Dontcha just get tired of the clueless liberal fuckwits who keep ranting about Bush being Hitler? Not only does it not make any sense, but it trivializes what a monster Hitler was.
I have a new troll who pulled that Bush is Hitler crap. I enforce Godwin's Law on this site and told him that. Here is part of his response.
Godwin's law says nothing about the validity of making a comparison to the subject [GW Bush in this case] and Hitler. I recommend picking up a newspaper and READING IT!, or can't you think for yourself?
Evidently this little twit cannot read. Godwin's Law in part "once this occurs, (comparison to Hitler or Nazi's) that thread is over, and whoever mentioned the Nazis has automatically lost whatever argument was in progress. " My site. My rules.
But let's just look at it as if Bush were Hitler. Since the booger eatin' moh-ron challenged me to pick up a newspaper and read it let's just think about that. If Bush were Hitler, we would not be able to read or hear any dissent since Bush would have shut down all opposition media. Yep! If Bush were Hitler there would be no ABCCBSNBCCNNNPRPBS, the new liberal radio network (Good luck Al! You're gonna need it. You ceased being funny a long time ago.) , Washington Post, New York Times, LA Times, San Francisco Chronicle, Atlanta Urinal and Constipation, et. al. All the liberal sites on the internet would be shut down. So tell me again how reading a free and open opposition press proves Bush is Hitler? This is gonna be the problem with liberal radio. Liberals do not do very well with facts. I read that the dude bankrolling it is willing to endure three years of red ink. Good for him! That's money that won't be given to Dimocrats.
If Bush were Hitler he would use the Secret Police (The FBI) to accumulate information on his enemies and have over 1000 of those files at the White House.
If Bush were Hitler he would have his Attorney General incinerate a bunch of religious wacko's in Texas killing many women and children.
If Bush were Hitler he would send his storm troopers to scare the living shit out of a little boy in Miami and send him back to the hell hole that is Cuba.
If Bush were Hitler, he would fire long time White House employees and then sic the Secret Police on them to besmirch their reputations.
If Bush were Hitler he would sic the IRS on any organization that supported the other political party.
If Bush were Hitler, he would break campaign finance laws and then obstruct the investigation.
Let us not forget that Nazi stands for National Socialist. The Nazi's were not a right wing party they were a left wing party that supported gummint control of industry.
If Bush were Hitler, he would be in favor of having the gummint take over the health care industry in this country.
If Bush were Hitler he would be in favor of stringent gun registration. This is what the Nazi's did in the 30's. Then they confiscated the guns.
If Bush were Hitler and the Iraqi war was all about oil he wouldn't be very smart. All he would have to do was conquer Canada or Mexico and take their oil. Wouldn't be too hard to do.
If Bush were Hitler, those retards demonstrating at Karl Rove's house would have been rounded up and shot.
If Bush were Hitler, 95% of the people in Hollywood would be rounded up and shot. And this would be bad because ... ?
If Bush were Hitler, Dimocrats would be put into reeducation camps. And this would be bad because ... ?
If Bush were Hitler Condi Rice and Colin Powell would not be in his administration.
If Bush were Hitler, Congress and the Supreme Court would have been abolished by now.
If Bush were Hitler, we would have bombed France by now. And this would be bad because ... ?
If Bush were Hitler, we would not have to put up with Cynthia McKinney's big mouth. And this would be bad because ... ?
But Bush is not Hitler. If he loses the next election, he will step down. Unlike what the moonbats over at Democratic Underground think, our republic will endure. Someday, this country will become a socialist dictatorship but hopefully I will be gone by then.
I suggest all you idiots who think Bush is Hitler go read some history. I realize that they don't do a very good job of teaching history in the gummint schools anymore, so you will have to do it on your own.
As I said at the start of this post, Hitler was a real monster. Comparing Bush to Hitler, not only shows your ignorance and stupidity, but also trivializes the crimes committed by Hitler.
Already it has been an incredibly beautiful Spring in Beautiful Dunwoody Georgia. The Bradford Pears are just about done, but the dogwoods and the azaleas are just starting up. The thrift that Cindy and I have been planting on the Great Berm of Dunwoody for the last four years is in full bloom and it is gorgeous. Two more years and I will have the entire berm coated with thrift. The daffodils and tulips are up also. As an indicator of how everything is in bloom, today we had the second highest pollen count since we have been tracking it. I feel sorry for people with allergies. On the downside, it has been a dry March and that is one of the reasons the pollen count is so high.
So everything is beautiful and to make things even better, Cynthia McKinney decided to run for her old seat in the 4th Congressional District. Since Denise Majette soundly defeated her last time I'm not a bit worried. Here's another opportunity for her to make a fool of herself. What could go wrong? Well this could.
U.S. Rep. Denise Majette turned Georgia's once-sedate political season on its head Monday.
No! No! No! I don't want to hear it!
The DeKalb County freshman congresswoman announced her plans to try to become Georgia's first African-American U.S. senator, finally lending a high-profile Democratic name to the race.
Denise, how could you do that? It's not that she was a better representative than Jihad Cindy. She was every bit as liberal and voted in lockstep with useful idiot John Lewis who by his votes kept poor blacks on the Dimocrat plantation and dependent on the gummint. Keep 'em in failing schools. Keep 'em poor. Keep 'em in the projects. Keep 'em on welfare. That's the ticket. But at least Denise wasn't a loudmouth anti-Semitic bigot who was an embarrassment to Georgia.
And in doing so, she touched off a wide-open race for her congressional seat, possibly clearing the way for the state's first openly gay congressional candidate.Atlanta City Council President Cathy Woolard plans an "election-related announcement" in Decatur today. If Woolard, who is openly gay, enters the 4th District race, she will confront controversial former Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney, who has announced plans to run for her old seat.
Unfortunately, blacks outnumber gays in the 4th District and even though black "leaders" support gay rights, since that is one of the credos of the Dimocrat Party, most black people don't.
Majette's announcement that she would seek retiring U.S. Sen. Zell Miller's job stunned the state's political community, and it came without institutional backing of either the national or state Democratic Party."I don't need anybody's blessing," Majette said during a morning news conference at the state Capitol. "I get my blessings from God, and I do what I'm led to do."
You've been led to kiss your political career goodbye and given us two more years of Cynthia "I hate Jews" McKinney.
McKinney's father, former state Rep. Billy McKinney, hovered in the crowd watching Majette's news conference Monday and then gleefully entertained questions about his daughter's nemesis.
Noted racist, Billy McKinney said on the night before the primary election that ousted his daughter two years ago that the reason she was losing was "Jews, J-E-W-S!", which only goes to show that not only is he an anti-Semitic bigot, but he also knows how to spell.
A reporter asked McKinney whether he thought Majette could win a statewide race."Hell no," Billy McKinney shot back. "I'm glad she's running for the Senate. It puts her out of politics."
No shit! Billy got sumpin' right.
Is there no hope?
Speculation centered on other Democrats, including DeKalb Chief Executive Officer Vernon Jones
The self styled Mr. CEO. He is black and is not a big of a pain in the ass as Jihad Cindy, but then who is besides her daddy?
and state Rep. Teresa Greene-Johnson (D-Lithonia), who is challenging Jones for CEO but said Monday that she would consider Majette's seat.
I know absolutely nuttin' about her.
State Sen. Liane Levetan (D-Atlanta), former DeKalb CEO, she is giving it "careful consideration,"
Not a chance. She's white and the 4th was designed to be a black district.
and there was some speculation that Thomas, the state senator, might switch races to avoid a showdown with Majette.
I don't know nuttin' about her either.
So right now, it looks like I'll once again be represented by Cynthia McKinney. If all this had gone down on Thursday, I moght have thought that it was nuttin' but an April Fools joke.
There goes a beautiful Spring.
Must be John Fonda Kerry and his wife having sex. Or I guess it could be Al and Tipper.
You may have noticed that I posted early yesterday and I'm posting a little late tonight.
My friends, Michael and Cindy and I went out to eat Saturday night. We're testing restaurants to see if we can find some additional venues for Sommelier Guild of Atlanta tastings. Lately, we've been doing most of our tastings inside the perimeter and we're trying to find some places outside the perimeter. We've tried two restaurants so far and both have been unacceptable.
We knocked back our usual three bottles of wine and came back to my house and drank some grappa. As a result, I was moving a little slow on Sunday.
My sister and her husband came through on their way to Jackson Mississippi and spent the night, so I blogged before they got here. That's why my stuff was up early.
Today, I was in class all day (As I will be all week) and then tonight, right after work, I went down to Shepherd Center in Atlanta to see about a SCUBA crip trip to Cayman Brac at the end of September. Bert Quist from Divers@Sea was there with some video tapes and slides to let us see what the diving was like.
Wham! Out came the VISA card. Do what you do best you stinking piece of plastic! I signed up.
The usual suspects were there, most of the people I had gone on previous trips with. It looks like we may have one or two new guys going. Now I have sumpin' to look forward to all summer. I'll probably sign up for a weekend trip somewhere this summer to get some rust off.
This is one of the reasons I'm still working. I could afford to retire, but, I want to be able to go on two SCUBA trips and two ski trips a year and that ain't cheap. And, if the FAA comes out with the Recreational Pilot license I want to start flying again. I can't seem to find any cheap hobbies.
I'm sitting here typing and I haven't even read the paper yet. One of the reasons I still get a paper, even one as liberal as the Atlanta Urinal and Constipation, is because I get some of my best ideas from it. I'm sure there will be sumpin' in the paper to piss me off, but it will have to wait.
I have to get up early to make it to class on time so I'm bringing this post to a close. More tomorrow. I promise.
Oh! Almost forgot. Wanna piss off a liberal? Send them this link. Sorry. Doesn't work well on dialup.
And dammit! Some doctor in Austria said that eating your own boogers was good for you. Jesus H. Christ! If that's true then booger eatin' moh-rons may outlive us. Crap!
Two brothers, Simon and Garth, had a dog called Walter. They loved to
take him to their Uncle Charlie's mansion. But one day, they were
surprised to find the gates locked. Fortunately, Uncle Charlie's tall
chauffeur saw them and approached the gates. Walter began barking,
making a huge noise. Neighbors leaned out of their mansion windows and
asked what the hubbub was. One replied: "Simon and Garth's uncle's big
chauffeur's troubled Walter."
Georgia is kicking around the idea of pay HOV lanes. If you were by yourself in a car and wanted to use the HOV lane you could do it if you were willing to pay a toll. They had an article about it in Sunday's Atlanta Urinal and Constipation.
Of course, one of the liberals' gripes about this is that only rich people can do this and it discriminates against the poor. Cry me a fucking river! Let the poor ride MARTA.
The liberals have this ideal concept of an urban village. They abhor sprawl. They think everyone should live within the Atlanta city limits and ride buses, trains and bicycles to work. Or, even better, walk to work They hate highways.
They hate cars. They hate the suburbs. They would rather throw transportation money at mass transit and force people off the highways by not upgrading them and allowing congestion. They think that highways cause cars.
These same liberals then gripe about air polution because we have cars sitting on the highways in stop and go traffic spewing pollution into the air. Wouldn't it make sense, since they're not gonna be able to get people out of cars (unless there is a viable alternative, and MARTA ain't it) to upgrade the highways so people can get to work faster and thus have the cars on the road for a shorter time and not spewing polution into the air? Not to a liberal.
Another dream of the liberals and train enthusiasts who harken back to the halcyon days of commuter rail is starting rail service from somewhere south of Atlanta (I cannot remember exactly where since it isn't important and will be a waste of money) to downtown.
In my last post on mass transit, there were some interesting comments. This one by F451 debunked a light rail enthusiast.
Last weekend, the AJC printed an op-ed written by a light rail enthusiast who said that one project would take 1,600 cars a day off the roads -- which he described as "a block of cars three lanes wide and three miles long."I spent a minute or so communing with my calculator, then wrote a letter to the AJC asking if this guy's car was 53 feet long (like the other 1,599 -- all SUV's, I guess).
They never printed it.
And anyway, where did he get his 1600 person figure in the first place? He's making an assumption that his imaginary light rail system would have 1600 riders. If this were a panacea, the railroads would still be running commmuter trains in Atlanta.
But just watch. We're gonna take a bunch of money that could be used to upgrade the roads and do practical stuff like build pay to drive HOV lanes and throw it into the cesspool called mass transit.
No matter what they do they will not force the people of Atlanta out of their cars and on to mass transit unless the system is much better than it is today and with the current MARTA management that isn't gonna happen.
So we'll continue to waste money like building light rail between Macon and Atlanta which will not pay for itself and continue to have even more congestion on the highways with the resultant pollution.
As another side effect more businesses are moving to the suburbs, outside the perimeter. I work right outside the perimeter and my commute is east and west so it's not as bad as the people going north and south. That's one of the reasons I moved to beautiful Dunwoody. Better commute.
The congestion is getting worse, and the people in charge continue to dream of mass transit systems that people will want to use.
Unfortunately, their dream, if realized, will be a nightmare.
The person who sent me this series wishes to remain anonymous.
This gives new meaning to the phrase "sporting wood".
For This Saturday's rerun here is a rant I wrote two years ago that is still timely today.
I've always been amused by inconsistencies. Examples abound:
And barbarism leads to dehumanization which is the subject of today's blog.
As I was driving home from work today, I had the radio tuned to National Proletariat Radio (But I only listen to it for the music! Honest! And I only get Playboy for the articles), and, on Fresh Air (or as Terry Gross says Fresh shAir!), and Terry was interviewing a Palestinian writer in the 'Occupied Territories' and he was talking about the 'dehumanization' of the Palestinians. This was one of the many times I just wanted to scream at the radio, but instead, I tuned to something else. How about Ozzy singing No More Tears? That would be appropriate.
Look, I'm getting tired of these whining Palestinians. They could have had their fucking state fifty fucking years ago. (My friend Gwen, says she likes my writing, and I should use less profanity but, even Lileks goes overboard sometimes. I don't intend to do it, and my father told me that cursing was the crutch of the conversational cripple, but when I get going, I cannot stop). The bastards turned down the partition of Palestine in 1948 and ever since then, they have been trying to drive the Israelis into the sea. Even today, according to a poll on Drudge, 51% of the Palestinians are for the total destruction of Israel. These are people who take their most cherished possessions, their children, strap bombs on them and send them to explode next to women and children. And they should have a state? What do you want to call it? The Blow Up A Child A Day Nation of the Middle East? But these are acts of desperation! Bull! Shit! Acts of desperation for the Palestinians would be acknowledging that Israel is here to stay, dealing with that, and negotiating in good faith. Instead, let's turn our precious children into homicide bombers. As Golda Meir said 'There will never be peace until the Palestinians love their children more than they hate the Jews'. How very true.
I have nothing but contempt for the Arabs and the Palestinians. If the Arabs weren't sitting on all that oil do you think Yassir Arafat would still be alive? He's the godfather of terrorists. He invented airline hihacking. He invented homicide bombing. Let's see. The Greeks gave us democracy. The Romans gave us laws. The Palestinians gave us homicide bombers. That sure is a nice thing to be known for. And how about that bug eyed bastard saying the Israelis tried to kill him. Listen bucko, if the Israelis wanted you dead, you'd be looking for your seventy-two virgins right now. Only where you're going I don't think you're gonna find any virgins.
And where does it say that the winners in a war have to give conquered territory back? You bastards declared war on Israel in 1967 and lost! You're lucky Israel didn't annex the West Bank and Gaza and kick your sorry asses out. In retrospect they're probably sorry they didn't. I know if the Israelis had lost, the Jews would have been expelled and there still would not have been a Palestinian state as the land would have been divided up between Jordan, Egypt and Syria and you'd still be whining and be worse off. You think other Arabs would put up with your shit?
Israel is willing to give land for peace, but the Palestinians want all the land or there will be no peace. And they have the nerve to talk about dehumanization? They bitch about the fact that people die because Israel won't let the ambulances past checkpoints. Hey, Abdullah, you are the bastards that are using the ambulances to transport bombs. Cry me a fucking river. A pregnant woman was stopped at a checkpoint. That's because you dickheads are dressing up female bombers (no need for affirmative action here. Homicide Bombers Inc is an equal opportunity employer) as pregnant women. My heart is pumping purple panther piss and peanut butter. I saw a black humor cartoon a few weeks back that had two Palestinian women wearing heavy robes and one turns to the other and says 'Does this bomb make me look fat?'
It looks like our latest policy is just to ignore Arafat. He has two goals in life: the destruction of Israel and a Palestinian state with him as the leader. It's looking less and less like either of those things are gonna happen. Wouldn't that be great! All his life's work to no avail. And with our new friends the Russians (Hey Putin, ya wanna take out those towel head bastards in Chechnya? Go ahead. Need any help?), selling us oil, it looks like we may be able to tell the Saudis to kiss our ass. Prince Abdullah, we don't need any bullshit lectures from you. Kiss my ass!
And isn't it funny how the Israelis seem to care more for Palestinian civilians than the Palestinians do? Those big brave Pali's just love to hide behind women and children. When the Israelis went into Jenin, they took more casualties than they had to simply because they were trying to not kill civilians. That is the difference between civilized people and barbarians. Or the difference between humans and animals.
Maybe one day the Palestinians will decide to join the human race. Maybe one day they will find leadership that rejects violence and really wants peace. On that day, I'm sure Israel, if it hasn't been dehumanized by the constant pointless and tragic deaths of the Palestinan homicide bombers, will welcome them and the two nations will truly be partners in peace.
Unfortunately, I fear I will not see that in my lifetime. Hatred is a disease only time can cure. And the Palestinians have a real bad case of hatred.
So for now, all I have to say to the Palestinians is 'Dehumanize this!'
Ya know, very few Dimocrats call themselves liberals anymore. They prefer terms like progressive. We believe in progressive social policies. Now why is that? Why aren't they proud of being liberals?
Max Cleland claims that he was defeated in the Georgia Senate race because Saxby Chambliss called him unpatriotic. No, Chambliss pointed out that like most liberals he put union jobs before the good of the country. Max, like many southern liberrals who represent states that are going conservative ran as a conservative, but governed as a liberal. Conservative Dimocrat is becoming an oxymoron as more and more of them age and retire from politics. Zell Miller is an example of a conservative Dimocrat. So was Sam Nunn.
Do you notice that John Fonda Kerry is starting to sound more conservative? Among other things he's saying lately is that he wants to cut corporate taxes from 35% to 33.5%. He's also talking about a middle class tax cut. I remember the last Dimocrat who promised a middle class tax cut. Remember Bill Clinton? He raised taxes and said it was the hardest thing he had ever done. Bullshit. The hardest thing he had ever done was to get Hillary pregnant. That's a mental picture I could do without.
Kerry has challenged Bush to one debate per month for the next eight months. Why bother, since he wouldn't really know which Kerry to debate. Why not just have Kerry debate himself like this?
I haven't heard too much from little Tommy Dasshole or Nancy Pelosi lately. Why aren't these liberals progressives out saying how happy they are that the liberal progressive senator from Taxachussetts is running for president. They should be shouting their liberal progressive beliefs from the rooftops and letting everyone know how elated they are that they have a liberal progressive candidate for president.
And did you hear Howard Dean ask the faithful about who should be commander-in-chief and running the war on terror? Should it be someone with three purple hearts and a silver star or should it be people who never served in the military during war time? So Howard voted for Bush in 1992 and Dole in 1996 rather than vote for a draft dodger I guess. Fucking hypocrite!
This is another thing that pisses me off about liberals that I talked about the other day in my post Write a Check!. Liberals always want to be so generous with my money but not with theirs. After they are caught with not giving much to charity, like Algore was a few years ago, they then actually start donating large amounts. Let's look at Kerry. Thanks to Addison for the link.
Kerry's returns from 1995 and earlier, before his marriage to Heinz, have sometimes attracted criticism over the issue of charitable giving. In 1995, according to published reports, Kerry reported a taxable income of $126,179, and charitable contributions of $0. In 1994, he reported income of $127,884, and charitable donations of $2,039. In 1993, he reported income of $130,345, and contributions of $175. In 1992, he reported income of $127,646, and contributions of $820. In 1991, he reported income of $113,857, and contributions of $0.
During that time, my mother, who was a mean-spirited Republican on a fixed income of $15,000 per year, never gave less than $600 in cash to charity. She also gave old clothes and other stuff to Goodwill and the Salvation Army. And she did volunteer work like packing lunches for Meals on Wheels.
What about President Bush who wants to starve old people and throw the poor off welfare?
As far as Bush is concerned, in 1991, the future president, then a private citizen, reportedly had income of $179,591, and charitable contributions of $28,236. In 1992, Bush reported income of $212.313, and contributions of $31,914. In 1993, Bush reported income of $610,772, and contributions of $31,292. In 1994, Bush reported income of $474,937 and in 1995, income of $419,481. Published reports at that time did not list Bush's charitable contributions for those two years.
I would like to see a list of Michael Moore's charitable contributions. Howza 'bout Al Franken's? How much does Julia Roberts give to charity? We know how charitable the Clintons are since Hillary donated Bill's used underwear to charity.
Liberals love to talk about how they really care for the poor, but only in the abstract. And they love to do it with other people's money. Algore didn't start giving large amounts to charity until he had to start making his tax returns public and was caught giving next to nothing. Ditto Kerry. Has Ted Kennedy ever made his tax returns public? I would like to see Nancy Pelosi's also.
It's really sad that a little old mean-spirited Republican like my mother donated more to charity than liberal millionaire politicians.
Phony bastards!
Yep! This one came from Woody.
I wonder if this is Pumpman's bed.
Oh how the liberals love to extoll the virtues of mass transit. We need to quit building roads and get people out of their cars and on to buses and light rail they say. If we can only do that, we won't use so much oil and we will clean up the air. Let us sing paeans of praise for mass transit. There's only one thing wrong. It's bullshit. At least in Atlanta it is.
The problem with mass transit is it needs to be subsidized to work. In Atlanta it needs to really be subsidized. Part of the problem is the incompetent management that MARTA is known for. For example, they once put a woman who lived in public housing on the board. Her qualifications? She rode MARTA.
I wrote this post about all the money MARTA wasted on computers they will never use. Go read it and see just how much money MARTA wasted.
MARTA was once again in the news and made the front page of Thursday's Atlanta Urinal and Constipation.
MARTA plans to cut bus service by 15 percent this summer.
They can't do that! That will force more people to drive cars. And what about the poor? They depend on MARTA. How heartless can they be?
In restructuring the bus routes, the transit authority expects to eliminate 304 jobs and $11 million in expenses in the most sweeping change to MARTA service in more than 20 years.And the cuts may be only the beginning of the public transit system's efforts to stem the flow of red ink in its $308 million operating budget.
But ... but ... I thought we needed more mass transit. I thought mass transit was the solution to traffic congestion. Get 'em out of their cars and into buses and trains.
Well obviously the problem is that gummint is not giving MARTA enough money.
MARTA also may consider increasing the current $1.75 basic fare if the system continues to lose money past fiscal 2006, the chairman said.
As the fares go up, ridership goes down. It's a vicious cycle. I've seen it happen in other cities. It seems mass transit only works if it is heavily subsidized. Of course, since MARTA is a gummint agency it already suffers from incompetent management. For example.
"A lot of those buses run empty," said Thelma Purnell, MARTA director of transit planning. Running empty buses costs $1.32 per mile, or $31 an hour, she added.
Wouldn't you think they could hire some transportation engineers (or whatever you would call them) to figger out routes that people actually use? Are you listening Thelma? You are incompetent! Can you hear me now?
Atlanta has a very nice light rail system, but in many cases it doesn't go where people want it to go. For example, I only use it to go to the airport. When they were building the light rail system they had to make some tradeoffs on routes to get the funding required.
Even transit advocates acknowledge that MARTA's route structure is long overdue for an overhaul.
No shit! In the private sector this would have been done long ago and it would be done on a yearly basis. Not that the private sector would want to run mass transit. It's too expensive.
On April 1, Citizens for Progressive Transit will launch what it's calling a "Save MARTA" campaign with a 6 p.m. meeting in the old City Council chambers at Atlanta City Hall. The organization is calling for new state or regional operating funds for MARTA, which receives no such revenue from the state.
The one cent sales tax from Fulton and DeKalb counties is not enough to subsidize MARTA. That means they are gonna go to the state and beg for funds. Or maybe they're gonna ask John Lewis and Denise Majette to try and get some money from the feds.
The rest of the article contains sob stories about how people are gonna be affected by the route changes and route eliminations. And there are gonna be a lot of people laid off. If only we would throw more money at the problem it would magically be fixed. Everyone knows that mass transit is good. Cars are bad.
"We can't continue to go in the hole until all our reserves are gone," Walls said. "I hope the local metropolitan political establishment will let this be a wake-up call for what needs to be done to give MARTA adequate funding."
In other words, hold on to your wallet. One way or another Georgia taxpayers are gonna have to pay more money for a mismanaged transit system.
You can depend on it.
Maybe we should introduce this guy to the Krispy Kreme babes.
API and Reuters report the French Government announced today that in light
of the Madrid train bombing, France has raised its terror alert level from
"RUN" to "HIDE."
The only two higher levels in France are "SURRENDER" and "COLLABORATE."
Courtesy of Ralph Gizzip.
The colors of their top two alerts are white for SURRENDER and yellow for COLLABORATE.
Victor Davis Hanson wrote a beautiful piece on March 23 called When I Was Young about how Dimocrats and Republicans have flipped. I especially liked the last paragraph.
I don't know quite how they did it, but the Democrats' candidate looks as at home snowboarding at a ritzy ski resort as George Bush does at a NASCAR rally. And when I hear anti-Semitism, hatred of Israel, warning about Jews in government, fury about foreign aid, visceral hatred and rude exclamations, sinister conspiracy theories, and racial separatism it usually has come far more often from someone on the Left than Right and from one educated and affluent rather than poor and ignorant.
Hmmmm. And one other thing. The Republicans are supposed to be the party of fat cats, but they have more small donors than the Dimocrats.
It's always pissed me off that rich bastards like Ted Kennedy want to take my money to help the poor. Hey Ted, you fat, bloated, drunken, murderous bastard, if you are so concerned about the poor why don't you have a bunch of them out to your estate at Hyannisport? Teddy is too good to associate with the poor. You want to raise my taxes but I bet you have a legion of tax lawyers making sure you pay the minimum amount of taxes each year. If you think the rich are undertaxed, why don't you Write a check to the gummint?
Noted populist, and lately screamer, Algore bitches about "tax cuts for the rich".
You hypocritical bastard! I remember a few years back you gave less to charity than my mother who was living on a fixed income of $15,000 a year. You want the rich to pay more taxes? Fine. Write a check to the gummint. No one's stopping you.
Howza 'bout John Kerry? That rich bastard (I got my money the old fashioned way. I married it.) has five expensive homes, yet he's a "man of the people". How many lawyers do you think he and his wife have to minimize their taxes? John. If you think you are undertaxed, Write a check to the gummint.
Terry McAuliffe. Now there is a sleazy, slimey bastard. He was bitching about the people who made money at Enron before it went bankrupt, but he did the exact same thing with Global Crossing. With the Enron folks it was horrible. With Gobal Crossing it was "capitalism at work". He's another one of these "tax cuts for the rich" screachers. Terry, write a check to the gummint.
Barbara Streisand really cares for the poor. The only poor people she knows are her servants. Hey Babs! You're undertaxed. Write a check to the gummint.
Howza 'bout that fat fuck Michael Moore. Yeah he really cares for the poor. Hypocritical bastard! Hey Mikey! Write a check to the gummint for the amount you think you're undertaxed. Yeah. Like that's gonna happen.
Nancy Pelosi is another one of these millionaire Dimocrats who care so much for the poor and think that the rich should pay more taxes. Nancy, write a check! No one is stopping you.
Ambulance chaser John Edwards who has made millions suing doctors (which has driven malpractice insurance premiums sky high) also thinks the rich should pay "their fair share". Fine John. Set an example. Write a check!
And last but definitely not least, let's not forget the Clintons. Last year Bill said that due to the tax cuts he was gonna get $85,000 that he didn't need. Funny. I didn't see him write a fucking check! Remember, before they made it to the White House, Hillary took a deduction for donating Bill's used underwear to charity. We never did learn whether they were stained or not. Eeeewwwww!
So all you hypocritical Dimocrats who think the rich are undertaxed, I want you all to lead by example. Write a check to the gummint. Do it today.
If you haven't seen this yet. Thanks Tim and Mark (or Mike? I lost your e-mail)
Gaw-lee!
In Tuesday's Atlanta Urinal and Constipation there is an article on the front page, no less, about another soldier who decided that he didn't want to go to Iraq. This one fled to Canada.
Let me get this straight. Our military is a purely voluntary organization. There is no more draft. No one forced this cowardly asshole into joining the Army. So now he decides that he dosn't want to go to Iraq?
"I feel so strongly about the Iraqi war and not wanting to be a part of it that whatever the consequences, so be it," Hinzman said."I thought it was an act of aggression based on false pretenses," he added.
Whatever. Listen up dipshit. That is not your decision to make. That is the decision of your commander-in-chief. You joined the Army. You swore an oath. You are now officially a deserter. In time of war, you could be shot.
And here is another turdbrain.
Last week, a Florida National Guard soldier who had served six months in Iraq but refused to go back after coming home on leave turned himself in to military authorities, saying he is against the war and seeking conscientious objector status. He is currently at Georgia's Fort Stewart, where his unit is based, while authorities decide whether to file charges against him.
Let me get this straight. He is a conscientious objector and he joined the National Guard? Once again, joining the National Guard is a voluntary act. What is up with these people?
But back to asshole number one.
Soft-spoken and intense, Hinzman said he is ready to live with the consequences of his decision. It could mean he may never be able to return to the United States, or that he may forever be labeled a traitor or coward by those who disagree with him."As a soldier, I had signed up to defend the Constitution, not to invade another country," Hinzman said.
No you booger eatin' moh-ron, you signed up to follow orders. And yes, I think you are a coward.
A native of Rapid City, S.D., the 25-year-old said his decision to leave the country and seek refuge in Canada was not a result of cowardice. He had already served in Afghanistan, albeit as a cook, while his application for conscientious objector status was pending. Rather, he said, it was his pacifism and growing opposition to the war in Iraq that convinced him to leave his unit just before it departed for the war zone
So why did you join the Army in the first place you hypocritical dickhead? Probably because he could get the Army to pay for college. The military isn't that bad of a life if there are no wars going on, but if this asshole was really a conscientious objector why did he join in the first place? It's amazing how some of these buttheads magically turn into pacifists just about the time they have to go to war. He can't tell me he isn't a coward.
Back in the 60's when I was in Viet Nam.
You were in Viet Nam?
Yeah. I was in the Navy and on an LST. We pulled right up on shore and we got shot at on two separate occasions. I noticed an interesting phenomenon. The biggest pussies were the lifers. We had a Signalman First Class (E6), Loth, who just went to pieces. My general quarters station was in Combat Information Center (CIC). CIC shared a space with the Charthouse which was Loth's GQ station. This guy had been in the Navy for 10 years and was going for his 20. Unfortunately for him, no one told him he might see some action.
On this particular day we had pulled into Cua Viet to unload some supplies when the base got hit. We turned to leave and saw the mouth of the harbor get bracketed by enemy fire. We decided to just stop. CIC was three decks down so it would take a pretty good hit for a rocket or mortar to get us, so most of us 4 years and out guys were eating our C-rats and bitching about not having a hot meal for lunch. Loth had his head on the chart desk and was crying. I couldn't resist saying, "Hey Loth, this is your Navy!" I was an asshole back then too.
Back to the article, which by the way, was written by Ron Martz one of the most anti-war people at the AJC. We also have to hear about some of the cowards who went to Canada during the Viet Nam War.
John Phillips of Algona, Iowa, was among the first to cross the border. Phillips, now 58 and a successful film producer in Toronto, came in 1967 and helped create the infrastructure that enabled thousands of draft dodgers and deserters to fit into Canadian society.Decision 'traumatic'
The decision to leave the United States, he said, "was horrendous. It was absolutely traumatic. I was patriotic. I was an American." But he said he was uncomfortable with the draft and the war. When he came up 1-A in the draft and was denied conscientious objector status, he fled the country.
No, you sorry sonuvabitch, you were not patriotic. You were a cowardly draft dodger. Don't give me any of that patriotic bullshit. Your country called and you gave it the finger and headed off to Canada. I have nothing but contempt for you.
But back to the original asshole this article is about.
His decision to join the Army, he said, was an effort to provide some structure to his life and to get money to attend college.
Sho' nuff! He wanted the Army to pay for his college. Unfortunately, he didn't want to hold up his end of the bargain.
He admits now he was naive about what he would be doing. "I don't want to come off as having no idea as what the Army was about," he said. "I was just totally ignorant about what it takes to make a person a killer."
Can someone really be this stupid? That's what the Army does. It trains people to kill people.
Listen to this next bunch of bullshit.
"I've never felt as close to a group of people as I did when I was in the Army," he said.
But you were willing to desert them at the first sign of danger. I wonder how they feel about you right now? I can guess. Words like pussy come to mind.
When his unit, the 2nd Battalion of the 504th Parachute Infantry Regiment, received orders for Afghanistan several months later, Hinzman said he had no problem going."I just didn't want to go in a combat role," he said.
Because he was a coward.
Run off to Canada you cowardly bastard. We don't need people like you here in the United States.
You would probably feel more at home in Quebec. There are French people there.
Five reasons not to overindulge in Krispy Kremes.
What's been going through my mind all day long is the tune Ding Dong the Witch is Dead from the Wizard of Oz. I'm ecstatic that Yassin is now taking the celestial dirt nap. This was long overdue. Here is another asshole who has corrupted Islam and turned it into a religion of hate. I hope he is roasting in Hell right now.
Uh oh! I'm an atheist so I don't believe in Hell. It's times like these that I really wish there was a God. I'd just love to see people like Yassin and Khomeini face Allah and have Him ask, "What the fuck are you dudes doing here?"
"We were holy men."
"No, you were evil men. You killed innocent people in my name and for that you will roast in Hell for eternity."
How I envy you people who believe in God, because you must be thinking thoughts like these right now.
All the folks over at Ranburg are ululating (sp). I feel like finding some children and handing out candy.
Am I a bloodthirsty savage? Yep! I just wish that asshole Arafat was next. I bet he's shitting bricks about now.
The Palestinians are threatening Dire Revenge™ as they do after every Israeli attack.
Yeah, whatever. This time, however, there's a difference. Now they're threatening us.
Memo:
To: The Palestinians
From: The United States
Subject: Dire Revenge™
Listen buttwipes. We've let you bastards blow up innocent Israelis and we have tried to restrain Sharon and we even came out with that bullshit Roadmap For Peace that you assholes didn't even begin to honor. We have also shown restraint over the three Amercans that you killed in Gaza. You do not want to piss us off with your Dire Revenge™ bullshit. You fuckers are on notice. You do not want to fuck with us! Ask Mullah Omar who is hiding in a cave somewhere in Afghanistan. Ask Uday and Qusay who are talking to Sheikh Yassin right now as they are probably roasting on adjacent spits in Hell. Ask Saddam Hussein. We are sick of you assholes and your antics. If you fuck with us you are going down big time.
Sheikh Yassin's funeral would have been a good time to have tested out MOAB. Talk about a target rich environment.
So who is next in the chain of command of Hamas?
He's got a great opportunity for martydom.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
And I didn't even know that Kim drove an SUV.
Comments are fixed. Goddam comment spammers really piss me off!
Comments are currently disabled. I don't know why. I'm working on the problem.
Dammit! Thanks Site Meter for hosing up my statistics. I now have the pleasure of passing 150,000 hits not once, but twice. And today's statistics summary is a hoot.
Last Hour 24
Today 303
This Week 81
So I've had 303 hits today, but I've only had 81 hits this week. Yeah. That makes sense. I guess I shouldn't bitch since it's free.
Saturday night, Michael, Cindy and I went out to eat at a wine bar in Dunwoody called D'vine. We were checking it out to see if we could hold a Sommelier Guild tasting there. Nope! Too small. Anyway, we started out at their house and had some salmon and champagne. I gave the night some excitement by falling as I entered their house. My walking is really going to shit lately.
After our dinner we came back to GOC Central and finished off the Dean Delamain cognac. This was the bottle that I won from Michael on our bet about Dean getting the Dimocrat nomination.
I'm gonna start eating out more since I'm gonna have to help find places to hold Guild tastings at. Oh no! I ended a sentence with a preposition. That brings to mind an old joke.
A new college student trying to find the student union stopped an English professor and asked, "Where is the student union at?"
The professor replied, "Young man, one never ends a sentence with a preposition."
The student then asked, "OK. Where is the student union at you pompous asshole?"
Rim shot!
Anyway back to restaurants. A while back, we had a blog meetup of some Atlanta bloggers. One of the reasons for the meetup was to kick around the idea of putting together a group blog with the tentative name of Peach Tea. This was the brainchild of the Lady Jessica and Greg Greene.
Group blogs are hard to do especially with bloggers who have jobs and their own blogs. There just isn't enough time to do justice to two blogs. I know, I have been in group blogs before. So the group blog is in limbo. The blog was to be about Atlanta and not necessarily Atlanta politics. For example, I was thinking about doing an occasional restaurant review about restaurants where the Guild had had tastings or restaurants that I went to for potential future tastings.
That reminds me. I'm thinking of putting up a blog roll of people on the left that I like personally. I don't agree with their politics, but I would enjoy sitting down and having a drink with them. Greg is one and I really enjoyed sitting next to him at the blogger meetup and Marieke is another. My only misgiving is that some of my readers would go flame them. These are nice people. They just have a different world view and see things differently. They are not the enemy.
Now don't think I'm mellowing out here. I still have a devout hatred for Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy and John Fonda Kerry. These are definitely not nice people. These are people who have tried and are still trying to destroy the Constitution and our freedoms.
I'd like to bitch slap that asshole John McCain also. Him and his bullshit campaign finance reform. That law is unconstitutional and the Supreme Court should have declared it so. There should be no limits on donating money. The only thing we need is full disclosure of who is donating and how much. And John, if you are gonna defend Kerry, why don't you just switch parties, you asshole?
OK. I really didn't have anything to write about tonight and the above was just a bunch of brain farts. Better stuff tomorrow. I promise.
This is an actual sign in Camden, South Carolina. I just wonder what the Foxes in the Den think about the bad cock.
I've been going back in the archives and turning comments off on old posts. I've decided to only allow comments on a particular post for a few months. Hopefully this will enable me to do a better job of policing the comment spammers. I'm up to 150 IP's banned and only ten of 'em are trolls. The rest are the annoying comment spammers. Bastards! I came across this entry on management that I thought I would post for my weekend rerun. I wrote this almost two years ago.
Once, many years ago, before the scales fell from my eyes (I can see! I can see!), I wanted to be a manager. One reason was the job I held at that time with TCIDNN (The Company I Dare Not Name), really sucked. So, if I could be a manager, I could tell people what to do and be in a job that sucked less.
Upon further investigation, I realized that being a first line manager really sucked. Not only do you have to take bullshit from customers who suck, you have to take bullshit from your boss who sucks and you have to take bullshit from the people you manage who suck. I mean, if I became a manager, I'd have to manage people like myself.
Now there's something that would really suck! After twenty-nine years the grouchy old cripple really knows how to give bullshit to management. You also have to lie with a straight face. And, every day after work, you need to have someone pull your head out of your ass. Now what kind of a job would that be? So the manager life, which sucks, was not for me.
I need to interject here that the person who shares my office is worried that if TCIDNN management ever reads anything I write about TCIDNN, I'll get my ass fired. Maybe I should change the name to TCTWFMITERMB (The Company That Would Fire Me If They Ever Read My Blogs). Nah. I'm not worried. I told him he is making two erroneous assumptions:
So I don't have any worries on that matter. Anyway, where I work used to be a training ground for first line managers. When I moved here seventeen years ago, there was an assumption made by the manager who hired me that I eventually wanted to be a manager. During my interview, I danced around the subject. 'Yes, I have aspirations to management', I said, ' but I have some things I'm not comfortable with (like being a phony sonuvabitch), but I'm sure you'll teach me that (like abandoning all my principles).'
Eighteen months after taking the job, my manager wanted to start sending me on management interviews. 'Wait a minute', I said, 'I'm supposed to be here two years.' 'We can waive that', he said. 'No we can't', I said, 'I don't want to be a manager!' At that very instant, I went to the top of his shit list.
I remember some of my coworkers who were promoted to managers. They would call or write back and we would ask them how they liked being a manager. The response was always, and, I am not making this up, 'I love my job. I got a great bunch of people working for me.' So, if any of them ever came back to Atlanta, the first thing we looked for was the little string hanging out from their heads. You know, the one on talking dolls that you pull to get them to talk. We always wondered if that was implanted during management school.
The policy at TCIDNN used to be that if someone got promoted to management, he/she would move to a different office. This was a really good idea. The stated reason was so the manager wouldn't have to manage people he/she used to work with. 'Wait a minute, dickhead, you didn't act that way before you were a manager. I'm just doing what you used to do!' But the real reason was so no one would ever realize what was done to managers when they went to TCIDNN Manager School. When the young hero manager returned from TCIDNN Manager School he was a completely different person. I recently deprogrammed a manager whose brainwashing wasn't totally effective and he gave me the rundown on TCIDNN Management School.
The first day is the worst day. The new manager walks up the steps to the entrance of the school. Over the portal is a sign that says Abandon All Scruples Ye Who Enter Here. As soon as he enters, he is immediately knocked out and taken to surgery. There, his spine is removed for obvious reasons. Next, holes are drilled in each cheek. This enables him to simutaneously talk out of both sides of his mouth. Also, for insurance, his tongue is forked. 'Manager speak with forked tongue, Kemo Sabe.' 'You bet your ass, Tonto.'
After recovering from surgery, they have to report to their first class, Buzzwords 101. Here is where they learn to spout bullshit buzzwords for every occasion. "Before every meeting, there must be prereads, and a process put in place to develop an agenda to create synergy, enabling us to focus on our core objectives.'
Huh? What the fuck did he say? I can just imagine the Buzzword Bullshit Facilitator handing out lavish praise for that last statement. 'Now remember EPS's (Empty Polo Shirts...first line managers don't have to wear suits. When a manager makes it to a third line manager, he is promoted to ES..Empty Suit), the sentence should be as long as possible and have as many buzzwords as possible. You must ensure that you never say anything that will allow any of the people who work for you to ever get a straight answer out of you. That way, you can never be held accountable for anything.'
The next class is Pass the Blame 101. Since second and third line managers go to Advanced Pass the Blame (Pass the Blame 201), the first line manager has to be really good to pass the blame upward. Anyway, since shit rolls down hill, it's easier to pass the blame on to one of the actual workers. Some of the techniques: lying (the most effective); turning employees against each other (for this one you need a real suckup who has aspirations to management. The bonus is, you have a chance to turn someone to the dark side); and passing the blame on to another manager (a fantastic ploy as it might lead to a promotion.).
The next class is Suck Up 101. As the name implies, it teaches young managers how to effectively suck up to their superiors. The first rule of sucking up to a superior manager is to remember that managers promote people most like themselves, so the young manager has to observe his manager very carefully and match as many mannerisms as possible. He also has to be very careful that if his boss comes to a sudden stop his head doesn't go so far up his manager's ass that it causes discomfort to both of them. This could be hazardous to one's career.
The very last class is Effective Lying. Here the manager is taught the most effective lying techniques. For example, try to lie to as few people as possible. That way the manager can say, 'I never said that!' or 'It's your word against mine.' The big lie: 'There will be no more layoffs this year.' 'I really care about seeing you advance in your career.' The bold faced lie: 'We really care for you here at TCIDNN. Think of us as family.'
The manager practices these phrases and many others until he/she has the appropriate level of fake sincerity and can keep a straight face with even the most absurd lies.
My deprogrammed manager even remembered some questions that were on the final exam from TCIDNN Management School.
Assuming the young manager passes the exam and all the brainwashing is successful he/she returns to his/her office and is ready to start managing. And he/she must remember the most important principle of management as stated by Mel Brooks in Blazing Saddles:
We gotta protect our phony, baloney jobs, gentlemen!
Jesus H. Christ! Can't someone protect us from these Chicken Littles running around screaming, "Global Warming! Global Warming!"? In Thursday's Atlanta Urinal and Constipation there was an op-ed by Lenore Skenazy of the New York Daily News. I guess she must be New York's version of Molly Ivins.
Global warming no fabrication
That's right. It's not a fabrication. It's bullshit!
The thing about global warming is that all you have to do is say those two words and most people's eyelids --- like our polar icecaps --- start sliding down, down, down.
Unless you're a liberal environazi. Then we have to hear bullshit like Kyoto. We'll get to that later.
Mine too. But in a minute, your eyes are going to boi-i-ing open so wide,
Boi-i-ing? What is this? Viagra for the eyes?
you may not be able to sleep tonight. That's because global warming is suddenly Topic A at two places not normally associated with hugging trees: the Pentagon and the insurance industry.
WTF? Pentagon? Insurance industry? Tell me more.
They have just realized: Hey, if the climate really is going to hell ---
Notice the "if". Now she inserts an unsupported conjecture (a common liberal trick)
thanks to willy-nilly burning of fossil fuels
Not proven. Junk science.
--- this could mean tidal waves, droughts, searing heat and freezing cold.
Huh? Freezing cold? I thought we were talking about global warming.
Not to mention nuclear war.
The liberal mind. A wonder to behold.
That means global warming is: (1) At least as big a threat as terrorism,
In her mind.
and (2) Probably going to cost a whole lot in insurance payouts.
If global warming actually happens.
Yes, yes, I find realization No. 1 more troubling than No. 2, too. But the good thing about the hawks and corporations starting to voice the same concerns is that these are two groups the Bush administration may actually pay attention to.
What the Pentagon and the insurance industry are doing are "what ifs". I'll be willing to bet they've also got "what ifs" for global cooling which could be caused by a massive volcanic eruption or a nuclear winter. They are not saying global warming is gonna happen, they're saying what if global warning happens. It's like me saying, what if you and Molly Ivins can actually come up with a rational thought.
The Pentagon report was commissioned to assess the threat to national security if there is an ''abrupt climate change event.'' And the report's conclusion?
There's that pesky "if" again, which I highlighted.
There's a huge threat. If global warming brings on famine and drought, these could trigger wars for water, food and oil. If the average rainfall in Europe plummets, we could see massive boatlifts of people attempting to enter America.
If. If. If. Hang on tight! Here she goes.
If America and China both enter an ice age, they might go to war for Saudi Arabia's oil. Etc., etc., etc.
Wait a minute! I thought we were talking about global warming. Oh that's right. If we have an ice age it's because of global warming.
The Pentagon bigwig who commissioned this report is Andrew Marshall, a wise and experienced 82-year-old legend.
Never heard of him.
Marshall released the report's findings to Fortune magazine, and his motive seems clear: to goad the business community into taking action, because goading President Bush has gotten nowhere.
But the report doesn't say global warming is a fact. It merely says it is possible and states what could be the consequences. And since when does a liberal believe anything that comes out of the Pentagon?
Bush has not only pooh-poohed warnings on global warming, he has gone so far as to distort his own Environmental Protection Agency's findings. He also refused to sign the Kyoto Accord on greenhouse emissions, claiming America needed more time to research whether this was a man-made problem.
And. There. It. Is. Kyoto. The treaty that was unaminously defeated in the Senate. Not one senator voted for it. Not. One.
Here is what I would like to do with every liberal who thinks Kyoto is a good idea. Put them in a shack with no heat and no electricity. Take away their cars. No candles. No fires. No energy use whatsoever. That's what it would take. If every liberal who believes in Kyoto would do that we might be able to meet the emission demands of Kyoto.
If we were to ratify Kyoto we would turn into a Third World nation. Do you want to eliminate greenhouse gases? Fine. Let us build nuclear power plants so we won't have to use coal fired power plants. But you fucking liberals won't let us do that. You want windmills and solar panels. Fine. Go out and buy a fucking windmill and power your house with it. Get all your energy from solar. Leave me the fuck alone until you actually come up with some solutions instead of your fucking liberal fantasies.
All I have to hear is one liberal mention Kyoto and I go right up the fucking wall!
Swiss Re, a giant company that insures other insurers, issued a call to action. In its blockbuster report, Swiss Re estimates that in 10 years, the economic cost of disasters such as floods, frosts and famines caused by global warming could reach $150 billion annually. That's the cost to the insurance industry of a World Trade Center disaster every year.
Notice the "could" that I highlighted. No one knows. There is still no scientific proof of global warming. None. Jesus! Twenty years ago the same people screaming about global warming thought that we were heading into a little ice age. The sky is falling! The sky is falling!
The way to avoid this horrible scenario is clear, says Jon Coifman, a spokesman for the Natural Resources Defense Council: We must cut way back on our country's carbon dioxide emissions.
Wait for it! Here it comes!
''We are about 4 percent of the population and produce about 25 percent of the world's emissions,'' he says.
Yep! We're the problem. It's always the United States' fault.
To pollute less, we need to switch to cleaner,
Howza 'bout nuclear power? No? Didn't think so.
renewable energy sources.
You won't let us build more dams because we might wipe out snail darters. Solar is still not efficient enough. Windmills are not the solution. I know. Wave the magic liberal wand. Abra Cadabra! Magic. We now have clean renewable energy sources. Here's a better idea. Send all the liberals who think we use too much energy to another country. With the energy we save with the population decrease we may just be able to cut our emissions down. I know we would cut down on the hot air emissions.
We need more fuel-efficient cars and trucks.
Pass them laws. Make it so! We decree that all cars will get 100 miles per gallon.
And we need new laws limiting industrial emissions.
And industry can not have any more emissions. Now that is easy to fix. Let's just shut down all the industries and move them overseas. Uh oh! Where did the jobs go? Overseas with the industries. But we do have the liberal utopia.
Fortunately, there is a global warming bill coming to Congress this spring that addresses these issues. It came within just seven votes of passing last year. This year, it must pass. Or else.
Or else the world will come to an end.
I'm really worried.
Dear New York Daily News. I can write really stupid stuff like Lenore when I try. Will you give me a job?
Due to many requests (There were at least three of 'em), I'm breaking out my copy of Shakespeare's Julius Caesar and updating Mark Antony's funeral oration. Here goes.
Friends, Romans, countrymen,
Dudes!
lend me your ears;
Listen up!
I come to bury Caesar,
I'm here to plant Caesar,
not to praise him.
Not to say a lot of good shit about him.
The evil that men do lives after them;
We remember the bad shit about people.
The good is oft interred with their bones;
We forget all the good stuff.
So let it be with Caesar.
So let's do that with Caesar.
The noble Brutus
That dickhead Brutus
Hath told you Caesar was ambitious:
Told you Caesar wanted to be top dog.
If it were so, it was a grievous fault,
If that's true that really sucks!
And grievously hath Caesar answer'd it.
And that's why they offed the dude.
Here, under leave of Brutus and the rest--
Brutus and the rest of his pals are letting me speak
For Brutus is an honourable man;
Brutus is a dickhead.
So are they all, all honourable men--
All his pals are dickheads too.
Come I to speak in Caesar's funeral.
I'm speaking here at Caesar's funeral.
He was my friend, faithful and just to me:
Caesar and I were best buds.
But Brutus says he was ambitious;
But Brutus said Caesar wanted to be top dog.
And Brutus is an honourable man.
And Brutus is a dickhead.
He hath brought many captives home to Rome
He brought a lot of POW's back from his wars
Whose ransoms did the general coffers fill:
That he sold off and then he gave all the money to the treasury.
Did this in Caesar seem ambitious?
Did this make Caesar look like he wanted to be top dog?
When that the poor have cried, Caesar hath wept:
When the poor cried, Caesar did too.
Ambition should be made of sterner stuff:
More top dogs should act this way.
Yet Brutus says he was ambitious;
Still Brutus said Caesar wanted to be top dog.
And Brutus is an honourable man.
Brutus is a dickhead.
You all did see that on the Lupercal I thrice presented him a kingly crown,
You all saw me three times try to give him a king's crown on the holiday commemorating Rome's founding.
Which he did thrice refuse: was this ambition?
All three times he refused it. Did he really want to be top dog?
Yet Brutus says he was ambitious;
But Brutus says he wanted to be top dog.
And, sure, he is an honourable man.
And we all know Brutus is a dickhead.
I speak not to disprove what Brutus spoke,
I don't want to call Brutus a liar (nudge, nudge, wink, wink)
But here I am to speak what I do know.
But I know all the good shit about Caesar.
You all did love him once, not without cause:
You dudes loved him once and for a lot of good reasons.
What cause withholds you then, to mourn for him?
Why aren't you sad that he's dead?
O judgment! thou art fled to brutish beasts,
What the fuck is wrong with you dudes?
And men have lost their reason.
You guys are acting like assholes.
Bear with me; My heart is in the coffin there with Caesar, And I must pause till it come back to me.
I'm really choked up. I need to take a break. Talk amongst yourselves.
First Citizen Methinks there is much reason in his sayings.
That's some good shit he's spouting.
Second Citizen If thou consider rightly of the matter, Caesar has had great wrong.
Caesar got fucked!
Third Citizen Has he, masters? I fear there will a worse come in his place.
Is that right? I'm afraid we may get someone who's worse.
Fourth Citizen Mark'd ye his words? He would not take the crown; Therefore 'tis certain he was not ambitious.
Caesar didn't take the crown so we know he didn't want to be top dog.
First Citizen If it be found so, some will dear abide it.
If that's true some dudes are gonna pay for this.
Second Citizen Poor soul! his eyes are red as fire with weeping.
Check out Antony. He's bawling like a baby!
Third Citizen There's not a nobler man in Rome than Antony.
That Antony is one fine dude.
Fourth Citizen Now mark him, he begins again to speak.
Shut the fuck up! He's getting ready to talk again.
But yesterday the word of Caesar might Have stood against the world;
Yesterday no one would fuck with Caesar.
now lies he there.
Now he's dead as a door nail.
And none so poor to do him reverence.
And you buttheads ain't paying any respect to the dead.
O masters, if I were disposed to stir Your hearts and minds to mutiny and rage,
If I could get you bastards really pissed off.
I should do Brutus wrong, and Cassius wrong, Who, you all know, are honourable men:
I would sic you on Brutus and Cassius,
I will not do them wrong; I rather choose To wrong the dead, to wrong myself and you,
But I would rather have you pissed off at me, Caesar, or yourselves
Than I will wrong such honourable men.
Than I would have you be pissed off at those dickheads Brutus and Cassius.
But here's a parchment with the seal of Caesar;
But check out this paper I have in my hand.
I found it in his closet, 'tis his will:
I just happened to find his will in his closet.
Let but the commons hear this testament--
You oughta see what he's written.
Which, pardon me, I do not mean to read--
Wait a minute! I ain't gonna read it.
And they would go and kiss dead Caesar's wounds And dip their napkins in his sacred blood, Yea, beg a hair of him for memory, And, dying, mention it within their wills, Bequeathing it as a rich legacy Unto their issue.
But if you fuckers were to hear what he had written, you would go ape shit with gratitude and love this dude forever.
Fourth Citizen We'll hear the will: read it, Mark Antony.All
The will, the will! we will hear Caesar's will.
Read the fucking will!
Antony taunts them and drags the oration on. He shows them Caesar's corpse and all the stab wounds. He tells them how much Caesar loved Brutus. (Caesar was boinking Brutus' mother, Servilia, and there were some that thought Brutus was Caesar's son - GOC)
Judge, O you gods, how dearly Caesar loved him! This was the most unkindest cut of all;
What a prick (pun intended) that asshole Brutus was!
Now he reads the will and tells them that Caesar has donated a bunch of parks to the city and has given each citizen seventy-five drachmas.
After some more rabble rousing the citizens take off to burn the house of Brutus and to seek out the other conspirators.
ANTONY Now let it work. Mischief, thou art afoot, Take thou what course thou wilt!
Brutus and his gang are fucked. My mission here is complete. Off I go to see Lepidus and Octavius.
For those of you who do not have copies of Shakespeare and would like to read this scene in its entirety you can find it here.
Brutus was descended from the Brutus who had driven the last king out of Rome. As such, since he thought Caesar aspired to be king, he felt it his duty to keep Caesar from becoming king. All he accomplished by assassinating Caesar was another civil war and the eventual victory of Octavius who became the emperor Augustus. The Roman Republic was dead forever.
Although I have had fun with the oration, it is much better heard than read and when spoken by a good actor, the lines about how the conspirators were "honorable men" can be spoken dripping with sarcasm. Shakespeare was meant to be heard and not read and were I to teach it, I would have the students read it and instead of giving them an updated translation, let them do what I just did. Then when they knew what Shakespeare meant, have them read it aloud in class. Shakespeare is poetry.
Sent to me by Pres. How many other flags is he gonna have to sew on his sleeve?
And today I just heard a new word for the Spanish people. Spansies.
Update: Dammit! Obviously Photoshopped! James pointed out that the American flag is backwards. Can't believe I missed it.
Update: Dave and Craig said I was wrong about the flag and that was the way it's supposed to look.
My friend Cindy works in a building where there is a cosmetic surgery practice. She can always tell their clients.
The liberal mind never ceases to amaze me. In Tuesday's Atlanta Urinal and Constipatation there was an op-ed by Derrick Z. Jackson, from the Boston Globe. It seems he has his panties in a wad because food companies give a lot of money to Republicans. Oh the horror!
Even as Thompson spoke, the pharaohs were on Capitol Hill, sitting in glee as the House voted, 276-139, to ban lawsuits against trash-food companies. The bill's sponsor, Republican Ric Keller of Florida, said, ''The food industry is under attack and in the cross hairs of the same trial lawyers who went after Big Tobacco.''
So let's talk about tobacco and smoking. I think anyone who smokes should have their head examined. It's a filthy and expensive habit, but that is the decision of the smoker. What I don't think should happen is that anyone who started smoking after 1964 should be allowed to sue the tobacco companies. In 1964 the gummint forced the tobacco companies to put warnings on cigarette packages that said essentially "these things are bad for you". So the users have been warned. They smoke at their own risk.
Lest we forget, tobacco is a legal product. This bullshit about people suing the tobacco companies for their health problems because they disregarded the warnings right on the fucking pack of cigarettes is bullshit! Jesus! It's like having a park with a cliff and a fence in front of it and a warning sign and some stupid booger eatin' moh-ron ignores the warning sign, climbs the fence, and jumps off the cliff and dies and his family sues the park. All it would take is some slick lawyer like John Edwards and a dumb jury and the family of said booger eatin' moh-ron could get rich.
So the latest fatted calf the trial lawyers have their sights set on is the fast food industry and how it has made a bunch of people fat.
From 1995 to 2002, according to Common Cause, food and grocery companies and restaurants gave more than $19.3 million in soft money to Republican causes compared with $5.5 million for Democrats.
Two words: So! What!
Many companies give to both parties, but there is no mistaking their political loyalties. Coca-Cola and affiliated donors, for instance, gave $807,000 to Democrats but $1.74 million to Republicans. PepsiCo gave $255,000 to the Democrats but $1.7 million to Republicans. Nestle gave the Democrats $59,000 but gave the Republicans $208,000. Burger King gave $20,000 to Democrats but $111,000 to Republicans.Of the $26 million contributed by restaurant companies and food processors in the 2000 elections, 71 percent of the money went to Republicans. The National Restaurant Association, Philip Morris (with a constellation of trash food in its resume, such as Kraft), Outback, Coca-Cola, Pepsi, McDonald's, Waffle House, Pizza Hut, Olive Garden, Red Lobster, Burger King, Cracker Barrel and General Mills are among the top contributors on lists compiled by the Center for Responsive Politics that gave 77 percent or more of their money to Republican causes.
That's really interesting Derrick. Do you happen to have the figures on how much trial lawyers have given to Dimocrats as opposed to what they've given to Republicans? If any of my readers know the figures please send them to me. I would bet that they were skewed dramatically towards the Dimocrat Party.
This is more than whether companies should be shielded from lawsuits. In a vacuum, it is an individual choice to put an apple or a Krispy Kreme in your mouth. It is about a larger war the fat pharaohs, profiting on easy-to-process sugars and starches, are waging to rearrange our brains to make us think we need the Krispy Kreme. The House vote on legal shields pales next to the oncoming cultural war over advertising.
Give. Me. A. Fucking. Break. This is one of the reasons I hate liberals. Did you get the condescending attitude in that last paragraph? We are all too fucking stupid and we need to be protected from fattening foods. And guess who's gonna do it? Why it must be Congress. Let's pass some fucking laws. Let's sue the food companies for making us fat. After all we're just a bunch of mind numbed robots who will do whatever the commercials on television tell us to do.
Already, health advocates are calling for bans of trash food ads on children's TV, the removal of soft drink and candy machines from schools, and cigarette-like taxes on trash food.
Oh Christ! Another wacko special interest group to contend with.
Thompson says he wants $440 million for obesity research. Well, the trash food companies have already done their research, and invested in brainwashing.
$440 million for obesity research? Tommy, I'll make you a deal. Give me $1 million and I'll tell you why people are getting obese. Ready? They're eating too much junk food and not getting enough exercise. I'll expect the check within the next week.
What the fuck is going on here?
Thompson is right. The nation is too darned fat. His political allies are also too fat in the wallet from the companies making us fat. Until that changes, his decrees is just a hydrogenated photo op. All fat. No meat. And definitely no fruit or vegetables.
Whereas Derrick's solution is to pass more bullshit laws and let the trial lawyers get fat suing the food companies.
Yeah. That will work.
Update: See the comments. Addison did the research on the contributions the trial lawyers made to Dimocrats vs. Republicans.
Update: Here's a link sent to me by both Addison and HL. And look at the stats for the NEA. These are the people indoctrinating your children in gummint schools.
Oh goody! Jihad Cindy is back. She oughta be good for at least one post a week.
I guess she got tired of working this job. Maybe she got fired. I mean that's real work which is sumpin' Cynthia knows nothing about.
Welcome students to Liberal Letter Writing 101. In this course we will teach you how to write letters to your local newspapers and get in as many Democrat talking points in as few words as possible. Since most American papers edit for length and not for content, you can write as much off the wall and untrue stuff as you want as long as you are concise and on point.
Here are some topics to hit on:
1. Republicans attack the patriotism of Democrats. Anytime the Republicans point out the voting record of a Democrat as being weak on defense or homeland security immediately point out that they are questioning the patriotism of the Democrat. For example, if they say that John Kerry has voted against every major defense bill in his 19 years in Congress accuse them of saying John Kerry is unpatriotic.
2. Negative comments or advertising. If a Republican says that John Kerry should apologize for calling Bush and Cheney "crooks and liars" say that's what they did with Clinton. Accuse them of being a right wing attack machine and above all, never forget to bring up the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy that was out to get Bill Clinton and the Democrat Party. The American public loves conspiracy theories. Also say that it was the Republicans who started it. I know that sounds childish, but remember, the voters are stupid. They are not as smart as we liberals.
3. Bush lied. Hammer this home over and over. It doesn't matter that he didn't lie but was acting on the intelligence that was available at the time. Once again, it is for the good of the American people that we take over the government. We know what is best. We are smart and we want to do what feels right.
4. The Iraq War was illegal. It doesn't matter that Congress authorized the use of force. Germany, France, and the United Nations were against it. We should have listened to them. We want the rest of the world to like us. If we are nice to the rest of the world, they will be nice to us. Look at Spain. Now that they have elected a socialist government and will pull their troops out of Iraq, they will have no more problems with terrorism. Israel should learn from Spain.
5. The Republicans stole the 2000 election or better yet, the Supreme Court helped the Republicans steal the 2000 election. It doesn't matter that by every recount Bush still won Florida. It doesn't matter that the Florida Supreme Court composed entirely of Democrats tried to rewrite the Florida election laws and the USSC only told Florida to follow their own election laws. It sounds so much better to say that Bush, with the help of the USSC, stole the elections. We're fortunate enough to have the press on our side and it will continue to print this stuff over and over without ever calling us on it.
That is enough to cover on the first night of class.
If you are fortunate enough to live in a town that has a newspaper like the San Francisco Chronicle or the Atlanta Journal and Constitution you will have absolutely no trouble getting one of your letters published. As an example, here is a letter (third one down) published in the AJC written by former student, Beverly Conway of Greensboro who hit all five points in three paragraphs.
Sen. John Kerry should not apologize to the Bush administration for his remarks.The Republicans try to squelch all opposition by calling their critics "unpatriotic" or "negative." They had no problem with name-calling when President Clinton was in office, nor with using the Office of the Independent Counsel to bring down a president who committed no malfeasance in office --- unlike President Bush, who lied to the American people to lead us into an illegal war. They had no problem using the Supreme Court to steal the last presidential election.
Now they are about to turn their well-documented "right-wing conspiracy" against Kerry. This time, we Democrats are wise to them, and we're not going to let it happen.
Bravo! A+!
Just like Hillary Clinton unmasked the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy, the Kerry campaign has unmasked the Republican Attack Machine, more specifically the RAS.
The people of Spain marched in the streets on Friday.Then they crawled on their knees into their voting booths on Sunday.
That pretty much says it all doesn't it?
Al Qaeda just yanked one out of the park. This was what was supposed to happen with us after 9/11. We were supposed to fall on our knees and beg the terrorists to leave us alone. We were supposed to bring all of our troops home. We were supposed to help the Palestinians eradicate the Jews. We were supposed to act like we did in Somalia when we left with our tails between our legs. Or Beirut, when we did the same thing. (I faulted Reagan for that. I think we should have retaliated with a bunch of cruise missiles into the Beka'a Valley.) In other words, Osama bin Laden expected Jimmy Carter or Bill Clinton and instead he got George W. Bush. I wonder whom he would like to have elected now?
But they judged the Spanish people right didn't they? The Spanish have decided that if they quit fighting the terrorists, the terrorists will leave them alone. Never works. Watch this embolden ETA. I would feel sorry for what is gonna happen to Spain in the future if they hadn't brought it upon themselves. Appeasement is a sign of weakness and the Islamofascists and other terrorists have no respect whatsoever for weakness. It looks like Spain is turning into France.
Here's an interesting tidbit
Socialist leader Jose Luis Rodriquez Zapatero, who won an upset election victory over Spain's Prime Minister Jose Maria Aznar on Sunday on a platform of withdrawing Spain's troops from Iraq, has endorsed Sen. John Kerry in the upcoming presidential election."I think Kerry will win. I want Kerry to win," Zapatero told Britain's Guardian newspaper, just four days before he swept to victory riding a wave of anti-U.S. feeling sparked by the al Qaeda train bombings in Madrid.
Just great! One appeaser endorsing another appeaser. This must be one of the "world leaders" John Fonda Kerry says want him to win. He won't mention names, but I have a few who I know want him to win:
1. Fidel Castro
2. Jacques Chirac
3. Kim Jong-il They're playing Kerry's speeches in North Korea.
4. Saddam Hussein Too late. He's already been taken care of, but if he were still at large he'd be pulling for Kerry.
5. The mullahs in Iran.
6. Bashir Assad
7. Yassir Arafat
The Lady Jessica ponders the future in Europe:
Finally: does this mean we're going to have more pre-election bombings, as Whoever-the-bastards-were try to influence other close elections?
Probably. It worked in Spain. Why not another country that supports us, like Italy? Just out of curiosity, when is the next election in Europe?
You would think that people in Europe would take a look at their own history.
On September 30, 1938 after returning from Germany, Neville chamberlain said the following:
"My good friends, for the second time in our history, a British Prime Minister has returned from Germany bringing peace with honour. I believe it is peace for our time... Go home and get a nice quiet sleep."
Neville Chamberlain tried appeasing Hitler. It didn't work. It never works. It never will and if the Spanish think they are safer now than they were before the election they are deluding themselves.
I hope they are having a "nice quiet sleep" tonight.
How do you say, "Peace for our time" in Spanish?
Update from Ross: Peace for our time = Paz por nuestro tiempo
All the cartoons in this series were sent to me by Wendy.
It's Monday and here is another pun from my friend Richard.
An Indian chief had three wives. The first gave birth to a boy. Elated,
the chief built her a teepee of deer hide. The second gave birth, also
to a boy. He built her a teepee of antelope hide. The third wife gave
birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details secret. He built
this one a two-story teepee, made of hippopotamus hide. No one could
guess what had happened. Finally, a brave guessed the third wife had
had twin boys. "Correct," said the chief. "How did you know?" Said the
warrior, "It's elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus
is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."
I'm back from spending the weekend with my sister and seeing her beautiful new house, which, by the way, is just like mine, only larger. Plus, it has a three car garage and a FROG.
A FROG? WTF?
A FROG is a Family Room Over the Garage. Up until they bought this house, which, by the way, is just like mine, only larger, none of us had ever heard the term FROG.
They've almost got all their furniture in. And, they have a plasma TV with a surround sound system. Turning green with envy here.
As promised, we made canneloni Saturday night and had Addison over for dinner. For those of you who don't know, Addison was one of my very first readers. Before I activated comments, he used to send me e-mails that really pissed me off because they were always better than anything I wrote. Green with envy here. I wish he had more time so he could start his own blog.
Before dinner we had smoked salmon and champagne. And then we had the canneloni (Which took my sister and I two hours to make.) and a salad. For desert we had poached pears. I was hoping for apple pie so I could make my sis' former neighbor jealous.
Back to Addison. In person he is even better. He brought my sister flowers, the charmer. We really enjoyed spending the evening with him. He is very intelligent and very well spoken. All in all, a very classy guy. Green with envy here.
I drove back today and saw two cops but they must not have been clocking me. I didn't go any faster than 100 mph.
My cat Scooter was glad to see me, but my other cat Ashley is punishing me for leaving her alone with Scooter all weekend.
It's late and after checking comments and e-mail, I don't have the time for a decent post. Better stuff tomorrow.
Wonder how their business is?
I guess it's better than Fuk Yu
Sorry. No picture and I don't have time for rerun Saturday since I have been slaving over a hot stove all afternoon making canneloni. All I have is a post about upper management.
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee."
The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up."
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want coffee."
The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto. We're still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was all that about, anyway?"
The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me training for upper management position: Come in, drink coffee, shoot shit, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day."
I fixed one of my problems and I think I know what will fix the other one. I took off early and stopped by the money store to pick up some money (Duh!) and Kaiser to pick up some drugs. I made it home by 1:30 to attend the conference call.
I dialed the number and got the bullshit to stay on the line and a representative would be with me shortly. Oh crap! That means there is sumpin' wrong with the dial in number. So now I get to listen to music and some asshole coming on every minute to say, "Your call is important to us. Please stay on the line."
If my call was really important to you you would have a representative take care of me immediately and not ask me to STAY ON THE FUCKING LINE!!! Assholes.
Finally a representative does come on the line and tell me that there are technical problems with the dial in number and to wait five minutes and try again.
Five minutes later, I try again. Same bullshit, but this time there is no music. After a five minute wait and hearing over and over again about how important my fucking call is another representative comes on and tells me to wait 15 minutes and try again.
This gives me time to clean out the litter box, give my cats enough food and water to last them the weekend and load up the car.
I call in again and this time everything works. Of course this throws my schedule off by 30 minutes and SFB (Shit For Brains) isn't even on the call. Just as well 'cause I think we actually accomplished sumpin'.
I'm on the road by 3:00. Trying to get out of Atlanta at 3:00 on a Friday afternoon is the epitome of frustration. It takes me an hour to go the first 35 miles. But then the traffic thins out. My Z3 drives real well going 100 mph. OK. Most of the way through Georgia I only drive between 90 and 95.
I stopped about 60 miles outside of Augusta to gas up. The gas seems to be flowing real slow through the hose and then I notice that my wheel is sitting right on top of it. I move my car up a few feet and magically the gas flows at a normal rate.
I'm all gassed up and ready to go. I put Machine Head by Deep Purple in the CD player and fire up Highway Star. In about 30 seconds I'm doing 100 mph. OK. Not much traffic let's see what this car will really do. I still don't know 'cause I only took it up to 120 and there was still plenty of pedal left. I think BMW has a governor that limits the speed to about 138.
It took me 3.5 hours to go 240 miles. I found my sister's house OK. We had a nice dinner. I'm feeling pretty mellow.
Tomorrow, we're having canneloni for dinner. I get to do most of the work. I make the pasta from scratch. Addison is coming for dinner. It will be a thrill to meet him. He was one of the first people to comment on my site and also turned me on to some other bloggers.
Thanks to Reiggin, here is a big cat for Pumpman .
Yowser!
I don't know if I'd be smiling trying to lift that much weight!
The cat doubles as a door stop.
Dear Sherry,
I may be a little late getting to Columbia. We can blame it on SHTS and a magic box.
First, SHTS. I am IMS support. That is laughable since I can barely spell it, but I can install the base code and turn it over to the end users for them to customize. A few months back, we got in a request to upgrade to the latest version. We got the tapes in about a month ago and I started the install. I was about halfway through and on the Friday of that week I dutifully entered the SHTS code for the work I had done so far. SHTS came back and told me that it was an invalid code. The owner of the code had turned it off.
The following week, my team lead sent off a note to the manager who owned the program that the code had been turned off and could he reactivate it so I could write my (very productive) time against it. This manager is a total asshole. Think Lundberg in the movie Office Space but without the personality. I've been on conference calls with this jerk. He wants all sorts of bullshit, but doesn't want to pay for it. He told my team lead that it wasn't his program anymore.
My team lead, who can do a pretty good Lundberg himself when you piss him off sent him back a note that said, essentially, "Ummmm yeah. I guess you're just gonna have to cancel those three projects due at the end of next month. Ummm yeah. We can't support them since we don't have a SHTS code to use".
SFB (Shit For Brains): That's a drastic thing to do.
My team lead: Ummmm yeah. Why does that concern you? Ummm yeah, you said you don't own that program anymore.
So there it stood until last week. One of the IMS users FART'ed (Fast Available Real Time) me that she needed a password reset on one of the IMS systems. I reset the password and FART'ed back that I really shouldn't do this since I didn't have a SHTS code, and by the way, all the development work for IMS was in the shitter since SFB turned off the SHTS code.
The shit hit the fan!
So now SFB is trying to set up a conference call with I/T support (My team lead, the Project Manager In Charge of Administrative Bullshit, The Project Manager In Charge Of Useless Meetings and me) and another manager to decide how they are gonna fund the IMS work that I'm supposed to do. The first two scheduled meetings were not convenient for all the people who need to be there. The last invitation said 10:30 Friday so I accepted that date and time. Unfortunately, I didn't notice that it was Pacific time which is 1:30 my time. I had planned to be gone by then. Maybe I can get out early enough to take the call from home. But that all depends on whether I can get the magic box to work.
Everything was going just fine today. The meeting with my manager that I thought was on Wednesday, was actually today. My team lead had his at 9:00 and was in her office for 45 minutes. I had mine at 11:00 and was out in ten minutes.
Her: What are your goals?
Me: To stay employed the rest of the year.
Her: What can I do to make you happy?
Me: Get in a z/Series processor.
She: It will be approved April 1.
BWAHAHAHAHA! April Fools Day!
Me: Get me toys so I can run the latest operating systems.
When I had handed her a printout of all the stuff required for our interview there was a blank page that she handed back to me. I folded it into a paper airplane and sailed it right into her trash can. She was impressed. Anyway, she had me add a few items to my goals and I went back to my office, updated the draft copy of my goals and sent them off to her for her approval.
The IBM CE got the magic box installed and configured yesterday. For those of you (maybe three of you) who work with large systems it was an RVA. You can get those suckers real cheap now. It was replacing an older RVA and I did the gen yesterday. Today I got Operations to help me drop the fiber from the old RVA and plug it into the new RVA. I varied a device on line. So far, so good.
I went back downstairs to my desk and fired up IXFP (A program used to manage RVA's) and watched it die. There were some other problems and since there were no users on this system, I had Operations IPL it for me. Nope. Hosed. Arrrgggghhhh!
So I think I figger out what's wrong. Nope. I send off a note to the IXFP guru and he tells me to change the subsystem and ECAM device to another subsystem. Tried it. Didn't work. Now this really sucks, because without this I cannot use Snapshot which is a program that makes instantaneous copies of DASD devices. That's why I call an RVA a magic box.
I have to set up for a user in Japan, and I always use Snapshot to copy the appropriate DASD. That's OK. They're small volumes and I can just do a DFDSS copy which I do. Of course, on one of the volumes some booger eatin' moh-ron had created an orphan VSAM dataset so that copy won't work until I work some magic and delete that sucker.
All copied. Let's bring up the systems. Crap! Half the volumes are coming up offline. So now I have to fix the I/O gen on the master volumes (How they got fucked, I don't know) and do another DFDSS copy. But it's time to go home. I need to pick up some drugs at Kaiser and I forgot.
So, tomorrow, I have to fix the I/O gens, see if I can get IXFP working, stop at Kaiser to pick up some drugs, and attend a conference call with SFB. I'm hoping to get out of Atlanta by 3:00 but the traffic from Peachtree Industrial to I-20 on a Friday afternoon really sucks!
What are we doing for supper? Should I stop and eat some McBarf burgers on the way? E-mail and let me know.
I hope to get there no later than 7:00.
Your brother,
Denny
I've reconsidered my thinking about this. Maybe we should teach Shakespeare using contemporary English after all. For example,
Double double toil and trouble Fire burn and cauldron bubble
From Macbeth could be, Stir the pot bitches!
Or
Out damn spot! Out I say!
Could be, I can't get this fucking blood off my hands!
So in the spirit of updating Shakespeare, here is Hamlet's famous soliloquy.
To be, or not to be: that is the question:
To live or die. WTF?
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Should I put up with bullshit?
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing end them?
Or should I tell the world to just fuck off?
To die: to sleep;
To off myself.
No more; and by a sleep to say we end The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks That flesh is heir to,
And then I wouldn't have to put up with any more bullshit.
'tis a consummation Devoutly to be wish'd.
It would be fucking great!
To die, to sleep; To sleep: perchance to dream:
Will I dream when I'm dead?
ay, there's the rub;
That could really, really suck!
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
I mean, they might be really bad fucking dreams, dude!
Must give us pause: there's the respect That makes calamity of so long life;
So maybe I'll live for a while even though it might suck big time.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
So who would put up with the following bullshit:
The oppressor's wrong,
Gummint bullshit.
the proud man's contumely,
They're dissing me! (contumely - Rudeness or contempt arising from arrogance; insolence. )
The pangs of despised love,
Ophelia can be a real bitch!
the law's delay,
That asshole Claudius and my mother murdered my dad and they're gonna get away with it!
The insolence of office and the spurns That patient merit of the unworthy takes, When he himself might his quietus make With a bare bodkin?
I gotta put up with this shit when I could just stab myself with a bare bodkin?
who would fardels bear, To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
Who would put up with a load of crap for the rest of his life?
But that the dread of something after death, The undiscover'd country from whose bourn No traveller returns, puzzles the will And makes us rather bear those ills we have Than fly to others that we know not of?
But death might be worse than the fardels I'm putting up with now. (See, I used fardels in a sentence!)
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
I'm really spending entirely too much time thinking of this shit so I'll probably not off myself after all.
And thus the native hue of resolution Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought, And enterprises of great pith and moment With this regard their currents turn awry, And lose the name of action.
Hmmm. Should I shit or get off the pot?
--Soft you now! The fair Ophelia!
Here comes the foxy Ophelia.
Nymph, in thy orisons Be all my sins remember'd.
Remember my sins in your prayers babe.
So there you go.
Would y'all like me to do Marc Antony?
I have a meeting with my new manager tomorrow where we will discuss my goals for the upcoming year, my current skill set, and my development plan to make me a more productive I/T professional. After all, I am a highly trained, highly paid, and highly motivated I/T professional. Since I always like to look and feel my best before these meetings, I slammed down a Stoly on the rocks and a half bottle of wine tonight.
So what is the easiest thing to write about when I'm half in the bag? Why not find a Molly Ivins column? I half to be drunk to read her incoherent screeds anyway. So as a public service (So you won't have to read her column in its entirety.) here is a fisk of her latest column.
So the Democrats have a candidate at last, and he is about bent over double with gravitas.
And nuance. Let's not forget nuance.
I think that means he doesn't have a humorous bone in his body. It's a good thing there's at least one serious person in this race; the Bushies are getting sillier and sillier.
This is Molly's world. Welcome to it.
Just when you thought no one could top Education Secretary Rod Paige calling the teachers' union "a terrorist organization,"
And just what is wrong with that? The teachers' unions have pretty much destroyed education in this country. And have you heard the latest bullshit that they have decided to do in the Atlanta Schools? Let's translate Shakespeare into English. I kid you not. The poetry of Shakespeare is just too fucking hard for students to read so they have provided an English translation on the opposite page. Here's an example from Julius Caesar:
"Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears. I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him. The evil that men do lives after them; The good is oft interred with their bones."
And the translation:
"Friends, Romans, countrymen, give me your attention. I have come here to bury Caesar, not to praise him. The evil that men do is remembered after their deaths, but the good is often buried with them."
Why not this?
Dudes! Check it out! The big guy's dead. All you're gonna hear about is the bad shit he did. The good stuff will be forgotten.
Get thee to a private school!
Dunno Molly. Sounds like educational terrorism to me.
along comes Veep Dick Cheney with this gem: "If Democratic policies had been pursued over the last two to three years, the kind of tax increases both Kerry and Edwards are talking about, we would not have had the kind of job growth that we've had."
What's wrong with that?
Uh, in the first place, Kerry and Edwards are not talking about tax increases at all but about repealing part of President Bush's tax cuts
Only to a liberal. I'm now paying this amount of taxes. Kerry is gonna make me pay more taxes under the guise of repealing a tax cut. That is a fucking tax increase!!!!
-- so we would have had fewer tax cuts, not tax increases.
No Molly. If you repeal a tax cut you are increasing taxes!!!!
And in the second place, if losing 2.3 million jobs is "job growth," Cheney is a laugh riot.
And we would have lost a lot more jobs if we had not cut taxes. And the 2.3 million jobs bullshit is just that. Bullshit! Go out to the Department of Labor website and look at the actual statistics.
December 2000 Employment: 135,836,000
February 2004 Employment 138,301,000
It took me 10 minutes to dig this shit up.
We've got a $500 billion deficit this year, and Bush's idea of a solution is to make his tax cuts permanent -- a move that would cost about $1.5 trillion over the next 10 years.
It would be a lot less if Bush would quit spending like a fucking Dimocrat.
Their other helpful suggestion is to redefine burger-flipping as "manufacturing jobs." (Are these people never serious?) And if they can't redefine the problem out of existence, there's always the option of just announcing that bad is good.
That is a Dimocrat specialty. Ya know, like oral sex isn't sex and it all depends on what the definition of is is.
Think how surprised we were to learn from Gregory Mankiw, chairman of Bush's Council of Economic Advisers: "Outsourcing is just a new way of doing international trade. … More things are tradable than were tradable in the past, and that's a good thing."
And somehow we have the stongest economy in the world and 5.6% unemployment was a good thing under Clinton, but a bad thing under Bush.
I also like the dodge where Bush claims that the reason there's a $500 billion deficit is because "we're at war." Unfortunately, the cost of Iraq is not even included in the budget. It's going to be a supplemental surprise request after the election.
The reason we have a $500 billion deficit is because Bush and the Republican congress are spending like Dimocrats. Jesus Molly, you should be jumping for joy.
Does any of this strike you as grown-up behavior? Or even grown-up-behavior-related program activities?
Holy shit! We finally agree. The discretionary spending must be curtailed.
The dramatic-upward-cost surprise is getting to be a regular feature with the Bushies. Congress and the prez passed a horrible Medicare drug bill and then, oops, a week later announced that it cost $134 billion more than the advertised $400 billion. That's a 33 percent oops.
What the fuck are you bitching about now? Your party wanted to spend even more!!!
You may consider it churlish of me to still be holding a grudge because at least 45 percent of Bush's tax cuts went to the richest 1 percent of the people in this country, but it's the kind of thing I get reminded of frequently. For example, the news that 375,000 people exhausted their unemployment in January, the highest number ever recorded for a single month, reminds me of that top 1 percent.
Here we go with the tax cuts for the rich. I don't know about the 45% number that she is bandying about, but I already disproved the 2.8 million jobs. I do know that the top 1% who earn 17% of the income pay 37% of the taxes. No wonder they get the biggest cut. They pay the most taxes. And do you know what "the rich" do with their money? They spend it. They invest it. They start businesses that create jobs. It's called capitalism. It works. It's why we are the richest nation on this planet. Even our poor people have color TV's and air-conditioning. Do you hear that France?
One symptom of the fundamental unseriousness of the Bushies is that they never, ever admit they are wrong. Nor do they pay penalties for being wrong.
So Molly how come I never heard any of this griping during the Clinton administration? Clinton went around the world apologizing for all sorts of bullshit that America did before he was elected, but I never heard him apologizing to the White House travel office staff, or about the 1000 FBI files, or to all of his enemies who were audited by the IRS, or to Kathleen Willey, or to Juanita Brodderick, or to Paula Jones, or to the sorry sumbitch at the aspirin factory in the Sudan, or to the goats killed in Afghanistan, or to ... the list goes on and on and on.
It is already a truism that this will be an event-driven election, and the spiraling chaos in Haiti
And that is Bush's fault because ... ?
and and the horrendous coordinated bombings in Iraq
Didja notice that they're not going after Americans anymore?
remind us that it is good to have grown-ups in charge when serious things happen.
Yeah. If Algore were in charge we'd still be negotiating with the Taliban for bin Laden. And with Kerry we don't know which Kerry we would get, the one who was for the war or the one who was against the war. Or the one who bitches about there not being enough body armor for our troops or the one who voted against body armor for our troops. I feel safer with the grownups in charge.
Molly, take some Valium and calm down.
Who says humans can't get mad cow disease?
AP- UPI- released two hours ago. Junior Senator Hillary Clinton of New York was flying cross-country last night in her private plane and was forced to make an emergency landing in southern Ohio because of bad weather. She was unhurt and the National Transportation Safety Board officials have determined that pilot error was the major cause of the accident. NTSB officials have also indicated that the Junior Senator was not wearing the appropriate seat belt or safety restraints, was flying in IFR conditions while only having obtained a VFR, single engine land rating, and will be cited for those violations accordingly. NTSB officials also say the absence of a post crash fire was due to the lack of sufficient fuel on board to sustain flight. There were no on ground fatalities. The accident scene pictures, including the wreckage of Hillary's plane, have been released prior to being returned to upper New York State for major repairs. See NTSB crash photo below.
Didja Know that Captain Kangaroo was a marine and fought on Iwo Jima? Didja know that Mister Rogers was a SEAL?
No I didn't. And do you know why I didn't? Because it isn't true!
There isn't a week that goes by that one of my friends (Yes. I do have friends.) doesn't forward me sumpin' like this. Aarrggghhhh! I usually write back and tell them that it is bullshit!
Have you seen the latest one about how we can make the oil companies drop the price of gas with absolutely no pain to ourselves? It's so simple. Why didn't I think of it? Ya see, all we have to do is quit buying gas from the two largest oil companies. We'll just give all of our business to everyone else. All of a sudden Exxon and whatever other company was in the bullshit e-mail will have a lot of gas on their hands and will have to lower their prices to sell it.
Brilliant! There's only one thing wrong with this strategy. It will not work. The socialist/commie/Dimocrat/butthead (I know. Redundant.) who wrote this tries to do what all socialists/commies/Dimocrats/buttheads do: Repeal the law of supply and demand.
Let's pretend that we try this strategy. First off the demand for the gasoline of all the other oil companies will go up. Unless they can find some way to increase their supplies to match the increased demand one of two things will happen: they will run out of gas or they will raise their prices. Either way, we will have to go back to buying gas from Exxon and whatever other company was in the bullshit e-mail. They'll be the only companies with gas to sell or the other companies will raise their prices to meet the increased demand and their gas will cost the same or more than Exxon and the other company that was in the bullshit e-mail. Economics 101.
There are only two ways to decrease the price of gasoline: Increase the supply or decrease the demand. That's it.
How do we increase the supply?
1. Tell OPEC to increase production. Do it or we invade! After all, we are the evil, imperialist United States.
2. Tell non-OPEC nations like Mexico (Sell us more oil or we'll ship all the illegal Mexicans back), Canada (We'll conquer you, you pussies!), and Russia (We still have nukes pointed at you Putin!) to pump more oil.
3. Steal all of Iraq's oil. After all, the war was all about the oooiiiillll!
4. Drill in Alaska. Fuck the environazis!
The same assholes bitching about the price of gas won't allow us to do anything to increase the supply. I wish we could just take all the buttheads who are against nuclear power, against coal fired generating plants, and against drilling in Alaska and put them in houses with a windmill on their property and solar power panels and let that be their sole source of electricity. They can't use any natural gas for heating or cooking. They can't burn wood for heating or cooking 'cause that causes smoke. They can't drive a car. Nothing but bicycles and mass transit. Are you fuckers happy in your environment friendly abode? Practice what you preach you fucktards!
The other way to decrease gas prices is to decrease demand. Having the environazis above riding bicycles and using mass transit would go a long way towards decreasing the demand. They want all the other people to sacrifice but not them. After all, they know better than all of us common people. Wouldn't it be neat to see a shitload of windmills on Barbra Streisands property? Or Babs on a bus or a bicycle? BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Back in the 70's when gas prices went up, we sold our gas guzzlers and bought fuel efficient cars. Demand went down and the price went down. Economics 101. What with cheap gas in the 80's and 90's we thought nothing of buying gas guzzling SUV's. Well guess what? We're using more gas so the price has to go up for the supply to match the demand.
If you don't like high gas prices, sell your SUV and get a fuel efficient car. Or, as I said in a previous post, take the bus.
Quit sending me bullshit e-mails about easy fixes.
Hey look! Everyone's favorite troll, Blarney Gumball went to a dating service.
Oh crap! We just had another round of delinking. It seems Pumpman ranted about blacks and used nigger a few times. Rob, you can only use that word if you are black or a white Dimocrat like Senator Robert Kleagle Byrd. Anyway Michelle Catalano saw it and made a big public fuss and removed Rob from her blogroll. Then John Hawkins chimed in and pretty much did the same. Now there's a big loss since he doesn't post his blogroll on his main page like most bloggers do. I'm on his blogroll but never get any referrals from him.
So what was the effect of all this noise? Rob's hits spiked up by 1000 a day. Hey Michelle how can I get you to link and then delink me? Oh shit! She doesn't even know I exist. John, can I offend you in some way so you'll publicly take me off your blogroll? Then I might get a referral from you.
So the upshot of this is because of the publicity that Michelle and Hawkins gave Rob, he got more hits to his site and he has probably picked up more readers, so I think he should say thank you to them for increasing his readership.
Like Rob really gives a shit about what other bloggers say about him. He writes what he feels like writing and if you don't like him, in his words "you can kiss my cracker ass".
Rob says he doesn't care how many readers he has but that is bullshit. Why else would he have a site meter? But he now has a devoted following and thanks to John and Michelle his readership will continue to grow. He's probably laughing at them. I would.
I'm not defending what Rob said and yes I think some of it was offensive, but some of it was also true. I've touched on some of what he said in my writing. I think the black underclass has been betrayed by RWPP's (Race Warlord Poverty Pimps) like Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton who have gotten rich using racial politics. They have also been betrayed by useful idiots like John Lewis who think that throwing money at poverty will fix it.
But back to delinking. I've also written about that before and what bullshit it is. If you don't like someone's blog, take it off your blogroll. Don't make a big fucking deal out of it. Like I said, Rob is probably laughing about the fuss because he got more traffic. Way to go guys!
Please! Please! Will someone delink me and make a big deal out of it? It might spike me up by a 100 hits a day.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
PS. Did you notice that there are no links in this post?
For my weekend rerun, here is a post from the summer of 2002 where I actually admitted I was wrong about sumpin'. Doesn't happen very often.
What a great way to start the day! Cynthia McKinney is out! And, with what may be a twofer, her bigoted anti-Semitic daddy, is in a runoff in his reelection bid. Monday night, He was on TV and said sumpin' to the effect, that the reason the election was so close was due to 'Jews, J-E-W-S'. Nice to know Billy can spell.
I voted yesterday morning on the way in to work. The polling place is only about 1/2 mile from my house, and, it is right on the way to work. Didn't even have to make a special detour. And, in a related piece of symbolism, the polling place is a Jewish synagogue. Delicious. I walked in and went to the Democrat table and started filling out my paperwork and noticed that there were considerably more people getting Democrat ballots than Republican. I remarked to the lady sitting next to me, 'Didn't realize there were this many Democrats in Dunwoody.' She replied, 'From your lips to God's ears.'
So, now people are probably wondering what I'll find to write about. When in doubt, I could always write about Cynthia McKinney or fisk a Molly Ivin's column. Barrel. Fish. Gun. Done. Not to worry. There's still plenty to write about. Like today, I'm actually gonna admit I was wrong (at least partially) about sumpin'.
Last Saturday, I ate dinner with my friends Michael and Cindy. We usually wind up discussing politics and they have a nefarious plot to win arguments:
1. Get me drunk.
2. Gang up on me.
They also have an additional advantage, that since they are married, they get considerably more opportunities to practice arguing.
Whenever we get together for dinner, we always wind up drinking three bottles of wine. After that, Michael and I usually have some Grappa (Italian white lightning). Before attacking me, they usually wait until we're almost done with bottle number two. Saturday followed the same game plan.
But before I discuss that, let me tell you another strange thing that always seems to happen when I eat at their house. We usually start with a white wine or champagne with an appetizer, commonly smoked salmon. Then, we have another bottle of wine with the dinner, and finish off with a red wine with cheese. We usually eat the cheese in the den and watch television. This is where the weirdness sets in. Everytime I'm at their house on a Saturday, we stumble upon something beyond the fringe on television. I wrote about one of the programs we watched back on June 24, 2002. It was about transvestites and transgenders. I wonder if Aaron saw it. What was weird, is one of the cross dressers works for TCIDNN (The Company I Dare Not Name). I looked him up in our company directory, but couldn't find him. Must not have been his real name. He did give out some invaluable tips for men in drag. e.g. Pluck your eyebrows. Much easier to paint eyebrows on. I filed that away for future use.
On this particular evening we stumbled on to the Anna Nicole Smith show which is a direct ripoff of the Osbournes. Don't television executives believe in originality? Monkey see. Monkey do. I've only watched about five minutes of the Osbournes and I don't see what the big deal is. Of course, I don't see the appeal of Jerry Springer and the rest of the shows that show us dysfunctional members of the human race. Do people watch this stuff so they can feel superior? Don't know.
We wound up watching the whole show. We could not take our eyes off the spectacle of this overweight bimbo (who was once a Playboy Plamate of the Year) making a fool of herself. Cindy would say 'This is brutal'. And I would respond, 'And yet we continue to watch'. And then they blamed it all on me because we always stumble onto this bullshit while I'm there. I bet they secretly watch programs like this all the time and then when I'm there, blame it on me. At least the program on transgenders and transvestites was funny. Funny? It was hilarious! The Anna Nicole Smith show was just sad. Incredibly sad.
But back to where they ganged up on me.
Awhile back I wrote a piece called Tax the Stupid! where I stated that I was for cigarette taxes, alcohol taxes, drug taxes (legalize and tax), and the lottery. My argument went along the lines that since all these activities were purely voluntary, the taxes were voluntary.
About this time, they decided to cheat. They used logic on me. They pointed out that since I was a libertarian, I should be against all taxes. Well, um, uh, well libertarians agree that there are some functions government should provide and these functions require money, so there has to be some form of taxation. For example, the federal government should provide for a strong military (the best in the world) and should provide for secure borders (not doing a very good job there). I am also a strong believer in the Interstate Highway system. A lot of the stuff the feds try to do could be done much better at the state or local level. Education comes to mind. So it now comes to a discussion of exactly what government at all levels should do and how we should pay for it.
That usually gets us going on the bit from The Life of Brian:
So now what they throw at me, is my real estate tax is a voluntary tax. I don't have to buy a house. I could rent. And, I'll have to admit, they do have a point. But, on the other hand, the government encourages me to buy a house by allowing me to deduct my mortgage interest and my real estate taxes. I'm still not convinced by their arguments.
But what has changed my mind somewhat on cigarette taxes is an argument made by my Companion Grouch, Kim Du Toit. I'm not against taxing cigarettes per se. I still think it's an excellent idea for the poor to pay some of the freight. I firmly believe that most poor people are that way because of lousy decisions like dropping out of school or having children they cannot afford. Another stupid decision is choosing to smoke when it says right on the pack that it's bad for ya. So, I don't mind the tax itself, only the amount of the tax. As Kim points out, in some areas the tax is now so large, that there is a black market for cheap cigarettes. Organized crime can now muscle in on the market of a perfectly legal substance. And once organized crime gets in, we start having turf wars and people get killed. What's next? Outlawing cigarettes?
Whatcha in for?
Smoking.
Smoking?
Smoking.
Bwhahahahahahaha!
I don't think government should be in the business of legislating morality. See, I'm back on firm libertarian ground. I don't think crackheads are crooks. I think they're sick. They don't belong in prison, they belong in treatment centers. And if they can't stay clean, keep 'em locked up in treatment centers. Don't put 'em in prison with mother stabbers and father rapers (with apologies to Arlo Guthrie). Legalize pot and tax it. But not too much. Pot smokers don't belong in prisons or treatment centers. But keep 'em away from all you can eat places. Pot isn't even addictive, unlike cigarettes. And I don't believe this gateway drug bullshit.
So, I admit I'm wrong. I'm not wrong about taxing cigarettes. Go ahead and do it 'cause it's a tax on the stupid. And, yes, I once smoked but quit because I couldn't breathe. I was stupid. I wised up. But don't tax the product so much that you create a class of criminals who don't want to pay the high taxes and will find a cheaper source.
Let the poor smokers puff in peace.
Just keep 'em away from me.
It's Sick Humor Week and I'm starting off with this.
All cartoons this week were sent to me by Ralph Gizzip.
When I first moved to Georgia in the 80's they had a big scandal at the University of Georgia. They fired a professor, Jan Kemp, because she blew the whistle on a remedial program for athletes. These were easy classes designed to keep the players academically eligible. Jan Kemp wouldn't play along, so the university fired her. She sued, won, and got a nice settlement. Georgia's instate rival, Georgia Tech had a field day and started making up test questions like:
. .
Connect the dots.
Or
Spell cat.
They're really gonna have a good time now. It seems that the basketball coach that Georgia fired last year hired his son (Which is against school policy, but the school president, Michael Adams, over the protests of Vince Dooley the athletic director, who got burned in the Jan Kemp scandal, allowed it) taught a class called Coaching Principles and Strategy of Basketball. There was only one test during the entire class and that was the final exam. Here it is. This is real. I am not making this up. I got the test here. Please do not ingest any liquids while taking this test.
1. How many goals are on a basketball court?
1
2
3
4
2. How many players are allowed to play at one time on any one team in a regulation game?
2
3
4
5
3. In what league do the Georgia Bulldogs compete?
ACC
Big Ten
SEC
Pac 10
4. What is the name of the coliseum where the Georgia Bulldogs play?
Cameron Indoor Arena
Stegeman Coliseum
Carrier Dome
Pauley Pavilion
5. How many halves are in a college basketball game?
1
2
3
4
6. How many quarters are in a high school basketball game?
1
2
3
4
7. How many points does one field goal account for in a basketball game?
1
2
3
4
8. How many points does a 3-point field goal account for in a basketball game?
1
2
3
4
9. How many officials referee a college basketball game?
2
4
6
3
10. How many teams are in the NCAA Men's Basketball National Championship Tournament?
48
64
65
32
11. What is the name of the exam which all high school seniors in the state of Georgia must pass?
Eye Exam
How Do The Grits Taste Exam
Bug Control Exam
Georgia Exit Exam
12. What basic color are the uniforms the Georgia Bulldogs wear in home games?
White
Red
Black
Silver
13. What basic color are the uniforms the Georgia Bulldogs wear in away games?
Pink
Blue
Orange
Red
14. How many minutes are played in a college basketball contest?
20
40
60
90
15. How many minutes are played in a high school basketball game?
15
30
32
45
16. Diagram the 3-point line
17. Diagram the half-court line
18. How many fouls is a player allowed to have in one basketball game before fouling out in that game?
3
5
7
0
19. If you go on to become a huge coaching success, to whom will you tribute the credit?
Mike Krzyzewski
Bobby Knight
John Wooden
Jim Harrick Jr.
20. In your opinion, who is the best Division I Assistant Coach in the country?
Ron Jirsa
John Pelphrey
Jim Harrick Jr.
Steve Wojciechowski
In case you had problems with the last two questions, the person teaching this class was Jim Harrick Jr an assistant coach and the son of the then basketball coach. I personally had a little trouble answering question 8.
Dammit! I wish I could make up stuff this funny.
Go ahead Georgia Tech. Have yourselves a real good time with this one.
To: Max Cleveland
From: Barbra Streisand
Dear Marx:
I am outraged! First Sax Champion (And who would name their child after a musical instrument?) impugned your patriotism when he stole your Alabama Senate seat, and now the Republicans are going after Jim Carey, a certified war hero, just like you. How dare they question his patriotism! After all, he has a wooden leg (Here, of course, Babs has mixed him up with Bob Kerrey, former Senator from Nebraska. I'm explaining this for any liberals who might be reading this and won't get the joke - GOC) so he's missing at least one limb. Next thing the Republicans will say is that he doesn't have a leg to stand on, those mean spirited bastards.
I'm sorry, I don't usually use profanity, but those Republicans are really crossing the line. After all, John Carry is a genuine war hero. He killed a whole bunch of gooks Vietnamese civilians, including women and children, and then felt so much remorse he came back and protested against that evil war. Now that's a real hero. No wonder you're going around the country stumping for him.
Did you know that his wife was an African American? I didn't either. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I mean, she could pass for being white. We had our first black president with Bill Clinton (And the only way you could tell that was his kinky hair. Other than that, he looked white.) and now we'll have our first black first lady with his wife, Tonya.
Now we have to find a strong candidate for vice-president. I think you would be a strong candidate since you are a war hero just like him. Did you kill a bunch of Vietnamese civilians too? Jack Keery said everyone did so I guess that includes you. How come you didn't join Vietnam Veterans against the War and throw your medals away? I've got a great campaign slogan: Two guys who gave four limbs for their country. Let's see the Republicans run against that. We have two war heroes against someone who was AWOL from the National Guard.
Another possibility would be Helen Clinton. Did you know that she once tried to join the Marines but they wouldn't take her because her vision was so bad? She would be a strong candidate also. She is braver than Bush or Chainy and is more of a man than either of them. And unlike Bush, she would never lie to the American people.
I'm sorry that that Ann Colter harpie wrote those despicable columns about you. What a bitch. She should be nicer to handicapped disabled handicapable people like you. I'm sorry I don't know what the right word is. It's just like trying to keep up with gay people. They keep changing what you're supposed to call them. At times like these, I'm glad I don't live in San Francisco. It would be very confusing.
I don't have any trouble with my maid Conchita. She's Mexican.
Luv ya,
Babs
Psssst! Do ya wanna piss off a liberal, anti-war, Dimocrat commie bastard? This link that I got from Major Sean oughta do it. It really gets good when you get to the AC/DC Thunderstruck part. Yee Haw!
Last night we had a board meeting of the Sommelier Guild of Atlanta at Vinocity, a little restaurant on 13th Strret in Atlanta. We are having our annual banquet there this year, so the members of the board had to sample various dishes off the menu so we could decide on what courses to have, how many, and what wines we would pair with each course. Each of us brought a bottle of wine to have with our dinner. It's a rough job, but someone has to do it.
We sampled eight or nine (Maybe ten. I lost track) dishes and drank six or seven bottles of wine. One of the board members brought a nice Krug Champagne ($99.99. Eat your heart out Sherry!)
Michael and I got to Vinocity early and hung out on the first floor and started looking at the menu while we waited for the other board members to arrive. We also started looking at the babes who were waiting for a table. Yummy!
We've had two previous Guild functions here and they were downstairs. We're gonna have the banquet upstairs and that was where we dined last night. So, I had to haul my crippled ass up a flight of stairs.
What we usually do when we are deciding on a menu is order two portions of each item. Then we can each taste the food and it also allows us to taste more courses. The Guild pays for all this. Like I said, it's a rough job.
There were five of us and midway through, Sherry, another Guild member showed up. One of the board members had invited her. She's a real sweetie and is always fun to be with.
A good time was had by all. A real good time was had by me.
The fun part for me was getting back down the steps. Yeah, I gues I could have just rolled down, but since I was wearing one of my nice sweaters, I didn't think that was a valid option. Somehow, with the assistance of Michael, I got down the steps, out the door, and into his car.
When we got home, I fell going into my garage and Michael thought that it would be a good idea to bring my wheelchair out and I could just roll into the house which I did.
Went into work a little late.
So it looks like it's gonna be John Fonda Kerry. Damn! I voted for Al Sharpton. Maybe Kerry will select him as his VP. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I also voted for the new state flag. It won. I hope this will finally put the flag issue to rest. I am so sick of it!
Now we can concentrate on more important things, like trying to move up from number 50 in the nation on SAT scores.
Oh, I forgot. There's sumpin' more important than that.
Gay marriage.
Hoo boy! Aren't we just having lots of fun in Georgia? The Georgia House of Representatives is probably gonna vote on an anti-gay mariage constitutional amendment tomorrow so we got the holy rollers demonstrating and we got the left wing gay supporters demonstrating. It almost makes me want to take the day off and mosey on down to the capitol. I could take a cooler full of beer and a lawn chair and watch the show.
We have black legislators caught in the middle on this one. The black churches are overwhelmingly for this amendment. The left wing of the Dimocrat Party, of course, is against it. So, do they support their constituents or the left wing. This is something that the black community is gonna see more and more.
In Washington DC, where we have the worst schools in the nation (Here in Georgia we're number 50!), the black community overwhelming supports vouchers. However, since the teachers' unions are against it, the "black leaders" betray their constituents and vote against it. Maybe vouchers aren't the solution but they're worth a try. The present system doesn't work.
I hate the night before an election. I got home from work and my answering machine had three messages. My sister said I have a rude greeting on my machine. It goes, "If you are a telemarketeer hang up. I don't buy anything over the phone." I need to add, "I already have a satellite system and I don't want to refinance my mortgage. Get fucked!"
The first message was from Andrew Young. I bet he wanted me to vote for the new Georgia flag. I don't know. I erased it.
The next message was from the Agriculture Commissioner, Tommy Irvin. I don't know what the fuck he wanted. I erased it. On the third one, the recorded message that they were trying to send was fucked up. I erased it.
About two hours ago John Lewis called. I bet it was about the fucking flag. Don't know. I hung up.
The last one was from John Edwards talking about how he knew poor folks. You're a fucking millionaire John. Because of all the fucking lawsuits you and your ambulance chasing friends have won, malpractice insurance has gone sky high and medical expenses have too. Yeah, you ambulance chasing bastard, you're a real friend to the poor folks. You live in a mansion just like John Kerry.
And speaking of Kerry, I want to see his fucking medical records. The Dimocrats have been bitching about Bush, who not only has released his medical records (something Clinton refused to do) but every other record he could find about his National Guard service. I want to know about the three purple hearts that got Kerry out of Viet Nam 8 months early. He had no down time from any of those wounds so they must not have been too serious. Why won't he release those records?
Max Cleland was asked about that.
Former Sen. Max Cleland said Sunday there was no reason for Democratic presidential front-runner John Kerry to release his full medical file - including records documenting the injuries that won him three Purple Hearts in Vietnam - calling requests for the Vietnam records "the height of hypocrisy."
Why is that Max? Kerry keeps bringing up Viet Nam and how he was a fucking hero. Howza 'bout the straight scoop? Is he afraid of the truth?
"That might be the height of hypocrisy, for people who never went to Vietnam [to ask for Kerry's wartime medical file]," Cleland, a leading Kerry backer, told WABC Radio's Steve Malzberg.
Howza 'bout me Max? I went to Viet Nam. I want to see those records. I'm sure there are a lot of other Viet Nam veterans who would like to see those records also. Are we hypocrites? You are John Kerry's mascot, aren't you? How does it feel to support a scumbag who came back from 'Nam and betrayed all the grunts he left behind?
Sen. Cleland, who lost three limbs in Vietnam but never received a Purple Heart, said Kerry's physical sacrifice had been just as great as his own, telling Malzberg, "I don't see any difference."
Except you're missing three limbs, a unidexter as it were, and Kerry doesn't even have a limp. It seems to me that you made a more physical sacrifice, even though it wasn't on the battlefield, than Kerry. It was that kind of warped thinking that got you defeated in the last election.
When pressed on why he thought Kerry didn't need to release his full medical file, Cleland shot back: "You read the book 'Tour of Duty.' I'm not going to get into an argument with you here. Let's just say we have a clear choice in America."
That's true. We have John Fonda Kerry, who returned from Viet Nam and betrayed all the soldiers left behind by joining VVAW, allying with Jane Fonda, and spewing garbage at the Winter Soldier Investigation. A man who has voted against every major weapons system since he has been in the Senate. Someone who wants to ask the United Nations for permission to protect ourselves. Or, we could keep our current Commander-in Chief.
And the book Max wants us to read?
However, when asked two weeks ago about the severity of Kerry's wounds, "Tour of Duty's" author Douglas Brinkley explained, "They were minor."
Check out this exchange:
MALZBERG: But we don't know the extent of those wounds, sir.CLELAND: I got out five weeks early because I got blown up.
MALZBERG: Yes, but don't you see the difference? You lost three limbs.
CLELAND: I don't see any difference.
Max, you have officially gone off the deep end. You don't see any difference? The man has totally lost it. Losing the last election must have affected him more than I thought.
So tomorrow I get to vote. I think I'll vote as a Dimocrat and vote for Al Sharpton. I'm doing that to level the playing field. I think Sharpton should get 200 delegates to the Dimocrat Convention just because he's black. Isn't that the way affirmative action is supposed to work?
As for the flag? I'm not sure how I'm gonna vote. I think I'll vote for the new one and maybe then the flag bullshit will go away.
Everyone knows that men are pigs. Here is what happens if Dad raises the kids and Mom is nowhere to be found. Sent to me by my friend Pres.
