together after the trauma of losing an election. And then he says this:
"I guess I have the freedom to say to my young students what I really think," Cleland said, "about trying to be a leader in Washington, the agonies and ecstasies of it, and probably be more honest with them than I ever could be on the floor of the Senate, because you always had an eye toward re-election, you always had an eye toward not giving your opponent a chance to come after you."
You always had an eye toward running as a conservative and governing as a liberal. He didn't do a very good job of that. Y'see, old Max was a Tommy
Dasshole liberal most of his term. Unfortunately for him, Georgia is a conservative state. We flatass didn't like his voting record. Most southern Dimocrats at least try to vote conservative the year prior to the election. Not Max. He was a liberal all the way. That's why he lost.
With a snicker, he added, "In my case, it turned out it didn't matter what I said or what I did with my vote. The president came after me, anyway," he said, referring to President Bush's five trips to Georgia to boost Chambliss' campaign
Pointing out his liberal voting record didn't hurt either.
The lowest moment for Cleland came when Chambliss aired a TV spot that attacked his voting record on homeland security issues and featured photos of Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein.
Max, like most of the Dimocrats, was more interested in union jobs than homeland security. Chambliss pointed that out. Max's voting record confirmed it.
Cue the violins.
Cleland said at the time he was personally hurt by the ad, and during the interview this week he remained bitter.
"The charge that somehow I was unpatriotic, when really I had helped write the law on the homeland security legislation, all those lies that occurred in the campaign --- that was a trauma that was unexpected for me," he said. "I thought I had done a good job for the people of Georgia. I thought they knew me as someone who had served and sacrificed for the country, as someone who was willing to defend the country 35 years ago. . . . But the White House and the media image makers turned me into some kind of villain."
Hey Max. Did you know that John Kerry served in Viet Nam? I'm sick of hearing about this Viet Nam shit. We put an end to that crap when we elected a draft dodger in 1992 and again in 1996. Military service doesn't matter anymore. It was your party that made it moot, so shut the fuck up about serving your country 35 years ago since you decided to support a fucking draft dodger. By the way, I did too and a lot of it was in Viet Nam, so don't throw any Viet Nam bullshit at me. I voted against the fucking draft dodger twice. I cried in 1992 when we elected the asshole.
"Max Cleland's voting record was out of touch with Georgians and they overwhelmingly chose Saxby Chambliss to be their next United States senator," said a statement issued by Chambliss' press office. "Sen. Chambliss continues to be a voice for all Georgians fighting for tax relief and job creation, providing leadership on vital homeland security issues, fighting for our military, their families and our veterans, working to end Democrat obstructionism of judicial nominees and fighting for a prescription benefit and Medicare reform for our seniors."
Exactly. "Max cleland's voting record was out of touch with Georgians".
Chambliss' relatively easy victory on election day came as a shock, Cleland's assistants said.
"Max Cleland's voting record was out of touch with Georgians".
"I think about what his parents were thinking," Iler said. "They were the ones who were there when their son came home with two-thirds of his body blown away. And then to see the ugly political animals come out. And to beat this man who I know worked 10 to 14 hours a day. He wasn't a member of that Tuesday-to-Thursday club, OK?"
GMAFB! Like the Dimocrats don't play dirty. Over the past ten years they have been the masters of the politics of personal destruction. And anyway, all the Republicans did was showcase Max's voting record. That's not playing dirty. The truth can sometimes hurt.
"It bothers me terribly that we're paying a price every day, every week, and we still don't know why we fought the war," said Cleland, who has visited hospitals to offer encouragement to soldiers who lost limbs in the conflict. "Was it the intelligence community that screwed up? Was it the White House that politicized the intelligence information? We need a full accounting to the American people."
Howza 'bout we start with all the Dimocrats from Bill Clinton and Tommy Dasshole on down who agonized over Saddam's WMD's in 1998?
Anyway, I just can't type anymore 'cause I feel so bad about Max.
Excuse me while I go have a good cry.
How appropriate.
Omigawd! Thanks Dan!
Friday evening I was knocking down a Stoly on the rocks when the phone rang. It was Cindy. Her car, the crapmobile, was giving her problems again. The steering wheel lock was not allowing her to turn the ignition key. After a lot of fiddling around, she finally got it to work, but didn't trust it, so she was gonna keep it running and take it to the crapmobile dealer. Michael was working so she asked me if I thought I could drive my truck and follow her to the crapmobile dealer.
"Sure. With my new cast it would be no problem."
She had to stop by her house to feed her dogs and let them out to do their business.
Sho' nuff, when she wheeled me out to my truck I was able to follow her to the crapmobile dealer and bring her back to my house and let her borrow my truck until the crapmobile gets fixed. This was the first time I had driven since the unfortunate wine glass incident. It was wonderful!
Her husband has the same make and model car for his company car. It's a year older than Cindy's crapmobile and has had no problems. As you may have guessed from Cindy's naming of her car, she has had nothing but problems with it.
We got back to my house and Cindy went out to look at my garden. I had lots of beans ready to be picked. She heard a loud scream from me inside the house. She came racing in to see what was wrong.
"What's the matter?"
"With my new cast, I can use a knife with my right hand! I can also use a fork with my right hand!" You know what that means?"
"No. What?"
"I can have a steak Saturday night!"
"It would be nice to invite some friends over to dinner and help you eat the beans that are ready to be picked."
"Sure. Let's do it."
So, Saturday Cindy took me grocery shopping. But first she had to take me to the new Fresh Foods store that just opened up in Dunwoody Village. Wow! It is an upscale grocery store. I bought our steaks there: prime aged hereford filet mignon.
Then we went to Kroger. Blah! Dull! Last week I used the lttle cart with a basket, but since we had my chair and nowhere to put it we hit on the idea of me pushing a shopping cart and Cindy pushing my chair. It was like a lttle train, and since I had the cart, I steered us. We didn't hit too many people.
When we finished shopping it was pouring rain so Cindy had to run out and get the truck and pick me and the groceries up at the curb. Since I have a pickup, most of the groceries went in the bed of the truck and got wet. Naturally, after we got back to my house and unloaded the truck the rain stopped. Figgers.
Anyway, I had Michael and Cindy over for steak, baked potato, and fresh string beans from the garden. We had smoked salmon with a nice rose that Michael brought before dinner. We would have had the salmon out on the Great Patio of Dunwoody but it was wet from the rain.
He also brought a syrah for the main course. The filets were incredible. Looks like I make Fresh Foods a regular Saturday afternoon stop. Being a creature of habit, I grill a filet almost every Saturday night.
I broke out a 1995 Bordeau to have with some parmagiano reggiano after dinner. It was ready to drink and was delicious! A little grappa after that and I slept just fine Saturday night.
One more week and I get my cast off!
Cindy will probably get the crapmobile back Monday evening.
For Father's Day, it would be nice to write sumpin' about my father like I did about my mother, but I can't. My father was an alcoholic. I didn't have too many problems with him, but my mother and sister did. And he was out of work a lot, so we were poor. It wasn't grinding poverty because my mother worked and knew how to handle money. It's a shame about my father because he was extremely intelligent but suffered from a disease, which is what alcoholism is.
And while I'm talking about my father, exactly when was I became him (minus the alcoholism)? I've taken to pulling my pants up like old men do. And I always wondered why my father would smack his lips. I thought it was the false teeth, but no, it's because when you get to be an old fart like me, for some reason your mouth gets dry. But enough of that.
I want to tell you about my friend Rich. When I started with TCIDNN (The Company I Dare Not Name) 30 years ago, Rich was one of my mentors. We used to have coffee every morning and we'd meet for lunch every afternoon, first at a bank cafeteria, until they discovered we didn't work there and kicked us out, and then at Teutenbergs, which was a little lunch place on the first floor of another bank in St. Louis.
We were a jolly bunch then and a lot of the people in our group used to stop after work and take in happy hour at various bars. We always tried to get Rich to stop, but he was henpecked and unless he got permission from his wife, he couldn't stop with us, not even for one beer.
He had three children and his wife didn't work. He treated his wife like a queen.
Four and one half years after starting at TCIDNN I got a different job with the company in another part of St. Louis, so I didn't get to see Rich on a daily basis. I did see him occasionally in the evening and on the weekends.
Rich was a real good woodworker. One Saturday, he, another friend and I got a case of beer and some wood and built a bookshelf/entertainment center. We built it in two pieces to make it easy to move. Assembled it was six feet high and eight feet long. I used it in three different apartments. I still have it. It is in my garage and I use it for storage. It's over twenty five years old.
About two years before I left St. Louis Rich moved into St. Louis Hills, which is an upscale neighborhood in the city. He had a beautiful house in the suburbs but his wife had always dreamed of living in St. Louis Hills. The house they moved into was smaller than the house in the suburbs, but, what Rich's wife wanted, she got.
Did I tell you Rich treated her like a queen? She bitched at Rich that he didn't make enough money, so he took a job in sales. Meanwhile she who was an RN, never worked during their marriage. With the kids in school, she did fun things like take ice skating lessons. For her, life was good.
Somehow she met a doctor who wanted to marry her (Why, I don't know. She was homely as sin) and asked Rich for a divorce. This was right before I moved down here, so I let Rich stay at my flat until I sold it.
So Rich got divorced and his wife married the doctor. And sometimes there is justice in the world. The doctor's exwife took him to the cleaners in his divorce so when he married Rich's wife, she had to go to work.
Rich rented a flat in the city for a year, and then bought a fixer upper house in the city. He wanted to have enough room for when he got his three children. He loved his children.
At this time. I was driving up to St. Louis twice a year, once for Thanksgiving and once for Mother's Day. Rich was always the first person I would see. I'd stop by his house and we'd have a few beers.
After my accident, he got a different job with TCIDNN and came down to Atlanta twice for training. He was too far away to stay with me, but he came up to see me on the weekends.
It was about this time that he met Kay. They got married and Kay, with her three children, moved in with Rich. Kay is a wonderful woman. It was obvious that she and Rich were very much in love, and after what Rich went through with his first wife, I was happy that he had found someone like Kay. She loved Rich's kids as if they were her own and he felt the same way about her kids. Her kids liked Rich and his kids like Kay.
I still saw Rich every time I was in St. Louis, but a few years back (and I cannot say when as time goes by more quickly as I get older) when I saw him he looked like crap. Rich smoked like a chimney. He started having problems breathing and went to the doctor and they found a big ol' tumor. They had it removed and he was on chemo. All his hair was gone. He was in good spirits, but that was Rich. I saw him one more time.
Kay called me right after the funeral. He died peacefully in the hospital with his family at his bedside. I know Kay's kids felt like they had lost their father. After all, he considered them his children.
Kay remarried a few years back, but she kept Rich's last name hyphenated with her new husband's name. I've never been much for hyphenated names but in this case I thought is was touching that Kay did this. She has called me a few times over the years and caught me up with how she is doing. She is one classy lady.
Rich was a great friend and a wonderful person. He was also a great father.
I miss him a lot.
But first, since I like to do cat pictures to piss of Acidman, here's a dog picture for him sent to me from Barbara.
Ain't she cute?
I forgot to mention the most exciting thing about my trip to the doctor on Thursday. Since my right hand is in a cast, I cannot propel my wheelchair by myself. So, Cindy was in charge of wheelchair driving. It was downhill from the medical building to the parking lot and we were rolling along at a decent clip when we came to a speedbump. The front of my chair is low to the ground and I usually have to pop a wheelie to get my front wheels over a speedbump. Neither of us was paying attention so when we got to the speedbump, the chair stopped. One of Newton's Laws of Motion (the Second, I think) states that a body in motion wants to remain in motion. Since I was in motion when the wheelchair stopped, I remained in motion and I became the Incredible Flying Cripple. Aieeeeaaaaahhhh!!!! Fortunately, I have experience in falling and nothing was hurt, but Cindy was aghast! Also, everytime I fall, I always draw an audience of well wishers who want to help me back up. Never a dull moment in the life of GOC.
Jo posted the following in the comments on one of my previous posts. It was forwarded to her by a friend whose husband is in Iraq. It was written by one of the brigade commanders who has been there since before the war.
Greetings from Baghdad
All is well here, despite what you may see, read, or hear in news. Your soldiers continue to amaze the world, and especially the citizens of this city, with their courage and skill in performing difficult and demanding tasks.
It’s hard to believe that we’ve been on this side of the river for 4 weeks. The transformation since arrival is tremendous, both in terms of returning the city to normal and the transition of it back to Iraqi control. Traffic is horrible, but when you ask the locals if it has always been like this, their response is “oh no, it’s usually much worse.” There is electricity in most of the city for about 16 of every 24 hours, some running water, and the other services are slowly returning to work.
The biggest shortfall and the reason why many stories are in the news, is the law enforcement system. The police force used to be large, but not very effective as the regime and the military ran everything. Same with the court system as many criminals went free due to regime support, while those few overt anti-regime people were put away in jail often without benefit of a trial. These things take time, and the US along with very patriotic and dedicated Iraqis are working hard to move it along. In the interim, our soldiers are providing a lot of the functions of traditional law enforcement-protecting vital institutions like banks and government buildings, helping to keep traffic moving, and lots of very visible patrolling to provide reassurance and security for the shop owners, doctors and nurses, teachers and school kids and the general population so they can get on with life. There remain, however, some bad people, of the criminal flavor and former regime holdouts who don’t like our great efforts to help this country move forward. They profited from the old ways and would like them back, so anything they can do to discredit us in the eyes of the population works to their advantage. The soldiers overcome this and more, and the people are grateful. Every day, soldiers are applauded and thanked by people on the streets for their presence, their courage, and the respectful way they go about their demanding duties.
A couple of examples of things going on that aren’t quite making the newspapers. Each unit is working cooperatively with the schools to provide security at times when kids are transited to and from class so they feel safe. They’re also donating and delivering school supplies, furniture, and we’re working to get some of our female soldiers into the girls’ schools to provide a good example of progress and equality. We have a very robust clean-up the streets campaign using a combination of soldier supervision and planning with local laborers to get the trash and rubble out of the way. This not only cleans their neighborhoods, but gets some of the unemployed off the streets, puts a little cash in their pockets, and helps stimulates the economy. We continue to move the broken and burned cars, buses, trucks, and military equipment into consolidation points to help the traffic problem and work on the general appearance of the city. Every unit has great contacts with the local religious, community, and municipality leaders to strengthen our efforts in concert with theirs and work to transition functions over to Iraqis. We have run free gas points using captured fuel from the war, helped repatriate prisoners we captured with their families, supported the capture of numerous top 55 list guys (the card deck guys-we’ve never actually seen a real deck of cards like those, by the way!). We have strong collaborative visitation programs with hospitals, clinics, and orphanages in our sector. All of this and much more goes on while we maintain our own protection, and work very hard to get the bad guys off the street.
Your soldiers are doing these incredible things daily in 100+ degrees of heat in a city where few speak our language, many of the streets are about as wide as a tank, and in a country whose army we were fighting and defeating just 6 weeks ago. Most importantly, they continue to do it all so very well while separated from their families, friends, and homes. It’s your constant and unyielding support that makes all this possible for us over here-without it we could never be successful.
Of course, we don't hear this from the liberal media since they and the dimocrats want us to fail so they can continue with their agenda of implementing socialism. This damn War on Terrorism shit has delayed their agenda.
Assholes!
I seem to get more hits when I post a picture. So here is a neat one.
Click for larger picture, if you dare.
This fish is an alligator gar. It had a certified weight of 215 pounds with a total length of 7 feet, 11.5 inches and a 40 inch girth. Caught in the Mississippi River on 5/3/03 on a homemade jig.
Holy shit! When I was a teenager, I was in Sea Scouts and sailed on the Mississippi River. I went swimming in that river. Who woulda thunk there was sumpin' this big in the river?
Today (Thursday), I went back to the hand doctor. The appointment was for 9:15. We got there at 9:00. The doctor saw us at 10:30. I hate the medical profession. He looked at the cast and said it had to come off. This was a question we were asked when we were taken back to the exam room. We didn't know. So now we had to wait for someone to remove the cast.
The cast guy finally came and removed the cast. "Don't worry about this saw. It makes a lot of noise, but it's perfectly safe."
The doctor came back and looked at the hand, said everything looked great, and the stitches could be removed.
The cast guy came back and removed the stitches. Two of 'em hurt big time, but I didn't scream tho' Cindy told me I turned an interesting shade of red.
Then, the cast guy put on a new cast. This one is in blue and I have much better use of my right hand. I can actually hold a fork now. So Ralph Gizzip, you can quit calling me lefty. I can even play my guitar with my thumb. Finger picking has to wait until June 23 when I get the current cast off.
In the Atlanta Urinal and Constipation they have a feature known as The Vent where people can call in and state whatever is on their minds. Here's a neat one:
If it takes a village to raise a child, it takes the village idiot to stay married to a lying, cheating, two-timing, scumbag.
Remember, Hillary is held up as a role model for a strong independent woman. Now I know strong independent women. Cindy is one of them. If her husband, Michael, had put her and her daughter through half the stuff that Bill put Hillary and Chelsea through, Michael would be lucky to be alive. And if he were alive he would be neutered and homeless.
Let's talk about irony. Irony is Hillary Clinton speaking out about rape and sexual harassment when she is married to a sexual pig. Irony is the woman's movement holding up Hillary as a role model for independent women when she stayed with a scumbag like Bill solely for political power. And, she was instrumental in destroying any woman who spoke out about her sexual predator of a husband. Do you think Hillary would be a senator if she had divorced Bill? You women on the left should be ashamed of yourselves. Michael Barone stated it best about NOW, "We know what they are. Now, we're just haggling over the price".
And here's another example of irony from Thursday's AJC in an article about the violence in the Middle East.
"What are the Israelis thinking when they fire their guns on children? Don't they value life at all?" a tearful Masri asked as nurses wheeled her unconscious daughter Saana to an operating room to treat a compound fracture and determine whether she had any internal hemorrhaging.
This is a Palestinian who glorifies death when a suicide bomber takes out innocent Jewish women and children. Masri, if the Jews were as bad as the Palestinians, there would be no more Palestinians. But, I really think Israel is getting close to the breaking point. I'm worried that they may get fed up and start acting like Palestinians and go on a rampage. Abbas, and his puppetmaster Arafat (Look! When Abbas talks, Arafat's mouth moves.) said they would not use force against Hamas and Islamic Jihad, and Hamas and Islamic jihad said they would not stop killing Jews, so, it looks like the Road Map to Peace is now a dead end.
Here's an idea. Tell the Palestinian savages that every Jew killed will push back the establishment of a Palestinian state by one month. Naw! That wouldn't work either. Let's go back to my previous idea. Animals should either be exterminated or put in cages. Let's round up all the Palestinians and herd 'em down to Gaza and build a big ol' wall around it.
It's the only humane thing to do.
Nothing original tonight.
Woo Hoo! I beat Neal Boortz! Last night I took Jennifer to task for her simplistic thinking that the money used to make The Matrix films could be better spent on the Third World. I neglected to mention that the money spent on her education should have probably been sent to the Third World also since it was wasted on her. In his Nealz Nuze for June 11, he wrote a letter to Jennifer. Since he is a highly paid professional and I'm a rank amateur, he did a much better job than I did.
Here is an excerpt from his letter:
First, I would require your attendance at a screening of “The Matrix Reloaded.” You would have to sit through the entire move … including the credits. After the movie I want you to write the producers and ask for a print-out of those credits. Every name. Every single one. Each camera operator, lens cleaner, grip, dolly grip, electrician, driver, cook, makeup artist, sound engineer, public relations assistant, actor, stand-in, stunt man, writer, film editor, model maker, best boy, caterer, carpenter, composer, musician, special effects technician, choreographer, and every other person who’s name crawls across the screen.
These, Jennifer, are the people who earn their livings making movies like this. Their very livelihoods depend on the people who invest in these productions, and the people who produce them. So, here’s what I would like for you to do. Your assignment is to write a letter to each and one of the people who’s names you find on those credits. You will tell them why the money that they earned working on this movie should have been spent instead on buying goats for Africans and cleaning up a water supply in South America. Then you will write letters to the families of all of those people telling them why their husband, wife, mother or father shouldn’t have earned those Matrix paychecks. After all, why should they be allowed to work for a living while children are hungry and there’s acre without trees in the rainforest?
Read the whole thing.
I finally got out of the house for the first time since the surgery! Cindy came by and we went to a Mexican restaurant.
Tomorrow, we go see the surgeon so he can hem and haw over my hand.
Ralph Gizzip sent me a couple of links:
WWHD What Would Hillary Do?
Hillary's interview with Barbara Walters What she said. What she meant. I liked the following:
What she said: "He is like a force of nature... But I also didn't want just to follow along in his wake."
What she meant: "He is a penis with a hillbilly standing behind it."
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
And finally, two things just for Acidman:
First. This picture was sent to me by John especially for Acidman.
Second. Sent to me by one of my co-workers.
1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....
3. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
4. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and
apes?
5. The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad
girls live.
6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,"Where's the self-help
section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
7. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
8. If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with
soap?
9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is
it considered a hostage situation?
10. Is there another word for synonym?
11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered
plant?
13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will
clean them?
16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
17. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to
remain
silent?
19. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
(Somebody please explain THIS ONE to me. I know there's a logical
explanation, but it escapes me)
20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
21. What was the best thing before sliced bread?
22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
23. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
25. How is it possible to have a civil war?
26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?
30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
31. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
32. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
33. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become
disoriented?
34. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
And, Acidman, keep on killin' them snakes. We'd hate to lose ya.
But first.
The future of the country is in good hands.
And to add to my confidence we have an op-ed in Tuesday's Atlanta Urinal and Constipation by Jennifer Horton who is a student at LaGrange College.
'Matrix' money could be put to better use
A recent newspaper article about the making of "The Matrix Reloaded" captured my attention. It wasn't the discussion about elaborate special effects or the intense physical effort by the actors that grabbed my eye, but the immense amount of money put into a two-hour diversion for the masses.
I just bet that Jennifer thinks that money could have been spent for better things than 'a two-hour diversion for the masses'.
The second episode of a trilogy, "The Matrix Reloaded" cost more than $150 million to create. Once the final episode is finished, the "Matrix" movies will have required more than $370 million.
So what's your point, Jennifer?
At risk of stating the obvious, that is a lot of money. I realize that many other producers spend just as much or more to bring their ideas to the screen; my intention is not to attack a particular movie, but simply to reveal how extravagant the entertainment industry can be.
Yes, but the entertainment industry is so caring.
Now, I'm not some anti-entertainment prude; I enjoy watching a well-made movie as much as the next person, but it does disturb me to see so much money invested in crashing a few cars just right when there are children all over the world who go to bed hungry, impoverished Africans without clean water and a multitude of people in Third-World countries suffering from disease.
Omigawd! We gotta do it for the Children™.
The causes in need of our attention are overwhelming. We are bombarded daily with requests for money -- we get letters in the mail and calls during dinner, and we see emotional stories in the paper that tug at our hearts.
I got news for you Jennifer. Third World poverty does not touch at my heart since most of it, just like poverty in this country, is self inflicted. Most of the money we send to those countries does not go to the population, but to the corrupt leaders. And don't get me started on Africa. Zimbabwe, which used to be a prosperous country, is now a basket case. Should I feel sorry for it? South Africa, in ten years, will probably be just as bad. That $15 billion we're gonna give to Africa for AIDS, is probably gonna be flushed right down the African cesspool.
But the problems are so many and we have so little time. Many individuals feel that the problems are beyond our ability to help. With the economy as it is, and with so many people out of work, many feel it is all they can do simply to keep their own family afloat. What could we possibly do to make a difference?
Try to keep people like you from voting.
The answer is plenty. Imagine raising $151.3 million in just three days for an important cause. Individuals across the country did just that a few weekends ago; between a Friday and Sunday they made their voices heard loud and clear -- at the box office. Atlanta alone brought in more than $2.58 million in movie revenue during those three days. Rather than going to see "The Matrix Reloaded," "Daddy Day Care," "Down with Love" or one of the other many movies playing, people could instead donate their money to charity and make a huge impact.
GMAFB!
Or, to avoid any unnecessary movie withdrawal symptoms, people could attend the box office hits and donate a few dollars to the organization of their choice.
A mere $25 could immunize a child, provide him with clothes or provide electricity to his home. If the environment is more of a concern to you, that same $25 could "adopt" an acre of land or reforest a fourth of it. You could also adopt the endangered animal of your choice.
I think she must be auditioning to take Sally Sruthers' job.
The options don't end there; for slightly more money, you could send a child to school for a year, buy a family a goat or adopt a child whose parents were lost to AIDS.
Now I know it. She is going after Sally Struthers' job. I wonder if she can get that pathetic whine in her voice like Sally does?
Considering the fact that "The Matrix Reloaded" crew was able to build its own two-mile loop of freeway, complete with exit signs, an overpass and an on ramp, surely some of the film's moviegoers can respond with their own version of construction -- of ideals, charity and compassion. At a cost of $300,000 per quarter-mile, the freeway construction funds could have instead paid for new schools in developing countries, immunizing children, giving families two oxen and a plow, providing homeless children with clothes, wells to supply clean water or reforesting thousands of acres.
Or, if administered by the UN, support countless bureaucrats in luxury. Or, go into a corrupt leader's Swiss bank account.
So the next time you head out to the movies, donate a few dollars to an important cause. That way, when you're sitting in the theater, hand in a bucket of buttered popcorn, eyes glued to the screen, you can rest easy and lose yourself in the state-of-the-art surround sound because you know you've done your small part to offset all the useless two-mile-loop freeways in the world.
What Jennifer, in all of her compassionate wisdom, fails to realize is the making of the movie provided jobs. Besides the overpaid actors, there were writers, extras, stunt people, and all the background people whose names you see rolling at the end of the movie. Also, since many movies are made in other countries, there is a boost to the economies of said countries. The local movie houses employ people who get paid from the profits the movie makes. The movie companies have to pay taxes on the money they make. The millions that Jennifer wants to give away, works its way through the economy and is spent on goods and services that benefits our economy.
When I read bullshit like Jennifer's I think of the story about W. C. Fields on his deathbed (May not be true, but it is in character):
His secretary asked him, "Mr. Fields, now that you are close to dying, what are you going to do with your money?'
"Ya know all those starving people in China?"
"Yes."
"Fuck 'em!"
And until the Third World gets its act together, that's how I feel.
Fuck 'em!
Since the previous post was short, here is a joke sent to me by an old friend.
A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day. Carrying a bag
of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the
bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into
the president's office (the customer is always right!)
The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit.
She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his
desk.
The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash,
so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash
around. "Where did you get this money?"
The old lady replied, "I make bets."
The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?"
The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your
balls are square."
"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win
that kind of bet!"
The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?"
"Sure," said the president, I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not
square!"
The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money
involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM as a
witness?"
"Sure!" replied the confident president. That night, the president got
very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror
checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again.
He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure there was absolutely no
way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.
The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared
with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to
the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls
are square!"
The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to
drop his pants so they could all see. The president did. The little old
lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them.
"Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess
you should be absolutely sure."
Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head
against the wall. The President asked the old lady, "What the hell's the
matter with your lawyer?"
She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 AM today,
I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand."
I bet this kid has great parents.
I just hope this picture was photoshopped.
Still stuck at home. Only two more weeks to go. I kinda miss work, especially when I read my mail today.
We have a time tracking system that I call SHTS (Stupid Hourly Tracking System). We are supposed to use this system to track all of our time down to the last second. I wrote a post about SHTS way back in the early days of this blog. I'm a systems programmer and I build systems that will be used by many different departments. I have to somehow decide how to code my system build time against all of these different departments. And then, when management does not get the numbers they want, I have to go back and change my SHTS to agree with what they want. Makes perfect sense to me.
Anyway, I looked at my mail this morning and there was a note from a manager saying we were supposed to code all our SHTS time, but we were no longer supposed to code any time as overtime. Since we're exempt employees (we don't get paid for overtime) some manager in his/her infinite wisdom, decided that since the grunts weren't getting paid for overtime there was no sense in tracking it.
Omigawd! Did this ever create a firestorm! The SHTS gods descended on this manager in force. A note went out to him, copying all the employees, that one of the purposes of SHTS was to track all time including overtime and not keeping track of overtime would violate one of the purposes of SHTS which was to accurately keep track of every category of time recording.
Shortly thereafter, a note came out from the first manager telling us to table the change until they had a meeting to discuss the proposed change. Had I been at work today, my officemate and I would have had a good laugh about this.
I love watching managers fight.
This being a unidexter is getting old. The fact that it's my right hand makes it even worse. Fortunately I have friends.
My friends Michael and Cindy came by last night and brought dinner. Afterwards, we drank a nice 1995 Bordeau from my cellar. Michael told me the French wine boycott is collapsing.
My friend Jeanella stopped by today and brought me some casseroles. What a sweetie. How did we live without microwave ovens?
It's funny that my best friends are women, yet I never got married again after my divorce over thirty years ago.
Have you ever really listened to Hillary Clinton talk? She puts in as many 'you knows' as an athlete. No Hillary, I don't know. Dammit! You're supposed to be the smartest woman in the world. Stop saying 'you know'. Better yet, just go away. Fat chance!
I wonder if Hillary, Margaret Carlson, and Tammy Fay Baker are related. They all look like little chipmunks with their puffy cheeks. I guess that might be one reason I refer to Hillary as Hillary Rodent Clinton.
Do you ever wonder that if you threw a brick at Hillary's ass you'd hit Eleanor Clift in the back of the head? I finally had to quit watching The McLaughlin Group because no one would get up and bitch slap the shit out of Eleanor Clift. Every time I've seen her on television lately she has looked really pissed off.
Hillary's book is already number 2 on Amazon. I sure as shit ain't gonna buy it.
I keep hitting the keyboard with my cast . Dammit! I hate it!
I got a BMW Z3 that I can't drive.
I tried to play the guitar and all I can use is my thumb on my right hand. Crap!
Why is Yassir Arafat still alive? As long as he is alive, the Roadmap to Peace is a Roadmap to Nowhere.
My cats just love it that I'm home all day.
Cindy took me to the store yesterday and I rode on one of those little carts with the basket on the front. Couldn't drive worth a damn. Ran into everything. The power chair I'm renting for home use stops on a dime. The one at the store coasts after you release the throttle. Bam! "Sorry ma'am."
Two more weeks with this bloody cast!
Do y'all get the feeling that I don't really have anything to write about tonight?
I hate Susan Estrich's voice. It's like fingernails on a chalkboard. Tell Alan Colmes his honeymoon is over and it's time to come back to work.
I'd like to see Bill O'Reilly and Al Franken duke it out in a cage match on pay per view. That I'd pay to see.
Eating left handed sucks. Eating ice cream left handed really sucks. I have to change my t-shirt afterwards. Gonna have to start wearing a bib.
I have little tomatos on my tomato plants. These are Heirloom tomatos which Cindy said are the best in the world. She grew them from seed and we put 'em in the raised beds on the Great Patio of Dunwoody in April. I get to start picking string beans this week. Home grown veggies. The best.
Didja hear that they found more of the missing ancient artifacts locked up in a vault in one of the museums in Iraq? Tell us again about all the looting you liberal fkwits!
Think I'll quit and go to bed. The physical therapist is coming at 8:30 tomorrow morning.
Better stuff tomorrow.
I see the Senate has listened to all the gaggling idiots on the left and has decided to give a tax credit to the 'working poor' who don't even pay taxes. Jesus, I did a mythical tax return for the Doe Family: John, Jane, and their two rugrats, Jimmy and Alice. They make $25,000 a year and pay no income tax at all. In fact, due to that welfare payment called the Earned Income Tax Credit (How did they 'earn' that? By living and having children they can't afford?) they get close to $700 from the gummint. That is money taken from people who worked for it and actually earned it. Now, the Senate thinks the 'working poor' should be getting even more of my money.
I work my ass off and I pay more than my fair share of taxes. Now, because people breed irresponsibly, I have to give them even more of my money. The socialists in gummint like to say a tax cut is an expense. No! A tax cut is allowing me to keep more of my money that I have earned. Giving someone a tax credit when they don't even pay taxes is not a tax credit. It's an expense and it's fucking welfare.
So howza 'bout those of us who have no children? If the gumment can give a tax credit to people who don't pay taxes, why can't they give us people who have no children a child tax credit. It's the same fucking thing. Where's my check? Gimme $600.
Assholes!
I hope the House shoots this shit down, but I doubt it.
Dammit! I'm pissed! I'm pissed because I ain't pissed!
Huh? What the fuck?
I'm supposed to be a grouchy old cripple, right? So last night I had the opportunity to write about three of the things/people I hate the most: the Clintons, the Palestinians, and Cynthia McKinney. It sucked. There was none of my normal hard core vitriol. My friend Michael would say my writing lacked passion and he would be right. I have to blame it on the drugs.
I've been taking percocet since my surgery and along with my other pharmacopia of drugs it has made me entirely too mellow. I'm gonna have to find some way to overcome that or try to resort to humor. I know. Howza 'bout the top ten things men understand about women?
10.
9.
8.
7.
6.
5.
4.
3.
2.
And the number 1 thing that men understand about women.
1.
Or let's talk about the homeless. For that I have to go to Friday's Atlanta Urinal and Constipation.
We have a homeless (or as Neal Boortz calls 'em, urban oudoorsmen) problem here in Atlanta. As I have stated many times, most poor people are poor due to bad choices. I am well off because I, as Dickhead Gephardt says, won life's lottery. I am well off because I worked my ass off. And as far as winning life's lottery, being a cripple ain't exactly a winning lottery ticket.
There is a bad intersection in downtown Atlanta, Peachtree and Pine, where the dregs of humanity hang out. Periodically, the cops go in and crack down on the drug dealers and urban outdoorsmen, but when the cops leave, the losers of life's lottery return.
The AJC had a story about Peachtree and Pine in Friday's paper. It was a real tearjerker.
Rosa Hand just wants to be left alone, but that's not going to happen.
Why is that?
Within days, Hand and several other squatters will be cleared from a state-owned lot off the Downtown Connector.
Omigawd! The horror!
For two years, the 56-year-old woman has lived on this corner of overgrown brush at Peachtree and Pine streets downtown. She has built a makeshift shelter of poles and plastic sheets and bunches of blankets.
A real urban oudoorsy type of decorating. Martha Stewart it ain't.
But Hand is caught up in forces larger than herself.
Yeah. It's called the law.
The rousting of the homeless people is welcomed by area residents and businesses who complain about the growing number of homeless, the prostitution and drug dealing. They see this as part of a long-awaited cleanup of their neighborhood.
But poor Rosa's 'house' was torn down.
But the evictions highlight the difficulty the city faces in dealing with the homeless, which Mayor Shirley Franklin has declared a priority. There are no easy answers when there are so many people with so many problems, and many don't want help.
Except for begging for handouts.
"We don't bother anybody. I'm a full-grown woman," Hand said not long after city workers told her this week that the one-acre site would be cleared within two weeks.
Rosa Hand is a short woman, thin and missing many teeth.
"I semi-drink and I smoke a little crack," said Hand, who prides herself on her ability to beg for money. "I always try to wish people a blessed day."
I'm sorry. I'm unable to reconcile the "We don't bother anybody" with someone who "prides herself on her ability to beg for money". Panhandlers bother the shit out of people who live and work downtown. That's why the city is finally doing sumpin' about it.
In short, the mess she has made of her life is part of the mess at Peachtree and Pine. Atlanta Police Chief Richard Pennington said this is among the most drug-infested areas in the city.
A real collection of slime and the dregs of humanity.
Heyward Wescott, owner of a retail sign shop on the corner, said: "My customers feel better. My employees feel better. It's just safer."
For years, he and his workers have had to sidestep puddles of urine by their back door. Not long ago the back door was burned when someone started a campfire.
They just wanted to sit around the fire and sing Kumbaya.
Over time, the number of loiterers there grew, at times reaching 40 or 50 men filling the street.
Just like a Boy Scout Jamboree.
This area of downtown has long felt the tension of opposing forces. The surrounding skyline brims with skyscrapers, and just down the road are the Boisfeuillet Jones Atlanta Civic Center and the children's attraction at Sci-Trek. They uncomfortably coexist with an X-rated video shop, the homeless shelter and the area's long history of illicit behavior.
There's a homeless shelter there? Why are people camping out? Answer later.
Recently Wescott used his own lawn equipment to clear bushes that served as cover for the drug dealing. When he let loose his leaf blower, scores of little plastic crack bags filled the air.
I just love the sight of little crack bags in the air. It reminds me of downtown Atlanta.
But Hand is hardly brimming with thanks.
"I feel like I'm losing my home," she said, sitting in a neighbor's shanty.
And let's read about her neighbor's shanty.
Sheila Knight is a 50-year-old woman who has lived on the lot seven months.
The women have made a home of the place. Knight's shanty has a little corner for "cosmetics," soap, deodorant, toothpaste.
The women admit this isn't an easy existence, living outdoors among rows of bare bushes with branches that protrude like spikes. Here, a discarded cooler becomes a chair. The bathroom is a bucket. And the highway produces a constant roar that challenges conversation.
Y'know, here is an opportunity for her to write a book: Urban Outdoor Living
Three weeks ago, Hand said, her own shanty was burned down by a drug dealer who thought she had stolen his stash. Hand and Knight don't get along with a shanty neighbor, a guy who once tried to force sex on Hand.
It's a rough life being an urban outdoorperson.
Make no mistake, Hand and the others being evicted are not eliciting the greatest of sympathy. After all, Hand has only to walk across the street to receive help at the homeless shelter on Pine Street. But she won't do that. Neither will Knight.
A homeless shelter? Right across the street? Sorry. I repeat myself. Why don't they live there?
"It's like you're in prison," said Knight, criticizing the shelter's evening curfews and the rules such as no smoking.
All them damn rules!
Indeed, the recent crackdown has affected life at the shelter.
"It has stopped me smoking crack. I haven't been able to come out here and buy in four days," said shelter resident John Evans, 36. The break, he said, has shown him "the errors of my ways," and he says he'll enter a detox clinic next week.
And probably be back out on the street in a month. After all, he has not won life's lottery.
In the wooded lot by the interstate, Hand and Knight are preparing to say their goodbyes. Knight says she has a son who will take her in. He's got money, she says proudly, and "a $100,000 house."
Then why the fuck has she been living on the street?
Hand, for her part, talks about seeking some services, seeking out her birth certificate and a Social Security card. But she also talks about begging for money.
Nights, she said, she'll wander the streets till she's tired, maybe catching some sleep in a parking lot or under a tree by a nearby hotel.
Some place, she said, where the police can't find her.
If it weren't for all those stupid rules, she could stay at the homeless shelter.
That's what it's there for.
But first.
Here's a link to a blogger from Acworth, Georgia. I lived there for 13 years before moving to Beautiful Dunwoody.
Here's an interesting column by Neal Boortz explaining our tax code.
So let's see what interesting news was in Thursday's Atlanta Urinal and Constipation.
Ahhhh! Mideast peace. That should be interesting.
Aqaba, Jordan --- Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon and new Palestinian Prime Minister Mahmoud Abbas committed Wednesday to the first steps of a peace plan that envisions two independent states along the Jordan River --- Israel and Palestine --- and an end to decades of bloodshed in the Middle East.
Did Arafat die? Did Hamas get wiped out?
Abbas for the first time explicitly declared that "the armed intifada must end," a reference to the 32-month Palestinian uprising against Israel.
Yeah. Like that's gonna happen as long as that fat fuck Arafat is alive.
In statements issued by the two prime ministers, Abbas offered grander words than Sharon. He promised "a complete end to violence and terrorism," as well as collection of illegal weapons and a halt to any encouragement of violence by Palestinian institutions, apparently a reference to schools and the news media. Abbas did not spell out how he would achieve these aims.
That's probably because it will be just another empty Palestinian promise.
Oh boy! Here's an article about Hillary's book.
According to the news agency, Clinton wrote that she got through the tough times in the White House with hard work,
Throwing stuff at Bill could be construed as hard work.
religious faith,
Hillary's religious?
trusted friends and travel. Ireland was her favorite foreign destination.
And we, the taxpayers, paid for all of her travel.
Of her famous description of a "vast right-wing conspiracy," she wrote that she might have phrased her point more artfully but stood by its essence. "I do believe there was, and still is, an interlocking network of groups and individuals who want to turn the clock back on many of the advances our country has made," she wrote.
No Hillary, we want to turn the clock back on socialism. The part of the book that will strain credulity, except for the terminally stupid (read Dimocrats) is when she said she was shocked (shocked!) that Bill lied to her about Monica. Remember, this is the smartest woman in the world. Her book really should be classified as fiction.
And here's an article that really made my day.
Washington --- Cynthia McKinney appears ready to try for a political comeback.
Be still my beating heart!
McKinney has filed a statement of candidacy for the 2004 House primary, and between Jan. 1 and March 31 reported more than $18,000 in operating expenses. She also listed a $657.35 donation from Georgia Power Co. to offset expenses.
Those campaign contributions are just rolling in.
McKinney --- who declined through a representative to be interviewed --- also continues to be touted as a possible presidential candidate for the environmental Green Party. Party members said McKinney, who served nine years in Congress, is second only to their 2000 nominee, Ralph Nader, as their choice for a presidential run.
Now there's a dream ticket: Ralph Nader and Cynthia McKinney.
Esco, a former McKinney employee, said he believes a McKinney congressional run would depend on the outcome of a federal lawsuit several DeKalb County residents filed after her loss to Majette. The five DeKalb residents allege that crossover voting by Republicans in last year's primary --- a practice not prohibited under Georgia law --- violated the federal Voting Rights Act.
Nope. Georgia is an open primary state. Anyway, it wasn't the crossover voters who defeated her. It was black middle class voters who were sick and tired of her bullshit.
When he last spoke to McKinney in person about two months ago, she seemed very "intrigued and excited" about becoming the potential Green candidate, he said. The organization will make a decision during its convention next spring.
Please Greens. I'm begging you. Make her your candidate. Think of all the fantastic blogging material.
I would be in blogger heaven.
First off, let me thank all my well wishers. I really appreciated all the comments. And thanks to Kelley who lives just up Georgia 400 in Alpharetta for her generous offer of help to a complete stranger. Thanks Kelley! Here are some hits for you.
Before my surgery on Tuesday, I had to stop by the doctor's office to sign some consent forms. This was a billable doctor's visit. To sign some freaking papers I had to pay a freaking copay! That's bullshit!
When I checked into pre-op, they gave Cindy a pager just like they do a Rio Bravo. That's so they could get her after the operation. Neat.
After a while they took us back to a staging room, where I stripped down and put on the backless hospital gown. I only came in running shorts, a t-shirt, and some shoes. They told me I could keep my running shorts on. We'll get to them later.
I then had to sign another shitload of consent forms. Then the nurse gave me a pen and had me write 'no' on my left hand and 'yes' on my right hand. Smart move.
They stuck me in the hand and started an IV drip. I then started asking Cindy all sorts of stupid questions. I like to drag her to the doctor with me 'cause she speaks medicalese and I don't. Also, since she deals with my HMO on a professional basis, she knows which buttons to push to get things done. When you're in my state of health, it's nice to know an RN.
Finally it was time to go. They put some "I really don't give a shit" stuff in my IV and Cindy said it must of been great since I immediately started babbling nonsense (And why is that different from how I normally am?). The last thing I remember was being moved from one gurney to another. At that time, the hard core stuff started kicking in.
The next thing I remember was waking up in the recovery room with my right hand in a cast. After letting me lie there for about 15 minutes, they took me to another recovery area where Cindy was waiting. I'll let her take over from yesterday's comments.
I'd like to add something to this story.It's the mystery of the missing pants. When I left Denny in preop, they gave me his shirt, glasses, shoes, and wheelchair. They let him leave his shorts on for surgery. (Since there was no place they would let me leave the wheelchair ("we can't be responsible for an expensive piece of equipment, etc. etc.") I simply put his bag of clothes in it and took it with me . My husband met me at the hospital for dinner, and we pushed it through the cafeteria line, etc. looking like homeless people who had robbed a disabled person instead of a Kroger, thus having a wheelchair instead of a shopping cart to haul our wordly goods. ) Anyway, I digress. When I was notified by beeper that it was time to pick Denny up in recovery, he had a gown on , and a sheet over his lap, but no pants. He was also majorly messed up on meds.
The conversation went like this . "Denny, where are your pants? I can't take you home without pants"" I've got my pants on"
"No, you don't"
Denny now whips back the sheet "OH, NO,I DON'T!!"
I get the medical assistant. "Where are his pants?"
"M'am, we give the family members the patient's clothes"
"Well, I've got a shirt and shoes, but no pants. They were on him when I left him"
"HMMM!
She now leaves for the nurses' station.
"Mr Wilson doesn't have any pants"Another voice says "Uh-oh, we discharged another Wilson about an hour ago--I wonder..."
My heart now sinks, while Denny is back to humming a happy tune in his drug induced stupor. (They were great drugs!...GOC
The MA comes back, "Well, I'll look... I'll do my best"
Denny, now slightly more awake, but still goofy, says, "If they had told me they keep your pants, I'd have brought an extra pair"
Anyway, after about half an hour , during which I contemplate how to take a man without pants out of a hosptital without someone being arrested for indecent exposure, she comes back triumphantly waving his shorts, saying she'd found them under a stretcher in the operating room.
Glad as I was to get them back, I never questioned just exactly what DID go on in that O.R. Hmmmm...
Don't ask me. I was out of it.
They did operate on the proper hand.
That was a good thing.
So were the drugs.
I'm back. Got home from the hospital around 8:30. My sister called and the conversation went like this:
Sherry: How was surgery?
Me: Hummuhmm
Sherry: Are you in pain?
Me: Hummuhmm
Sherry: When did you get home?
Me: About ten minutes ago. Hummuhmm
The rest of the conversation pretty much consisted of her saying stuff and me saying, "Hummuhmm"
I slept like a log last night.
Cindy came by this AM and fixed me a pot of coffee and put it in a thermos by my bed. She also made sure I took all my drugs. She had sorted 'em out with the correct dosage and everything and put 'em in little baggies (flashback to the early seventies) on my bedside table. I wasn't thinking clearly and took the night time dose by mistake. Bad move. I took 75 Mg of Elavil. Elavil makes you sleepy. Ask my sister. When we were in St.Louis after my mother died, she couldn't sleep so I gave her one pill, which is 25 Mg. She slept just great and was dopey all the next day.
Sherry: How can you take that?
Me: You build up a tolerance. I take three times that much, but only at bedtime. And the FCC won't let me get a private pilot's license because I take that medication.
So, I spent most of the day in bed, reading and sleeping. of course, I got a lot of phone calls, mostly from telemarketers.
TM: Hello. Mr. Wilson?
Me: Hummuhmm
TM: How are you today? (Like they really give a fuck.)
Me: Hummuhmm
TM: This is an asshole someone from some lameass company and we would like to tell you about...
Me: Click
The cast I'm wearing on my right hand prevents me from using a mouse. Using one with my left hand sucks. Plus, I can only use one finger on my right hand to type. That sucks also.
A physical therapist came by and gave me some exercises to perform. That wore me out. I think I'll go lay down.
Hummuhmm
Dear Blogosphere,
Tomorrow I go under the knife. Yep! It's just two fingers on my right hand, but they're gonna pump me fulla sleepy shit and I'm gonna be on the table for about two hours and in post-op for another two hours. Cindy, who's a nurse, told me I'm gonna be wacko for at least 24 hours after the surgery. Uh, how is that any different than I normally am? So, I don't know exactly when I'm gonna blog again. In the meantime, I have a few words.
To all bloggers on Blogspot: If you want people to read your shit, get your own hosting service and get off Blogspot! Many is the time I've tried to go to a site in my referral log that was on Blogspot and gave up after waiting five minutes for the page to load. People are not gonna read your stuff if it takes forever to load. Yeah, I'm like the reformed smoker who wants everyone to quit. I started on Blogspot, but thanks to the invaluable assistance of Rachel Lucas (Assistance - Yeah right. She did everything) I moved to a real hosting service and now use Movable Type. My hits doubled in the first month. Plus, blogging is easier 'cause the interface is easier and my site is easier to manage. Do it! Now!
To Acidman. Isn't this cute?
Guess who?
Sent to me by Barbara. Barbara, get off Blogspot!!!!
Anyway, Acidman, I'd tell you to lighten up, but you're just not as fun to read that way.
Acidman and I have a similar outlook on blogs. We blog to vent. I am not a links whore, but I do appreciate it when someone links to me. Last year about this time, Fred at Rantburg had on his blogroll 'Does your site belong here? E-mail me and tell me why.' I did and he gave me a major plug, that Bill Quick picked up, which Glenn Reynolds picked up. My one and only link from the Professor. From that link, I met Kim du Toit. Toren Smith (Godammit post more! Hiatus, bullshit!), Ralph Gizzip, and Addison. I think it was Ralph who introduced me to Rachel Lucas. My readership has grown slowly but surely. I don't have a lot of readers but I appreciate every one of them. A good day for me is 650 hits. I've been trending up. Acidman sent a lot of traffic my way. I appreciate it. I also appreciate and answer every e-mail sent to me. That brings me to Kate.
Dear Kate. I like you. You're smart and sassy which is what I like in a woman. I'm not trying to piss you off here, but, you are really into self-promotion and you want to have a lot of readers. There is nothing wrong with that if that is what you want. The price of fame is fans and with fans you get fan mail. That means four pages of people sending you their biographies and pouring out their hearts to you. If you don't want that, then quit promoting your site as aggressively as you do. Rachel is major league and I have never heard her bitch about fan mail and she gets a bunch. She had to turn comments off so she could deal with her fan mail (and hate mail, too).
Hmmm! Any more people I can piss off tonight? Guess not. I'm under the knife at 4:00 PM tomorrow.
Wish me luck.
It's nice to see that Cynthia Tucker is back to normal. Her column in Sunday's Atlanta Urinal and Constipation is more of the leftest 'tax cuts for the rich' bullshit and 'the poor are getting screwed' bullshit. For example:
President Bush's second tax cut, like his first, mostly benefits the rich; the president didn't bother to extend the increased child tax credit, from $600 to $1,000, to families earning minimum wage, though more affluent families will receive it. The Senate, however, included minimum wage families in their version of the bill. That tax break was among the few provisions in the gargantuan tax cut bill that even resembled economic stimulus, since working families are more likely than the rich to spend the money right away on necessities.
Perhaps the credit is not being extended to families making minimum wage because those families aren't paying any fucking taxes in the first place!!! How can you give someone a tax credit if that person is not paying taxes? If you want to give 'em money it's not a tax credit, it's welfare. Why is someone on minimum wage even having children? If someone is making mimimum wage they cannot afford children. They shouldn't be having 'em.
But in the last-minute negotiations between ultra-conservative Republicans and their moderate counterparts, millions of families earning between $10,500 and $26,625 annually were once again cut out of the increased child tax credit. In other words, the refund checks, which will average $400 per child, will not go to those who need it most. (Families earning less than $10,500 a year were not eligible for the tax credits because they pay no federal income taxes.) It was a deeply cynical maneuver.
Once again, most of these families under existing tax law are not paying any taxes. And how bad do you have to be to earn $10,500 a year? That's $5 an hour! You can make $6.50 an hour at MacDonalds.
Let's be clear: The families denied the child tax credit work for a living. Still, they barely earn enough to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table. It's difficult to pay the bills when you earn little more than $5.15 an hour.
And if you can't keep a roof over your head and food on the table you should not be having children you cannot afford.
I just fired up Turbo Tax and did a mythical tax return for John and Jane Doe, with two children Jimmy and Alice. John made $25,000 last year and had no taxes withheld and got a $682 refund. That means he paid no income taxes! In fact, the gummint is giving him $682 of my money! Cynthia thinks we oughta give him even more.
Listen up! You. Can't. Give. A. Tax. Credit. To. Someone. Who. Pays. No. Taxes.
Call it what it is. It is income redistribution. It is taking money from me and giving it to someone who in all probability made bad choices like dropping out of school and having children he/she could not afford.
In other words, it's socialism.
I'm a member of the Sommelier Guild of Atlanta. We're a bunch of wino's who get together once a month at different restaurants around Atlanta and taste wines, normally with a dinner. Once a year, we have our banquet and this year it was at the Blue Point restauant in Buckhead. Here is the menu with the wines we drank:
The wines were wines we had voted either best or next best at previous tastings.
We stopped on the way at friends of Michael and Cindy to see their condo and killed two bottle of wine before we even got there. Fortunately, Cindy was the designated driver, so Michael and I could indulge as much as we wanted.
This was different from last year's banquet when my hair caught on fire.
Since we got there late, we couldn't find seats together, but fortunately my dinner companions were excellent. I've been in the Guild for over two years so I still don't know everyone. And most of the tastings are attended by men. We usually only see the wives at the banquet.
The food was good. The wine was great. And a great time was had by all.
Nothing like a great pre-surgery dinner.