Tsunami Survivor

This poor child was left homeless after December's devastating tsunami.

She lost everything, even her family, and is now looking to be adopted.

This is your chance to care for someone who doesn't have anything other than the clothing on her back, someone who needs a second chance.

This is your chance to help someone who needs a friend.

Don't look Sherry. Contains nudity.

Saturday Boobage on Friday! And as a bonus, here's some more.

Off To Helen

In about 30 minutes, as soon as I finish going through my mail, I'll be off to Helen Georgia for our second annual Blogtoberfest. We'll be staying at the same place we trashed stayed at last year. Why they are allowing us to come back is a mystery to me. I think it must of been because Key Monroe sweet talked them into it. She does have that effect on people, especially men.

Besides the usual suspects, many of them are in the left sidebar, we're gonna get some out of state people coming again. Some of these have already become honorary Jawja Bloggers. We'll induct some more into the organization this trip.

I restrung my guitar last night. Don't know if Pumpman is gonna make it or not. Recondo32 and Georgia are coming, which explains why V-Man is bringing a bullwhip, and they offered to drive him up. V-man is making some of his lethal Chatham Artillery Punch, like he did at the Wreckyll in Jekyll. Better I drink that than the vodka that Eric kept forcing me to drink last year. I had to leave Helen a day early. I hope to last the entire weekend this year.

Now I would like all of you to behave while I am gone, but I know that is wishful thinking. I'll be back Sunday and don't worry, there will be Saturday Boobage, but it will be a day early and I'm throwing in a bonus.

One more thing, thanks to all of you for my best month ever. I cannot believe how much my traffic has gone up over the last two months.

Disaster Comparison

Hey Prosper since you like linking to Wikipedia so much here's a neat link about the 2003 heat wave that killed over 14,000 people in France.

14,847 people [[1]], mostly elderly, died in France from heat, according to the country's largest funeral service. France does not commonly have very hot summers, particularly in the northern areas. As a consequence, most people do not know how to react to very high temperatures (for instance, with respect to hydration), and most homes and retirement homes are not equipped with air conditioning. Furthermore, while there are contingency plans for a variety of catastrophes and natural events, high heat had never been considered a major hazard and so such plans for heat waves did not exist at the time.

The heat wave occurred in August, a month in which many people, including government ministers and physicians, are on vacation.

Many bodies were not claimed for many weeks because relatives were on holiday. A refrigerated warehouse outside Paris was used by undertakers, because they didn't have enough space in their own facilities. On September 3, 57 bodies still left unclaimed in the Paris area were buried.

That shortcomings of the nation's health system could allow such a death toll is a matter of controversy in France. The administration of President Jacques Chirac and Prime Minister Jean-Pierre Raffarin laid the blame on (A health system that is oh so much better than the system in the US...GOC)

* the 35-hour workweek (But I thought that was a good thing ... GOC)
* family practitioners vacationing in August. (Many companies traditionally closed in August, so people had no choice about when to vacation. Family doctors were still in the habit of vacationing at the same time.)
* families who leave their elderly behind without caring for them. (Families don't take care of their elderly? ... GOC)

The opposition as well as many of the editorials of the local press have blamed the administration. Many blamed Health Minister Jean-François Mattei for not coming back from his vacations when the heat wave struck, and his aides for blocking emergency measures in public hospitals (such as the recalling of physicians). A particularly vocal critic was Dr Patrick Pelloux, head of the union of emergency physicians, who blamed the Raffarin administration for ignoring warnings from health and emergency professionals and trying to minimize the crisis.

Jean-François Mattei was not kept as a minister following from the March 31, 2004 cabinet shuffle. (He could probably get a job working for Mayor Asshole or Governor Useless...GOC)

On the upside, the 2003 heat wave was good for 2003 Bordeaux wines. I've ordered 6 cases.

The Katrina death toll in Louisiana so far stands at 923. This after Mayor Asshole of Nawlins said there were gonna be 10,000 deaths. Less than 1,000 people dead so far and the response to Katrina is considered a failure by the Dimocrats and the LSM. Just think if there had been a competent mayor and a competent governor. The death toll would have been even less. Bush did not do a very good job of killing black people.

Prosper, here is another site that bashes France. They asked me for a link and I think I'll even put them on my blogroll. Here ya go guys.

Comment From Burnie

Oh man, I just live for comments from LWBMs like Burnie. Rob called him an asshole. It's so much more fun just to ridicule what he said. Usually one of the Addisons jumps in and tears him a new one. This time they left him for me. Let's examine his commment.

You guys are very ignorant of the true welfare recipient-A white, for the most part, very wealthy individual with maybe two or three houses and a fleet of lawyers.

Just damn! That leaves me out. I only have one house and one lawyer, but I do have three cars. Does that count for anything?

In his very first sentence, Burnie has declared his socialist beliefs. Y'see he's stating that the gummint is giving this rich white guy money. In the case of Ted Kennedy, John Kerry and a bunch of other politicians that would be true. Burnie thinks the gummint owns all the money and by giving a tax cut to "the rich", the gummint is giving "the rich" welfare.

I think it was Thomas Sowell who asked why it was greedy for someone who has worked to earn money keeping it and it is not greedy for someone who has not worked for any money demanding some of it.

The top 1% of the income earners earn 17% of the income and pay 34% of the taxes. How much is their fair share? He calls "the rich" welfare recipients. Here is a welfare recipient. (Hat tip to Scott for the link.)

FALMOUTH - Dionne White's 6-pound bundle of joy - Cape Cod Bannister, or ''CeeCee'' - entered the world at 5:19 a.m. Tuesday.

And yesterday was Dionne White's 37th birthday.

How sweet.

Four of White's children are with her and her husband, James Bannister, at Camp Edwards, along with about 180 other displaced New Orleanians being sheltered at the military base.

So is her family back together?

Three of her children, all of whom have been accounted for since Hurricane Katrina devastated the Gulf Coast region earlier this month, are in the custody of the Department of Social Services in Louisiana.

How many children does this woman have? Well, her oldest is 21. She is 37, so she started downloading babies at 16 and she now has downloaded 13 total. She's obviously good at it and we get to support her.

Even with her retired husband's Social Security income and her disability benefits, she acknowledged the tremendous financial responsibility she has as a mother of 13 children.

She violated every single rule of avoiding poverty. She hasn't finished high school. She had her first baby at 16 and has probably never held a job in her life. In Burnie's world it is probably my fault and I'm greedy for wanting to keep my money and not give it to someone as irresponsible as this woman.

I would like you guys to lay down your arms for a minute and listen to something I have to say. We are all brothers and sisters on this bus earth,

Holy crap! When did planet earth change to bus earth?

and the wealthy and powerful do not care one iota what happens to us, those in power want us to fight and call each other names and grow a very great divide between us.

Dude. I'm wealthy and you're right. I don't give a fuck what happens to you peasants. Starve fuckers! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

It is called divide and conquer a policy carried out with great success all over the world.

OK. Socialist/liberal/Dimocrat talking point number one out of the way. Let's try to hijack the comment thread into something totally unrelated to the post. This is a typical troll trick.

Listen we have a war killing our brothers and sisters and their brothers and sisters based on lies.

Socialist/libera/Dimocrat talking point number 2. Bush lied. People died. Burnie, this is one of the reasons Rob called you an asshole! Stick to the fucking subject! I put that little Autorantic Virtual Moonbat thingy over there on the side to make it easier for you LWBMs Just hit the RANT button. It saves you the trouble of spewing your incredibly ignorant and stupid commments on my site. It also saves Rob the trouble of calling you an asshole, when he could have had so much more fun ridiculing you and it keeps the tone of my comments more civilized which will please Marcel. He is a valued reader and commenter and I don't want to lose him.

The terrorists are one thing, Iraqi citizens another-I don't like terrorism anymore than you do, but the killings of our soldiers will stop if we bring them home where they belong.

Socialist/Liberal/Dimocrat talking point number 3. Kumbaya. If we give them what they want they'll let us be. That worked real well with Hitler in the 1930's didn't it. Appeasement never works. They want to kill us all or convert us all to Islam. This is why we call you people stupid assholes. The terrorists have made no secret of their goals, yet you think if we just try to discuss things with them peacefully everything will be just fine and dandy.

We have no business fighting this illegal war, the cost is so astronomical as to put America in a possible tailspin, we are borrowing money from China for god's sake.

Just like we borrowed money from Japan in the 80's and 90's. You dipshits were gloomy about that, too. I remember Japan was gonna take over the United States.

George has put us in peril as a nation, I know you will let me have it for this, but it is time to come together as brothers and stop this insanity.

Nope, it was Clinton who put us in peril.

I was in the service, I was ready to fight for my country but since then I have done a lot of reading and came across this-part of a speech by Eugene Debs a union organizer at the turn of the century, he was arrested for sedition and this is what he said at his trial in september of 1918:"They have always taught and trained you to believe it to be your patriotic duty to go to war and have yourself slaughtered at their command. But in all the history of the world you, the people, have never had a voice in declaring war, and strange as it certainly appears, no war, by any nation in any age has ever been declared by the people."

Eugene Debs? Eugene fucking Debs? Not only was he an union organizer, but he was also a fucking Marxist. Eugene Debs? You have the unmitigated gall to post sumpin' by Eugene Debs on my site? Jesus H. Christ Burnie! You are an asshole. Sorry Marcel, Rob was right.

I am not trying to be a wise guy, what I am trying to do is get you to open up to other possibilities, other ways of thinking.

Dude. Your way of thinking is called socialism and appeasement. Neither of them have worked anywhere they have been tried.

You guys are very patriotic and you love America. Well, so do I, just as much as you.

No. You. Do. Not. You want to surrender to the terrorists. I'm sure you probably think the UN is a wonderful organization. I'm surprised you didn't bring up Kyoto.

If you decide to comment on my site again, try to demonstrate some intelligence.

Eugene Debs. I cannot farking believe it!

Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

Carpal tunnel syndrome has become a scourge among today's active and computer literate population. Men, especially, are becoming afflicted with this serious health problem.

To help stamp out carpal tunnel syndrome, new mouse pads have been devised to assist men in their computer operations. Ergonomically-improved mouse pads such as these will enable men to avoid the pain and suffering associated with this serious health concern.

From my buddy, Pres.

A Question

I stole this one from SondraK.

And the Dimocrats like to talk about how dumb Bush is?

Poverty

Let's talk about poverty. Usually when I write a post about how much better the economy of the United States is than countries like France or Germany, I have some French troll throwing poverty numbers at me. Geez! I hear enough about that bullshit from Dimocrats in this country. Oh the poor! Reagan hated the poor. Newt Gingrich hated the poor. Bush Pere hated the poor. Dubya hates the poor. If there is an (R) behind your name, you can be sure that you hate the poor. Hell, there's a little (l) after my name and y'all know how much I hate the poor.

The Dimocrats, on the other hand, love the poor because that is where they harvest their votes. They think you can solve poverty by giving poor people money or maybe they know that that will keep them in poverty and voting for them. Vote for us and we promise to fuck up your life. Look at what a good job we did in Nawlins. Look at what 40 years of the War on Poverty and Lyndon Johnson's Great Fucking Society has done.

Now that's not really fair saying that conservatives hate the poor. In Georgia, we love the poor. After all, they're the ones who buy all the lottery tickets that fund the Hope Scholarships. They're the ones who pay the cigarette taxes. I wrote a post about this shortly after starting this blog called Tax The Stupid. I'm all in favor of stupidity taxes. It's one way to get the poor to pay their fair share.

This is not a post about how to avoid poverty. I'm not gonna state my three simple rules to stay out of poverty. Y'all should know them by now. I'm gonna look at the poverty statistics and show how a lot of the poverty in this country is not as bad as the liberals and the French like to carp about.

Remember, gummint statistics have to be analyzed to see how they are gathered. For example, one of my French trolls threw some statistics at me about hunger in America that he got from the Department of Agriculture. These statistics said some unbelievably large number of people in this country suffered from hunger. He was nice enough to give me the link so I could see what they based the statistics on. It turns out that the question that was asked was sumpin' like this: (I'm too lazy to look up the link. Someone will probably read this and send it to me.)

In the past year has there been one day (emphasis mine) when you have had no food to eat?

As Addison pointed out, that could probably apply to just about any college student not living at home.

So it all depends on what the meaning of poverty is.

How do we define poverty in this country? Let's go here and check it out.

I'm only gonna work with those people under 65 because they should be able to work and get at least minimum wage. These are what the Dimocrats call the working poor. They're what I call losers.

Single person under 65 - $9827 a year

The minimum wage mandated by the federal gummint is $5.15 per hour. If you cannot make any higher than the minimum wage you are a loser. You probably dropped out of school or cannot speak English. If you vote, you vote for Dimocrats.

$5.15 x 40 x 52 = $10,712. Working at minimum wage puts a single person above the poverty level. Flipping burgers at McDonalds pays more than the minimum wage. Working at Wal-Mart pays more than the minimum wage.

I used to be one of those poverty statistics. I bet a lot of my readers were also. Anyone work their way through college? When I got out of the Navy I worked three part time jobs while going to school. I didn't think about it, but I bet I would have been one of those poverty statistics.

I lived with my mother and paid her room and board. I worked about 20 hours a week in one job for the minimum wage back then which was about $2 bucks an hour. I delivered Where Magazine on the weekends for $35 bucks. Took me six hours and lots of miles on my car. I went active in the Navy Reserve. They paid me money to go to meetings. With my income I might have qualified for food stamps. I didn't even think of it.

So I bet a lot of single college students would be classified as living in poverty. If your parents aren't claiming you as dependents maybe you should see if you could get food stamps.

Two persons: $12,714 per year. Are you kidding me? Two people working minimum wage could make $21,424. The only excuse for two people living together in poverty is if one of them were sick or disabled or one of them was a child. If you have a kid, the poverty number is $13,020. If you cannot make more than $13,020 per year you shouldn't even be having children.

Three persons: With one kid - $15,025. With two kids - $15,219. WTF are you doing having children? Don't you know how expensive those litttle rugrats are? No wonder these people are poor.

Four persons: These are the real losers who have made stupid decisions and have had children they cannot afford. With one kid - $19,803. With two kids - $19,157. With three kids - $19,223.

Aren't you glad that I'm back to being a callous asshole?

So what do we do with the poor in this country? How bad is living in poverty in this country? Yeah. We got homeless people. Atlanta is number two in how poorly we treat our homeless. Little Rock Arkansas is number one. We just passed a panhandling law so we might overtake Little Rock. Yay for us!

But is living in poverty really so bad. Check this out.

The soundings from the poverty rate are further belied by information on actual living standards for low-income Americans. In 1972-73, for example, just 42 percent of the bottom fifth of American households owned a car; in 2003, almost three-quarters of ''poverty households'' had one. By 2001, only 6 percent of ''poverty households'' lived in ''crowded'' homes (more than one person per room)--down from 26 percent in 1970. By 2003, the fraction of poverty households with central air-conditioning (45 percent) was much higher than the 1980 level for the non-poor (29 percent).

Holy crap! Our poor have central air. The French don't. Our poor probably live in larger apartments than the French do in Paris.

But as the article cited continues, maybe we're looking at the wrong numbers when measuring poverty.

In the Labor Department's latest Consumer Expenditure Survey (2003), the average reported income for the bottom fifth of households was $8,201, while reported outlays came to $18,492--well over twice that amount. Over the past generation, that discrepancy widened significantly: back in the early 1970's, the poorest fifth's reported spending exceeded income by 40 percent.

Hmmmm. Looks like we gots us some unreported income there. Poor people hiding income? I'm shocked!

Not only do people living "in poverty" own cars and, in some cases, even own homes, they also have cell phones, and now in Nawlins, a lot of them own flat panel televisions.

As have both Thomas Sowell and Walter Williams pointed out many times, many people working for minimum wage and statistically "in poverty" do not remeain there long. My brother-in-law grew up dirt poor in South Carolina, without indoor plumbing until he was 14, but both he and his sister graduated from college and made sumpin' of themselves.

I would venture to say that "the poor" in the United States live better than the majority of the people on this planet. People have given up everything just to move here. For the majority of "the poor" in the United States poverty is a choice. For the rest, it is a temporary condition on the way to achieving the American Dream.

Love Dem Buses

My friend Pat sent me some more pictures of Nawlins buses.

How far were the flooded buses from the Superdome?

But of course it was Bush's fault that the citizens of Nawlins elected Mayor Asshole.

What I got a kick out of was Michael Brown telling the congressional committee that it was his fault that he didn't realize how incompetent Mayor Asshole and Governor Useless were and insisting on trying to get control sooner. I call this the Grouchy Old Cripple defense. I once used it on one the instructors that I supported. I apologized to him for his incomptetence and my inability to overcome it and give him proper support. I made the mistake of putting it in an e-mail which he then took to my CDSM©, which marked the beginning of the end of my career at IBM.

They Did It Again

I don't know how they did it, but the Braves took their division again. This is the 14th straight time. Over 162 games, Bobby Cox is the best manager in baseball. He gets the Braves to the post season every year, and then they fold in the playoffs or lose the World Series. Fourteen consecuitive division championships. Only one World Series win.

If you would have told me that Chipper Jones would go on the disabled list, that their starting catcher would go on the disabled list, that Hampton and Foster would go on the disabled list, that they would lose their backup catcher for the season, that the closer they signed couldn't pitch worth a damn, and that they would have to play 18 rookies over the course of the season, I would have expected them to finish in last place. Nope. They finished in first place again.

The Mets finished last. Tom Glavine finished the season with a losing record. Hey Glavine, are you sorry you left a first place club to pitch for a last place club? The Braves offered you almost as much as the Mets and you chose to play for a losing team. Fuck off, loser! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

How did the Braves do it? They stumbled out of the gate and then after the All Star Game, Andruw Jones became the player we've been expecting to see ever since he arrived in the big leagues. He put the team on his shoulders and carried it to a winning record. He had some help from some of those rookies, of which Jeff Francoeur was the most notable. Frenchie was heading for rookie of the year honors until he cooled off about three weeks ago.

Over the past few years, the Braves seem to get real hot after the All Star break and open up a big lead over their division rivals. Then they have an average September and fizzle in the playoffs. Will it happen again this year?

My buddy, Dax Montana thinks that Bobby Cox is a lousy manager because the Braves have only won one World Series in the past 14 years, but, it seems no matter what players he's given he always manages to win the division. How many managers can say that?

That being said, I don't think this is a very good team. I don't expect them to get into the World Series. I do expect the St. louis Cardinals to make it again this year and that's fine with me. Having grown up just outside of St. Louis, I'm a diehard Cardinals fan. If the Braves play the Redbirds in the post season, I have to root for the Cardinals.

So bring on the post-season!

How Many?

How many dogs dies it take to change a lightbulb?

1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

4. Rottweiler: Make me.

5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? ! Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb!

10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

11. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or "We don't need no stinking light bulb"

12. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

13. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

14. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

How many cats does it take to change a light bulb?

The Cat's Answer:

Cats do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is:

"How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"

From Mark.

Rome V

Nothing much happened. No beaver shots. No boobage. All they had was a naked man's ass in the Roman bath.

Everything moved very slowly. Atia had some people draw some grafitti all over Rome of Caesar humping Servilia so Calpurnia, Caesar's wife, could see it. Like Calpurnia didn't know that Caesar was sleeping around. If you believe that you believe that Hillary didn't know Bill was getting a little on the side. I think by the time Caesar returned from Gaul, his relationship with Servilia had become a Platonic one anyway and his marriage to Calpurnia was also a political one. Everyone in Rome knew Caesar was a hound. He was known for cuckolding half the men in Rome. Anyway Caesar was a military hero and the strongest man in Rome and Servilia was in her late 40's. I think Caesar may have been more interested in some younger stuff.

We got to see Octavius (As I mentioned earlier, he didn't become Octavian until Caesar adopted him and his mother would not call him Octavian anyway. She would call him by his first name, which I think was Gaius, like his great uncle. I'm too lazy to look it up now.) acting ruthless when he and Pullo tortured and killed the father of Niobe's child.

Cicero showed his smarts as a politician by retiring to one of his villas, thus distancing himself from Pompey. That was true. Cicero lasted until after Caesar died. Fulvia hated him because she thought he was partially responsible for the death of her husband Clodius, who was killed by Milo. See what I mean about all the neat shit they left out? Geez, they had rival gangs, just like the mafia families. Milo was on the side of Pompey and the aristocrats and Clodius was on the side of the non-aristocratic middle and lower classes who were Caesar's power base. Anyway, Fulvia, who married Antony, demanded that he kill Cicero after Caesar was assassinated and Antony, Octavian (Caesar's dead, so Octavius is now Octavian), and Lepidus formed the Second Triumvirate and took over Rome.

Pompey pissed off Caesar by not agreeing to meet with him and then took off for Greece. One of the reasons he split was that many of his men, who were formally part of Caesar's army in Gaul, left him and rejoined Caesar. By this time, Caesar had a larger army than Pompey and Pompey, figgering discretion was the better part of valor, retreated to Greece.

Hopefully next week they'll find some way to show us some boobage.

New Men's Swimwear

This is just so wrong! I wonder if he has to wax?

From Pres.

Monday Pun 9-26-2005

This one is from Jack.

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead
sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat
down, but lacks the nerve to start a conversation.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man.

He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in
place.

"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap ....... and stay for breakfast.

They have a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings.

The guy is amazed!! Everything has been SO incredible!!!!

"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies........."

"You just happened to catch my eye."

Virtual Barking Moonbat

Look over on the left under my picture. It's a virtual barking moonbat. Click on RANT and it will come out with barking moonbat talking points. I stole it from here

Thanks erica.

A Little Help

I have a friend who is gonna be driving from Houston to Lake Charles, where her mother lives, and she has asked me to ask my readers if anyone knows the road conditions and gas situation between Lake Charles and Houston. Please e-mail me or put in the comments any pertinent info. Thanks.

Stupid Meter

My buddy Matt, over at StarkTruth made me this neat Stupid Meter that I can use when I see someone Stuck on Stupid. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Babs - Stuck on Stupid
Ted Kennedy - Stuck on Stupid
Cynthia McCommie - Stuck on Stupid
Jimmah Carter - Stuck on Stupid.

Southern Astological Signs

Woody sent me this.

In case you're interested, I'm a Butter Bean on a Boiled Peanuts cusp.

Saturday Boobage 9-24-2005

Perky boobage.

Brotherhood Versus Racism

My friend Pres sent me an interesting column and rather that post it, I'll link to it. It starts out:

In New Orleans, beginning Tuesday morning, August 30, I saw men in helicopters risking their lives to save stranded flood victims from rooftops. The rescuers were White, the stranded Black. I saw Caucasians navigating their small, private boats in violent, swirling, toxic floodwaters to find fellow citizens trapped in their houses. Those they saved were Black.

I saw Brotherhood. New York Congressman Charlie Rangel saw Racism.

It keeps getting better and he really nails the RWPP's and the liberals at the New York Times.

Stupid People

There are some really stupid people on this planet and lately I've atracted my share to this site and they've been commenting here. Here is a portion of a comment I received recently.

31.5 yrs: you're a fucking lazy jellyfish. Who are you to talk shit about working? Fucking speculator. It's because people are hard workers, paid nothing that you became "SRF". Surely somebody around the world. Speculation destroys jobs in USA, jobs for the REAL workers.

This booger eatin' moh-ron was making fun of my 31.5 years at IBM as if I sat around and did nothing for all that time. I resent that! I must have worked for at least 20 years of it. Who does he think I am? A French or a German worker? Does he think I only worked 31.5 years? I started working when I was 13 years old and cut grass, raked leaves, shoveled snow, cleaned gutters, and all sorts of odd jobs. I spent four years in the Navy. I put myself through college altho' I dropped out in my junior year.

So because I am an American, worked at IBM, and got rich I wasn't a REAL worker? So real workers can't get rich? Is that what this buttmunch is saying? Or is he saying he has a loser job and is too stupid to get rich so anyone who can get rich doesn't have a REAL job? This guy is probably a Dimocrat because that is the way they think.

And then he calls me a speculator and that is the reason why I'm rich because other people have to work for nothing. Dude, people work for nothing because that is what their labor is worth. Get a good education (which is possible even if you're poor) and your labor will be worth sumpin'. Refuse to learn how to speak English or drop out of school and yeah, you'll get paid nothing because that is what your labor is worth.

As to the speculator tag, I got news for you, I'm an investor. Where do you think the money comes from to pay you hard working idiots? It comes from capitalists like me who invest our money in companies that create products and employ people. If not for capitalists like me bozos like you wouldn't even have jobs. And if it weren't for capitalists like me who pay taxes, the parasites who live off the gummint wouldn't be supported.

I never speculated. I invested my money in stocks, bonds, mutual funds, and CDs. For my entire 31.5 years at IBM, I invested 10% of my pay in IBM stock. I was able to buy it at a 15% discount. Every IBM employee got this deal. Some took it. Some didn't. I never lost money on IBM stock. I still own some.

When 401-K's were introduced, I invested my money in them. Some employees took advantage. Some didn't. I bought IRA's. I invested. The money I invested was used to create more money. That is why I am a SRF®. You, on the other hand, probably "invest" your money in lottery tickets. Now, that is speculating. That is why you are poor. That is why you are a loser.

Only a loser like that commenter would think that capitalism destroys jobs.

Then we have this comment:

One day the proletariat masses will raise up against the greedhead minority and HELTER SKELTER, MAN.

The irony is, you think I'm joking...

No, the tragedy here is, I know you aren't. I also know that you are totally ignorant of not only economics but of history. Or maybe I'm not giving you credit and you do realize what will happen since it has already happened so many places and has fucked up the proletariat masses everywhere it has happened and left death and poverty in its wake.

The Soviet Union. Communism worked real well there didn't it. At least 20 million killed by Stalin creating his socialist utopia.

Cuba. Free education and medical care but not enough food to eat. A shortage of antibiotics. Tell me where would you prefer to have major surgery, Cuba or the United States?

Venezuela will soon be a basket case.

Check out Zimbabwe. The proles are doing real well there aren't they?

The next country to get fucked up is gonna be South Africa. They just seized the first white farm. Notice to all white farmers: Sell your farms and get the fuck out of South Africa before it is too late!

South Africa's government says it wants to hand over about a third of white-owned farm land by 2014.

And we all see how well this has worked in Zimbabwe. By 2020, South Africa will be suffering from famine and will be begging the rest of the world to help it out.

But Deputy President Phumzile Mlambo-Ngcuka says the pace of reform should be speeded up - as in neighbouring Zimbabwe, where most white-owned land has been seized by the state.

"There needs to be a bit of oomph. That's why we may need the skills of Zimbabwe to help us," she said.

Let me change my estimate. They want to move the famine date up to 2014.

So my dipshit commenter is right. It will be "HELTER SKELTER, MAN". The proles will fuck themselves just like they always do and it will be up to us snotty rich fuck capitalists to bail them out, just like we always do.

Jimmah Carter Is Insane

Yeah, so what's my point. He's been off his rocker for years and he continually proves it. His family should really keep him from speaking in public. Hell, the Dimocrats should keep him from speaking in public, but then, they should do the same with How-wierd Dean. I'm looking forward to the Dimocrat convention in 2008 when they'll have a place of honor for Cindy Sheehan, Michael Moore (coming off the success of his "documentary" movie about Katrina where he will blame the hurricane on Bush, Cheney, and Haliburton, and offer "proof" that they blew up the levee in Nawlins to kill a lot of black people, steal their homes, and build a white subdivision with Haliburton as the builder), and of course, Jimmah Carter.

Jimmah Carter's latest ramblings.

Five years after the controversial 2000 presidential election, ex-President Jimmy Carter now says he's certain Al Gore defeated George W. Bush.

No surprise there. Twenty five years after his humiliating defeat by Ronald Reagan, Jimmah still thinks he was a great president. Next I'm waiting for him to say that the 1980 election was stolen by Ronald Reagan.

Well I would say that in the year 2000, the country failed abysmally in the presidential election process," Carter told a panel Monday at American University in Washington, D.C. "There's no doubt in my mind that Al Gore was elected president."

Just like there is no doubt in his mind that appeasement and coddling of our enemies worked. This is the man who was "shocked" when the Soviets sent troops into Afghanistan.

Those in attendance broke out in applause for that statement.

These are obviously the people who want the terrorists to win.

"[Gore] received the most votes nationwide, and in my opinion, he also received the most votes in Florida," Carter continued. "And the decision was made as you know on a 5-4 vote on a highly partisan basis by the U.S. Supreme Court, so I would say in 2000, there was a failure."

Of all the recounts done by the LSM after the elction, Bush won three out of the four. The fourth recount is the only one not requested by the Dimocrats in their lawsuits, and Jimmah, the Supreme Court only told Florida to obey its own election laws, which the Florida Supreme Court, all Dimocrats (imagine that) were trying to change on the fly. Can't these people just Move On? Guess not. Oh, by the way, if you're gonna talk about stolen elections what about New Jersey, where their supreme court, partisan Dimocrats, changed election law to allow Lautenberg to run for the senate. How about Washington, where the partisan courts allowed the Dimocrats to steal the gubernatorial election? Wait a minute! Dimocrats are allowed to steal elections. They've been doing it in Chicago for years. It is their right! It's right there in the Constitution, right next to that guaranteed right to an abortion on demand.

Carter's analysis went on to include last year's matchup between Bush and Democrat Sen. John Kerry, as the election came down to a battle over the electoral votes in Ohio.

This oughta be good.

"The year 2004 is hard to grade," said Carter.

Not if you have a brain.

"I don't have any detailed information about what actually went on in Ohio. If Ohio had gone one way or the other, it would have changed the outcome of the election.

Here Jimmah actually has a firm grasp on the obvious.

And the only thing that I know about Ohio, was that there's general consensus that the secretary of state of Ohio, who is responsible for the administration of the election, was highly partisan in his public approach and perhaps even in his private adminstration. But I don't know about that."

Or much of anything else.

And, according to the article, there are still lots of President Peanut's supporters around the internet.

"Well duh! I'm just glad someone finally said it out loud, and that it was someone prominent (former president, Nobel Peace Prize winner). ... I wonder if this will make it to mainstream media?"

I don't see why not. Those bozos love Jimmah.

"Carter for president. Just what America needs right now to restore some semblance of dignity to the presidency. I believe if he ran he would actually win. There is a tremendous undercurrent of sentiment for change in America and the populace will speak loud and clearly in '08 if given a choice such as Carter."

Whoa dude! Give me another hit off that bong! I remember how successful Jimmah was during the Iran hostage crisis. It turns out even Khomeini was astonished that Carter was such a wimp.

Can't we just pack up Jimmmah and move him out of the country? Why don't we just send him to France?

They think Jerry Lewis is a genius. They probably feel the same way about Jimmah.

Pot Of What?

Yet another childhood fantasy destroyed.

From Ron.

No Way Out

What have we here? Why it's another pity piece about the poor.

HOUSTON - Wilma Skinner would like to scream at the officials of this city. If only they would pick up their phones.

"I done called for a shelter, I done called for help. There ain't none. No one answers," she said, standing in blistering heat outside a check-cashing store that had just run out of its main commodity. "Everyone just says, 'Get out, get out.' I've got no way of getting out. And now I've got no money."

And I bet she done dropped out of school and I'll bet she done got pregnant at an early age and I bet she done got no employment skills and that is why she done has to depend on gummint to done get her sorry ass out of Houston.

This is what I really hate about some of these disasters. The LSM goes out and finds the dumbest people they can find and then tries to get us to to feel sorry for them because they have totally fucked up their lives by depending on gummint and now gummint is letting them down. GMAFB!

With Hurricane Rita breathing down Houston's neck, those with cars were stuck in gridlock trying to get out. Those like Skinner - poor, and with a broken-down car - were simply stuck, and fuming at being abandoned, they say.

Why dontcha just call up Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton and they can getcha a ride on a private jet? Oh wait! They don't show up until after a disaster and then they scream racism.

On Bellaire Boulevard in southwest Houston, a weeping woman and her young daughter stood on the sidewalk, surrounded by plastic bags full of clothes and blankets. "I'd like to go, but nobody come get me," the woman said in broken English. When asked her name, she looked frightened. "No se, no se," she said: Spanish for "I don't know."

Her daughter, who appeared to be about 9, whispered in English, "We're from Mexico."

Maybe you should have stayed in Mexico.

Eddie McKinney, 64, who had no home, no teeth and a torn shirt, stood outside the EZ Pawn shop, drinking a beer under a sign that said, "No Loitering."

"We got no other choice but to stay here. We're homeless and we're broke," he said. "I thought about going to Dallas, but now it's too late. I got no way to get there."

Where will he stay?

"A nice white man gave me a motel room for three days. Just walked up and said, 'Here.' So my buddy and me will stick it out," he said, pointing to another homeless man. "We got a half-gallon of whiskey and a room."

Somewhere in there is a clue as to why this guy is homeless. Can you find it?

I do feel for the people stuck in the gridlock. This is the downside of people taking an evacuation order seriously. People are stuck in traffic, burning fuel, and going nowhere. But please spare us the pity party for the losers and the homeless people. Most of them are that way for a reason. As for the gummint letting them down, that's what they get for total dependency on the gummint.

Yeah. I'm an unfeeling asshole. What's your point?

Adios Buttheads

Or as I would call it, Adios Dimocrats, you buttheads didn't vote for me.

From Teresa.

Hey Pumpman!

Rob, Jenifer put up a post that I just know that you'll love.

The LSM - Stuck On Stupid

The guys at Sacred Cow Burgers have done it again.

Dallas ATC

I've received many copies of this joke. None of the people who sent it are pilots since they've all got the runway numbering wrong. Here it is corrected.

Dallas Air Traffic Control:

"Tower to Saudi Air 911--You are cleared to land eastbound on runway 9 Right."

Saudi Air:

"Thank you Dallas ATC. Acknowledge cleared to land on runway 9 Right. Allah be Praised!"

Dallas ATC:

"Tower to Egypt Air 711--You are cleared to land westbound on runway 27 Left."

Egypt Air:

"Thank you Dallas ATC. We are cleared to land on runway 27 Left. Allah is Great."

Pause: Static..............
Saudi Air:

"DALLAS ATC! DALLAS ATC!!!"

Dallas ATC:

"Go ahead Saudi Air 911?"

Saudi Air:

"YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFT FOR THE SAME RUNWAY!!! WE ARE ON A COLLISION COURSE!!! INSTRUCTIONS PLEASE!!!

Dallas ATC:

Well bless your hearts. Y'all be careful now---ya hear?"

I'm Worried About Jim

My blog buddy Jim had to leave his home, the Sloop New Dawn, and head inland. I wish him the best and hope he doesn't lose his home.

I met Jim in person at Kim du Toit's birthday bash last year. We talked politics, sailing, and guns. I was a sailor before my accident.

He also made CNN. The screen capture is on his site.

I talked to him on the phone twice in the last week and he is in good spirits despite what may happen.

I wish you well Jim, and good luck.

Monopoly

They've upgraded Monopoly and added two new Community Chest cards.

From Budman8. Maybe that $200 should be upgraded to $2000 to reflect the FEMA debit cards.

And he did it.

Major Real Estate Deal

My sis' former neighbor sent me this breaking news announcement.

President Bush Sells Louisiana Back to the French

President Bush and a giddy Jacques Chirac shake hands on the deal.

BATON ROUGE, LA. - The White House announced today that President Bush has successfully sold the state of Louisiana back to the French at more than double its original selling price of $11,250,000.

"This is a bold step forward for America," said Bush. "And America will be stronger and better as a result. I stand here today in unity with French Prime Minister Jack Chirac, who was so kind to accept my offer of Louisiana in exchange for 25 million dollars cash."

The state, ravaged by Hurricane Katrina, will cost hundreds of billions of dollars to rebuild.

"Jack understands full well that this one's a 'fixer upper,'" said Bush. "He and the French people are quite prepared to pump out all that water, and make Louisiana a decent place to live again. And they've got a lot of work to do. But Jack's assured me, if it's not right, they're going to fix it."

The move has been met with incredulity from the beleaguered residents of Louisiana.

"Shuba-pie!" said New Orleans resident Willis Babineaux. "Frafer-perly yum kom drabby sham!"

However, President Bush's decision has been widely lauded by Republicans.

"This is an unexpected but brilliant move by the President," said Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist. "Instead of spending billions and billions, and billions of dollars rebuilding the state of Louisiana, we've just made 25 million dollars in pure profit."

"This is indeed a smart move," commented Fox News analyst Brit Hume. "Not only have we stopped the flooding in our own budget, we've made money on the deal. Plus, when the god-awful French are done fixing it up, we can easily invade and take it back again."

The money gained from 'T'he Louisiana Refund' is expected to be immediately pumped into the rebuilding of Iraq.

The Beer Of Choice

From Jesse.

September Tasting

Tonight is the Sommelier Guild of Atlanta's September Tasting. We're having it at Floataway Cafe. Here are the foods we'll be eating and the wines we'll be drinking.

Sometimes it's really a rough life.

New Gas Gauge

From Charlieb.

Stuck On Stupid

Did I tell you folks that my new hero is Lt. Gen. Russel Honore. My sister (or my brother-in-law) sent me this neat link. about a press conference where the good general told some idiot reporters sumpin' they should have been told a long time ago, "Don't get stuck on stupid." Heh. Heh. Heh. Here's an excerpt.

Honore: You are stuck on stupid. I'm not going to answer that question. We are going to deal with Rita. This is public information that people are depending on the government to put out. This is the way we've got to do it. So please. I apologize to you, but let's talk about the future. Rita is happening. And right now, we need to get good, clean information out to the people that they can use. And we can have a conversation on the side about the past, in a couple of months.

Oh man! I just love this guy. He took over the press conference from Mayor Asshole and told the press what for.

Food Stamps

Let's give this guy some hits.

What he says about food stamps is true. Back when I first started at IBM one of my fellow CE's owned a liquor store in the ghetto inner city. He had a nice little sideline of taking discounted food stamps for booze and then selling them at a higher rate. But (I hear you gasp!), wasn't that illegal? Well, duh, of course it was. Using food stamps to buy booze was illegal. Selling food stamps at a discount was illegal. Selling crack is illegal. What's your point?

So, is it a surprise that the poor wretched evacuees used the FEMA debit cards on items other than food? There is a reason these people are poor. Just look at what they buy when they get a windfall. Check out what happens to poor people when they win the lottery. First, rather than taking the twenty year payout, where they would have a steady income for twenty years, they take the lump sum and they've usually gone through it within five years and are poor again. Often times they wind up in debt.

Farking amazing.

Fly In Urinal

They're right, you know. Damn! Them dudes are smart!

Thanks to Charlieb.

Fun With Surveys

Last week I got two surveys in the mail. On was from Ted Swimmer Kennedy and the other was from Hillary Rodent Clinton. They both had questionaires and they both asked for money. I don't know how I got on these mailing lists. I also get e-mail from Moveon.org. All I can think of is my subscription to The New Republic. They must have given these assholes my information.

I always have fun answering these surveys. They have such loaded questions like

Do you believe it is right for George W. Bush to starve women, children, and old people to finance tax cuts for the rich?

The answers are disapprove, no opinion and approve. Of course I checked approve. There's nuthin' I like better than thinking of starving women, children, and old people while I'm eating my filet mignon on a Saturday night with a nice bottle of wine. I raise my Stoly on the rocks to them and thank them for giving money to the gumment so I can have my tax cuts. What? They didn't? Then how can I be starving them?

Another question:

Do you think it is right for George W. Bush to appoint extremist right wing judges who will overturn Roe v. Wade and deny millions of women in this country of the right to choose?

Hell yes! I approve! Let's turn America into a theocracy. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I checked approve on all the loaded questions. I haven't had that much fun since the last time I took an opinion survey at IBM. We used to get to take them once a year, but Lou Gerstner stopped that when he took over.

They even included a place where I could comment and express my concerns. My concerns were trying to ensure that Ted Kennedy, who is a murderer with no morals, never gets elected to the Senate again, and that Hillary, a fake feminist, never gets elected president.

I then put the surveys into the postage free envelopes and mailed them back.

It was fun.

Mona Lisa After Hours

Charlieb sent me these pictures of what the Mona Lisa does after the Louvre closes.

Flood Update

The insurance adjuster came by today to look at the floor and take pictures. Now we'll see how long it will take to get the floors replaced and whether it will be the floor company's insurance or my homeowner's insurance. Dammit! I expected to have my surround system purchased by now. And my new TV. It's football season dammit! I wanna watch it in high def.

Rita

Rita is heading for Florida and there is an evacuation order for the Keys. Now let's see the difference between how Florida handles a hurricane and how Louisiana handles a hurricane. Florida only had four hurricanes hit it last year and its state and local officials weren't incompetent.

Oh, that's right. I forgot. Bushitler blew up the levee which flooded the black part of Nawlins because he is a racist and hates black people.

The Emmy Award Show

I hear it was on Sunday night. Who gives a rats ass? I feel the same way about the Academy Awards, or any of the other award programs. They're a bunch of overpaid, stupid boobs patting themselves on the back, for what? Putting out substandard entertainment for the masses.

True Friend 6

Or in Pumpman's case, a cat just died.

Sorry

Not posting anything tonight. Gonna watch football.

True Friend 5

Monday Pun 9-19-2005

Today's pun is from Walt.

A Toronto man was found dead in his home over the weekend.
Detectives at the scene found the man face down in his bathtub.
The tub had been filled with milk, sugar and cornflakes.
A banana was sticking out of his butt.

The police suspect it was done by ...

... a cereal killer.

Rome IV

Nothing really important happened. For the gals there was a shot of a nude Antony getting strigaled. Couldn't really see much. No boob shots or beaver shots of Atia in this episode.

Octavia is still crying about Atia having her imaginary husband killed. Still no Marcellus (who was her real husband at the time.) so I guess Octavia won't have her first child. She did eventually marry Antony and have Antonia who was the mother of Germanicus and the future emperor Claudius.

The gold story ended. It was bullshit anyway.

Caesar wouldn't have to go beg the priests like he did. He was Pontifex Maximus fer crissakes. He was the head priest in Rome.

We got to see Caesar have an epileptic fit. That part was real. Caesar did have epilepsy.

Caesar kissed Servilia, who was his mistress at the time. There were some wags in Rome who said that Brutus' real father was Caesar. Caesar nailed a lot of Roman ladies. He was the Bill Clinton of his era, but his taste was much better than Bill's was. Plus he wasn't a draft dodger and he had balls, sumpin' Clinton lacks.

Someone asked where I got my knowledge of Roman history. I've read three separate biographies of Caesar. I've read Caesar and Christ by Will Durant. I've also read The Twelve Caesars by Suetonius. I have a textbook from the Roman History class I took in college. Another good source is the Masters Of Rome historical fiction series by Colleen McCullough. She did a real good job of researching the period covered in her novels. The two books that cover the period of the HBO series are Caesar and The October Horse. Steven Sailor wrote a detective series that takes place in this era also.

Cycles

My writing goes in cycles. There are times that I really don't have anything to write about, because nothing is firing me up. We really had a pretty dull summer until Katrina came along. I got fired up. There was so much to write about.

We had an incompetent mayor, Mayor Asshole, who let a fleet of buses get ruined by a flood when he could have used them to help evacuate the city.

We saw that Nawlins was essentially a third world city filled with corruption and incompetence. And when we saw "the poor" degenerating into animals we got a glimpse of what liberal social policies have created. Guess what? There is a third world enclave in every large city. Imagine a disaster in Detroit or Philadelphia.

We got to see an incompetent governor, Governor Useless, who didn't have a clue as to what to do.

We got to see Senator TKO threaten to punch out the president for pointing out the obvious, that Mayor Asshole and Governor Useless were incompetent political hacks.

Of course everything was Bush's fault. He created the hurricane because he wouldn't sign the Kyoto Treaty. What he should of done was pull a Clinton and sign it and send it to the Senate. When Clinton did that, the Senate voted against in 98 to 0.

Accoeding to Calypso Louie, Bush was responsible for the levee breaking. He actually bleew it up so it would flood Nawlins killing a lot of black people.

Turns out the thousands of dead and dead people floating in the streets Mayor Asshole talked about didn't materialize. The death toll from Nawlins is around 500. Sure, that's too many but look what hit Nawlins and how incompetent the state and city official were.

Do y'all know why the levee wasn't built to withstand a category 5 hurricane? Read on.

Here is the ultimate irony. Algore had to cancel a speech he was gonna give in Nawlins "where he planned to blame global warming for the hurricane season." Instead he gave a speech to the Sierrra Club in San Francisco.

So where did Al choose to deliver this critical compendium of misjudgments, hyperbole, and error? In San Francisco, of course, where on September 9 he said, "The warnings about global warming have been extremely clear for a long time. We are facing a global climate crisis. It is deepening. We are entering a period of consequences." And he urged that "the leaders of our country be held accountable" for the flooding of New Orleans. Unfortunately he was addressing the Sierra Club, which was not the best place to bring up the flooding of New Orleans.

Why is that?

The very day he spoke a congressional task force reported that the levees that failed in New Orleans would have been raised higher and strengthened in 1996 by the Army Corps of Engineers were it not for a lawsuit filed by environmentalists led by who else but the Sierra Club. Among those "leaders of our country" to "be held accountable" for the flooding of New Orleans, would Al include the Sierra Club? How about the Save the Wetlands stalwarts? According to a recent report in the Los Angeles Times, a 1977 lawsuit filed by Save the Wetlands stopped a congressionally funded plan to protect New Orleans with a "massive hurricane barrier." A judge found that New Orleans' hurricane barrier would have to wait until the Army Corps of Engineers filed a better environmental-impact statement.

Yep. It's them pesky environmentalists again. Do what Clancy did in Rainbow 6. Drop 'em in the Brazilian rain forest to let them commune with nature. Bunch of farking assholes.

Katrina also showed the good side of America. People from other states are taking in refugees. Families in Atlanta have opened their homes. The racist Americans who hate black people have raised over $600 million to help the refugees who are mostly black. Just like the tsunami where we racist Americans raised around $500 million to help those people affected. Most of them were not white.

I'm still in a writing cycle. I'm also working on some long winded essays that I'll post at a later date.

I hope this cycle lasts for a while, because I'm having fun.

True Friend 4

Birds

This is AMAZING! Until now I never fully understood how to tell the difference between male and female birds. I always thought it had to be determined surgically... until now.

Below is a picture of two birds. Study them closely......... See if you can spot which of the two is the female. It can be done. Even by one with limited bird watching skills.

I got a comment on my latest Saturday Boobage asking me what feminists think of me. After posting this picture that my buddy Phil sent me they probably don't think too much of me. I did have one of them call me a SRF©, delink me, and accuse me of posting fake tits.

Anger Management

Ron sent me this joke on anger management.

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying "Hello."

I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robin Carter?"

Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!"

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?" He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.

Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot.

The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, It is."

"Can you tell me where I can see it?"

"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an asshole." Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1. "Hello."

"You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole." Then I called Asshole #2. "Hello?" he said.

"Hello, asshole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street.

There I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter and a news crew.

NOW I feel much better. You know, this anger management stuff really works.

Saturday Boobage 9-17-2005

Didja know that boobage could be a beer tester?

For the true and discriminating aficionado, a glass of the finest beer should only be partaken if it is the correct temperature. The subtle nuance of the melded grains..... the fragile and fleeting taste of the brewers art..... can only be truly appreciated if that golden elixir is properly chilled.

To this end, advanced studies candidates in the Graduate Engineering Department of Texas A&M University have developed an easily used fully portable Beer Temperature Tester which easily indicates whether the beverage is acceptably chilled or not.

To test the beer, simply insert the tester into the glass.

After the tester has been immersed for a period of no less than fifteen seconds, remove both probes and observe the indication.

The beer on the left is the correct temperature.

Damn! Them Aggies is some smart dudes, ain't they? Why didn't some Georgia Tech students figger this out?

Orgasmic Simulator

Hey girls, ya wanna understand how a man experiences an orgasm? Hey guys, you wanna understand how a woman experiences pleasure? Go here.

Thanks to Catfish.

Plugging The Levee

Stole another one from Rodger.

Korea

South Korea

Well. Well. Well. It seems some of the South Koreans are pissed off.

Gen. Douglas MacArthur can't be seen around these parts without his bodyguards.

MacArthur? I thought he was dead.

For nearly half a century, a 16-foot bronze likeness of the late war hero has dominated a park near the shores where thousands of U.S. troops under his command landed Sept. 15, 1950, to expel North Korean forces. It is considered one of the decisive battles of the Korean War, one that many here credit for the eventual success of the prosperous, free-market nation that is South Korea.

Oh. His statue. What's the problem?

But not all. A movement to tear down the statue has been gaining momentum recently among some younger South Koreans, who call it a symbol of U.S. occupation and oppression.

GMAFB! WTF is up now?

On Sunday, more than 4,000 anti-MacArthur demonstrators armed with bamboo sticks clashed with an almost equal number of riot police. From the sidelines, nearly 1,000 conservative defenders of the statue, many of them Korean War veterans, threw eggs and garbage at the protesters. Some blocked an ambulance carrying away injured protesters, screaming that communists didn't deserve to be rescued, witnesses said.

Where are Michael Moore and Cindy Sheehan? Where's Jane Fonda when you really need her?

The protesters are led by a coalition of student and labor groups, including the Korean Confederation of Trade Unions and the Korean Teachers and Education Workers Union. Their argument, boiled down, is that the U.S. effort in the Korean War was not so much an altruistic defense of South Korea's freedom as an attempt to gain hegemony over the region, and that it needlessly caused the division of the peninsula.

"It is time to reappraise MacArthur's role in history. If it were not for him, our country would not have been colonized and divided as it was," said Kim Guk Rae, a 40-year-old activist from Inchon who is one of the leaders of the movement.

OK asshole, why don't we just get the fuck out of Korea and let the little midget up north take you over. Is that you want? What a farking maroon.

North Korea

I guess Kim Yuk Foo wants Jimmah Carter back. They wanna make a deal.

Negotiators for North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il insisted on Wednesday that the U.S. honor ex-President Clinton's promise to give them a nuclear reactor in exchange for giving up their nuclear weapons program.

Y'mean the same deal you broke? The deal you negotiated with that clueless idiot Jimmah Carter? The deal you never had any intention of honoring? Is that the deal you want?

But the Bush administration quickly nixed the idea.

Wait for the howls of outrage from the LSM. North Korea has nukes. It's all Bush's fault. He refuses to deal with Kim Yuk Foo.

The North Korean regime is demanding the kind of light-water nuclear reactor promised by Clinton under a 1994 deal dubbed the "Agreed Framework" - and pledged they won't use it to make nuclear weapons.

I want Catherine Zeta-Jones lying naked beside me in bed. I won't touch her. I promise.

The Agreed Framework collapsed, however, in late 2002, when Kim Jong Il's government admitted it was making nuclear bombs. "As it turns out, they were cheating," Clinton Secretary of State Madeleine Albright later explained.

No! Cheating? (Gambling?) I'm shocked! Yet this is the agreement the LSM calls one of the successes of the Clinton administration and Jimmah Carter. I read an article by a liberal in The New Republic (TNR has articles by liberals?) that stated this and that we should go back to it. We give them food and light-water nuclear reactors and they pretend not to make nukes and we believe them. Only in the mid of a liberal.

Kim Yuk Foo - Ha! Ha! Jimmah Carter velly stupid man. He a malloon!

So, to summarize: We remove all of our soldiers from South Korea (That means Jenifer would get a new assignment. Maybe in Iraq.) and we support Kim Yuk Foo, even after he takes over South Korea which will surprise Jimmah Carter just like the Soviets did when they marched into Afghanistan. Yep! Makes perfect sense to me.

It will probably happen when Hillary gets elected.

True Friend 3

Politics

Some of my readers recently suggested that I run for office. BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry, I don't do politics. I'm not very good at it.
That's why I never became a manager at IBM. I'm not very good at managing.

I'm a technician. Most of my adult life has been spent fixing stuff. I fixed typewriters when I worked for the Mattel Office Products Division of IBM. I fixed computers when I worked for the Field Engineering Division of IBM. I taught Customer Engineers how to fix computers when I was in IBM Education. I taught customer programmers and IBM programmers software. My last six years I was a full time systems programmer which involved installation, test, and debug of operating systems. I'm a problem solver and I don't do bullshit.

Had I been a manager, I would have been put in the position of not being able to fix stuff. If I had an underperforming female employee that I wanted to shitcan, I would have to worry about her accusing me of sexual harassment. If I had an underperforming black I wanted to get rid of, I would have to worry about accusations of racism. I would not have been able to have put up with that bullshit.

I did get involved in politics and wars at IBM. I didn't enjoy it but, I did either defeat or outlast all my enemies save one, the CDSM©. I actually won the battle with him, but since that pretty much ended my career, I lost the war. Of course, since I was eligible for retirement about that time, it didn't really matter. I just quit busting my ass.

I just got involved in some politics in the Sommelier Guild of Atlanta. I'm president and we had a problem. I fixed it. My poor friend Michael, whose idea it was that I be president, was on the sofa at his house the other night with his head in his arms moaning about my solution. "What was I thinking? Moan."

I'm sorry. I fix things. Sometimes people don't like my fixes.

So let's just say I decided to run for office. There is no way I would get elected. Why? Here would be some of my campaign promises.

1. Junk the tax code and start over. It is a disgrace that Joe Average has to hire someone to do his taxes. Our tax system and the tax form should be easy enough for an eighth grade student to fill out.

2. Cut spending. Don't expect me to bring any pork home to my district. That would keep me out of office right there.

3. Abolish HUD. Housing and urban development is not a federal concern. It is a state and local concern.

4. Abolish the Department of Education. Education is not a federal concern. It is a state and local concern.

5. Downsize Health and Human Services. The CDC is worthwile. The rest of the department is useless.

The above three agencies take money, support their bloated bureaucracies, and then send the money back to the states.

6. Term limits. I would only serve three terms. Having to spend time in the same building as Ted Kennedy and Hillary Clinton and having to stay in the same room as Cynthia McCommie, Maxine Waters, Barbara Lee, Jim McDermitt, and the rest of the traitorous assholes more than six years would make me crazy.

7. Quit subsidizing agriculture. I don't give a shit about the "family farm". If you can't make money farming, get in another line of work.

8. Crack down on illegal immigration. No driver's licenses for illegals. Christ! That has gotta be one of the stupidest ideas I have ever heard. If you pull over an illegal alien or if one shows up to get a driver's license, sent that fucker back to Mexico or wherever he came from. WTF has happened to common sense in this country?

9. While we're at it, no social services for illegal aliens.

10. Abolish bilingual education. Another stupid idea. If I move to Mexico are they gonna educate me in English?

11. I would always tell the truth. If you asked me how I felt about sumpin' or someone you better be prepared for my answer. I would call John McCain a grandstanding asshole. I would call Ted Kennedy a murderous lush. I would call Senator Landrieu an incompetent crook. C'mon bitch. Threaten to punch me out. I'd beat the crap out you with a crutch.

12. I would not be politically correct. I would give my opinion on multiculturism. I would call Norman Minetta an incompetent asshole. All the men who hijacked airplanes on 9/11 were Middle Eastern Muslims, not little old ladies. You damn betcha I would be for profiling. If they didn't like it, they could quit flying or leave the country. Their choice.

I would alienate over half my district before I was even halfway through my campaign. I certainly wouldn't get any campaign contributions because I would not be beholden to any special interests. When someone from the press would ask me a stupid question I would look the booger eatin' moh-ron right in the eye and tell him (or her) that it was a stupid question. The press would hate me.

I am for low taxes and even lower spending. I would have voted against the last farm bill, the last energy bill and the last transportation bill. If it's not in the Constitution, we shouldn't spend money on it.

National defense is in the Constitution. Supporting and subsidizing poverty isn't. Poverty is a local problem not a national problem. We had less poverty before the War on Poverty than we do now. Guess what? Poverty won.

Roads and water projects should be a partnership between the states and the feds. The interstate highway system is an example. Mass transit is not. Mass transit is for the cities and should be funded by the cities with help from the states.

You don't balance a budget by raising taxes. If that worked, we would have balanced the budget 40 years ago. You balance the budget by cutting spending, not the growth in spending (which Dimocrats call cuts) but actual cuts.

So, you see, I wouldn't be able to work with either party, raise money or get a majority of people to vote for me. We prefer politicians who lie to us and bring pork home to their districts.

I couldn't do that. I wouldn't do that.

Morally Outraged

Mark and Kathy sent me a note informing me that at the Roberts hearing, Ted Swimmer Kennedy became "morally outraged". How can someone with no morals be morally outraged?

Stole this image from Rodger.

True Friend 2

Compare And Contrast

Tragedy either brings out the best in people or the worst in people.

New York. 9/11. Fiight 93.

Hurricane Katrina. Nawlins.

Talk amongst yourselves.

Getting Old

Awright! So I reposted sumpin' I posted a week ago. Geez! I'm getting old.

Yesterday I got this

mixed up with this

Now I walk funny but my gums don't itch.

Got it from Catfish.

It's Gotta Be Katrina

Last Thursday I set my highest non-Instalanche hit day ever. Then Monday, I topped that, and yesterday I topped that and for the first time recorded over 2100 hits in one day. Now, I'm not one of the big dogs. I can remember three years ago the first day my hit counter went over 100 hits. What a joy! Then 500. Then 1000. Each jump occurred when a more popular blogger linked to me.

I set a record last month and I'm sure that was a result of the posting of my wedding picture with Helen Thomas on IMAO.

But the last few days, traffic has really jumped and I would like to thank all of you who come here to read and comment. I'm sure Katrina has a lot to do with the increased traffic. We'll see what happens when all the bullshit dies down.

I just hope that a lot of you will decide to stay a while.

Thanks to all of you.

A Question From Prosper

Prosper posted this comment. I was gonna answer in the comments but I decided that this would make an interesting post. Since he has behaved himself lately, I have cleaned up his grammar and spelling.

How do you explain the higher rate of poor colored people? If you think colored people can't provide for themselves, you'll think they are less efficient workers. So you'll prefer to hire a non colored person. So the colored people will have less jobs, and be poorer than non colored people. So they won't be able to provide for themselves, and you will think you were damm' right.

First off Prosper, to be politically correct they are now African-Americans. They do not like to be called colored people. That went away in the 60's. They changed it to black. Now they've changed it to African-American.

As to jobs, we have sumpin' in America called Affirmative Action. This was to remedy the past wrongs done to blacks due to racism. That means there has to be a certain percentage of the work force made up of blacks (I prefer black. It takes less key strokes than African -American.). That also meant that they got preferences for promotions. That also provided full employment for Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. They are both Reverends, have no jobs, but somehow have become incredibly rich. Everywhere they go they fly first class and stay in deluxe lodgings. Jesse did such a good job shaking down Anheuser-Busch that two of his sons have a large Anheuser-Busch distributorship in Chicago. Race hustling is very profitable in America.

Now we have Diversity (All Hail Diversity!), which is just a different name for Affirmative Action. We still have to give preferences for certain groups, but now the groups have expanded to include Hispanics, gays, and cripples (like me). The blacks are the lead group, probably because there is not a gay, Hispanic, or crippled version of Jesse Jackson to shake down companies. Even though Diversity (All Hail Diversity!) technically includes Asians somehow they don't seem to need it. Even though they look different, somehow they have managed to assimilate into the melting pot. Maybe it's because they do exceptionally well in school, perform well in their jobs, and don't use skin color as an excuse. And for those who might say that they never experienced Slavery®, might I just point out that it was Chinese workers who built the western leg of the transcontinental railway. For as badly as they were treated, they may have well been slaves. Somehow, in spite of anti-Chinese racism (and there was a lot) they assimilated and their descendants are outperforming whites in higher education. I know a Chinese gentleman who has three daughters, two with advanced degrees from very prestigious schools, and the third working on a Master's Degree from Stanford. It's a good thing he's a SRF©. I'd say like me, but he makes me look like a pauper.

So if it's not the actual hiring that's keeping black people poor, what is?

I've talked about the anti-achievement mentality in the black community as it applies to education here and here. In the second link I actually refer to a column where Cynthia Tucker of the Atlanta Urinal and Constipation and I actually agree. It happens maybe twice a year. I can say about Cynthia that even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

Both Cynthia and I refer to John Ogbu, who was asked by black parents in Shaker Heights, an upscale community in Ohio, to come in and find out why their children were not performing as well as white children. He wrote a book about it. Here is a review of the book he wrote about it.

This is the summary of chapter 10.

Peer pressure for students in school is the subject of chapter 10. Ogbu notes that students' peer groups and peer pressures were found in almost every school; however, these influences on students' academic engagement and performance varied among students of the same racial and ethnic group. he offers the following two examples: (a) Chinese American students' peer pressure promoted academic engagement and success, and (b) peer pressures among Black students were likely to be negative toward academic engagement. Ogbu asserts in this chapter that minority groups that are less accepting of White mainstream culture are more likely to exhibit negative peer pressure on each other in school.

In other words, in the black community, doing well in school is "acting white". So, if your peer pressure tells you not to succeed, you will not succeed.

By the way, when Ogbu reported his findings, the black community, ever in denial, castigated him and called him an oreo and an Uncle Tom. Y'see, Ogbu was a black immigrant from Nigeria. As such, he hadn't been properly indoctrinated into the racism and Slavery® mindset. How dare he not toe the party line!

Plus on top of everything else, you have RWPPs screaming about how its not poor blacks fault that they are stuck in poverty. It's never their fault. It's all due to racism and Slavery®.

As a result of this we have the bigotry of low expectations. The SAT test is culturally biased so you can't expect blacks to do as well on it. Maybe if they had questions about the gansta culture and wrote the test in Ebonics there would be higher scores.

Since blacks are not expected by liberals to do as well in school and the SAT test is culturally biased, admissions standards must be lowered for them to get into universities. Now tell me this. Who are the racists here, conservatives who think blacks are every bit as smart as whites or liberals who obviously think they aren't and therefore we must have lowered standards and college admission quotas based on race? We don't have quotas for Asians. They don't need them. They're kicking ass!

On top of all that, the inner city schools suck. For the past 40 years we have been throwing money at them trying to improve them. Jimmah Carter even created an immense bureaucracy called the Department of Education to fix the schools. The worst school system of all is in Washington DC, our nation's capital. I believe we pay $15,000 per pupil. In Atlanta we only pay $12,000 per pupil for our failing school system.

Conservatives want vouchers to get kids out of failing schools. Let's at least try it. What we've been doing for the last 40 years hasn't worked. Someone said insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

A majority of black parents in Washington DC want vouchers. The teachers unions don't. Accountability? Fuck no! The NAACP doesn't because the teachers unions don't and all them Dimocrats gotta stick together, dontcha know. After all, if blacks get rich they may vote Republican. If we keep 'em dumb and ignorant they'll keep voting for Dimocrats.

Yeah. I'm blaming the victims here, but all you have to do is look at how the inner city victims of Katrina are acting. We're not doing enough. We're not giving 'em enough money. It's not their fault they're poor. Katrina was a racist hurricane. Bush hates blacks. Them $2000 debit cards quit working when they were trying to buy another Playstation or some DVDs. It be their right to have all them babies they can't afford. The men delight in being sperm donors and impregnating bitches. Jesus! Just listen to gansta rap. No wonder they're poor.

Yep! I'm blaming the victim. We've been creating victims for the last 40 years. As long as we have Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Maxine Waters, Cynthia McCommie and all the other RWPPs excusing inexcusable behavior, blaming racism and Slavery®, and encouraging irresponsible behavior we will continue to see more and more inner city poverty. But if the problem ever does get fixed, Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Maxine Waters, and Cynthia McCommie will be out of jobs.

Can't have that, can we?

Katrina Stories

Christina sent me this link and Rob also posted it in the comments about Nawlins folks fightin' with Houston folks.

"Man, they were just going at it," said Larry Citizen, a student. "Man, that's all it was -- Louisiana versus Jessie Jones."

When it was over, three Jones High School students were in the hospital and five were in police custody.

Was it a case of just kids being kids? Hardly.

The scene got even uglier when parents arrived.

A loud verbal confrontation broke out between mothers of some of the students involved in the first fight.

"They jumped on my nephew inside this school, busted him in the head. They're sending him to the hospital," yelled one woman.

Police separated the group of women and threatened to arrest them if they didn't calm down.

Good parenting in action. Here's the telling part of the entire article.

Michael Lewis says, from his perspective, the students are just mirroring the frustration of many adults.

"You have ladies that have been trying to get on welfare and food stamps, trying to get government assistance, housing. And then evacuees coming here and getting it instantly," said Lewis. "The whole city is a melting pot."

Y'see, we have some people who have been trying to suck on the gummints' teat jealous of people getting to bum off the gummint immediately. One set of leeches jealous of another set of leeches. Yeah, I can understand why these losers in Houston are pissed off. If you were a walking baby factory wouldn't you be pissed off at the walking baby factories from Nawlins jumping in line in front of you?

And how many of these stories are we gonna see over the next few weeks.

The last thing Lindsey Wilson wants is for people to stop helping victims of Hurricane Katrina.

But after her experience last week, she admits it will be hard for her to open up her door --- and her heart.

I wonder what happened?

"I've lost a little faith in humanity," said Wilson, a 22-year-old Georgia State student who was victimized by a Lithonia woman claiming to be an evacuee from New Orleans.

Someone lied about being a Nawlins refugee? (Gambling going on?) I'm shocked! Shocked, I say!

Wilson went to the Red Cross center at Life University in Marietta last Friday hoping to help an evacuee in need of a comfortable place to stay for a while, some food to eat and some clothes to wear.

She found Beretta Jo Hogg, 36, and her 8-year-old son, who had come to the center to claim some of the money being given to people displaced by the storm.

Free money! Come and get it!

Wilson invited Hogg and her son to stay in her apartment in Vinings.

Another example of a white racist oppressing a black family.

But, Cobb County police say, Hogg's story was a hoax.

No! How can that be?

She actually had been living in Lithonia and then an apartment in Stone Mountain before being evicted two weeks ago, according to an employee at the apartment complex who identified herself as Tiffany.

Stone Mountain isn't too far from Nawlins. Only about 500 miles.

Hogg was charged with the felony of theft by deception for accepting $1,300 set aside for hurricane victims from the Red Cross, police said. She remained in the Cobb County Jail on Tuesday on $2,850 bond.

I already know what her defense is gonna be. Are you ready for it? Say it with me. All together now.

Slavery®

I wonder if Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton will come to town and hold a protest rally for her.

Wilson, who bought Hogg and her son an air mattress, a comforter set, four or five T-shirts, shorts, underwear, shoes and toiletries at Wal-Mart, felt taken --- but not because of the money she lost.

"I'm a college student. I don't have a lot of money or a lot of time," Wilson said. "But I had an extra room so I decided to take in a single mother.

"What I really wanted to do was help a child.," she said. "I just wanted to quietly help someone piece their life back together."

Yep! It's for the children. Here we have a girl working her way through college trying to better herself being scammed by one of society's leeches. And then after she graduates, she gets to move to the big time where she'll be paying taxes to subsidize this behaviour.

Wilson believed Hogg's story until they got back to her home and Hogg went to bed early Friday night.

I'll be willing to bet Hogg spends a lot of time in bed. This is where the story really gets good.

That's when Wilson began casually talking to Hogg's son, who told her he had been going to school in Stone Mountain and had not been in any floods or hurricane. He also said they had been evicted from their home.

Hogg was too stupid to even coach her own child in the victim story. No wonder she's such a loser.

We'll be hearing more of these stories as the weeks go on. At the end of this, we'll find more Nawlins refugees than the entire population of Nawlins. There will be more scammers and they'll do a much better job than Hogg.

I guarantee it.

My friend Shoe has coined a phrase about the Nawlins disaster. She calls it a shit bubble. I couldn't agree more.

True Friend 1

Pumpman just doesn't realize just how much cats can be true friends even though I hear Catfish's cats like him. Leslie sent me this series about cats and friendship.

A Thought

Here's an interesting thought: The same people who think gummint fucked up on Katrina are the same people who want to put gummint in charge of health care.

Give Us The Money

Now let me get this straight. We have an incompetent mayor, Mayor Asshole, of what turns out to be a Third World city (Who has just bought a house in Dallas and moved his wife and kids there. Woah dude! That's gonna be one looonng commute.), an incompetent governor who blithered and dithered while Nawlins was flooding and waited for like forever before availing herself of the assistance that was offered by the feds, and a senator who has just pulled ahead of Barbara Boxer and Patty Murray in the who's the dumbest senator of them all contest.

These three are the Moe, Larry and Curly of the Hurricane Katrina disaster. They have shown their total incompetence for all the world to see. Fortunately, they have an out, and a willing press who will back them in that out. It is all the fault of the unholy trinity of Bush, Rove, and Cheney.

It was the fault of the tax cuts that all those buses flooded in the parking lot. Y'see, even though Nawlins had been given $1.9 billion dollars for water projects, it was the fault of the tax cuts that the local politicians used them on pork, and anyway, they didn't have enough drivers for those buses. Tax cuts.

There were too many troops in Iraq and not enough in Louisiana even though the Louisiana National Guard had returned. It was Bush-Rove-Cheney's fault that they just didn't go in and bitchslap Governor Useless and violate the law and take over from her.

And last, but not least, the Bush-Rove-Cheney induced global warning created Katrina.

Dude! Pass me the bong! I need another hit of that stuff!

So now I read today that Moe, Larry, and Curly want to control the billions of dollars that are gonna go to rebuild Nawlins. Yeah, that's just what we need. Give the money to the Three Stooges of Louisiana politics. I apologize to the Three Stooges. These booger eatin' moh-rons make the Three Stooges look like rocket scientists.

I got an idea. Let's just fill up a C-130 with money and fly it over Nawlins and throw the cash out. We'd probably get about the same result as we would with giving the cash to Mayor Asshole, Governor Useless, and Senator TKO. And just think, we'd be giving money to the poor and letting them do what they do best. Get money for nothing. And we could televise it. Watch the poor of Nawlins fight over money. Pay per view. We might even make some money on the deal.

These are the people who fucked up Nawlins and Southern Louisiana and we should be expected to trust them to fix it? "Stuff them bills in the hole in that thar levee. No, just the ones. The fives, tens and twenties are for us." That's kinda like having Bill Clinton run a rape crisis center. "Put some ice on that."

Geez! The nerve of these people! Now I know where that asshole who wanted $20K gets his entitlement mentality. He gets it from Louisiana politicians. C'mon George. Give 'em $50 billion. They'll only skim off about $49 billion. That's the way they do things in Louisiana.

That's all I want to see. I want to see Mayor Asshole, who now lives in Dallas, in charge of rebuilding his city.

I want to see Governor Useless in charge of billions of dollars to dole out in construction contracts.

And I imagine Senator TKO ought to be able to skim off enough money to finance her reelection.

Go ahead. Put them in charge of all the federal money.

Better yet, just give them a $50 billion debit card.

Yeah. That's a good idea.

Pumpman's New Car

From Leslie.

Rome III

So I watched Rome when I was sober after all. I watched it before I prepared dinner. They got their history better last night. They finally ended the story line about Octavia's imaginary husband by killing him off and then Atia got to play Al Pacino to Octavia's Diane Keaton when she said she had nuttin' to do with it. For those of you coming in late, at this time Octavia was actually married to Marcellus. They had a child, another Marcellus who eventually married Augustus' daughter Julia.

I cannot believe they didn't have Caesar speak the memorable line as he crossed the Rubicon: The die is cast. Anyone who has studied Roman history knows that.

As I said earlier, the one character they really have down is Cato. They are spot on with him.

Servilia as a serene Roman matron? Puh-lease! They have Atia and Servilia switched.

Caesar did cross the Rubicon with one legion and he proceeded leisurely to Rome. In fact, he recruited two more legions on the way.

Pompey had control of at least three legions but he left Rome anyway because two of those legions used to be Caesar's. Pompey was planning an expedition to Parthia to avenge Crassus and Caesar had, at Pompey's request, given him two legions. Pompey wasn't sure of the loyalty of those legions.

The centurion character on the show deserted in this episode because he didn't want to fight against Rome. He was not the norm for Roman soldiers at this time. The soldiers gave allegiance to their commander and not to Rome. Why?

Here comes some history. In the original Roman Republic, the soldiers were citizens and supplied their own equipment. The equestrians were the upper class since they could afford a horse.

Around 100 BC, Germans invading from the north wiped out two Roman armies. At this time, the Republic turned to Gaius Marius, the most successful general at the time to stem the invasions. Marius decided to recruit his army from the poor and supply them with their equipment. He won the war, but set a dangerous precedent. Now armies were more concerned with their commanders than they were with Rome. It was the commanders who paid them and gave them shares of the booty from their conquests. Sulla used this to his advantage to make himself dictator and "reform" the Republic. Then he retired and died. He and Marius showed how easy it would be for ambitious men to rule Rome. Pompey, Caesar, Crassus learned this lesson well. At the end, only Caesar was left standing.

Caesar's soldiers loved him because he was a successful general, he had led them to victory many times, and they had a lot of loot from the conquests.

The Falcons won! I don't believe it! And the best thing about the whole thing was Owens not getting a touchdown. DeAngelo Hall played him one on one most of the game and kept him out of the end zone.

The worst the Falcons can go now is 1 and 15. Yep! I'm a pessimist. Ive had my hopes dashed so many times while in St. Louis rooting for the Cardinals and in Atlanta rooting for the Falcons. Up until Arthur Blank bought the team the two worst owners were the Smith's in Atlanta and Bidwill in St. Louis, now Arizona. Bidwill has that title all to himself now. The Cardinals have never been to the Super Bowl. The Falcons made it once and were only a game away last year.

Fifteen more games to go.

Can You Find Him?

Catfish sent me this image along with the instructions.

Can you find the man within 3 seconds?
According to medical experiments:

If you can find the Man's Head within 3 seconds, your right brain is
more developed than normal people.

If you can find the Man's Head within 1 minute, your right brain is
developed normally.

If you can find the Man's Head within 1-3 minutes, your right brain is slow in reacting, you should eat more meat protein.

If you can find the Man's Head in 3 minutes or more, your right brain is a disaster... extremely slow in reacting.

AND YES THERE REALLY IS A MAN IN THERE.....

Slave Ship

I read the transcript of a portion of an interview with one of the Nawlins refugees on Monday's Best of the Web. here is the telling quote from one of these assholes.

Man: What I would like to happen? I would like for them to give us at least $20,000 apiece so we can, you know, get our life together. You know, we didn't ask to come on that bus, slave. It's like a slave ship. It's just like, you know, back in history, you know, they put us on a slave ship. They separated us from our family. They did it--you know, just modern-day slavery, you know? Just give us what the f--- we deserve.

Stong language follows.

Why you fucking worthless piece of fucking trash. You better hope we don't give you what you deserve. First off you need a big ol' can of STFU. After that, I'm too pissed off to say what I really think you deserve. It wouldn't be pretty.

You want $20,000? Go out and get a fucking job! What the fuck did you do before the hurricane? Probably not much. You have no language skills so I cannot imagine anyone hiring you for any more than a minimum wage job and you're probably too fucking stupid to do that.

Slavery®, always fucking Slavery®. Slavery® ended 140 fucking years ago douchebag. How long will we have to keep on hearing about fucking Slavery®? We've been giving assholes like you handouts for the last 40 years, but it's never enough. Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! Because my ancestors were brought over here as slaves, I'm entitled.

You want $20,000 to get your life together? Ain't no amount of money would allow a loser like you to get your life together. We could give you a million dollars and you still wouldn't be able to get your life together. You could blow that in about six months and then you could blame it on Slavery® and come back and ask for more. No matter what we give you, it's never enough.

You've probably been living on gummint assistance all of your life. You're bitching because the $2000 debit card you were given quit working. Probably because you used it to buy shit other than food. Or maybe because you've already spent it all. I know what will happen if we give you $20,000. You'll blow it in about 2 weeks and say that it is not enough. It's never enough. Why? Because of fucking Slavery®. Slavery®! Do you how sick I am of hearing about Slavery®? You should get down on your hands and knees and be thankful that your ancestors were brought to this country.

Tell you what motherfucker, howza 'bout we give you $20,000 and a one way ticket back to Africa. Since you are so pissed off about your ancestors being brought here, we'll let you go back to your homeland. Will that make you happy? Will that make you STFU?

Nope. Nothing will make you STFU because the RWPPs like Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton have pounded into your dumb fucking skull that every thing wrong that has happened in your life has been the result of Slavery® and racism. It's not your fucking fault. You're a fucking victim.

Seeing your picture I can see that you have your health. You were born in the best country in the world. This is the land of opportunity and you are not a fucking slave except to your own fucking stupidity.

You are a stupid, parasitic leech on society. Go away and STFU! You make me want to puke.

The Situation

From Shoe

Do It Yourself

Way back when, when I was going to college and living in poverty, I did all my own car work. I couldn't afford to pay people to do it, so I did it myself. Did I enjoy it? Hell no! I really didn't like getting all dirty and greasy, but I didn't really have a choice.

I bought a 1966 Mustang when I got out of the Navy. Bad news. It was a piece of shit! Good news. I learned how to work on cars. I had to rebuild the engine. I had to rebuild the transmission. I went through two clutches and three throwout bearings. No, it wasn't my driving. I had many stickshift cars after that and never had any problems. It was just that particular piece of crap.

My ex-father-in-law had taught me how to do basic stuff like tuneups and lube and oil. My Mustang gave me an advanced course in car maintenance.

So now that I'm a SRF© I shouldn't have to do my own car repair. I pay peasants to do that stuff for me. That's why last week I went out and bought a new battery and had it installed. Me? Get my hands dirty? That's what the poor are for.

Anyway, I drove down to the dive shop to pick up my regulator that I had dropped off for my yearly service. After buying a new mouthpiece and chewing the fat with Dawn and Bert I rolled back to the truck and put my wheelchair in the truck bed. I got in to start the truck and nothing happened. Brand new battery. Truck won't start.

Don't panic. Pop the hood and see what's going on. Well lookee here . The connector on the negative terminal is loose. That can't be good. I don't have a wrench to tighten it. I could roll back down to the dive shop, but I remembered a little trick I used to do way back when. I had a small phillips screwdriver in the truck and I just wedged it in between the battery terminal and the connector. Got in the truck and it started right up.

I was planning on driving up the street to Shepherd Center and work out but I decided I better go home and tighten up the connector, which I did.

Now, when replacing a battery, how hard is it to tighten up the battery leads? I guess that might explain why I'm a SRF© and the guy who replaced my battery has a job replacing batteries in cars and he can't even do that right.

I haven't seen the latest episode of Rome yet. I was watching football last night and forgot, so I recorded it off of HBO West and will watch it tonight before the Falcons game. I was thinking this might be the first time I'll have watched it sober since I watched the first two episodes over at Michael and Cindy's house and we were either on or had finished our third bottle of wine but I'd be wrong. I'm thinking of grilling some chicken tonight and whipping up some fettucine alfredo. Stoly on the rocks before dinner. Finishing up the California Cab I had Saturday night.

I don't think the Falcons are gonna beat Philadelphia. The Falcons have never had back to back winning seasons in their 39 years of existence. No other team in the NFL can say that. But, they have a better owner now and a better general manager. The problem is that they are playing a much harder schedule this year and won't be able to sneak up on teams like they did last year. I just hope it's a good game.

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry Pumpman. I really am. Honest.

What's really great is that Rob's buddy Catfish sent me this.

Can We Question Their Patriotism Now?

I received this e-mail from Alan.

So this weekend, the pentagon sponsors a 9/11 Memorial walk to commemorate the victims of 9/11. About 5,000 people showed up, walked from the Pentagon to the National Mall, and got a free Clint Black concert out of the deal. Rumsfield showed up and said hi, good time had by all. Except for one thing. There were protestors (of course) lined up, not too many, only a dozen or so at max. Police were seperating us from them, which is a good thing, because they had signs held up that said really intelligent stuff, like "Thank God for 9/11" and "Thank God for IED's." I dont even know what to say, it almost shocked me that those people could be that cruel. Anyways, keep up the great work, and keep fightin the good fight.

As I said in the comments to yesterday's post in response to Wendy, dissent is one thing. Actively wanting your country to lose is another. Here are people who are obviously glad that 9/11 happened. They think we deserved it. Michael Moore feels the same way. They also are happy when a United States soldier dies. Michael Moore feels the same way.

Wendy, do you consider these people good Americans? People who are happy about 9/11? People who celebrate the deaths of American soldiers?

I sure don't.

They haven't started spitting on soldiers and calling them baby killers yet, but they will.

I guarantee it.

Monday Pun 9/12/2005

Today's Monday Pun is from Ron.

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise".

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband. He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.

Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation.

"Please sir," says the waiter, "what did you order?"

The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."

"Ah... I'm sorry," says the waiter, "I brought you Peeking Duck"

Coming Together

How many of you remember what happened four years ago on this date? Anyone? Remember how the LSM said everyone in the country came together on that date. We were all Americans. Many other countries who secretly thought we got what we deserved stated, "We are all Americans now". No you fuckheads you weren't and you aren't.

Being an American is sumpin' special. Being an American doesn't mean you live in America. We have a lot of people living here, like Jane Fonda, Michael Moore, and now that asshole Kanya West, who couldn't even be a pimple on a real American's ass.

Being an American is knowing that you can succeed. Look at Bill Clinton. He's fucking Arkansas white trash fer chrissakes and he grew up to be president.

Look at Michael Jackson. He started out as a poor black boy and grew up to be a rich white woman. (No, I didn't make that up. I stole it from someone else.)

Being an American is knowing that right now, in this time in history, we are the strongest and richest country the world has ever seen.

Being an American means that we feel if you fuck with us, you'll pay the price. We are slow to anger, but if you piss us off, you'll regret it.

Unfortunately, being an American means having a short attention span.

How many people in this country are still pissed off about what happened four years ago? I know I am. Unfortunately, we have people in this country, like Michael Moore, who feel that we got what we deserved.

There are other people in this country, many of them members of the Dimocrat Party and the LSM who wish that 9/11 would just go away. They hate Bush so much that they would like to see another disaster so they could blame it on him. Look at how these assholes are blaming what happened in Nawlins on Bush.

It's his fault because he didn't do anything about global warming and that's why we got Katrina.

It's his fault the the Mayor of Nawlins is a stupid clown.

It's his fault that the governor of Lousiana is an incomptent boob.

It's his fault that much of the money appropriated for the levee system was diverted by local politicians to other projects.

It used to be that politics ended at the waters' edge, but we have Jimmah Carter, probably the most incompetent, bungling president this nation has ever seen, running around the world criticizing the current president. Did the first President Bush do that to Clinton? Nope. He actually has class, sumpin' Jimmah Carter and that buffoon Howard Dean cannot possibly comprehend, since they have none.

After 9/11 the nation came together for about three weeks. That's about how long it took for the leftists in this country to start their hate filled diatribes.

There were gonna be 50,000 casualties in Afghanistan.

The Dixie Twits were ashamed that George Bush was from Texas. How's that career going Natalie? Oh yeah, I remember, you said you were gonna become a rock band since you pissed off all of your country music fans. How's that working out for ya? Maybe you can become rappers and tour with Kanye West.

Yeah we came together. I can remember how much I despised Bill Clinton, but if 9/11 had happened on his watch and he took us to war, I would have been behind him. (I wonder how many Dimocrats would have called him a chickenhawk?) That is what real Americans do. They rally around their leaders. Unfortunately the Dimocrats would rather destroy the country than back Bush on anything.

Look at the disaster in Nawlins. The Dimocrats don't give a crap about black people dying in Nawlins. The more black people who die the more deaths they can pin on Bush and call him a racist. These people make me want to puke.

Today, we should be seeing pictures of the towers colllapsing so we know whom we are fighting. Unfortunately the liberal assholes in the LSM don't think we can handle those images. Bullshit! To show those images would only inflame our anger and want us to go after bin Laden and his minions. They have no problems showing dead bodies in Nawlins. Those they can blame on Bush.

I wish we would come together but it ain't happening. This is beginning to remind me of the assholes in the 60's and 70's. We're seeing the same fktards only now they're older but they're just as leftist and just as full of shit. They hate America now just as much as they hated America back then. Y'know what? I hate them now just as much as I hated them back then.

America coming together. I wish. But rest assured I remember 9/11. I will also remember assholes like Jimmah Carter, Michael Moore, Jane Fonda, Cynthia McCommie and that stupid bitch Cindy Sheehan. I will remember them and hate them for as long as I draw breath. I do not consider them Americans and I never will.

I wonder how many more 9/11's it will take until America really does come together?

Hey Pumpman!

Hey Pumpman! So you hate cats huh?

I got your "you hate cats" right here, dude!

New Evening Class For Men

Vicki sent me this writeup on this new evening class offered at her local community college.

Saturday Boobage 9-10-2005

This is another one from the natural boobage slideshow that Catfish sent.

Happy Blogday

Holy crap! I almost missed Eric's second anniversary. Last year at Helen he got me shitfaced on vodka and I woke up in a bed next to Dax Montana and a goddam plant in the bathtub. And I was in Eric's room!

Blame Bush

I love this guy. And he has a point. Using the logic of the left, how can Maureen Dowd and Oliver Willis (not to mention Hillary Rodent) advocate sending our trooops into harm's way in Nawlins when they never served?

Check List

Get up. Check. I'm alive for another day.

Start coffee. Check.

Feed cats. Check.

Pee. Check.

Empty dehumidifiers. Check

Go outside and get the morning paper. Check.

Get banana and cup of coffee and go back to my bed and read morning paper. Check.

Some booger eatin' moh-ron from Nawlins wrote a letter that contained this paragraph:

The final irony is that the battlefield on which the Battle of New Orleans was fought in 1815 --- which preserved the United States after the British had burned the White House --- today is under water.

Hey turdbrain. The Battle of New Orleans occurred after the war was over.

The Treaty of Ghent, which ended the War of 1812 but resolved none of the issues that started it, had been signed in Europe weeks before the action on the Chalmette Plantation.

From here. This asstard was no doubt educated in a public school.

Get second cup of coffee and read the rest of the paper. Check

Power up PC. Check.

Shower, shave and put in contact lenses. Check.

Logon. Check.

Play Whack-a-Troll. Check.

Read e-mail. Check.

Respond to comments. Check.

Put up two posts. Check.

Go outside and move my 325 close to truck to jump the trucks battery. Check.

Jump start truck. Check.

Put 325 back in the garage. Check.

Drive truck over to NTB to get a battery. Check.

Drive truck over to pharmacy to get some drugs. Check.

Get emissions inspection done on truck. Check. It passed. Still need to do the 325 and Z3.

Come home. Check.

Logon and read mail. Check.

Read e-mail from Jesse about Cynthia McCommie and get all pissed off. Check.

Write a post. Check.

I think that's enough for one day. I think I'll take a nap. Check.

Cell Phone Humor 6

Comical Quote Of The Day

As I saw the mostly African American families ripped apart, I could only think of slavery. Families ripped apart, herded into what looked like concentration camps.
-- Cynthia McKinney (D-GA), describing her view of New Orleans, on the floor of Congress.

Y'know, the Atlanta Urinal and Constipation no longer prints any of Cynthia McCommie's rantings. I guess Cynthia Tucker is embarrassed that she endorsed this ranting loon in the last election. Y'see she thought Jihad Cindy had moderated her tone. If only. A leopard can't change its spots and an anti-Semitic RWPP like McCommie can't keep her big fat mouth shut.

Tell you what Cindy. Why don't we just leave them to starve and get diseases in the fouled waters of Nawlins. Would that make you happy? Better yet, why don't you go down there and join them. It was you, Jesse, Al, and all the other liberals who created this gummint dependency. Of course they have to be herded. They are unable to think for themselves. They have you and all the other RWPPs blaming whitey for all their problems. All they have to do is vote for Dimocrats and they will experience the black utopia. After 40 years of the Great Fucking Society and Dimocrats what do poor blacks have to show for their support? More poverty. Gummint dependence. Nutjobs like you.

Nawlins is a black utopia right? It's been run by black Dimocrats for how long? It is the murder capital of the United States. When the levee broke, it turned into a third world city. The animals were running wild. They shot at relief helicopters. But that's all right. Blame the incompetent Nawlins gummint on Bush. Blame the incompetent Louisiana gummint on Bush. Bush is racist. Bush hates black people.

I'll tell you who the racist is. Look in the fucking mirror. You hate Jews and you hate white people. You are the fucking racist.

Go fuck yourself Cindy. You make me sick to my stomach. I'm ashamed to live in your district and I'm ashamed for all the dipshits who live in this district and were stupid enough to vote for you. I'm pissed off at the AJC for endorsing you, saying you "had learned her lesson". I'm pissed off at God, since Denise Majette said that He told her to run for the Senate thus opening up your old seat. (Yeah, I know. I'm an atheist, but if there is a God and He told Denise Majette to run for the Senate, he has a wicked sense of humor or else he was really pissed off at this congressional district.) I'm also ashamed that someone like you exists in America.

You are a goddammed anti-Semitic, bigoted, racist bitch! How dare you even call yourself an American!

And those are only the nice things I have to say about her. I can't even write what I would like to say.

What a miserable excuse for a human being.

Update: She has company. From Friday's Best of the Web

The House yesterday passed an anodyne resolution commemorating the fourth anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks. It extended sympathy to the victims and survivors; honored the military, first responders, and others who helped; thanked foreign leaders for their support; declared that America is not waging war "on any people or any faith"; reaffirmed a commitment to the global war on terrorism; and vowed "never [to] forget the sacrifices made" on 9/11 or to "bow to terrorist demands."

No one could disagree with that, right? Not quite. The House vote for the resolution was 402-6; here are the six far-left Democrats who voted "no":

• John Conyers (Mich.)
  
• Barbara Lee (Calif.)
  
• Jim McDermott (Wash.)
  
• Cynthia McKinney (Ga.)
  
• Pete Stark (Calif.)
  
• Lynn Woolsey (Calif.)
  

What world do these assholes live in? And what world do their constituents live in?

I wuz Wrong

OK. I admit it and I apologize. I was wrong about the rest of the world helping us out, even France. To all those countries who have sent aid, I want to sincerely thank you. As Americans we appreciate it and we will not forget. We Americans have long memories. As I have replied to every French troll who has pointed out that we should be grateful that France helped us out in our Revolutionary War, I have replied that we were grateful. When our soldiers arrived in Europe during WWI they said, "Lafayette, we are here!" That was 140 years after our Revolutionary War. Unfortunately, under De Gaulle, the French started bashing us less than 10 years after WWII. Short memories.

It turns out that I was wrong about the death toll. Right after Katrina hit, the death toll was 10. I thought we had dodged a bullet. Then I heard Mayor Asshole go on about thousands being dead. There would be thousands of bodies floating in the streets. I bought into that. Turns out, that so far the offical count is 71. Amazing!

As Americans, we have also opened our hearts, our wallets, and our homes. Our charities have already collected more money thant we did for the tsunami victims. That's not to say we didn't contribute a lot then. We gave more than any other country. We are a caring people and we are a generous people.

I had one French troll suggest that I wouldn't give a thing. I give to private charities every year. I am thankful of the wealth that I have earned in this country and I give back every year. In fact, every year as my income goes up, my charitable donations go up. So fuck off!

Here is part of an e-mail I received from a friend in Texas.

I left work early Wednesday to deliver to one of the shelters here in San Antonio clothes, toys, and other items after raiding my own house this weekend. I spent some time talking to a few refugees and those caring for them. The ones with whom I spoke were from inner city New Orleans - 9th Ward area. None of them owned their own homes, but lived in government housing or rented shotgun shacks decades and decades old. They have no desire to return and look upon this event as an opportunity to begin again. They intend to remain in San Antonio, look for work, and send their children to school. There was great loss for these people, but they are optimistic and hopeful for tomorrow. One woman told me but for Katrina, she would have never been able to get her and her children out of there.

I wish this woman well. She is gonna try to escape the slavery of welfare and make a better life. We Americans (except gloom and doom Dimocrats)are optimistic people. We know how to overcome adversity.

Our gummint is giving the refugees $2000 debit cards. That is just a start. We will take care of our fellow citizens as they attempt to rebuild their lives.

We will also rebuild Nawlins. We gotta do that. We have a blogmeet scheduled for next year.

Once again, to the rest of the world, thanks for caring and thanks for any of the aid you have offered and supplied. We are thankful.

Now that that's out of the way, I can go back to being an asshole.

Bush Vacation

Now we know why Bush bombed the levee. Dontcha just know this will be in Michael Moore's next film. For some of my overseas trolls, this is what is known as satire.

Thanks to Dash.

Katrina Movie

Yep! I predicted it.

Michael Moore might be focusing his camera's eye on Hurricane Katrina and what he sees as the Bush administration's willful destruction of New Orleans.

Bush, Cheney, aand Karl Rove using their Haliburton Hurricane Creation and Guidance Machine created and steered Hurricane Katrina to the Gulf Coast. Plus, Karl Rove had been planning for years to set this up. First he engineered the election of the incompetent city gummint of Nawlins. Then, he engineered the election of the incompetent governor of Louisiana. Once he had Mayor Asshole and Governor Useless in place, the time was ripe to fire up the Haliburton Hurricane Creation and Guidance Machine. The rest, as they say, was history.

MSNBC's Jeanette Walls reports that a source told her, "It has all the elements that made ‘Fahrenheit 911’ such a powerful film ... The political outrage, the human suffering, and the incredible footage.”

Not to mention lies, half truths and innuendo, just like Farenheit 911. I can see it now, Saint Cindy Sheehan protesting outside Bush's ranch while he's mountain biking, then all of a sudden, from out of nowhere, with no warning, Hurricane Katrina hits Louisiana, and it's all Bush's fault.

She also quotes Moore's website:

"There is much to be said and done about the manmade annihilation of New Orleans, caused NOT by a hurricane but by the very specific decisions made by the Bush administration in the past four and a half years,” he wrote.

Yep. The Haliburton Hurricane Creation and Guidance Machine. That's the manmade annihilation of Nawlins. Nothing about the Dimocrats hold on Louisiana since shortly after Reconstruction. Nothing about the black Dimocrats running of Nawlins for the past 20 years. Nothing about Nawlins being the murder capital of the United States. And there probably won't be anything about why Mayor Asshole didn't use his school buses. He wanted Greyhound buses

Turns out, Nagin turned his nose up at the yellow buses, demanding more comfortable Greyhound coaches instead.

"I need 500 buses, man," he told WWL. "One of the briefings we had they were talking about getting, you know, public school bus drivers to come down here and bus people out of here."

Nagin described his response:

"I'm like - you've got to be kidding me. This is a natural disaster. Get every doggone Greyhound bus line in the country and get their asses moving to New Orleans."

While Nagin was waiting for his Greyhound fleet, Katrina's floodwaters swamped his school buses, rendering them unusable.

Yeah. We can't be riding on no yellow buses. I want my homies evacuatin' in style. We be stylin' and profilin'!

In Michael Moore's movie on Katrina, Mayor Asshole and Governor Useless will be the heroes. We already know the plot: Blame Bush.

I thought Michael Moore was checking into a fat farm down in Florida. Did they turn him down as a lost cause?

Flossing

Wednesday

I didn't really think Wednesday would suck. I got up and put my new contact lenses in.

I've been wearing glasses for the last few months. That's why all the blog meet photos show me with glasses. My contacts had been real scratchy and before I got new ones I figgered I'd let my eyes decompress. Because I wear hard lenses, they have a tendency to shape your eyes so to get the proper prescription for both glasses and contacts I had to wear just glasses for a while.

Anyway, I picked up my contacts on Tuesday and the doctor wanted to do a follow up and we scheduled it on Wednesday.

Where was I? Oh yeah, I got up, made some coffee, had a banana and coffee for breakfast and read the Atlanta Urinal and Constipation. I get some of my best blogging fodder from the editorial page and their commie editorial staff.

After finishing the paper, I showered, brushed my teeth, put in my contacts and shaved. I see so much better with contacts.

I powered up my PC to check my mail and see how many troll droppings my site had attracted overnight. My monitor has been giving me problems lately and it decided to give up the ghost. Not worth fixing. I'll just go by Best Buy after I go to the eye doctor and buy a flat panel. I've been meaning to do that for quite some time anyway.

I then straightened up the house a little bit because the cleaning lady was coming. Because of the floor work and the cleanup after the deluge, my house hadn't been cleaned in four weeks. Jesus, I felt like I was living in France. I left her money on the kitchen island like I always do and a little extra because the house was dirtier than usual.

I decided to drive my truck since if I took one of my other cars and she parked in the driveway, I would have had to have had her move her truck so I could get my car back into the garage. I wish I had a three car garage.

I got in the truck and turned the key and nothing happened. Shit! Dead battery. I guess I can't complain. The truck is seven years old and this is the original battery. I'll buy a new battery later this week.

I took the 325 since that was the car that wasn't blocked by the truck. Got to the eye doctor right on time. Had to wait 30 minutes. I hate that shit! I have an appointment. I'm on time. I have to wait. On the upside, he has a new person on the desk who is Ukrainian and a total babe. She has a sweet accent too.

He checked my eyes. The contacts are perfect. Awesome!

It's off to Best Buy. Bought a new 17 inch flat panel. I get to the register. The price is more than what it should be. Oh yeah. That was the price after the mail in rebate. I hate that crap! Now I gotta fill out the forms, cut the UPS code out of the box, mail everything in and wait two farking months for the rebate.

So I get home and start unpacking. I disconnect the old display. I'm having problems running the new wires when my cleaning lady shows up. She helped me move the desk out from the wall to give me enough clearance to hook everything up.

I was using a switch that allowed me to move my display, keyboard, and rodent between multiple PCs. I set that up when I still worked for IBM so when I used my Thinkpad at home I could use my regular keyboad, mouse, and display. When I got my new PC I plugged everything into the switch box for ease of migrating stuff from my old PC to my new PC. When I swapped displays I got an error message on powerup. Using my troubleshooting skills that I had acquired when I was a highly trained, highly paid, and highly motivated IT professional I disconnected everything from the switch and plugged everything into the newer PC. I still got an error, but I was able to run RestoreIt and that fixed everything.

So I read my e-mail, addressed some comments, and surfed the web. I also started writing yesterday's post. Got most of it done but then it was time to break for supper.

I threw a half slab of baby back ribs on the grill. I knocked back two Stolys on the rocks. Slapped some sauce on the ribs and made some rotini pasta with a white sauce. Too lazy to make a salad. Drank half a bottle of a California Meritage (It was Sunce Sherry)with the meal. Everything was great!

Watched some of the Braves game. Ha! Ha! They beat the Mets again! I just wish Glavine would have taken the loss.

Finished up my post.

OK Dan S. See if you can figger out which part of Wednesday's post I wrote when I was sober and which part I wrote when I was drunk.

After that, I surfed some more.

Finished up a John Patterson mystery and went to bed.

That was my Wednesday. Started out bad, but finished up good.

Think I'll get the new battery for the truck tomorrow.

Hillarious Column

This link was sent to me by one of my readers. For anyone who wants to learn how to fisk a column, this is the place to start. This guy is even more of an idiot than Molly Ivins, which I didn't think was possible except for Helen Thomas. Isn't the Puffington Host not one of the most hillarious sites ever?

The comments are pretty good too, like this one:

This is what I like about the HuffPost, semi-famous people can make fools of themselves for our ongoing amusement. If Russell Shaw ever crosses our radar in the future we also have the useful shorthand: Oh yeah, that idiot.

These wacko moonbats are really losing it.

Cell Phone Humor 5

Pity Party For The Poor

Well the Atlanta Urinal and Constipation outdid itself today. It had two op-eds on how the country has let down the poor. They didn't have a single opposing column on how the poor have let down the country. Y'know, like the poor stealing all those necessities of life like flat panel televisions and DVD players.

First up was noted lefty, Nicholas Kristoff. I almost cried when I read the following:

It has also underscored the Bush administration's ongoing reluctance or ineptitude in helping the poorest Americans. The scenes in New Orleans reminded me of the suffering I saw after a similar storm killed 130,000 people in Bangladesh in 1991 --- except that Bangladesh's government showed more urgency in trying to save its most vulnerable citizens.

There ya go. Nawlins equals Bangladesh. Hey Nick, what about Mayor Asshole and Governor Useless. Bush declared Nawlins and Southern Louisiana a disaster area before Katrina even struck. Louisiana has to request assistance from the feds. Governor Useless didn't until after the levee broke. Mayor Asshole demonstrated his concerns about his most vulnerable citizens. Check out all the flooded school buses. Howza 'bout all the law and order at the convention center and the Superdome?

But enough about that. He then segues into a rant about poverty, infant mortality rates, and health care.

People are getting poorer. That's because they continue the behavior that made them poor in the first place.

Infant mortality rates. When stupid people have children more of them are gonna die than smart people's children.

Health care. Oh just fuck off!

But then comes this howler:

The United States --- particularly under the Bush administration --- has systematically cut people out of the social fabric by redistributing wealth from the most vulnerable Americans to the most affluent.

See! See! How can they be poor if they have wealth? To commies like Kristoff, letting people keep more of the money they have made is somehow taking money from poor people. The poor don't have any money. That's why they're called the poor. They want mine. I want to keep it. Let them get their own the same way I got mine, by working my butt off (and oppressing poor people).

Yeah, I know. I'm a heartless bastard. I don't mind helping out people who need help, but I'm not like the horse in Animal Farm. I don't want to pull the wagon by myself. Let the poor help me out by doing their part. If you're poor, don't have children. If it's your right to have children you can't afford to raise, it's my right to tell you to fuck off! I believe that any woman who goes on welfare should be sterilized, and if I could find the sperm donor, I think he should be sterilized also. Won't happen, but that would eliminate a lot of poverty in one generation.

And then the resident head commie of the AJC, Cynthia Tucker had to weigh in.

Here in America, the land of opportunity, we gave up on the poor more than two decades ago. Under the careful tutelage of Ronald Reagan and other conservatives, we learned that the poor were simply too lazy to improve their prospects and their misery was their own fault.

Look! She's not blaming Bush! She's blaming Reagan. Cindy, I got news for you. For the majority of the poor it is their own farking fault. They dropped out of school and they had children they could not afford. Sorry to say this, but in most cases, poverty is a choice. And guess what? It's a choice for more white people than it is for black people since there are more whites on welfare than blacks. Where the fark is the white Jesse Jackson? See, I'm an equal opportunity poor person basher. I bash the poor of all races since it is so hard to be poor in this country.

We gave up on the white poor and the black poor, even though black Americans had suffered under three centuries of unconscionable oppression before a brief period --- less than three decades --- when they began to be treated as fully human. We gave up on the Native American poor, though they had been the victims of a historic savagery amounting to a holocaust.

We didn't give up on the blacks. They gave up on themselves by adopting an anti-achievement mentality that doing well in school and achieving was "acting white" and eschewing role models like Colin Powell, Condi Rice, and Clarence Thomas in favor of gangsta rappers and thug NBA stars. They gave up on themselves by following the false gospel of RWPPs like Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton that the only reason they weren't able to succeed was because "whitey be holdin' dem down". For those who want to make it the opportunity is there. I know many blacks who started out poor and are now doing well. One of them was the son of a Mississippi sharecropper. He joined the Air Force and got an education. He got a job working for IBM. He and I were instructors together.

Let the Indians assimilate. Why live on a reservation? If your culture involves living in a trailer and getting drunk, you better find a new culture. The smart injuns own and operate casinos.

We not only gave up trying to help the poor, but we also bought the argument that trying to assist them, especially through government programs, would just make matters worse.

Yep! When you subsidize poverty you get more of it. You don't eliminate poverty by giving poor people money. If that worked we would have eliminated poverty 30 years ago. You eliminate poverty by giving poor people the tools they need to succeed, like education and a work ethic.

After all, years of relentless right-wing radio have taught us that the poor are illiterate, sick and jobless because of government welfare policies --- or because they choose to be.

Yep! That's true. They are.

So we turned our backs on the impoverished and tuned them out, leaving them stranded in the worst neighborhoods, worst schools and the worst geography --- next to landfills, on top of toxic dumps, in the swamps.

Boo fucking hoo! Thank your friends in the teachers unions for the worst schools. The public school system in Atlanta spends over $10,000 per student and is an abysmal failure. The Washington D.C school system spends even more and is also an abysmal failure. In spite of the fact that a majority of the black residents of DC are in favor of a voucher plan, both the NAACP and the teachers unions are against it.

We built all sorts of housing projects for the poor who turned around and destroyed them and then we had to demolish them and start over again. I remember Pruitt Igoe in St. Louis. And just so you don't think I'm a total racist, there's Darst Webbe, another HUD failure, except this one had whites in it also. Maybe there's a reason for them to live near landfills and toxic dumps since that's what the projects eventually become. I'd have a lot more pity for the poor if they could demonstrate at least some capability of taking care of themselves and the housing that is given to them.

So the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina --- with its pathetic images of desperately poor people, mostly black people, stuck in New Orleans without food, water or adequate shelter after all the affluent people had fled --- should come as no surprise. This is a natural consequence of a political and social culture that has decreed: You're poor? Why would anyone want to be poor? Tough luck. You're on your own.

That is what forty years of dependence upon gummint for food, housing, and welfare does. As I have said many times, where are the leaders who will state the obvious? The way to get ahead in this country is to get an education, get a job, and don't have children you cannot afford. It is that easy. With the exception of a catastrophic event like an accident or death of the main provider or medical problems like disease or substance abuse or addiction there is no reason to be poor. Immigrants who cannot speak English come to this country and within one generation are no longer poor. How do they do it? Education and hard work.

In fact, The (New Orleans) Times-Picayune used just those words to describe the hurricane evacuation plan authorities put in place for residents who didn't own cars. Reporter Bruce Nolan wrote in July, "City, state and federal authorities are preparing to give the poorest of New Orleans' poor a historically blunt message: In the event of a major hurricane, you're on your own.

It is first the responsibility of the city and second the responsibility of the state. Cindy, these two gummints are controlled by Dimocrats and in the city they are black Dimocrats. I thought it was the Dimocrats who had so much compassion for the poor.

What is wrong with your party?

At least Nagin and his fellow city officials were trying to figure out how to get the poor out of town if disaster struck. Working with an anti-poverty agency and the Red Cross, they envisioned a private initiative, Operation Brother's Keeper, in which churches would enlist members with cars to offer rides to the have-nots.

What about all the municipal buses and the school buses? Why not use them?

By contrast, the ill-informed, incompetent Michael Brown, director of the Federal Emergency Management Agency, is still puzzled by all those poor people who refused to order their chauffeurs to crank up the Bentleys. Last week, he told CNN:

"I think the death toll may go into the thousands. And unfortunately, that's going to be attributable a lot to people who did not heed the evacuation warnings. And I don't make judgments about why people choose not to evacuate. But you know, there was a mandatory evacuation of New Orleans. And to find people still there is just heart-wrenching to me because the mayor did everything he could to get them out of there."

Except the mayor didn't. Didja see all the flooded school buses? They needed more guys like Jabbar Gibson who took matters into his on hands and stole a school bus and took a whole big bunch of people out of Nawlins. He acted while Mayor Asshole blustered on and blamed Bush. Gibson will probably go to jail, but he'll make some money (I hope)when they make a TV movie about him.

It's not FEMA's job to evacuate the city. Who handled the evacuations in Mississippi? Who handled the evacuations in Florida last year when four hurricanes hit? Wait a minute! Haley Barbour is a Republican. Jeb Bush is a Republican. Could it be that Republicans are more organized?

If you're somebody like Brown, it's awfully easy to forget that there are people too poor to have a car, a credit card or a checking account, people stranded outside the magic circle, people without friends in high places. With Brown's GOP connections, he landed a job at FEMA after he was forced out as so-called czar of the International Arabian Horse Association.

So, Cindy what's your excuse for why Mayor Asshole and Governor Useless dropped the ball? FEMA didn't look incompetent in Florida last year because the state gummint did its job. FEMA didn't look incompetent in Alabama and Mississippi this year because those states did their jobs. By the way, Alabama and Mississippi are run by Republicans who hate poor people while Louisiana and Nawlins are run by Dimocrats who love poor people. You'd think they'd be interested in keeping their base alive wouldn't you?

In fact, it's easy for all of us who live in relative prosperity to forget that most of us are here because we had the good sense to be born to the right parents.

My father was an alcoholic. My mother was a hard worker. We were poor. Don't know if that qualifies being born to "the right parents". I did ask my mother one time why she and my father didn't have more children. She replied, "Because we couldn't afford them." Slaps my head in wonder. I guess that could be interpreted as being born to the right parents, parents smart enough to know not to have children they couldn't afford. Cindy here is using the usual thought processes for a liberal, poor people cannot take care of themselves and are irresponsible so it is our duty to take care of them no matter what they do. They're stupid. It's not their fault. Republicans hate them. If they're black, white people hate them.

While a few impoverished young adults can still scratch and claw their way into the mainstream,

Education and hard work. It can be done.

it is getting harder and harder to do so as the industrial jobs that created the great middle class are disappearing.

There are other jobs. I made my money fixing typewriters, then computers, teaching computers, and programming computers. Education and hard work.

(Why do you think so many working-class sons and daughters volunteer for the U.S. armed forces?)

Guess where I learned electronics? I joined the Navy in 1965 and they trained me. I went to college on the GI Bill. My nephew, who comes from an upper middle class family that scratched and clawed its its way up from poverty (My sister's husband grew up dirt poor in South Carolina.) joined the military and served in Iraq.. There is nothing to be ashamed of for volunteering for the armed forces, unless you're a liberal.

Income inequality is increasing in this country; the latest census shows that the number of people living in poverty is rising.

At the risk of repeating myself (and sounding like Neal Boortz), the rich get richer because they do the things that make them rich (hard work, saving money, and investing) and the poor get poorer because they do the things that make them poor (drop out of school, refuse to learn English, don't develop a work ethic, and have children they cannot afford.).

Still, a few predictable voices on the far-right fringe are already thinking up ways to blame Hurricane Katrina's victims for their plight. Some are playing up the lawlessness of a few thugs, others are casting responsibility for the crisis solely on local authorities. Haven't we listened to those callous self-promoters long enough?

While a few predictable voices on the left (and not the far left) are blaming Bush for causing Katrina by not signing Kyoto and not doing enough in Nawlins because he hates black people. Haven't we listened to these self righteous lefty Michael Moorons long enough?

Hurricane Katrina overwhelmed levees and exploded the conventional wisdom about a shared American prosperity, exposing a group of people so poor they didn't have $50 for a bus ticket out of town. If we want to learn something from this disaster, the lesson ought to be: America's poor deserve better than this.

I agree. We need people to quit making excuses for the poor and start demanding that they take some responsibility for their own actions. America is the land of opportunity. The opportunity is available for everyone. The key is education and hard work. Where are the people in the Dimocrat Party willing to step up and say that? It's easier to blame Bush.

I've written this same stuff on my blog over and over again because Cynthia Tucker writes the same farking column over and over again. If she can get paid for writing bullshit, it's only fair for me to fisk it.

And I do it for free.

Cell Phone Humor 4

Probe Katrina

I just love this headline at Newsmax.

Bill Clinton Endorses Probe of Katrina 'Failures'

Get rid of the word "failures" and that makes a perfect Clinton headline. Clinton would endorse the probe of any female, especially if he were doing the probing.

Blame Game

Sent to me by Charlie who probably stole it from here

Y'know, what I've been seeing in Nawlins is that people usually get the gummint they deserve. You vote incompetent assholes into office, you pay the price.

Contrast Nawlins to New York, Mayor Asshole to Rudy Guiliani. The NYC cops and fireman raced to the scene of the disaster, the Nawlins cops split, and now they're gonna be rewarded for their cowardice and incompetence with a trip to Las Vegas.

Amazing!

Slavery®

So now we have Jesse Jackson mentioning Slavery®, slave ships, and Jim Crow during a nationally televised interview. I've ranted many times about how blacks don't have a franchise on Slavery® and I wish they would just STFU about it. Throughout history there have been many peoples enslaved: The Jews by the Egyptians (And to those of you who think the Egyptians were really blacks, don't you think blacks owe reparations to Jews?), the Greeks by the Romans, Europeans captured by Arabs and Turks, and so on and so on. The conquerers enslaved the conquered. It is a fact of history. Slavery® didn't start 400 years ago.

Slavery® in this country ended over 140 years ago. At least that's what I used to think. It turns out I was wrong. Slavery® does exist today and the slaves are blacks.

WTF? When did this happen?

It began in the 1960's when Lyndon Johnson and the Dimocrats in Congress passed the Great Fucking Society legislation. That is when blacks became the slaves of the Dimocrat Party.

I read an article about two years ago where some sociologists were trying to figger out why the breakdown of the black family started to occur in the 1960's. Obviously, these folks were liberals since the answer was staring them right in the face. It was when Lyndon Johnson and the Dimocrats decided to eliminate poverty by giving poor people money.

Back then blacks were poor but they had a strong family structure. No more. Ironically at the same time civil rights legislation was passed that ensured rights of blacks and other minorities, an entitlement system was formed that created a black underclass dependent upon the gummint for food, housing, and a check. If that's not Slavery®, I don't know what is.

The strong black family structure has been destroyed. The illegitimacy rate among blacks is running around 80%. Try to comprehend that. 80%! Many of these women having babies are actually children. Many are fourteen and fifteen. Naturally they drop out of school. The sperm donor is nowhere to be found. He's hanging with his homies bragging about how many bitches and ho's he's impregnated. A demonstration of his manhood is creating babies that he will not take responsibility for.

Of course, this is all blamed on whitey. It's all because of "oppression" as one of the looters told a reporter.

Yep! It's oppression by electing incompetent leaders like Mayor Asshole. We see what a good job he did getting the poor out of Nawlins.

It's oppression by electing members of the Congressional Black Caucus who still believe poverty is eliminated by giving poor people money. What has Maxine Waters done for her constituents? Slavery to gummint programs.

It's oppression by voting for the Dimocrat Party, the party that made you slaves, and continues to advocate policies to foster dependence on gummint.

It's oppression by supporting the Dimocratic Party and the teachers unions who have destroyed our once great public school system. In Washington DC, a majority of blacks support vouchers but the NAACP is against them because they are in bed with the Dimocrats and the teachers unions, a core constituency of the Dimocrat Party.

It's oppression because the NAACP supports symbolic bullshit by trying to get rid of all vestiges of the Confederacy rather than trying to implement policies that will actually advance blacks. I think they ought to change their name to the National Association for Keeping Blacks Poor and Dependent Upon Gummint.

It's oppression because blacks drop out of school and wonder why they can't get high paying jobs.

It's oppression because blacks demonize those who do well and succeed as acting white. After all people like Colin Powell and Condi Rice are nothing but oreos and Uncle Toms, or as Harry Belafonte says, "House slaves".

It's oppression because they cannot read, write, and speak standard American English.

No they want to wallow in their Slavery® and blame everrything else on white people. They worship the false messiahs like Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton who reinforce these beliefs. Jesse's a millionaire. Not bad for someone who has never held a real job.

So, when there's a major disaster, these people who are slaves of gummint, are totally unable to take care of themselves, because they preferred the slavery of gummint dependence to taking the opportunities this country offers to better themselves and this is my fault? Fuck you, you oppressed assholes! You made the choice to be poor by becoming a slave to gummint dependency.

It is so hard to be poor in this country. I have three simple rules. Walter Williams has four and I'll give you his.

1. Get an education. Finish high school.
2. Get a job. Any job. Work is not demeaning.
3. Stay out of jail.
4. Don't have children until you get married.

How hard is that? Out of the people who follow these four simple rules only 5% live in poverty.

But I guess for some people that is too much work. They prefer the Slavery® of gummint dependence. Then they can blame the gummint, white people, and George Bush when things go wrong.

And don't forget oppression.

Update: The black illegitimacy rate is actually 68%. At the time the War on Poverty began it was 22%. Thanks to Max for making me do more research.

New Orleans Bus

From Pres

Rome II

It's time for me to once again point out all the historical inaccuracies in Rome. But first, the wonderful people at Television Without Pity are doing recaps. The person doing the recaps of Rome did recaps of the last season of XXIV.

Y'know, I really don't like the idea of making Atia a conniving bitch. From everything I've read she was a modest Roman matron. Now Servilia, Brutus' mother, is. She'd been getting nailed by Caesar for quite some time. And hopefully we'll get to see Fulvia, who was married to Clodius, and after Milo killed him, married Mark Antony. She was an A number one scheming, conniving bitch. She was responsible for Cicero's death after Caesar was assassinated.

As I said last week, they got the dates of events and ages of characters all wrong. Julia actually died in 54 BC, not 52 BC. Octavia was only 12 in 54 BC but was already married to Claudius Marcellus. She didn't divorce her husband. She would have if Pompey had agreed to a marriage. It would have been Caesar, who was head of the family since Atia's husband Octavius, had been dead since 58 BC, who would have forced Octavia to divorce Claudius Marcellus, not Atia. I Claudis this series ain't.

They did get the marriage of Pompey to Cornelia correct. She was a member of the Mettulus Scipio family.

The whole deal going on with the Senate and Caesar was correct in that they did want to try him for crimes he supposedly committed when he was a consul in 60 BC. He kinda ran roughshod that year and his co-consul Bibulus, frightened for his life hid out in his home the entire year. Thus that consulship was referred to by Roaman wags as the Consulship of Julius and Caesar. Caesar was a populist and had pushed through some land reforms that gave land to Pompey's veterans. The aristocracy, Cato and his rich friends, didn't like this.

Remember this program started in 52 BC, so they fucked up right off the bat with Julia's death and Octavia's and Octavius' ages. So, in episode 2, I assume they are in either 51 BC or still 52 BC. Caesar crossed the Rubicon in 49 BC. Once again, they are two years off on a major historical event.

Here's some more stuff they left off. Caesar wanted to run for consul before he left his province. If he could become consul, the Senate would not be able to prosecute him for his crimes. As a proconsul, Caesar could not command an army outside his province. His province, Cisalpine Gaul, ended at the Rubicon. So, when he crossed the Rubicon, the next Roman civil war began. He only had one legion with him when he crossed the Rubicon. He was outnumbered right off the bat. We'll see next week if they get correct what happens next.

Did ya see the size of that nipple on the Centurian's wife?

The World Will End Tomorrow

There is an old joke about God fed up with his experiment of creating humans decides to destroy the world . He calls all the major media outlets and tells them the world was gonna end tomorrow. The joke posited the headlines of all the major newspapers. I only remember two of them.

The Wall Street Journal - World Ends Tomorrow. Markets closed.

The New York Times - World Ends Tomorrow. Poor Hardest Hit!

It's time to update that joke.

The New York Times - World Ends Tomorrow. It's Bush's Fault!

White House Press Release

From The White House:

As a response to criticism by the Reverend Jesse Jackson that there are not enough African-Americans in top spots in the ongoing New Orleans relief effort, today, the President has appointed the following people to completely run and oversee the ongoing relief effort for New Orleans and Southern Louisiana:

Jesse Jackson
Al Sharpton
Mayor Nagin (He's done such a stellar job so far.)
Cynthia Mckinney
Carol Mosely-Braun
Maxine Waters
Sheila Jackson Lee
Carrie Meeks

The President said he was sure these people will have everything cleaned up in no time at all.

Cell Phone Humor 3

Darwin at work.

Monday Pun 9-5-2005

This week's Monday Pun is from Leslie.

A guy goes to a nightclub and when the bouncer won't let him in the guy asks, 'Why not?"

"Because you're not wearing a tie," says the bouncer.

"But I have come all the way from the other end of town," says the guy.

"Sorry buddy, that's the rules," says the bouncer.

So the guy goes back to his car to try and see if he can find a tie or something like one. He finds a set of jumper cables, ties them around himself, and goes back to the club.

"Is this all right?" he asks the bouncer.

"Well, all right then," replies the bouncer. "But I'll be watching you -

don't start anything!"

Feet

It's Sunday, and my feet hurt. That's the price I pay for drinking. Due to my spinal cord injury, I have sumpin' known as dysesthesia. I have no sensation in my feet. You could drive a nail through one of my feet and I wouldn't feel it, but, my feet burn all the time. It's worse around my toes, and my left foot hurts worse than my right. I take three different drugs to alleviate the pain.

Alcohol fixes the problem, but I pay a price the next day. My doctor offered to put me on some stronger pain killers, but I don't really want to start depending on drugs stronger than what I'm taking.

I was gonna have my friends Michael and Cindy over for dinner but it's such a nice day, Michael is gonna come pick me up and I'm taking the food over there and we're gonna eat by the pool. This is awesome! I won't have to wash a bunch of wine glasses and clean up the kitchen! All I have to do is make a salad.

My feet will quit hurting in about three hours. We'll drink three bottles of wine.

My feet will hurt again tomorrow.

Cell Phone Humor 2

Time To Get Drunk

I'm rather disgusted with the left and all their name calling and finger pointing. You liberals must be so proud, especially of Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton who see racism in everything. Rodger has an excellent post about it. I remember when we were all Americans and we didn't have the Michael Moorons wanting to score political points rather than coming together as Americans. The left in this country has totally disgusted me.

I'm gonna have a Stoly on the rocks, throw a filet mignon on the grill, bake a potato, toss a salad, open a bottle of wine (I'm thinking Syrah tonight)and stuff myself and get totally shitfaced. I think I might have some grappa also.

I may even do some more posting, but I doubt it. I will address troll droppings. I got me a smartass who wants to play.

Update: Sorry, Rob brought it to my attention that the link to Rodger didn't work. I left off a " in my html. It is now fixed. Feel the hate.

One of my readers sent me an e-mail that someone in the Lamestream Media actually interviewed Carol Mostly Brown. This is an ex-Senator who actually makes Patty Murray and Barbara Boxer look like intellectuals.

Star Wars

Someone went to a lot of trouble.

If you have Windoz XP click on Start, click on Run, type:telnet towel.blinkenlights.nl. Or, if you know how to open a DOS command prompt, type it there.

Got it from here.

I used to be able to code stuff like this on green screens using REXX. This had to take a hell of a long time to write.

Mayor Asshole and Governor Useless

So Mayor Asshole and Governor Useless are blaming Bush for Katrina. Y'see he didn't go personally and shore up the levees around New Orleans. He didn't sign Kyoto, but that's a rant for another day. He didn't go personally and commandeer a bus like this guy did.

The first busload of New Orleans refugees to reach the Reliant Astrodome overnight was a group of people who commandeered a school bus in the city ravaged by Hurricane Katrina and drove to Houston looking for shelter.

Jabbar Gibson, 20, said police in New Orleans told him and others to take the school bus and try to get out of the flooded city.

Gibson drove the bus from the flooded Crescent City, picking up stranded people, some of them infants, along the way. Some of those on board had been in the Superdome, among those who were supposed to be evacuated to Houston on more than 400 buses Wednesday and today. They couldn't wait.

The group of mostly teenagers and young adults pooled what little money they had to buy diapers for the babies and fuel for the bus.

So you wanna do some finger pointing? Bush declared Nawlins and Southern Louisiana a disaster area one day before the storm even hit.
He appealed for a mandatory evacuation. Note the date on this article.

Gov. Kathleen Blanco, standing beside the mayor at a news conference, said President Bush called and personally appealed for a mandatory evacuation for the low-lying city, which is prone to flooding.

The gummint told New Orleans to evacuate. What did Mayor Asshole do? Not much. Look what Jabbar Gibson did on his own initiative. He comandeered a bus. Doesn't Nawlins have bus drivers? I know they have buses. I posted a picture of a flooded lot full of them. It looked like there were over 100 buses. They're useless now, but they could have been used. 100 buses times 60 people per bus, works out to 6000 people that could have been evacuated. Why didn't Mayor Asshole think of that?

We saw how effective the Nawlins Police Department was. Some of them joined the looters. Some of them quit. The rest did next to nothing. Great job of running the city Mayor Asshole. And it's Bush's fault that there is a corrupt and incompetent police department. It's Bush's fault that the city gummint of Nawlins didn't have any kind of a disaster plan. Actually they did. They just didn't follow it. Jesus H. Christ! Betsy hit 40 years ago and flooded the city. Didja think it would never happen again? Obviously.

And on to Governor Useless. I swear to God, every time I see her on television, she has that deer in the headlights expression. You people in Louisiana elected a real fucking loser there. After listening to Governor Useless you liberals call Bush incompetent? You know the governor can call out the National Guard dontcha? And contrary to what the liberals spout, there were plenty of Louisiana National Guard troops available. They were not all in Iraq.

But because the mayor of Nawlins and the governor of Louisiana were both incompetent and unable to deal with a disaster they knew was coming(!!!!) it's all Bush's fault.

Cry me a fucking river!

VL Checks In

I often move comments from trolls to the front page of this blog to ridicule them. I also do that with good comments and e-mails, but do not ridule them. I've featured Addison, Addison (the other one), xCavTrooper, and my brother-in-law among others. Yesterday I posted an e-mail long time contributer Charlieb sent me. Today, I'm posting a comment by VL.

Give all you can to help our fellow Americans.
Give all the time, not just when a hurricane hits :-) It's a great way to live.

Sadly, a great deal of truth is presented by this blogger. Some people have the courage to face the truth. Others gossip and slander people they do not like (e.g. Pres Bush), which is more harmful than helpful.

Stats (including crime stats) are widely available. Statistics don't count? Or is it that only stats that support your world view count (Matt)?

Look at all those publicly-owned buses under water that could have been used by the Mayor to evacuate people. The Mayor issued a mandatory evacuation, which was wise. The Mayor and Local and State governments then dropped the ball, did not and still do not have a viable plan. Period. That is obvious considering the fact that people are still in New Orleans. For whatever reason, they failed and are now looking to cover their own butts by shifting blame. Blaming Bush is childish and inappropriate. Honest evaluations of their own actions (in Louisiana) would be the mature, effective approach.

Major hurricanes in the past gotten Federal help after 5-7+ days (remember Andrew). And these were in areas with no levee breaks. (This potential levee failure issue was known for many years/decades. Former Pres Clinton did nothing about it either.)

FEMA was on the ground before this hurricane hit (per the Weather Channel). And thousands of Nat Guard were in the AO within 48 hours. To those who understand what it takes to mobilize people, this is very fast. (National Guard people have lives too. They are not just idly sitting in a room waiting for someone to cry for help.)

Charities were there at the beginning. This is/was a city after all. And they are continually expanding efforts.

Tens of thousands of square miles were affected by this hurricane. Ponder that for a moment.
... Roads are not passable (or are gone) in many areas. Debris is everywhere. Utilities are not available in many areas. Pause and think about this for a moment. Be realistic.

Due to flood waters in New Orleans, many critters are roaming (water moccasins, snakes, etc). Debris and sewage is floating/in the water. This seriously hampers efforts. Common sense needs to be exercised. This has been reported and discussed by authorities. (In no way is this hindrance the fault of Pres Bush or any other human being.)

Helicopters (often the best tool for the evac job) cannot evacuate large numbers of people quickly. It takes time and a lot of patience. This may frustrate some, but it is reality. Pres Bush cannot wave a wand and make that happen faster.

There are gangs / drug addicts causing problems (including allegedly setting some fires). This is reality, sad as it is. These people did not adopt their lifestyles overnight. They chose to be who they are long before Katrina. We all have that choice, and no amount of whining about victimization excuses such harmful and/or criminal behavior. I've known hardship, and did not steal anything or commit crimes. Nor did I (or do I) feel "entitled".

Hard work, charity, and faith in God have worked for me. :-)

Failure of the city police to stop theft of TVs, clothes, etc (NOT required to live, by the way) has also been shown ... on video/TV. To suggest all people are just getting some food, a loaf of bread and/or potable water is simply not true.

Gossip is like a cancer and it destroys (esp those who participate in it, spread it). Hate and name-calling is not positive, necessary, nor productive. I encourage all to realistically look at what is happening, and take steps to be better prepared. Take responsibility for yourself and your loved ones.

Give. Pray. Be grateful. :-)

Some good reading, esp for my democrat/liberal/progressive neighbors:
here, here, and here.

Saturday Boobage

Catfish sent me a PowerPoint presentation with lots of babes that he claims all have natural boobage. Through no fault of my own, I managed to extract the photos and I've decided that for the next few Saturdays I'll use 'em.

Plugging The Dykes

At least Katrina has got Jim blogging again and here is one of his solutions for Nawlins.

Blogger Contrast

Here's a fine contrast between leftwing bloggers and rightwing bloggers. The oh so compassionate left is pissing and moaning and blaming everything on Bush and those evil rightwing bloggers who hate poor people and want them all to die are busy raising money. I guess it must be to pay for all the funerals since everyone knows rightwingers hate poor people.

On The Bright Side

As is my wont on Friday nights, I went out to get some fast food. As I drove by the Shell station down the street, I noticed that it was out of gas. I'm sure that was a result of the great gas panic on Wednesday when everyone in Atlanta decided to top off their tanks.

Atlanta is a panic driven city. Back in the early 80's a massive snowstorm (6 inches, but for Atlanta, that is massive) hit the city on a Friday afternoon. Companies were slow to close down early and many people got into wrecks, or drove off the road, got stuck, and abandoned their cars. That event was christened Snowjam. Now, whenever a snowfall of more than two inches is predicted, everyone gets off early, they close down the schools, and everyone runs to the store to stock up on bread, milk, and eggs.

What we had on Wednesday was the Snowjam Effect. Atlanta has enough gas. The price has gone up to reflect the demand. I saw $3.39 gas at the RaceTrac down the street. What I didn't see was the normal traffic jam at Spaghettti Junction (the intersection of I-85 and I-285). On Friday's traffic jams up befor 3:00 and is bumper to bumper until way after 7:00. Traffic was moving normally.

Maybe we'll do like we did during the Olympics. More people worked from home. Traffic was actually lighter during the Olympics.

Looks like we may have found the price of gas that will keep people out of their cars.

Some Words From Charlieb

I heard the mayor of New "Mogadishu" Orleans ranting, raving and swearing [ very bad words for an 'on-air' news broadcast ] at the President and it's "... all Bush's fault ... ," it's "those Government people no doin nothin... "

Let's see, you live in a city 8 to 28 feet under sea level; a city where the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers has been working on the dikes ever since there was a U.S. Army Corps of Engineers and the work began the day the U.S. Army drove the French out; a full 1/3 of business have shut down and completely left town, well prior to any bad weather, because of local government graft and corruption - police corruption for DECADES - and the city government allowing armed gangs to roam at will; have a constant and bad reputation for 'Gang-bangers' and won't turn the police loose on them because both sides are as corrupt as corrupt can be; police officers who have had enough of BAD CITY GOVERNMENT turning in their badges and quitting during the worst possible time because of the graft, corruption and poor city and police force management; a city that has the highest murder rate not to mention the highest general violence rate of ANY PLACE IN THE WORLD; then the day before the storm Katrina was to make landfall and was rated a Category 5 Hurricane ALLOWED people to stay in New Orleans for their "Hurricane Party;" apparently posted no City Disaster Preparedness Plans and made no attempt to evacuate the sick, elderly, and those who needed special assistance; didn't insist on help and the immediate release of assets from the state governor's office until well after the storm passed and then only to the liberal news media to shift the blame; and the mayor is screaming and cursing 'it's Bush's fault'?

What's wrong with this picture.

Seems to be this is a total and complete "Snapshot" of the left liberal, left Democrat and general liberal mentality.

C'mon Charlieb. Don't hold back. Tell us how you really feel.

BTW, the below picture is of school buses parked in a lot in Nawlins that won't be used for evacuation. I'm sure it's Bush's fault that they weren't moved to higher ground. Too bad Nawlins didn't have a Rudy Giuliani.

Some Thoughts On Katrina

So much to say. So much I've been wanting to write about but unable to write it. Too much to put in one post.

I was wrong earlier this week when I talked about Katrina. It now looks like this will probably be one of the greatest natural disasters this country has ever experienced.

During a disaster such as this we see the strength or weakness of the human race. It is such a thin line between cviilization and savagry. We have seen that there are some in Nawlins who do not deserve to call themselves humans.

In the midst of all this tragedy, people were raped and killed in the Superdome. If I had my way and could find the rapists they would have their balls hacked off with a dull rusty knife. These people are nothing but disgusting, barbaric animals.

There were looters. Breaking into stores for food and water is one thing. Breaking into stores for jewelry, DVD players, and televisions is another. As far as I'm concerned, the looters should be shot on sight.

It was sad to see Nawlins descend into anarchy.

But donthca know it was all Bush's fault? Yep. Because he didn't sign the Kyoto Treaty (which, incidently was defeated 98 to 0 in the Senate when Clinton signed it), global warming was accelerated at a phenominal rate which caused Katrina. And Karl Rove used his magical hurricane steering machine to aim Katrina at Nawlins to kill all them black people.

When we should be coming together with this tragedy, we have the loony left trying to politicize it. Bush was on vacation. Bush wasn't doing enough. Bush gave a lousy speech. I'm not kidding about the last. The New York Times said Bush gave a lousy speech. He should have taken some lip biting lessons from his new pal, Bill Clinton.

We had some loony, leftist blogger emulating Michael Moore, by saying it served Louisiana right to get hit by Katrina since it was a red state. Ah such compassion. I guess he was talking about all those black Republicans in Nawlins who are now homeless.

Cindy Sheehan is planning to go protest against the military at a Blue Angels air show, while the military that the left totally despises is spearheading the relief effort in Nawlins. Those are military choppers airlifting people from hospitals. Some hospitals had to move patients to upper floors because the lower floors were being looted by the barbarians. Disgusting.

Other countries are offering us aid. Australia's John Howard was one of the first. (Brought to my attention by Dave.) Good on ya mates!

Nawlins was a disaster waiting to happen. It is below sea level and it is sinking. Nawlins will rebuild. It rebuilt after Betsy 40 years ago. Tyrone, the bellhop exraordinaire, told me about Betsey when I was in Nawlins earlier this summer. The city was flooded then. It was rebuilt. Nawlins will be back. Maybe this time they will build the levees to withstand a category 5 hurricane instead of the category 3 hurricane they were designed for. After all, with the evil Bush/Rove/Cheney plan for excessive global warning they'll need it.

To those who are now homeless, remember you are Americans. America takes care of its own. We will open our hearts and our wallets like we did after 9/11. We will help feed you and clothe you. We will provide shelter until you rebuild.

To those of you who looted, raped, and killed, I hope you get cholera and die a horrible death. You don't deserve to call yourselves Americans or human beings. FOAD!

Cell Phone Humor 1

Where Have I Been?

Hosting Matters moved me a couple of times while trying to isolate the DOS attacks they were experiencing. During one of the moves, my file structure got hosed. Even though I actually do know sumpin' about HFS, I didn't know enough to fix my bug. My buddy Jesse came through for me and I'm back on the air.

More posting to follow.

And what is really important, is there will be Saturday Boobage this week.

Site Problems

It looks like my site problems have all been fixed. On Tuesday there were some network problems that Hosting Matters fixed. More on that later. Yesterday, due to a massive denial of service attack, Hosting Matters moved a bunch of sites to a different server. Mine was one of them. For both of these outages, Earthlink, my ISP, was lax in picking up DNS changes, even though I told the support person what was wrong. Sadly to say, Earthlink has lowered their hiring standards and has at least one incompetent support person.

I spent my four years in the Navy and 31.5 years employed (I'd say working, but some people would dispute that.) at IBM performing problem determination.

My first 4.5 years were with the Mattel Office Products Division repairing typewriters and dictation equipment. My next 8 years were spent fixing large mainframes and peripherals. I then taught mainframes for 3.5 years, until I broke my back. Upon returning to work, I started teaching a class called CSPDR (Complex Sytems Problem Determination and Recovery). This class involved teaching IBM Customer Engineers and Top Guns how to resolve large system problems without having our customers reIPL (boot) their systems.

While teaching CSPDR, I taught myself how to be an MVS and VM systems programmer. Then I became responsible for installing and maintaining the large systems that we used for hardware training. I also wrote and delivered new classes at the same time. This is when I learned the value of multiplexing. There was a two year stint when I was actually working two full time jobs. I was fortunate to have a manager who realized that and who moved me into a job category that upped my salary considerably.

My last five years at IBM, I was a full time systems programmer responsible for education systems that we used to teach both software to IBM customers and hardware to IBM Customer Engineers.

Because of that background, I have experience in hardware, software, and network problem determination. That was part of my job. During my last year at IBM, when we didn't have a qualified network guy on our team, I had to do most of the network PD, so I was appalled at the total incompetence of the Earthlink guy who "handled" my problem on Wednesday.

Let's see how the rest of you do on this problem. I cannot get to my site, the Hosting Matters Forum site, or the main Hosting Matters site. My brother-in-law in Columbia, South Carolina, who uses Roadrunner, has no problems getting to those sites. Other ISPs can reach my site. Earthlink can't. So where is the problem?

If you answered, "Somewhere between Earthlink's network and Hosting Matters network", give yourself a gold star.

The Earthlink bozo said the problem was with Hosting Matters. He suggested many times that I contact them. I pointed out (very calmly, at first) that I had contacted them. They have no problem accessing their own sites. Other ISPs have no problem accessing their sites. Earthlink does. By a simple process of elimination, it is Earthlink's problem. Why won't you fix it? He kept insisting that it wasn't an Earthlink problem because he also counldn't access those sites so it must be a Hosting Matters problem and that I needed to contact Hosting Matters. Honest! That's what he said. Even after I explained it to him calmly and rationally without venom or sarcasm. That came later. Arrrrgggghhhhh!

I offered to give him the e-mail of the Hosting Matters support person so he could contact her. He refused. He also refused to put me in contact with someone who was qualified to fix the problem. This went on for over 45 minutes (It kept getting more difficult for me to type without destroying my keyboard.) on an IM type interface, when I finally gave up and with a parting shot, told him exactly what I thought about his total lack of problem determination skills.

Part of this was my fault in that I didn't do enough of the Earthlink bozo's job for him. What I really needed to do was to get the IP's for those sites. Then, if the IP's worked, I could have pointed out that it was a DNS problem. He should have thought of that himself. Hello Earthlink! Do you give these guys any training?

Y'see, I've been retired for almost a year now, and I have forgotten just how incompetent so many tech support people are, like the guy on our team who became the new network guy after the old network guy retired for good (He had retired once, but came back as a contractor for five years.). The new network guy was a total loser. I wound up doing most of the network stuff for our team because it was easier and less frustrating to do things myself rather than trying to talk this guy through stuff. As my team lead liked to say about sessions with this guy, he had a tendency to run down rabbit holes. He knew so little that in trying to explain sumpin' to him, you went off on tangents trying to explain basic concepts. A simple phone call with him would always run over an hour. I would actually pray for a problem to occur as an excuse to get me off the phone with him.

You may ask, why did IBM tolerate this level of incompetence? Because we had a CDSM© who was equally incompetent and would not listen to his support staff, in this case, my team lead who tried to tell said CDSM© that the new network guy was not the solution to our network support.

By the way, the new network guy got laid off earlier this year. Now the network support is being done by my ex-team lead with help from an IBM network person where my ex-team lead used to work. I was able to transfer some of my network skills to my ex-team lead before I left. He's young, eager, and a good learner as opposed to the Earthlink guy who is probably young, stupid, and a terrible learner.

I've been with Earthlink for over 6 years and watched them go downhill in their support staff. I guess I better start looking for a new ISP.