Speaking of nudie bars...From Catfish.
Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing
basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so
for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual
Budweiser.
His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot
for that woman to know that you drink Budweiser." "No, honey, she's in
the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them."
A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. "Hi
Davey," she says, "Want your usual table dance?" Dave's wife, now
furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.
Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the
door, he jumps in beside her and she starts screaming at him.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch
tonight, Dave!"
Dave's funeral is Saturday
Because of Hurricane Katrina, the Sugar Bowl was moved to Atlanta and will be played in the Georgia Dome. On a side note I'm surprised our local pols haven't named this building after some incompetent black politician like Cynthia McCommie or John Lewis. I can just see it. The McCommie-Lewis Dome.
Anyway, since the game has been moved, the Sugar Bowl parade has also been moved and will be held tonight. Instead of parading down Bourbon Street, it will me moving down Peachtree Street. Yeah, I know, which Peachtree Street? There are over 60 streets in the Atlanta area that have Peachtree in their names. To answer that, it will be the main Peachtree Street. The big Kahuna of Peachtree Streets. The one running from Buckhead to downtown.
Atlanta has an interesting dichotomy. It has honest to God nudie bars. I'm not talking pasties and G-stings. I'm talking about totally nude wimmins in all their surgically enhanced glory. I regret to say that it has been over 10 years since I've been to one of Atlanta's nudie bars. All of my horny friends who like to go to nudie bars have moved away.
So while nudity is OK indoors (Not really. The holy rollers have tried to stop it many times but have failed.) it is forbidden outdoors. That's why the rules for the Sugar Bowl Parade this year states that there will be no throwing of beads. The first time someone throws beads he/she will be warned. The second time, he/she will be arrested. In all fairness, the local authorities say the parade participants can hand out beads. Don't really understand the difference between handing out and throwing, but this is Atlanta after all. It's run by incompetent Dimocrats (redundancy alert) so I've learned not to expect much logic or intelligence.
Also, there will be absolutely no baring of breasts allowed. No beads for boobs. Now what kind of Sugar Bowl Parade will this be? No beads. No boobs. No fun.
Toto, we're not in Nawlins anymore!
Bummer!
The last Saturday Boobage of 2005. It was a very good year!
SondraK batted her eyelashes at me and pleaded with me to ask my readers to vote for her. So go ahead and do it. Now!
Holy crap! She's winning!
Dear SondraK, you now owe me at least one gratuitous link.
From Catfish.
EVERYTHING HAS A GENDER
You may not know this but many nonliving things have a gender.
1) Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything
in, but you can see right through them.
2) Copiers are Female, because once turned off, it
takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective
reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed,
but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
3) A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often
over-inflated.
4) A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go
anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of
course, there's that hot air part.
5) Sponges are Female, because they're soft,
squeezable and retain water.
6) A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on.
7) A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old
lines to pick people up.
8) An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the
weight shifts to the bottom.
9) A Hammer is Male, because it hasn't changed much
over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have
around.
10) A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd
be male, didn't you? But consider this - it
gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it,
and while he doesn't always know the right buttons
to push, he keeps trying!
Yeah. I know. I didn't post anything original today. Who cares? Lots of people are off this week. Me too. Stayed up late last night to finish a book so I slept late this morning. After I finished the Atlanta Urinal and Constipation I had to take care of some year end financial stuff. Then it was off to Shepherd to work out.
After I finished my workout, Becky, one of the therapists told me Nick was here and had just had flap surgery. Ugh! I met Nick and his family on my first Breckinridge ski trip. He was out snowboarding and some other snowboarder ran into him, which broke his back, and the dipshit kept on going. It's assholes like that who give snowboarders a bad name. Nick was on the hill for 30 minutes until someone found him. Unlike me, he is complete, which means he has nothing below his injury. He was 18 when it happened.
A year after his accident, he was back on the slopes again, this time on a monoski. I didn't make it up on a blue slope until my third year. Nick was up on black his first year.
Nick also started SCUBA diving. He went on the Roatan trip and the Bonaire trip. He was supposed to go to Cayman Brac with us, but he got sick. In fact, he didn't go skiing with us last January because he and his family had already paid for the Cayman Brac trip. It got hurricaned out and was rescheduled for last February right after the ski trip. He was in college and didn't want to miss two weeks of classes. He skipped the ski trip and then got sick and couldn't make the dive trip. Bummer!
His family is very supportive. His father and his brother are divers and skiers so they come along with us.
Spinal cord injured people are subject to skin sores below their level of injury. The lack of sensation prevents us from realizing that there is excess pressure on our skin. Circulation problems exacerbate the situation. When sitting or laying down, we need to do periodic weight shifts to prevent pressure sores. Unfortunately, Nick overlooked his weight shifts and developed a very bad skin sore. It got infected and he had to have flap surgery. Flap surgery is no picnic. All the diseased skin and tissue has to be removed and replaced with healthy skin and tissue from another part of his body.
I stopped in to see Nick, but he was asleep. His mother was there and I had a long talk with her. I met her on one of the ski trips. I told her I would stop by and see Nick next week.
Nick gets a pram next week. He has to stay of his butt until he heals, so a wheelchair is out of the question. He can lay on his stomach on the pram and he will be mobile and able to move around the hospital.
This is why I don't find the time to wallow in self pity. Here is a man who had a serious accident at 18 which changed his life. I was 41. His injury was complete. I'm incomplete. I can walk. I've had skin problems but nowhere near as bad as Nick has had. I spent Christmas in South Carolina with my sister. Nick spent Christmas in a hospital.
I got home from Shepherd and watched football. Missouri beat South Carolina! Hot damn!
Mother Superior called all the Nuns together one evening and said to them: "I must tell you all something. We have a case of Gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank God," said an elderly Nun at the back. "I'm so sick of Chardonnay."
I just love this.
How ironic,a guy who supports a party that promotes Fannie Mae,Freddie Mac,land-use restrictions,zoning,open space laws,and unions is unable to buy a house in the very Blue area of Northern California.All this from a guy who's got a law degree.What is it about Blue America that hates people that aren't rich??? Attention Markos Moulitsas Zúniga :did it ever occur to many in Blue state America that Houston(that doesn't have zoning) is a lot more affordable than let's say Berkeley,California.Also,Houston residents don't have a state income tax that they are paying.It appears Kos can't afford the very values he promotes,which is regulation of markets which leads to artificially high real estate prices.
Another thing to think about. People are moving out of the northern blue states to the southern red states. Now many people think that it's Dimocrats who are moving south but I don't think so. I think it's people trying to get away from the mess that Dimocrats have made. They're moving south where the weather is better, the taxes are lower, and gummint is less restrictive. Georgia will probably add two more congressional seats after the 2010 census.
California continues to add to its population. Unfortunately, Arnold is just a temporary speedbump on California's downward spiral to a socialist utopia. I just wonder how long the housing bubble is gonna last in places like the Bay Area where the median price for a house is over $700K. There are too many interest only loans and other hybrid loans and the good times cannot go on forever. When the bubble bursts it ain't gonna be a pretty sight. And guess who's gonna get to bail out California?
I say let's just give California back to Mexico.
Update: I have been informed by some readers and commenters (and I have read it on some other sites) that the population in California is actually declining. Many people are cashing out their overpriced homes and getting out before the housing bubble bursts. This link was posted by Rich, and the author in many posts explains why the bubble is gonna burst and how there are gonna be a lot of screwed people in California. Like I care, except we're gonna have to bail them out.
See. My Saturday Boobage has a good effect on men's health.
You're welcome.
Update: For some reason the permalink doesn't work, but Rodger is on Blowspot and Blowspot is notorious for permalinks not working. So here is his post. This has been debunked as an urban legend, but I don't care. Looking at boobs makes me feel younger.
So it looks like Eric decided to show off his Photoshop skills for Christmas. Everyone in this picture is either a Jawja Blogger or an honorary Jawja Blogger, in other words, a Blown-eyed Blodger. You'll have to go to Eric's to see who's who. With V-Man, Catfish, and I there I would expect lightning to strike at any minute.
Click on image to enlarge.
OK. How's this? This is my music room. It is also where all my old computer hardware goes until I figger out what to do with it. It's also where I keep all my guitars.
One of my readers suggested that I post the dumbest comments that I receive. I'm thinking that I may start either an asshole comment of the week or an asshole comment of the month. Here's a funny comment that appeared on one of my older posts and, as such, never made it to the site but dropped into my approval bucket.
I do not know how I got on to this sight (sic) and will never return. Why am I adding my two cents, probably because you are a wanabe (sic) Ann Coulter clone.
It still amazes me though, how people like you actually think we are interested in reading anything about retched (sic), boring life. My God, close your laptop and go get a tan.
You can thank later,
Rob
No, I can thank now. Did you ever think of getting a spell check program? Now granted I sometimes make a mistake with my spelling, but it is usually a typo in a post of 500 words or more. Dude! You only had to proof read five sentences.
Every time I read one of these comments from an obvious booger eatin' moh-ron with no writing or spelling skills, I shudder to think that this person might vote and I know which party he would vote for. It's scary.
I'll bet my life is less boring than his is.
Dude! I'll work on my tan when I'm diving in Cayman Brac in February. I'll be doing that a week after I return from skiing in Snowmass. How's your life going? Watching a bunch of reality shows on television? My life is a reality show.
Let me know when you have rafted through the Grand Canyon.
Let me know when you have skippered bare boat charters in the Virgin Islands.
Let me know when you have soloed in an airplane.
On second thought, don't bother, 'cause it ain't gonna happen.
You're a loser.
In the comments on my Christmas At Lake Carolina post, Ruth accused my sister and myself of being a couple of neatniks. She's half right. My sister is the neatnik. I'm the slob. She asked me to post at least one "teensy weensy pile of crap" to make her feel better. So here is a picture of my bedroom today, just a few hours before my cleaning lady shows up.
Unread magazines on one end table. Unread books on the other. Ashley on the bed.
I remember when I was a kid I hated getting stuff like clothes. C'mon Santa, I don't need clothes, I need toys!
As I got older, I started appreciating clothes, just not the stuff my mom bought me. I wanted to choose my own stuff. Mustn't look too out of place at school.
Over the years, my sister and I have exchanged practical gifts. One year, I gave her a nice little tool that peels, slices, and cores apples. I did not know it was actually a gift for my brother-in-law, since he always had the job of doing the apples for the pie.
When she lived in California and I stayed over New Years (I quit doing that when she started making me help her put the tree lights and tree ornaments away. That's a story for another time.), we adopted the tradition of making canneloni for New Years Day. We invited one of our cousins over for New Years dinner and that's what we served. He didn't know what it was and when we explained, he politely took two pieces (tubes? rollups? Don't know what to call them). By the time we finished he was scooping up the leftover sauce from the baking dish. Next year when my sister invited him, he asked if we were making canneloni, so we started doing that every New Years.
Yeah, I know, when am I gonna post the canneloni recipe? Soon. I promise.
When my sister used to make canneloni, she didn't make the pasta from scratch. She used manicotti. I used to take my pasta machine out so I could do the pasta. I also changed the recipe a bit. Rather than lugging my pasta machine out every year, I gave her a pasta machine one Christmas. The next Christmas, I gave her a motor for it.
Lest you think that I'm the only one doing this, here is what I got this Christmas from her:
1. A small cutting board. She didn't like the one I had.
2. A new paper towel dispenser. Her husband didn't like the one I had cause it took two hands to tear off the paper towel sheets.
3. A new tablecloth and matching napkins. The tablecloth I use every Thanksgiving needs to be ironed after it is washed. I don't do ironing. I do have an iron, but no ironing board. The day after Thanksgiving this year, we had to take the tablecloth over to Cindy's house so my sister could iron it. This tablecloth doesn't need to be ironed. I didn't think the other one did, but that's just me.
4. A flannel shirt from Lands' End. I love flannel shirts! I also love rugby shirts.
All these gifts were practical gifts. I like practical. I like practical gifts. I was very happy with the gifts.
What did I give her? I gave her an Amazon.com gift certificate. Another practical gift. She's probably already used the entire amount. I know I would have by now.
This Monday Pun is from Paul.
Pierre, a brave (it's a joke - deal with it!) French
fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out
for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air.
Marie leans over to Pierre and says, "Pierre, kiss me!"
Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.
"What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie.
"I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!"
She smiles and they start kissing. Things began to heat up a little and Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower."
Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of
Chardonnay and pours it on her breasts.
"Pierre! What are you doing now?" asks the bewildered Marie.
"I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!"
She giggles and they resume their passionate interlude, and things really steam up.
Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me much
lower!"
Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights the Cognac on fire.
Marie shrieks and dives into the River Seine. Standing waist deep,
Marie throws her arms into the air and screams furiously, "PIERRE, WHAT IN THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"
Our 'hero' stands and says defiantly, "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot!
If I go down, I go down in flames!"
Here we see the tree, the hearth, and the plasma TV.
Here we see my sister opening her present from her husband. It's a GPS she can use when she goes out walking. She already has one for their cars. Check out her Christmas sweater. She's also wearing Christmas earings. If my mother were still alive she would be dressed all Christmassy also. She even had Christmas socks.
Here is the table all set for our Christmas Eve dinner. As I posted earlier, we ate ham.
Here is the table on Christmas Day before we had our Christmas feast. Turkey and all the trimmings. Check out the china cabinet. Everything in there is Christmas stuff.
My sister is the champion in Christmas doodads.
To all of my friends and readers who did not get a snail mail card from me,
Merry Christmas!!!
Thanks to all of you for reading me and for commenting on this site. Thanks to all of my friends that I have met through blogging. Have a great holiday season!
Yep! As a present to all my readers here is yet another Christmas Pun stolen, with a few modifications, from Mike King a columnist with the Atlanta Urinal and Constipation.
It seems that in a suburb of Atlanta it became a tradition for a bunch of the neighbors to get together on Christmas Eve and go caroling. There were two things wrong with this idea: they couldn't carry a tune in a bucket and they didn't know all the words to the songs they tried to sing. As such, they would start off a song and wind up humming the tune, out of key of course, before the end of the first verse.
The other neighbors, to keep from laughing, often pretended not to be home when the carolers came by. So, the carolers would leave a piece of fruit and a diet soft drink to let these neighbors and the neighbors who actually weren't home know that they had been by.
Because of their bad singing, forgetting words, and the gifts they left at each door, they became known as...
the moron Tab and apple choir.
As a present on Christmas, here is a Christmas pun from DS and it is horrible!
One beautiful December evening Huan Cho and his girlfriend Jung Lee were sitting by the side of the ocean. It was a romantic full moon, when Huan Cho said "Hey baby, let's play Weeweechu."
"Oh no, not now, lets look at the moon" said Jung Lee.
"Oh, c'mon baby, let's you and I play Weeweechu. I love you and it's the perfect time," Huan Cho Begged.
"But I rather just hold your hand and watch the moon."
"Please Jung Lee, just once play Weeweechu with me."
Jung Lee looked at Huan Chi and said, "OK, we'll play Weeweechu."
Huan Cho grabbed his guitar and they both sang.....
"Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, Weeweechu a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year."
That's almost as bad as "Fluctuations".
Sent to me by many readers (all male of course).
Here is my Christmas present to all of you men out there who love boobage. Christmas Boobage for Saturday Boobage.
Clck on pic to make it larger. Got it from Wild Bill.
And as a bonus, here is one from my friend Pres.
And yet another bonus pic from Ron.
This one you can click on to make larger.
Merry Christmas guys!
I'm at my sister's house. Made it in 3.5 hours. Traffic wasn't bad at all. The people in South Carolina were driving faster than the folks in Georgia. I was driving along at a sedate 80 mph and I had people blowing past me at 95 and 100. Obviously, I was driving much too slow so I upped my speed to 90 just to keep up with traffic. I thought I was driving from Savannah to Macon 'cause that's the speed you need to drive to keep from getting run over on that interstate.
My sister has made all sorts of cookies for me to pig out on. We're driving up to Charlotte to pick up my nephew tonight. One of my commenters asked about him. He's been back from Iraq for quite some time. He's presently stationed at Fort Hood, near Austin Texas. He's also looking for a girlfriend.
We're having ham tomorrow night. How's that for celebrating the night before a nice Jewish boy's birthday? Turkey on Sunday.
Fear not. There will be Saturday Boobage this week.
Tomorrow I'll be on my way up to Lake Carolina to spend Christmas with my sister. Fear not. She has a computer and I will do some posting up there. I also have Saturday Boobage ready to go and as a bonus, I'll be posting not one, but two Christmas puns. So, be sure to check back tomorrow and over the weekend.
Sent to me by my sis' former neighbor and Ron.
For My Democrat Friends:
"Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. And without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee. By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher."
For My Republican Friends:
Here's wishing all of You a
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
Army Wife got all pissed off at me because I said she was hot and I didn't say that she was smart like Bou and her sister, Mo. Now I'm probably gonna get in trouble for this, but quite frankly, if you can do Position of the Week #10, exactly what do you need brains for?
Yeah. I know. I'm a sexist pig. Yada. Yada. Yada. Blah. Blah. Blah. But, I repeat, Army Wife is hot!
Pumpman once said to me that I had some of the best trolls on the web. By best, he meant wackiest. Just reading their comments is entertaining. That's why I posted Dave's parting comment with out bothering to fisk it. It was self fisking.
I always enjoy it when these booger eatin' moh-rons tell me off and say that they're never gonna read me again. Good riddance! The trouble is, most of them lie through their teeth. They're liberals so what do I expect? They say they're leaving and next thing I know, they're back in another thread. Promises. Promises.
I had one troll tell me how offensive I was by my insensitivity and my bad taste posts. Duh. I wonder if he bothered to read what I have posted up on the top of the left sidebar?
Pushing the boundaries of bad taste and political incorrectness.
Unlike liberals, I don't try to hide my beliefs. I am politically incorrect. I do post stuff that is in bad taste. That is what this blog is all about. Anyone who has a problem with that can kindly observe the sprig of missletoe hanging above my ass.
While I'm at it, Merry Christmas.
If that is offensive. Fuck off!
Freaking cop gave me a $75 ticket for no crip sticker!
Stole this one from Rodger. It seems more appropriate on my site.
So I'm losing a reader. Too bad. So sad. Here's his comment in all its glory. He posted the same comment over at Topeka Troll's site.
When I leave a site I have been frequenting, I like to give the reason(s) I am leaving so there are no misunderstandings:Sorry to disappoint you Topek…Uh .. Denny…I am most certainly not Rat Turd or Jane or anybody else you might think you know. I’m just a person who pokes around on the internet looking for a place I can rely on to find humor, intellectual stimulation, information, and a focused presentation. I do not enjoy sites that are mean spirited in any way. There is just too much of that around in too many places these days. I used to enjoy SondraK but left for reasons that I don’t remember. Well that’s not true apparently…I just remembered why. Your site seemed to be similar in content to what I liked about hers, and so after a few visits, I put GOC in my favorites.
You may think it’s a lot of fun to “bitchslap” someone just because it amuses you. Frankly, it seems to me that you have some things to figure out about yourself yet. Your inability to just walk away from Rat Turd and/or Jane is something you might try and understand. Why is it you can not just drop it and go on to something positive? All this name calling and swearing is childish … the whole bunch of you. .And you’re attempts at fisking (especially you Topeka(Denny)) are pretty lame. But I suppose you're proud of them ... and that's OK.
I have spent way too much time with all of this already, but I wanted to understand my reasoning for leaving, as well to make sure I was clear on the facts as I perceive them. So I’ve invested about a day on this all told and I don’t mind. While my time is valuable to me, when I reach the decision to depart I make sure I understand (have learned something about myself and/or others) about what I’m doing. One thing I learned a while back is that when a site or Blog owner resorts to name calling its usually gonna be time to go soon. It’s just not what I am looking for in a place to spend my time.
Oh, by the way, you said that Topeka Troll is really judgejerry who posts on GOC. Funny thing…although I found a lot of posts from TopekaTroll on his own site, I haven’t seen any of his on yours. Likewise, I haven’t seen any posts on GOC from judgejerry for about the same length of time that Topeka Troll has been busy bitchslapping Rat Turd and Jane. Just something I noticed. Heh
So…bye.
I'm so distraught. Whatever shall I do? On the upside, he quit reading SondraK so I'm in good company.
Just a thought: Why would I go to all the trouble of creating another site just to bitchslap Jane and Rat Turd? I looked at Topeka Troll's sitemeter and he's averaging 128 hits a day. I'm close to 2000. Seems like I would get more bang for my buck using my site. As dumb as Jane and Rat Turd are, at least they realize that Topeka Troll and I are two different people.
Atlanta's other moonbat, John Lewis, who was hit one too many times by a billy club during the civil rights era and has been surviving on that legacy for the last 20 years weighed in on the wire tapping story.
Washington --- Rep. John Lewis on Monday called on Congress to investigate whether President Bush violated the law in authorizing spying on people living in the United States, and said Bush, if found guilty, should be impeached.
Maybe Conyers could reconvene his little sham committee again John.
Here's what I want you to do. Sit down. Take a few deep breaths. Now listen closely. You Dimocrats are gonna have to take control of the House of Representatives for that to happen and before that happens you guys are gonna have to convince the American people that you're on our side. That's gonna be tough for you assholes because you ain't. You're on the side of the terrorists. You're on the side of the insurgents. You hate George Bush so much you want us to lose in Iraq. You want Iraq to degenerate into a civil war. You want another terrorist attack on the United States because it would make Bush look bad.
While Democrats were roundly criticizing Bush for authorizing the spying, Lewis is among the first to suggest that Bush could be impeached over the matter.
And he won't be the last. Expect barking moonbat Cythia McCommie to take up the refrain. One more year and I'm out of her district!
Lewis likened the domestic spying to the government's attempts to infiltrate the 1960s civil rights movement, of which Lewis was a leader.
And who was president back then John? Would you believe John Kennedy. And who was the attorney general? Would you believe Bobby Kennedy. And they were members of what party? Dimocrats? I'm shocked! Shocked, I say!
"We must gather the facts and determine once and for all whether the law was violated," Lewis said. "There is no question that the U.S. Congress has impeached presidents for lesser offenses."
Yeah. I know what's coming next. It's all about sex and all that other bullshit. It doesn't matter that Clinton perjured himself before a grand jury. That he suborned perjury. That he obstructed justice. Hey, as long as we're talking about Clinton here, howza 'bout this?
During the 1990s, President Bill Clinton ordered the National Security Agency to use its super-secret Echelon surveillance program to monitor the personal telephone calls and private email of employees who worked for foreign companies in a bid to boost U.S. trade, NewsMax.com has learned.
What? Are you kidding me? Bill Clinton used wiretaps? Say it ain't so. It sure was a good thing that he was a Dimocrat because we know that Dimocrats are always fair and honorable and would never violate anyone's constitutional rights. I mean those 1000 FBI files on private citizens just magically appeared at the White House due to some "bureaucratic snafu" and I'm sure the Clintons never ever used any of the information in those files against American citizens. Just like Chuck "the schmuck" Schumers' staff only got Michael Steele's credit reports by accident.
In 2000, former Clinton CIA director James Woolsey set off a firestorm of protest in Europe when he told the French newspaper Le Figaro that he was ordered by Clinton in 1993 to transform Echelon into a tool for gathering economic intelligence.
Oh, I see. It was economic intelligence. That's OK. It's only when the information can be used against terrorists that it pisses Dimocrats off. It's all clear to me now.
"We have a triple and limited objective," the former intelligence chief told the French paper. "To look out for companies which are breaking US or UN sanctions; to trace 'dual' technologies, i.e., for civil and military use, and to track corruption in international business."
But not to worry. It had nothing to do with terrorism. Remember the Dimocrats want to give the terrorists the same constitutional rights that American citizens have. Makes perfect sense to me.
The massive invasion of privacy was justified by Echelon's defenders as an indispensable national security tool in the war on terror.
Wait a minute. WTF? That can't be right. Dimocrats fighting terror?
But Clinton officials also utilized the program in ways that had nothing to do with national security - such as conducting economic espionage against foreign businesses.
That's more like it.
so 'splain to me why Clinton doing this to spy on the Euroweenies was OK, but Bush doing it to spy on potential terrorists isn't.
Just another example that when Clinton and the Dimocrats do sumpin', it's OK. When Bush and the Republicans do the same thing, it isn't. Just another example of how Dimocrats can get away with murder. Just ask Ted Kennedy.
From Rob.
Yeah. I know. I'm dreaming. For the liberals in the Dimocrat Party (pretty much everyone with the exception of Joe Lieberman and a few others) it is more important that they regain power even if it causes harm to the country. These assholes make me sick to my stomach. These are the same flower children, peace at all costs assholes who caused us to lose in Viet Nam which led to the boat people, the reeducation camps and the killing fields of Cambodia. How can thes dickheads sleep at night?
Brian sent me some cartoons I haven't posted in previous years. Here's the first one.
All my sweetie Shoe wants for Christmas is her 10,000th hit. So what are you waiting for? Hit her. Hit her again. Harder! Harder!
That's what Rat Turd suffers from. So I guess that makes him a rhinotillexic mucophagic moh-ron.
Have your 15 your old daughter explain it to you Rat Turd.
I had a plan. Originally, I was gonna go down to Shepherd and work out and then go to Best Buy and return the defective ink cartridge that didn't work in my printer. But first, I was gonna mail my last two Christmas cards. Then, I got the bright idea to mail the cards at the mail boxes by the post office. Wow! They were stuffed! I forced the cards into the box and decided that since I wasn't too far from Perimeter Mall I may as well go to Best Buy first. And things started going downhill from there.
I made the mistake of going down Ashford Dunwoody instead of going down the back way to get to Best Buy. Traffic really sucked! The first chance I got, I cut over to get around Perimeter Mall, but my mistake cost me 30 minutes.
Got to Best Buy and found a crip parking space. Got my wheelchair out of the truck reached for the ink cartridge and realized I DIDN'T HAVE THE FUCKING RECEIPT! Isn't that special? OK. Let's go down to Shepherd.
The traffic is really backed up on Hammond Drive to Ashford Dundwoody so let's just take Hammond Drive the other way to Peachtree Dunwoody. Yeah. That was a great plan. Twenty minutes later, I'm on I285 eastbound on my way to I85. WTF? I'm in bumper to bumper traffic and it is only 2:30. WTF is going on? Oh look. There's one of those wonderful traffic information signs. There was an accident on I285 and three lanes were closed. Jesus H. Christ! Push the cars off the fucking road and drag the survivors off. I hate Atlanta traffic!
So I'm able to get off at Peachtree Industrial (There are over 60 roads in Atlanta with Peachtree in their names.) and wend my way through some back roads and make it to I85. By the time I get down to Shepherd, I am royally pissed.
Hey look! There is a NuStep machine free! I do 16 minutes on it. Then I do my three sets of 10 reps on another machine for my upper body. Then it's time for my bench press. Upped it to 105 pounds. C'mon. I'm a 190 pound weakling. I just started lifting weights earlier this year. I want to be able to bench my weight but it's a long slow process. Did my three reps of ten. Another plateau. Worked out on two more machines for my legs. Did my crunches. Did my free weights for my shoulders. Did my curls (15 pounds, almost ready for 20). All of a sudden, I'm not pissed any more. Ain't endorphins great?
I got to talking to another old fart who works out there. He's 65 and smaller than I am and he's bench pressing 160 pounds. Turns out that before he became a crip he was a runner. He ran the same place I ran down by the Hooch. We probably ran a lot of road races together. He's also a skier. I told him he ought to go on the Shepherd ski trips.
Anyway, after a good workout like that, the endorphins kicked in and I wasn't a bit pissed off anymore. Atlanta traffic? Who cares? That's what I really miss about running. I used to go down and run by the Hooch every night after work. I could be pissed when I started, but at the end of the run, I felt great.
Endorphins are great and they're free!
A while back I posted a link to The Louis Farrakhan African Name Generator. Well now I have a link to The Global Village Multi Culti Name Generator.
Enjoy. BTW, my name is Danya Ishan. Rat Turd's name is Aditi Matsuko. I chose feminine for his gender because he is such a pussy.
This one was sent to me by many readers and one said it would be a great wrapping paper for any of the Dimocrats on her list.
Brave little Rat Turd, who is hiding behind his ban of Topeka Troll and me, has decided to try his hand at insulting us again. Here is Topeka Troll's response.
By the way Rat Turd, come up with some more creative insults. Here's one. If your brains were TNT you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose.
C'mon everybody, feel the love. Go over and tell Rat Turd how much you like his blog.
You're welcome for the hits Rat Turd. Have you cracked 10,000 yet?
Holy crap! This Monday Pun is from Catfish, of all people. Since it is from Catfish, we all know that it will be in extremely bad taste.
A good looking man walks into an agent's office in Hollywood and says "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome and with extensive experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.
The agent asked, "What's your name?"
The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."
The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood, you are gonna have to
change your name."
"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever."
The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years ..... You will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you."
"So be it! I guess we will not do business together" the guy said and he left the agent's office.
FIVE YEARS LATER..... The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awestruck, who would possibly send him $50,000?
He reads the letter enclosed... "Dear Sir: Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood, you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right.. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation. Thank you for your advice.
Sincerely,
Dick van Dyke
Told ya!
Charlieb sent me these 8 words with two meanings. Sorry for all the jokes, but I'm trying to clean out my mailbox.
Eight Words with two Meanings
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female... Any part under a car's hood.
Male... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ner-a-bell) adj.
Female... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male... Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ka-moon-uh-kay-shun) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ka-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (in-ter-tain-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lentz) n.
Female... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding. (Especially when one of the guys can light farts without burning his ass. - GOC)
7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-mote-kahn-trol) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
What Santa does the rest of the year.
Here's a bad taste joke for Sunday sent to me by Mark.
Two families moved from Afghanistan to America. When they arrived,
the two fathers made a bet -- in a year's time whichever
family had become more Americanized would win.
A year later they met. The first man said, "My son is playing
baseball, I had McDonald's for breakfast and I'm on my way to
pick up a case of Bud, how about you?"
The second man replied, "Fuck you, towelhead."
I prefer to use the term sheethead. - GOC)
If someone insults you and makes sure you cannot hear (or read) the insult because he is a coward and he is afraid that if you do hear (or read) the insult, you'll bitchslap the living crap out of him, is it still an insult? Or is it just the ravings of an insignificant little booger eatin' moh-ron? Not mentioning any names here. Just curious.
My sister may not like this one. It's a dirty joke sent to me by Catfish.
Looks like I got just enough of these to finish out the year.
Yeah. They're fake but they look nice.
From Catfish.
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor." "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.
"There's a diagnostic computer down at Coles's. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs $20.00 ...a lot quicker than a doctor."
So Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Coles.
He deposits $20.00 and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks."
Thank you for shopping @ Coles.
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.
Joe hurries back to Coles, eager to check the results. He deposits $20.00, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
(Aisle7)
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant, Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer (1stfloor).
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
Thank you for shopping @ Coles
From Rob.
Sen. Kerry: "And there is no reason, Bob, that young American soldiers need
to be going into the homes of Iraqis in the dead of night, terrorizing kids
and children, you know, women, breaking sort of the customs of the–of–the
historical customs, religious customs. Whether you like it or not…"
And to think I thought Kerry (Did you know he served Viet Nam?) was just
playing politics and being a traitor to our country (Again), but here's
proof he was right...
To: John Martha, War Hero In Congress
From: Barbra Streisand
Dear Congresperson Murder:
How dare they! How dare those evil Republicans question your patriotism. After all you are a highly decorated Marine who has fought in many wars including World War II, Korea, and Viet Nam. I bet you even have more medals than Jim Carey, the highly decorated war hero who would be our president if the Republicans hadn't stolen so many votes in Iowa. I still don't understand why the Democrats didn't demand a recount. I have noticed that everytime there is a recount the Democrats find more votes that the Republicans have hidden from them.
I think you have a real good idea in moving all of our soldiers out of Iraq and sending them to Okinawa. Since Okinawa is in the Red Sea that is close enough to redeploy.
Now, my plan says redeploy to the periphery, to Kuwait, to Okinawa, and if there's a terrorist activity that affects our allies or affects the United States' national security, we can then go back in.
I agree completely. As you know, I am very active in politics and I think I know a thing or three. I've sent faxes to many leaders in the Democratic Party and they are always happy to get my advice, although not all of them respond to me.
I have also dropped my subscription to that right wing rag, the Las Angelos Times. They fired one of their best columnists, Robert Schear, and replaced him with that horrible Jonah Goldwater. He's a Jew and he's a Republican! Everyone knows that Jews should be Democrats. I'm a Jew and I'm a Democrat. He's a traitor to his Jewishness.
Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I'm behind you all the way and I hope that you get promoted to a leadership post when the Democrats take over the government next year. Then we can impeach the president and get our troops out of Iraq and into Okinawa.
I support the troops.
Luv ya,
Babs
This is just plain wrong! I know many people who would dispute the results of this quiz. I'm sure Rat Turd and Jane would disagree as would many of the people I stomped on at IBM. Me? Angelic? GMAFB!
Let the comments begin!
This is what we would get if men designed Christmas wrapping paper.
Today is my sister's birthday. Psssst! Don't tell anyone, but she is older than I am.
Cindy, who is not my sister, called me tonight and asked me to thank everyone who said nice things about the sweaters she has knitted for me. Once again, Cindy is not my sister. She is a very close friend which makes her knitting me these sweaters all the more remarkable. Just imagine. She has put up with my bullshit ever since she met me in 1988. My sister's name is Sherry. She does not knit. She does needlepoint.
Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I drive down I85 on my way to Shepherd Center to work out. This is a picture of an actual billboard (I took the picture today) just south of the Claremont Road exit.
It's been up for over two weeks. I wonder how many traitorous booger eatin' moh-rons (Dimocrats) have complained?
I have a lot of blog friends. Some of 'em I have met in person, some only via e-mail. Over on the left side-bar is a list of all the ones I have met in person. There are some I have met who are not on that list, but that is due to the fact that I either didn't talk to you (or vice versa) or I was too drunk to remember you. Do we party at blogmeets? Duh!
So I'm looking over at the list and some of the people don't use their real names. I can relate. Sometimes we need to keep our identities secret. I used to call IBM TCIDNN (The Company I Dare Not Name), but I used my real name. My friend Brian was always worried I was gonna get in trouble, but I always told him that
1. IBM managers were too stupid to surf the web.
2. Even if they did, they wouldn't recognize themselves.
3. They wouldn't even recognize IBM.
I never got caught.
It's lots of fun at blogmeets when sometimes people don't respond to their real names. At Helen, Sam kept trying to get the attention of one of the bloggers by calling her by her real name. Finally, he used her blog name and got her attention immediately.
Anyway, I know lots of people by their blog names and not their real names. I know Army Wife's first name, but not her last. I also know that she is hot! She can do this! Holy freaking shit! I know Key Monroe's first name, but not her last. She's also hot! You detecting a pattern here?
There are guys like that too, but since they aren't hot, who cares? Zonker? Couldn't care less. He's just Zonker.
I do know Bou's first and last name along with that of her sister, Morrigan, but I ain't telling. Keeping up with the pattern of this post, I have to say they're both hot. Smart too.
Anyway, Christina e-mailed me asking for my address. I assume she wanted it because she wanted to send me a Christmas card. I realized that even though I have met her more than once and have known her for quite some time, I do not have the slightest idea of what her last name is. Same with her friend Susan. But then, I've discovered, that as bloggers, we're immediately on a first name basis.
Come to a bloogmeet sometime and you'll see what I mean. And did I mention that some of the blogger babes are hot?
Cindy knitted this sweater for me in 2004, which was my 58th birthday. Since I'm now retired, I hardly ever wear sweaters anymore, so she quit knitting them for me. This one is more of a cardigan that I can wear as a jacket. See the buttons? She also states that I can machine wash it.
I did mention that blue is my favorite color, right?
The Muse is mute. I have nothing to write about. Fortunately, I'm not getting paid to do this so I don't feel guilty. Instead, I'll post the differences between what makes a woman happy and what makes a man happy.
Sent to me by Mark.
How to make a woman happy?
It's not difficult.
To make a woman happy, a man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. give her compliments regularly
45. love shopping
46. be honest (white lies okay)
47. be very rich
48. not stress her out
49. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
53. to never forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Feed him
2. Fuck him
3. and Shut the fuck up.
... what more do we ask for?
So I found this quiz at Bou's place.
You're a scientific intellectual.
What Sort of Intellectual Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Yeah. I was an electronics technician in the Navy; I fixed and taught computers for IBM; I was a programmer and taught programming for IBM.
If you haven't read any of Jimbo's Ask Hillary columns youse guys have been really missing out on some good shit. And while you're at it, he found a New York asshole in San Francisco.
I notice that Jane has updated Trollorama and has commented on Topeka Troll's site. What that tells me is she has a lot of time on her hands since she lost her job at Burger King. Here's her replacement.
And he sings too. (Go give some hits to another cripple) That makes him even more talented than Jane, but that doesn't take too much. Jane, I hear Taco Bell is hiring. It must really suck to be such a loser.
Thanks Ralph.
I was talking to Shoe Friday night, and she asked me how I skied. Not very well. After three years, I finally made it onto a blue slope.
But as to how I am able to ski, one picture is worth a thousand words.
Going to Snowmass in less than two months.
I've taken down the Rat Turd Poll. Here are the results.
So I guess in the spirit of the Christmas season, I will lay off the loser for a while. But, if he wants another bitchslapping, he knows where I am. That also goes for his friend Jane, but she's too much of a coward to take me on directly. I almost feel sorry for her. No friends. No job. No money. No social skills. She's not gonna have a very merry Christmas. On the upside, since she doesn't have any friends, she won't have to send any Christmas cards or buy any presents.
That's the process of posting on a blog that no one reads and actually thinking that you have talent.
This is a real good cold weather sweater. Very thick and warm. I tried to get a closeup of the label but it didn't turn out. She signed this one.
Here is an early Christmas pun sent to me by Ron. I'm posting it now because come Christmas I probably wouldn't be able to find it.
One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This seemed like the perfect gift. "How do I get him to sing?" The young man asked, excitedly.
"Simply hold a lighted match directly under his left foot like this." was the shop owner's reply.
Chet began to sing "Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! ..." The shop owner then held another match under the parrot's right foot.
Then Chet's tune changed, and the air was filled with "Silent Night, Holy Night..."
The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm.
When the wife saw her gift she was overwhelmed. "How beautiful!" She exclaimed, "Can he talk?"
"No," the young man replied, "But he can sing. Let me show you."
So the young man whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet's left foot, as the shop-keeper had shown him, and Chet crooned, "Jingle Bells! The man then moved the lighter to Chet's right foot, and out came, "Silent Night. Holy Night..."
The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, "What if we hold the lighter between his legs?"
The man did not know. "Let's try it." He answered, eager to please his wife. So they held the lighter between Chet's legs.
Chet twisted his face, cleared his throat, and sang out loudly (as if it were the performance of his life),
"Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire...."
Now this is just plain mean. It's also funny.
Started doing my Christmas cards today. But, I hear you say, you're an atheist. Why are you sending out Christmas cards?
C'mon. Christmas is not just a religious holiday. It's also become a secular holiday what with Santa Claus and all that other stuff. I even put up a Christmas tree.
It's cold enough in Atlanta tonight to have a fire in the fireplace.
And, my mother made a bunch of Christmas doodads that I put out on the bookshelves of my wall unit.
OMFG! Is that a nativity scene on the middle shelf? Quick! Alert the ACLU! Would you believe I actually have a Santa Claus toilet seat cover my mother made for me?
Ryan, I found the backing for the family picture. I did have one after all.
Now my sister does Christmas in a big way. When she lived in California she always had a ten foot tree and about fifty boxes of ornaments to put on it. Then, she had about twenty boxes of Christmas doodads to put out. She's now downsized to an artificial tree.
But back to my Christmas cards. I only have one more letter to write. If I hadn't run out of stamps I would be almost done already. I should finish up by tomorrow if I remember to buy some stamps.
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas....
We're back to blue. Didja notice that all these pictures have been taken with the sweaters on my brand new hardwood floors?
Dear Cindy: I need to have you wash this sweater.
Not only does she knit them, but she also maintains them for me. By the way, many of these pictures do not do the sweaters justice. They're even more beautiful than they look. I should have had my brother-in-law take the pictures using his camera. He's a much better photographer than I am.
My workout sessions are showing results. Hell yes my upper body is getting stronger. I'm increasing the weights I use on all my upper body exercises. My crunches are finally starting to show results as my abs are getting more defined. I'm losing weight as I turn fat into muscle. Now I'm gonna have to start swimming laps to get the rest of the weight off. I should be in good shape for skiing in February. Going to Snowmass.
My lower body work to try to get as much out of the muscles below my level of injury is showing results, too. I felt it today at the grocery store.
Normally, Cindy takes me shopping on Saturdays. Unfortunately, she's out of town so I had to go on my own and I did it on foot. The grocery cart is just the right height to give me good balance and unlike walking with crutches, I use more of my leg muscles. Today, I felt stronger than I have since I got the foot sore that put me back in my wheelchair for four months which caused me to lose a lot of strength that I've never recovered. It felt real good to actually feel my gluts working a bit.
Now I just have to try to keep up the regimen I'm on.
Since Cindy is out of town, I invited Michael over to partake of my normal Saturday dinner: filet mignon, baked potato, and tossed salad.
I also bought some smoked salmon for before. Crap! I forgot to get some cheese! I guess we'll just have to suffer.
I'm furnishing the white wine. He's bringing the red.
I'm really suffering here, aren't I?
Since I'm banned from Rat Turd's site, I can no longer partake of his wisdom or his rapier like wit. That's OK. Some people have sent me some of his musings like this one.
I dated a lady for awhile, and we still seemed to be good friends. She recently made the comment “I finally found a real man” and then realized she insulted me. If I said “I found a real woman” around her she would have had a seizure. I wonder how her shoe tastes. She probably feels like a heel.
Actually she probably feels bad that she told you the truth, Rat Turd. She probably did finally find a real man, not one who runs away from a fight. And what would you know about a real woman anyway? A real woman would have no use for a loser like you.
One of the more intelligent people quit today, which sucks. I don’t blame her in the least bit, but her departure drops or collective IQ down a few points.
"or IQ"? And you and Jane made fun of Topeka Troll for his dyslexia? Geez Rat Turd, Topeka Troll is a retired judge. You're nothing but a middle-aged grocery clerk. Why don't you quit and raise the collective IQ by many points? It would probably double it.
And finally:
Have you ever had a battle of wits with an unarmed person?
Yep. Just last week. I almost feel guilty but I take a perverse pleasure in squashing cockroaches.
I find them to be entertaining.
Me too. Too bad you've given up. Why did you pull your post?
I am engaged in one right now, and you know what’s so cool? I don’t have to say a thing or lift a finger. Their own vices and arrogance will bring them down.
I find them to be entertaining also, especially when the person who is getting bitchslapped bans the people he is having the "battle of wits" with and then pulls the post that started the bitchslapping. You sound real brave, Rat Turd, hiding behind your ban of me and Topeka Troll. What color is the sky in your world? Probably yellow to match the streak down your back. Bring it on Rat Turd. Gimme your best shot. Oh? You have?
You're welcome for the hits. Pumpman and I have probably given you more hits this past week then you have received in the entire exstence of your pitiful blog.
Now go crying to your mommy (or Jane) about the mean old cripple picking on you. You are nothing but a cowardly, worthless piece of shit stuck on the bottom of my shoe.
No. I'm not done yet. Many of my readers are enjoying it. More next week.
Clean up on aisle five Mr. Grocery Clerk. Hop to it!
From Catfish. And then Mark sent me the following:
You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.
1) At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
2) A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted"
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."
3) When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
4) A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is
finished.
5) A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying."
6) A young son asked,
"Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."
7) Then there was a woman who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."
8) Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
9) If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
10) Just think, if it wasn't for marriage, men would go through
life thinking they had no faults at all.
11) First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky. Mine's still alive."
12) A Woman's Prayer
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom, to understand a man , to love and to
forgive him, and for Patience, for his moods. Because, Lord, if I
pray for Strength, I'll just beat him to death
So a bunch of you dudes bitched about last weeks' boobage. Are these any better?
Cindy and I were sitting in a doctor's office waiting to see the doctor for one of my many medical problems. If it is serious enough, Cindy goes along as a translator or to make sure the doctor doesn't fuck up.
For example, one year when I was in California visiting my sister over Christmas (She lived in the San Francisco Bay Area back then), I got a bad skin sore on the instep of my right foot. Knowing just how bad medical care can be, I self treated it with an antibacterial and hoped I could fend off a bad infection until I got back to Atlanta. The cellulitis was just starting when I returned to Atlanta, and Cindy was waiting at my house to take me to the emergency room.
We got to the emergency room and saw a doctor.
Doctor: Ouch! I bet that hurts.
Me: Nope. It doesn't. That's how I got it. I have no sensation in that area
Doctor: Oh. I see.
Anyway, he immediately prescribed a hard core antibiotic (Rosephin) which is administered by IV.
Note to anyone going on a hardcore antibiotic. It kills everything. I mean everything and that includes the good bacteria in your lower digestive tract which means massive diarrhea unless you take sumpin' like lactaid. Unfortunately doctors never tell you that. I just did.
The nurse had some problems sticking me, so Cindy had them close the curtains and she did it. She was also the person who handled my IV's when I was home. She was aided in this process by Ashley, my little nurse cat, who thought the IV line was a wondrous toy.
At the end of the emergency room visit, the nurse was getting ready to apply a dressing to my foot and was just about ready to put this white cream over the wound.
Cindy: Pardon me, but is that Sulfadine?
Nurse: Yes it is. Why do you ask?
Cindy: He's allergic to Sulfa drugs.
Nurse: Oh.
It's on my chart. And one of the first things they ask is if you are allergic to any medication. Had I been treated out in California, there is a good chance they would have used Sulfadine and I would have probably not realized what they are using.
So where was I? Oh yeah. Cindy and I were at the doctor's office and she was knitting sumpin'. She showed it to me.
Cindy: What do you think?
Me: Is that inside out?
Cindy: (Frostily) No. It is not inside out. It was gonna be your birthday sweater. (Note the emphasis on "was". We don't talk very much about that sweater. She wound up knitting it for someone else.)
Anyway, it was green and I'm not too big on green. The upshot was she knitted this sweater which I think was much better than the green one she was knitting.
Wanna see sumpin' neat? On one side of the sweater, she knitted my initials.
Pretty cool huh?
But I'm not done yet. This doctor visit was a followup on my foot. We didn't get to see my regular doctor. We saw another whom Cindy referred to later as an FMG.
Doctor: That looks pretty serious.
Me: Yes:
Doctor: How are you treating it?
Cindy: IV Rosephin. We need some IV stuff, saline solution and some Rosephin.
Doctor: Sure. The nurse will give you all the supplies and I'll write a script for the Rosephin.
Cindy: Thanks. We'll also need some dressing material.
Doctor: Ok. I recommend using heat to help the wound heal faster.
Cindy: (almost screeching) Heat? That's the worst thing you can do for a wound on a spinal cord injured patient! (She should know after all the years she worked at Shepherd Center, the Southeast's pre-eminent hospital for treating spinal cord injured patients.) He needs compression.
Doctor: Well, if you want the wound to heal faster, I guess that's right.
Cindy bit here tongue but after we left she mimiced the doctor and her answer then was, "Fucking right we want the fucking wound to heal faster you fucking FMG"!
Anyway, we got everything we needed and went back to my house. I had just moved to Beautiful Dunwoody about six months before this happened. It was a fortuitous move because no way could Cindy have come up to Acworth three days a week to handle my IV's and dressings. I would have had to use a visitng nurse and Cindy doesn't have a very high opinion of many of them. Not all, but many. Just as many doctors are not experienced dealing with spinal cord patients, many nurses are not either.
Everything turned out well in the end except for two things:
My mother died about two months later and my sister and I had to go up to St. Louis to take care of everything related to her death which of course, delayed my healing and some other complications arose.
Since I had to spend four months in a wheelchair, I lost a lot of leg strength. I had not used a wheelchair in over six years. I walked everywhere and around the house, I only used one crutch. I haven't regained the leg strength, altho' I'm trying to now that I'm retired and have the time and energy to work out three days a week.
The next sweater goes back to blue.
Someone asked who Cindy was and why she has knitted all these sweaters for me, so here is a short list of people I refer to on my blog.
Sherry - My sister
Ryan - Her husband.
Reid - Their son. He is in the Army and has served in Iraq. What I have heard from him about conditions there is much different than what I hear from the Lamestream Media. Go figger!
Cindy - A very good friend. I met her when I was rehabbing at Shepherd Center and she was a nurse on the floor. She has since moved on to a better and higher paid job. She is my health consultant and she takes care of me when I'm really sick or do sumpin' stupid like try to catch a wine glass in mid-air. One of the reasons I moved to Beautiful Dunwoody was to be closer to her.
Michael - Her husband and the wine buyer at Greens. I buy all my wine from him. I also drink a lot of wine with him and Cindy. I usually have them over to my house for dinner once a month and they do the same with me. The normal wine consumption is three bottles per dinner. Fortunately, we only live ten minutes from each other.
Wahoo - My redneck friend. He worked for IBM also and after my accident he got a job as a temporary instructor in Atlanta and helped with my rehab. He built those beautiful built-in bookshelves that You saw in this post.
Jeanella - His wife. She is a very hard working lady and a wonderful person.
Almost left out my friend Brian who still works as an instructor at IBM. He always gets pissed off at me when I use fuck in any of my posts.
There are a few others, but they never get mentioned in any of my posts so they're not included in the cast.
I have been blessed with very good friends.
She used a lot of burgundy in this one but the camera didn't really pick it up too well except near the bottom. The predominant color is still blue. In case you haven't figgered it out yet, blue is my favorite color. The next sweater will not be blue.
Didja miss me? I had some disk space issues that have been resolved. One of these days I'm actually gonna figger out what I'm doing, but I doubt it. I'm getting too old to learn all this crap.
I almost forgot to thank this guy for pointing me in the right direction. Acutally, he told me what the problem was. Thanks Jesse! You came through again and I really appreciate it.
It's like they have a contest at the Atlanta Urinal and Constipation between Cynthia Tucker and Jay Bookman as to who can be the most liberal and write the most inane opinion column. The difference is sometimes Cynthia stumbles upon the truth. A stopped clock is right twice a day. Unfortunately, Jay is never right. His latest column is titled Free market would never pick sprawl
Now WTF would a commie like Jay know about free markets?
There are two kinds of people: Us and them. And where the line falls between the two depends entirely on context.
Like jay is a commie and I'm a capitalist.
Sometimes us and them is a matter of gender — "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus," as the book title goes. Or, as columnist Maureen Dowd asks in her new book, "Are Men Necessary?"
As long as there are dildos neither Maureen nor Jane (Sorry. Just can't help it.) needs a man.
Then there's the line we draw depending on how and where we live. To suburban dwellers, the city is often viewed as a corrupt heart of darkness, in more ways than one. To city dwellers, the suburbs are perceived as rather soulless and pale, again in more ways than one.
Atlanta: Crime infested. Homeless people. Panhandlers. High taxes. Failing schools.
Suburbs: Low crime. Peaceful. Nice place to live. Lower taxes. Better schools.
Yep. I see the differences.
For example, one of the Atlanta region's biggest challenges is controlling sprawl, a development pattern that consumes tax dollars and open land and greatly complicates transportation planning and environmental problems. One of the options available to mitigate sprawl and its impact is an approach called "smart growth" — areas of higher-density development that mix residential, commercial and business uses.
Remember, to a liberal, sprawl is a dirty word.
Unfortunately, though, some suburban dwellers hear criticism of sprawl as some sort of a value-laden condemnation of suburban life.
Because that is exactly what it is.
They respond by launching a defense of sprawl that can be paraphrased with the following:
"What others deride as sprawl is actually just the free market at work, the result of millions of Americans choosing the lifestyle they prefer. And any effort to control or limit 'sprawl' is a misuse of government power promoted by elitists who want to instruct us common folk how to live."
Sounds like a pretty good summary to me.
Well, I've covered enough county commission and zoning board meetings to know that's just romantic mythology.
Kinda like the romantic mythology that socialism, centralized planning, and price controls work. Or the romantic mythology that Jimmah Carter was a good president. Or howza 'bout the romantic mythology that Bill Clinton is an honest man?
First of all, the free market, left to its own devices, produces dense development, not sprawl. Developers want to put as many units as possible on their property, because that's how they make the most profit; you don't see them going to court demanding the right to build fewer homes per acre.
Proof positive that Jay does not have a clue as to how the free market works. Developers want to build houses that people want to buy. For example people are buying houses up in Canton Georgia and Cartersville Georgia because land is cheap and they can get houses with one to five acre lots. Developers are doing this because they can make money doing it!!!!
Sprawl is possible only through intense government regulation. It is an artificial growth pattern achieved by laws that frustrate the free market's tendency toward density. The free market, left to its own devices, would never produce five-acre minimum lot sizes, or 2,500-square-foot minimum house sizes, or bans and moratoriums on apartments. The free market, left to its own devices, would produce growth patterns more like "smart-growth" policies.
Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit! If people want sumpin' and are willing to pay for it, someone will provide it. That is the way the free market works, but Jay doesn't know anything about the free market because he is a farking socialist!
In fact, smart-growth alternatives impose fewer restrictions on developers than does sprawl-inducing zoning, and infringe less dramatically on developers' property rights. Philosophically speaking, it ought to be a conservative's dream.
Maybe it would, but not everyone wants to live in a condo in a city. City taxes are higher for one thing. Also cities are run by liberals which means more crime, failing schools and higher taxes.
The claim that critics of sprawl are elitist is equally hard to swallow, given that one of the hallmarks of sprawl is economic segregation. Go to a county commission meeting and you'll see owners of $500,000 homes on five-acre lots protesting the construction of $250,000, one-acre homes nearby, and owners of $250,000 homes fighting against apartments and town houses.
But that's why people want to get away from the city. They want to get away from elitist snobs like Jay trying to tell us how to live. Y'know what they have against sprawl? The automobile. They hate cars. They want us to live in cities and use mass transit.
Sprawl is not a rejection of elitism; it is the expression of elitism. It is people using the power of government to protect "us" against the incursion of "them."
Jay was actually right for a change. We do want to get away from "them". We want to get away from the liberals who have fucked up the big cities. We want to live in big houses. We want lower taxes. We want less crime. We want more land. We want better schools. We don't want smug assholes like Jay Bookman telling us how to live our lives.
That is not, however, an argument in favor of trying to eliminate suburban growth patterns or the suburban lifestyle. Such things are ingrained in metro Atlanta, and are a large part of the region's success. Here in Georgia, only the most zealous of smart-growth advocates want to ban large-lot zoning and other sprawl-inducing mechanisms. Instead, they ask only that zoning laws be relaxed enough to allow smart-growth developments to compete for customers, so that people can be given a real choice.
And given that choice, most of the people will still live in the suburbs. In spite of the horrible traffic in Atlanta and the dreadful commutes, people are still choosing to live where land is cheap and they can live on a large lot. That is how the free market works.
Given the success of smart-growth projects around metro Atlanta, when people are given that choice, they jump at it.
Actually they jump at the big lots and the big houses in the suburbs even with the horrible traffic. If they didn't, why are there so many developments being built in the suburbs? It's called the free market Jay, and the free market actually likes sprawl.
Up until last year, my friend Cindy used to knit me a sweater for my birthday. The only reason she stopped was now that I'm retired, I don't wear sweaters much anymore. I usually wear flannel shirts or rugby shirts. When I still worked for IBM I wore a sweater to work everyday during the winter.
The first sweater she knitted for me was an Irish fisherman type sweater. It was all white. When my sister and my mother saw it, they both drooled over it. It was beautiful. Alas, I no longer wear it. My shoulders have gotten too big and that made the sleeves too short. Cindy altered it and I gave it to my sister.
"Yeah", I hear you say. "You just got too fat, didn't you."
Nope. Since I have to use my arms and shoulders to walk with crutches, those areas have bulked up. The Beauteous Bou told me in an e-mail that when she grabbed my arm up at Eric's to make a point in a conversation, she was surprised at how hard it was. Yep! Above the waist, I'm a hunk.
The next year, Cindy knitted me another Irish type sweater. This one was powder blue. My mother and sister drooled again. Alas, I also outgrew that one.
The following year, she knitted me a sweater with a pattern that had all different colors. She had done a lot of travelling the year she knitted it so this sweater visited many places during its creation. She was extremely proud of this and I think you'll see why.
When I found out that I was gonna get the cover on the story they wrote about me, I wore this sweater to the photo shoot so it would be immortalized. Isn't that an awesome sweater? At the time she gave it to me, we both agreed that it was the most beautiful sweater in the world. But she was just getting started.
Hey Rat Turd! I was 52 years old and wallowing in self pity when that picture was taken. Y'see that plane behind me? I actually flew it. Solo.
Jane fancies herself a knitter. Bet you she couldn't knit anything like that sweater.
Unfortunately, that sweater has gone to sweater heaven. The elbows wore out and Cindy was unable to repair them. I really miss that sweater. Out of all of 'em, I think it was my favorite.
Tomorrow, the fourth sweater Cindy knitted for me. Prepare to be dazzled.
Update: For those aviators out there that is a Piper Cherokee Warrior, N8220H.
Dear Rat Turd:
I just read in my comments that the post you wrote about me has been deleted. Is that true? Wassa matter, dude? I guess I must have struck a nerve. I guess I was right when I called you a pussy. Of course I can't verify the truth of the comment because I'm banned, sumpin' you denied. Looks like you're a coward and a liar Rat Turd. Explain to me about that "last laugh" thing you were talking about. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
How do you like having a whole shitload of people laughing at you? It's gonna get worse before it gets better. But, on the upside, you're getting a lot of hits. You're also getting a lot of people shaking their heads saying just what an asswipe you are. My good friend, Pumpman asked me where I found a dipshit like you. His name for you is Desert Dingleberry. So you hit the big time Rat Turd. Rob gets twice the hits that I do. You probably got over 500 people hitting your site and laughing their asses off at what a retard you are. Is that why you took the post down?
Here is some advice for you:
1. Pick better friends than Jane. She will turn on you eventually just like she has with all of her other friends.
2. When you want to put up a dumbshit post about someone, read more of what he has written so you don't make a total fool of yourself.
3. Don't pick a fight with someone who is a whole lot smarter than you are.
4. Don't bring a knife to a gun fight.
From Charles.
I agree, but he left out Murtha, Pelosi, Boxer, and Durbin. I'm sure there's more. That's just off the top of my head.
I've been saying stuff like this for years and I'm not even an economist (altho' I did take Econ 101 in college). I just understand the law of supply and demand. And I also moan about the economic ignorance in the country that demands that politicians "do something" about high gas prices. Doctor Williams writes this about that:
Of course there's another type of exchange not typically sought, namely good-bad exchange. An example of that kind of exchange would be where I approached the retailer with a pistol telling him that if he didn't do something good for me, give me that gallon of gas, I'd do something bad to him, blow his brains out. Clearly, I'd be better off, but he would be worse off. Game theorists call that a zero-sum game -- a transaction where in order for one person to be better off, the other must be worse off. Zero-sum games are transactions mostly initiated by thieves and governments.
Sometimes there really isn't much difference between thieves and gummints except gummints can legally take your money or your property and there's nothing you can do about it. The thief goes to jail. The gummint keeps on fleecing you. He continues:
In the wake of the spike in fuel prices, many Americans demand that politicians do something. You can bet the rent money that whatever politicians do will end up harming consumers. Despite a long history of their economic calamity, some Americans and politicians are calling for price controls or, what amounts to the same thing, anti price-gouging legislation. As Professor Thomas DiLorenzo points out in "Four Thousand Years of Price Control," price controls have produced calamities wherever and whenever they've been tried.
Unfortunately, selective memory is short. Many people are too young to remember the 70's. Other people are just too stupid to remember the 70's. What happened then? Gummint "did something" and initiated price controls which led to gas shortages and gas lines. When Reagan was elected he abolished price controls. Gas prices went up, people started economizing and conserving. They bought more fuel efficient cars that were manufactured in Japan. Detroit didn't get the message. They were still building gas guzzlers. Yeah the gummint enacted fuel efficiency standards, but it wasn't the gummint that made Detroit start building fuel efficient cars. It was competition and the market place. Detroit was behind the curve and they never recovered from their lack of prescience.
Does all this shit sound familiar? It should 'cause after 25 years, we're going through it again and once again Detroit is building gas guzzlers. The 25 years of cheap gas have ended. SUV sales are down. I wonder why?
I wonder how SondraK got this picture? She must know someone in Spokane.
The guys at Sacred Cow Burgers have done it again. 'Tis true that one picture is worth a thousand words. These traitorous bastards should be hauled off and shot. And that includes you Murtha. How dare you stab our great soldiers in the back! What kind of Marine are you? Oh yeah. You're a fucking Dimocrat. Fuck you! And the Poodle is doing his reprise of the Jinjus Kahn bullshit. Fuck you too dickwipe! Turban Durbin should go to Iraq so he could give Saddam Hussein a blowjob. Howie Dean needs to be put in a straitjacket and locked away. Assholes! All of'em!
OMFG! My good friend Shoe sez she was named after a cow. Say it ain't so!
I know a lot of you folks don't like this kind of stuff, but I'm just in a bitchslapping mood and what I'm doing is a lot of fun. It amuses me to stomp on these stupid assholes. Plus, I haven't done a decent fisk lately. I'm overdue.
Rat Turd put up a post about me. I can't read it since he banned me from his site, but one of my readers sent it to me. So here is my response.
Dear Rat Turd:
A reader sent me your post on me. Since you are a coward, like your pal Jane, and have banned me from your site, I thought I would answer your post here. This is a bonus for you since more people will read this post on my site than will read it on your site.
The Ultimate in Pathetic BehaviorI have never witnessed such childish behavior in my life....until today.
How long have you been reading Jane? She is the ultimate in childish behavior. Also ranting on about another person and forbidding that person from seeing what you wrote sounds pretty childish to me, Rat Turd. BTW, I didn't give you the name Rat Turd. Topeka Troll did it when you banned him from your site.
What is sad is this is from a 58 year old man who has some serious self pity issues.
Dude. I'm 59 years old and if you had read a few more of my posts you would know that I despise self pity. I do not feel sorry for myself. In fact, I'm very proud of my accomplishments since my accident. I snow ski. I SCUBA dive. I have soloed in an airplane. I retired at 58 after a successful career at IBM and my net worth is over $1 million. Yep. I'm a SRF© and I'm proud of it. You wanna see self pity? Look no further than your good buddy Jane. I wrote a post about an e-mail she sent me. She wallows in self pity.
He is known as grouchy old cripple, and the name is transparent to show he feels sorry for himself.
Nope. I picked that name because I knew it would piss off the PC police. I am not handicapable or differently abled or any of the other stupid PC words liberals have come up with to describe my condition. I'm a cripple.
I won’t even link to him, find it yourself.
I wouldn't get any hits from you if you did, Rat Turd. No one reads your fucking blog anyway. I probably gave you more hits yesterday than you've had in the last six months. You're welcome.
To say that he is childish insults children.
Boo fucking hoo! I'm so upset that I can't read Rat Turd's crap.
He is beneath contempt.
Thanks for the compliment.
Go ahead- click the link and make my day
Uh! I thought you weren't linking to me.
keep going, there's more »
I can hardly wait Rat Turd. Please continue.
This afternoon I noticed a large number of hits from his web site. I checked it out and he had labeled me “Rat Turd” and claimed I had banned him from visiting this blog.
And you didn't even thank me for making your sitemeter spin like crazy. The only reason I linked to you was because you banned me.
I never did that, and have no clue why he would accuse me of such a thing.
Probably because when I try to access your site I get the following message:
That's what you get when someone bans your IP address. How long have you been on the internet?
However reading on he began to rant about another blogger who took her site down.
That's right. She has a history of pissing people off, telling lies about them, and then running away. She can dish it out, but she cannot take it. We're waiting for her to go public again so we can do it again. It has become sport for us.
So- it appears this pussy is trying to attack me based on association with another person he happens to hate.
Dude, the pussies are people who ban other people from their sites or who run away from a fight. You and Jane are both pussies. And I didn't attack you. I just pointed out that you banned me. You wanna see an attack? I can do that. For example, I can attack your reading skills. You probably only read one or two posts by me and noticed the name of my site is Grouchy Old Cripple and that's where you came up with this bullshit rant. BTW, I don't hate Jane. I feel sorry for her, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy bitchslapping her. At one time I was her friend but she threw my friendship back in my face. She'll do the same to you Rat Turd. She is a psycho.
I have never even spoken to this so-called man, but by reading his blog I can tell that his real handicap is not his wheelchair.
You have not read very much of my blog. I can tell by this bullshit rant. Also, I am not confined to a wheelchair. I also walk with braces and crutches and I also do some spectacular falls. Ask Eric.
He prefers to shit and piss on people because they are not handicapped.
Huh? WTF? I prefer to piss and shit on people because they are fucking idiots. I prefer to piss and shit on people who are mentally handicapped like you and Jane. Once more dickhead, read more of my stuff. I have nothing against people who are able bodied. Some of my best friends are able bodied.
I feel for anyone who has had misfortune, assuming what he says is true; but good grief he is no better than anyone who discriminates against handicapped people.
It is not so much misfortune as the fact that I fucked up and paid the price. I could have sat on my ass and whined and wallowed in self pity, like your friend Jane does, or I could get on with my life and overcome my handicap. I chose the latter. Jane chose self pity.
See the list of bloggers I have met in person over on the left sidebar? Ask them if I discriminate against able bodied people. Ask them if I wallow in self pity.
A so-called man who is almost 60 years old should be wise and kind; two traits which seem nonexistent in him. It appears he has the IQ of an ice cube.
Wise and kind. I'm wise and kind to people who deserve it. Unfortunately, you and Jane do not fall into that category. For a guy with an IQ of an ice cube, I have managed to accumulate a nice house, three cars, and a nice income for the rest of my life. Not too bad for someone as dumb as I am. Maybe you and Jane should have the IQ of an ice cube. Maybe then she wouldn't have been fired from Macy's and the store she worked at before. Maybe then you would have a better blog and some actual readers.
I have had heavy traffic which I think is positive for me- hell- he said he liked hits on his site and he tries to shut me down by referring people here?
Who said I was trying to shut you down? I just figgered I'd let the rest of the Blogosphere in on your crappy site.
That makes as much sense as wiping before you shit. Also- if he is banned, why can he still see my blog?
I can't see your blog. I'm banned. One of my readers sent me your rant.
I have had many visits from him and others from his site.
You've had visitors that I've sent your way, but you haven't had any visits from me since I'm banned. Hear that Rat Turd? I'm banned. Forbidden. I can't get to your site. Do you understand what I'm saying?
I will get the last laugh- count on it.
Cool. What are ya gonna do to me? I can hardly wait. Are you gonna ban everyone that comes to you from my site? Yeah. That will give you the last laugh OK. I can see you with your fingers in your ears saying, "Nyaa, Nyaa, Nyaa I can't hear you!"
Yep Rat Turd, you have the last laugh dontcha? You're a pathetic, cowardly booger eatin' moh-ron with a pathetic blog that no one reads and you have some pathetic friends. You're welcome for all the hits.
The only reason Topeka Troll and I have been lurking at your blog is to track down Jane when she comes out from under her rock so we can shut her down again. It's become sport to us. She is a typical cowardly liberal who runs at the first sign of a fight. You know the type. She starts a fight and then goes running to her mommy. We're not trying to shut you down. You're an insignificant nobody. Go ahead and rag on me again for your 25 readers to read.
Holy crap Rat Turd! I just found out that Jane has Super Admin authority on your site and she was the one who banned me. You're more of a retard than I thought. You don't even run your own site and you're calling me stupid?
Now go ahead and do another rant about what an asshole I am and then try to make sure I don't read it. I'm sure that Jane with her new blog from a secret undisclosed location is doing the same thing. She's probably even created a PDF file telling her side of the story like she did with Rue.
Bring it on Rat Turd! Give me your best shot!
A cake for Pumpman
From one Rob to another Rob. Rob posted the recipe in the coments and I'm moving it to the front page. Who knows? Maybe Pumpman may want to make it for himself.
Kitty Litter Cake
1 box spice cake mix
1 box white cake mix
1- 12 oz. box vanilla wafers, crushed
1 small pkg instant vanilla pudding
powdered sugar
6-10 tootsie rolls
green food coloring
1 brand new kitty litter pan
1 brand new pooper scooper
Prepare and bake cakes as directed. Crumble into kitty litter pan. Prepare pudding, mix into cake crumbles. Add a few drops of green food coloring to 1 cup cookie crumbs and set aside. Mix remainder of cookie crumbs into pan. Soften tootsie for 10 seconds in microwave, shape to resemble cat droppings and arrange on top of pan, sprinkle with green cookie crumbs and the powdered sugar. Serve with pooper scooper.
Y'all have heard of honeydo's right? It turns out that here at GOC Central we have Ryando's. They are jobs that my brother-in-law Ryan gets to do when he comes to visit.
My sister loves Champagne. As such, she is willing to have Ryan drive three hours to Atlanta from South Carolina to attend the annual Sommelier Guild of Atlanta's Champagne tasting.
My sister has been bitching about the state of the grout in my guest bathroom. So on this trip, Ryan cleaned up all the old grout and caulked the bathtub and tile in the guest bathroom. He did an awesome job! I'd take a picture and post it, but I cannot get back far enough. He said he'd do my shower in the master bath, but I think I'm just gonna redo the master bath and have the shower tile replaced.
We also bought an end table for my library. I had been using the file cabinet I bought with my desk as an end table, but it extended out too far and kept me from closing the library door. Also, I needed a printer stand for my printer since It wouldn't fit inside the printer compartment of my desk. Ryan came up with the idea of moving my file cabinet to the right side of my desk and putting the printer on top of it.
So now we needed an end table. We went looking for one over Thanksgiving weekend but couldn't find one. My sister was bound and determined that we would get one this time, so on Sunday, we went out looking again. At the second place we went, we were just about to leave when Ryan found a room with clearance items. Ironically, we found a printer stand the fit the bill. It wouldn't have worked for my printer, but it is excellent as an end table.
And no, the picture on the wall is not crooked.
Also, today, Ryan noticed that the valve on the toilet in the guest bathroom had just started leaking so he went ahead and replaced that as well.
I'm lucky to have a brother-in-law who is so handy.
Golly gee. I've been banned from Rat Turd's site. I never even commented there. I do know why I'm banned. This guy is a friend of Jane. She's afraid that when she crawls out from under her rock in a few months and goes public with a new blog that Topeka Troll, Rue (The person responsible for shutting her down when she was funkalicious.), or myself will be able to track her down through the comments on Rat Turd's site. I wonder if he would like to have his sitemeter spin like crazy? Go ahead. Give him a Crippleanche. He could use the hits. Ask him why he is banning people. See if you can get him to ban you as well. If he does, let me know. Like I've said earlier, "If you have a blog and no one reads it, is it still a blog?" I love getting hits. I don't even ban trolls anymore. I just play Whack a Troll with them.
Dear Rat Turd: Jane is a liberal leftist loony. I read your Cindy Sheehan post. Jane is on Cindy's side. Jane is insane and she will turn on you as she has turned on so many other people in the Blogosphere. She is a psycho. You have been warned.
Another thing that has pissed me off: Where are Jane's minions? I keep expecting to get comments from all of Jane's friends telling me what an asshole I am. Could it be that Jane doesn't have too many friends?
Also, since it's getting close to Christmas, Topeka Troll has a link to Jane's Amazon wish list. I see two items on that list that Jane really needs.
Update: Jane used to have a site where she called herself Funkalicious. She shut down that site and crawled back under her rock because of this post and this post.
Remember, Jane is a cowardly loony leftist liberal and has no stomach for a fight. She's been driven underground twice. History will repeat itself again when she crawls out from under her rock for the third time.
Oh, and in one of the e-mails Jane sent to Rue she said that Rue was jealous of her rack. I saw the pictures that Jane took of her rack and let me tell you, if that was Jane's rack, she has nothing to be proud of. Those were the ugliest tits I have ever seen in my entire life. No way they would ever make Saturday Boobage. Sorry, I can't show them to you because they were so awful, I didn't save any of the pictures. Anyway, there's no reason for me to make any of my readers hurl.
Today we have a plethora of puns from Leslie. OK. Not all of them are puns.
1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.
2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path
4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!
6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid's
7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick
8.. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.
9.. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko.
11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.
12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.
13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.
14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.
15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.
16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.
17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.
18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.
19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.
20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.
21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.
22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer.
Tonight is the Sommelier Guild of Atlanta's annual Champagne function. We are having it at Toulouse, in Buckhead. Here is the menu annd the wines we are drinking.
First Course:
Pan Sauteed North Carolina Trout finished in a White Wine Caper Sauce and
served with Veggie Rice Pilaf and Steamed Broccoli
First Flight:
Pommery Brut Champagne NV
Delamotte Brut Champagne NV
Krug Brut Grand Cuvee NV
Second Course:
Fresh crepes w/ sauteed chicken breast/onions & oyster/mushroom basil cream sauce
Second Flight
Deutz Vintage Champagne 1995
Pol Roger Vintage Champagne 1996
Pommery Cuvee Louise Champagne 1995
Third Course:
Pistachio Encrusted Yellow Fin Tuna over Field Greens,
tossed in a Mango Cucumber Vinaigrette, and Soy Ginger Glace
Third Flight:
Newton Unfiltered Chardonnay Napa Valley 2002
Chandon Pinot Meunier 2003
W.H.Smith Pinot Noir Sonoma Coast 2003
Coffee/Expresso
I wonder what the peasants and other losers (you know who you are) are doing tonight? Probably whining about SRF©'s and how life is so unfair. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
A man walked into a pet store and was looking at the animals on display.
While he was there, a First Class Petty Officer from the local Navy base walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "I'll take a maintenance monkey, please."
The man nodded, went to a cage at the side of the store and took out a monkey. He put a collar and leash on the animal and handed it the PO1, saying, "That'll be $5,000." The PO1 paid and left with the monkey.
Surprised, the man went to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred dollars. Why did that one cost so much?"
The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that's a maintenance monkey. He can run diagnostics on all radars/weapons systems, score 95 on the ASVAB test, operate all forms of test equipment, perform the duties of any Maintenance Man qualified person with no back talk or complaints. It's well worth the money.
The man spotted a monkey in another cage "That one's even more expensive, $10,000! What does it do?"
"Oh, that one is a Workcenter Supervisor monkey! It can instruct at all levels of maintenance, supervise maintenance on the unit, intermediate, and depot level, knows all OPNAV instructions, utilizes ORM, and even conducts Divisional Training. A very useful monkey indeed," replied the shopkeeper.
The man looked around a little longer and found a third monkey in a cage. The price tag read, "$50,000." The shocked tourist exclaimed, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What in the world does it do?"
"Well, I've never actually seen him do anything but drink coffee and walk around, but his papers say he's a Navy Chief!"
Yvonne sent me this.
When I was in the Navy, we used to say that a Navy chief had a permanant crook in one hand for holding a coffee cup and the fingers in the other hand frozen in a V for holding a cigarette. Oh yeah. He had a comic book in his back pocket.
Maybe there is some truth to it after all.
From Charlieb.
I quit giving money to the United Way my last two years working for IBM. I got pissed off because some United Way chapters stopped giving money to the Boy Scouts because of their stance on gay scout leaders. I took all the money that I would normally give to the United Way, and gave it directly to the Boy Scouts. You can call me homophobic if you like. I believe that the Boy Scouts, as a private organization, can set their own rules.
I never gave money to the Red Cross because I thought that as a charitable organization, they paid their employees too much money. When I was fixing typewriters for IBM, I dated a few secretaries. The babe I dated who worked for the Red Cross was the highest paid of all of them. She was the most babealicious of all of them and that might have had sumpin' to do with it.
I do give money to the Salvation Army. I'm also an atheist. Even so, I think the Salvation Army does a better job. Here's another reason.
As you open your pockets for yet another natural disaster, keep these facts in mind:
Marsha J. Evans, President and CEO of the American Red Cross...
$alary for year ending 06/30/03 was $651,957 plus expenses.
Brian Gallagher, President of the United Way receives a $375,000 base $alary, plus numerous expense benefits.
The Salvation Army's Commissioner Todd Bassett receives a salary of only $13,000 per year (plus housing) for managing this $2 billion dollar organization.
I report. You decide.
Now this is just so wrong. Brings to mind the old Tom Lehrer joke about the guy who was practicing animal husbandry until they caught him at it.
And it really was nice of Jane to post pictures of herself and her latest boyfriend and try to pass them off as Topeka Troll and his daughter. See what I meant about a pig in a poke?
I'm just so loving this feud. Take sides and comment on both sites.
This bit of wisdom was forwarded to me by Catfish.
Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from
such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The
garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of
themselves. Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You
can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear
NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the
truth.
The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to
another gas station restroom because this one is just
too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which
way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux
rental-$100. People never stare at
your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically
expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your
feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are
over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You
can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for
the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone
forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your
friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs
of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have
strap problems in public. You are unable to see
wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face
stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for
years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face
and neck.
You can play with toys all your life. Your belly
usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair
of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear
shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your
nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice
concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on
December 24 in 25 minutes.
No wonder men are happier.
GOC here. Men may be happier but women control 60% of the world's wealth and 100% of the world's pussy so it all works out in the end.
I got enough 2005's to last the rest of the year.
Here's another reason I hate Dimocrats.
Democrats have given Saddam Hussein a shocking vote of confidence in the latest Fox News Opinion Dynamics survey, with a solid plurality saying the world would be better off if the Butcher of Baghdad was still in power.Forty-one percent of Democrats gave Saddam a thumbs up, while just 34 percent said Iraq is better served with the murderous dictator gone, reports the New York Post.
Just like they were on the side of the commies and any other socialist dictator, like Fidel Castro, during the Cold War, they're now on the side of the Islamofascists in the War on Terror.
I just don't understand how these assholes can hate America. If they like Muslim dictators so much why don't they move to a Muslim country, like Syria. They probably admire Baby Assad too.
Traitorous booger eatin' moh-rons!
For some reason I'm on Moveon.org's e-mail list. It's probably because I subscribe to The New Republic. I only subscribe every other year. I use the one year introductory rate and when renewal time comes up, I don't renew. A year later, they offer me the introductory rate again, and I subscribe again. I'll pay $19.99 per year, but I won't pay $39.99 per year.
Why do I read The New Republic? It's not all liberal. After all, at one time it was run by Michael Kelly. He got fired by Martin Peretz for not laying off Algore, who is a protege of Marty. Mort Kondracke, Charles Krauthammer, and Fred Barnes have all written for TNR. I agree with them on Israel.
But I digress. Moveon.org sent me the following link to an online survey. Go ahead and have some fun taking the survey. I did. They even have a place to comment at the end. I told them exactly what I thought of them, the treasonous bastards.
I just found a neat game for Pumpman. Thanks to the Topeka Troll and Charlieb.
I'm glad to hear that. No, this is not Saturday Boobage. This is a bonus. Got it from Catfish.
Update: I just heard from a reliable source that the boobage is real. Sorry, her name and the source of the info must remain anonymous. And just remember, somewhere and sometime, some man got tired of her bullshit.
The Beauteous Bou is fixin' to crack 50,000 hits on her current site. She's thinking the 50,000th hit will be from someone Googling 'Boy Pee Jello' or 'Teach Me to Burp" or "Poop in a Cup". Although that would be kinda cool, why don't we make the 50,000th hit from something even worse: a referral from this site. Go on over and try to be number 50,000.
Do it! Now!
one of the things I really hate about liberals is their lack of consistency. They keep changing their rules. They keep changing their minds. They seem to have no logic. I'm beginning to think that liberalism is a disease, just like BDS
As an example let's use Jane, the Spokane Skank. First off, she claims to be a moderate. Yeah, that's what they all say. Why do so many liberals deny who they are? Aren't they proud of their beliefs? I'm proud to be a libertarian/conservative and I admit it readily, but so many liberals claim to be moderates or progressives and deny their liberalism.
Earlier this year, Jane asked me to remove her from my blogroll, which I did. Then when I linked her in a post remarking that she had banned me from her site she crowed about all the hits I was sending to her site. Since she was happy about getting a Crippleanche and having her site meter spinning like crazy, I put her back on my blogroll. Then, all of a sudden, she started banning everyone I sent to her site. Then she went members only. Then she took down her site all together and moved to a new secret domain in an undisclosed location that she only shared with her select core of ten readers. (If someone starts a blog and no one reads it, is it still a blog?)
The URL I posted earlier is a site she put up on blowspot in response to the Topeka Troll ragging on her. She said she is getting bored, which means she is about to cut and run from that site as well.
Jane exhibits another trait common to liberals: cowardice. When presented with a confrontation she cuts and runs. This is the second time another blogger has forced her to shut down a site and move to a secret members only site at an undisclosed location. The Topeka Troll has already told me that if she goes public again, he will find her and he will shut her down again.
She cannot even be consistent in her insults. First she said that I was upset because I wanted to get into her pants. My response was that I did not want to boink a pig in a poke (pun and insult intended) and I had probably stumbled over better looking skanks than she looking for a quite corner to have a date with Rosie Palm and the Five Fingers. Her response was she didn't think cripples could do that. Outside of the fact that she was making fun of me being a cripple (Where's that liberal compassion and political correctness? After all she got mad at me for making fun of homeless people.) she's now saying I'm impotent which would mean I would be unable to do anything if I did get into her pants so why would I be trying to bone her?
C'mon. I hate having a battle of wits with someone who is unarmed.
But enough about Jane. Let's look at racists. When Trent Lott said nice things about Strom Thurmand, he had to resign his post as majority leader. Somne Dimocrats even think he should have been forced to resign from the Senate. Then we had Christopher Dodd praise Robert Kleagle Byrd and said that he would have been a good Senator anytime in history. Probably about 1820 to 1860 when the slavery debates were going on. We know which side of that debate he would have been on. I admit there were some criticisms of Dodd but nowhere as loud as the invective thrown at Lott. It just shows that Dimocrats can get away with murder. Just ask Ted Kennedy.
Where's the consistency?
Let's look at sexual harassment. Remember Clarence Thomas? Remember pubic hairs on Coke cans? Remember Long Dong Silver? Remember the harpies like Barbara Boxer screaming about this shit? Remember them saying that any sex, even if it was consensual, between a powerful man and a subordinate was bad? If that man were a CEO, he should resign. If that man were a military officer he should resign. If that man were a Senator (Robert Packwood) he should resign. OK. Them's the rules, right? Nope. If that man were a Dimocrat president getting his knob waxed by a chubby intern everything is different. Pubic hairs on Coke cans bad. Blowjobs in the Oval Office good.
C'mon. Where's the consistency.
Bob Packwood blew in an office worker's ear. Bad.
Bill Clinton mauled Kathleen Willey. Good.
She told him to stop and he did. Gloria Steinem even came up with the One Free Grope Rule. Way to take a stand on sexual harassment, Ms. Feminist. That pushed sexual harassment in the ofice place back 30 years. But Gloria Steinem said we all get one free grope now. Senator Packwood, if only you had known.
Just wait until a Republican politican mauls someone in his office. We'll see Boxer and Steinem screeching and carrying on like the hypocritical harpies they are. Rosa DeLauro will probably join 'em. Now there is a real harpie.
No consistency.
One set of rules for conservatives. For liberals the rules get to be living rules, just like their description of the Constitution as a living document.
Putzheads!
I'm really getting sick of this shit! This is one of the reasons I started blogging. As long as the liberals keep on making up new rules or changing them on the fly, I'll have sumpin' to blog about.
And as long as there are dumb liberal twats like Jane, I'll have sumpin' to blog about.
Looks like I'll be able to keep blogging for a long time.
