This one is from River Rat.
A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young Blonde declared, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for free!"
The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, "Well little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?"
The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator.
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand. As he brings his car to a stop, he sees a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her.
With lightning reflexes, the Blonde takes aim, shoots the creature and hauls it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were 7 more dead gators, all lying belly up. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement.
The blonde struggles mightily and manages to flip the gator onto its back. Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screams in frustration, "THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!"
I posted a picure of this lady before. She is from the 60's. Her picture was sent to me by STL Media. She's now 63.
Once again we play Don Surber's game, Name That Party. Today's scumbag is a former governor of Alabama. From the AP which we know <sarcasm> has no bias whatsoever</sarcasm>.
MONTGOMERY, Ala. - Attorneys for former Alabama Gov. Don Siegelman and former HealthSouth CEO Richard Scrushy said they would appeal their sentences in a bribery and corruption case the judge said damaged public trust in state government.
Hmmmm. No party mentioned in the first paragraph, but since it mentions bribery and corruption he has to be a Republican right? After all, Dimocrats are all lilly white and honest uncorruptible politicians. Just look at the Clintons and William Jefferson.
Siegelman was sentenced Thursday to more than seven years in federal prison and Scrushy got nearly seven years. U.S. District Judge Mark Fuller ordered both immediately taken into custody, not even giving them time to talk with their families.
No party mentioned in the next paragraph. It's looking more and more like this scumbag is a Dimocrat. If he were a Republican it's usually mentioned in the first paragraph.
Finally, in the seventeenth paragraph we find out his party.
He said it also debunks claims that a Republican political vendetta was behind the probe of the Democratic governor. "It puts to rest all the speculation and the conspiracy theories," he said.
But all I really had to do was read the first paragraph and when it didn't mention Republican, I knew the scumbag was a Dimocrat. It's just like when I hear of a terrorist act, I know it's a Moo-Slime.
This game is just too easy.
That ain't me. I don't have a trampoline or a sexy neighbor.
Hello Mrs. Edwards, can little Johnny come out to play? What? He's in his room crying because of that mean Ann Coulter? Maybe you oughta call up Hardball and chew her out about that. You did? Too bad very few people saw it. maybe SNL will do a parody of it and then more people will see it since SNL has more viewers than Hardball.
In case y'all haven't seen it, here it is.
Isn't it amazing that a conservative woman is willing to go on a show hosted by a liberal (and get sandbagged by Mrs. Edwards calling. You don't think that wasn't planned by Matthews and his staff?) but liberals like poor widdle Johnny Edwards, who is hiding behind his wife's skirts, won't appear on that eeeeevil Fox News? The Dims refuse to allow Fox to host a debate because they are afraid of being asked tough questions.
And let's talk about poor widdle Johnny Edwards and smear tactics. Do y'all remember the debate in 2004 when he brought up Cheney's lesbian daughter? Cheney showed a lot of class when he replied, and I paraphrase: I would like to thank the Senator for his kind words about my family.
I always get a kick when liberals talk about mean spirited conservatives when they are much meaner, like when Bill Maher said the world would be better off if Cheney were dead. Or the odious Juliane Malveaux hoping that Clarence Thomas's wife would feed him high fat foods so he would have a heart attack. And how can we forget about how Bush is Hitler and he and Cheney are terrorists?
Wait until we get closer to the election and the Clinton Smear Machine cranks up. Fortunately for poor widdle Johnny, he doesn't stand a chance of getting the Dimocrat nomination so the Clinton Smear Machine will leave him alone. Obama is another matter.
I hope poor widdle Johnny feels better since his wife told off that eeeeevil Ann Coulter. Ann's got more balls than poor widdle Johnny. She fights her own battles.
Update: I wish I had written the following by Sister Toldjah (link via Don Surber):
But isn’t it mildly ironic that Mrs. Edwards chides Coulter for her inflammatory rhetoric in spite of the fact that her husband’s campaign hired some of the most foul-mouthed inflammatory bloggers in the leftosphere, and wanted to keep them even after supposedly ‘just finding out’ through other bloggers and pundits just how crude and offensive they were, using terminology that makes Coulter look like Mary Poppins? He demanded ‘assurances’ from them, of course, that they would keep it clean on his blog but that said nothing about their continued insults and highly inflammatory and crude language used on their own.
I just love it when liberals fight. It's so much fun to watch. The latest fight is right here in Atlanta. I just love the headline.
Neighbors tilt at plan for wind turbine
Obviously someone's read Don Quixote or saw Man From La Mancha.
Curt and Christine Mann are renovating their Grant Park house to make it green to the nth degree. They're recycling wood, installing airtight foam insulation and solar lighting, and capturing gray water to flush toilets.
Good little liberals. Algore would be so proud of y'all.
But what sets the Manns apart from other enviro-conscious families is their plan to install a device not seen in any other Atlanta neighborhood —- a 45-foot wind turbine.
Damn! I don't think Grant Park is close enough to either city hall or the capitol building to to harness the wind released by all the bloviating blowhard politicians.
When the turbine's three 6-foot blades spin, electricity will be generated to help power the home.The Manns say the planned wind tower in their yard shows a commitment to rely less on fossil fuels and help curb global warming.
"We're just trying to walk the talk," Christine Mann said.
Hmmmm. I thought the proper phrase was "talk the talk and walk the walk" or "walk the walk and talk the talk", but what do I know?
They're also testing the limits of green tolerance in Grant Park, a historic neighborhood near Turner Field and Oakland Cemetery that's considered liberal and environmentally aware.Opponents say the tower, which received a permit from the city, will be nothing more than a giant yard ornament on a street where old houses have been lovingly preserved.
But it will be a giant "yard ornament" that shows the Manns' commitment to saving the planet. C'mom! Haven't you people seen An Inconvenient Truth? Dontcha realize that we only have ten more years and then we'll be past the point of no return? I've circled the date on my calendar. Sometime in June of 2017 we'll be doomed, unless Algore keeps moving the goalposts on the point of no return like he has for the past six years. He has been saying for the last six years that we only have ten more years left so in reality we only have until 2011. All you liberals in Grant park should be applauding what the Manns are doing. But nooooooo! Just like the Kerrys and Kennedys will not allow windfarms off the coast of Taxachusetts, you people in Grant park are keeping the Manns from reducing their carbon footprint.
Bad liberals! Bad!
"Do we want to turn historic Grant Park into a proving ground for residential wind energy?" asked tower opponent Scott Herzinger in an e-mail to neighbors. "Is this an experiment we want to be part of?"
C'mon Scott! Dontcha wanna save the planet? We only have ten more years! Get with the program!
Tower opponents have created a Web site —- treesyestowersno.org —- and put up dozens of stake signs that say, "Trees, yes. Towers, no."
What's running through my mind right now is "four legs good, two legs bad".
But wouldn't all those yard signs make the neighborhood look like crap? And just think, if the signs are made of cardboard all of the trees that would have to be killed to create them. And the stakes as well. At least that's what Curt Mann said.
"Hopefully they printed their signs on recycled paper," Curt Mann responded."Is it their belief that Grant Park is immune to climate change?"
It's really hard to read (or write about) this article with a straight face. But it turns out that the Manns are not totally green.
The Manns are renting a house down the street while their future home undergoes its green transformation. Curt Mann, a former property manager turned developer, frequently bicycles to meetings. But "we're not purists," he said. "I drive an SUV."
Horrors! An SUV? No! Say it ain't so! You better get some carbon offsets. You can get them here for free! Make Algore proud of you!
It's the green thing to do!
Let's see. Readers got me twice in one day. I misspelled blonde on my Monday Pun and I couldn't tell the difference between a fire hydrant and a parking meter. What can I say? I'm 60 years old and my thought processes are going down the tubes. I've turned into my father. Not quite. When my father was my age, he had already been dead for three years. Anyhoo, this is a good time to start posting 'toons on the joys of aging. These all came from Mark.
Woo hoo!
Found out about blog rating from V-Man (Dude! Don't you know enough HTML to remove that ad under the rating? ) and Rachel Lucas whose sites are rated NC-17. Pikers! Now I know why the Silvertree Hotel in Snowmass blocked my site. They said it was for porno (probably Saturday Boobage) but according to this I'm rated R for the following reason:
This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:
* bitch (8x)
* crap (2x)
* pissed (1x)
WTF? Rachel uses fucking and is rating NC-17. C'mon. I use fuck a lot more than she does. Bitch, crap, and pissed gets me an R? WTF? I'm really pissed about that crap! What a bitch that is.
Don Surber has a game on his site known as Name That Party where he presents news stories about our politician scumbags (being a little redundant here as most of our politicians are scumbags) and has you guess the political party the scumbag belongs to. It's an easy game to play. If the scumbag is a Republican, his political affiliation is almost always in the first paragraph. If he's a Dimocrat, his party affiliation, if it is even mentioned in the story, is way, way down in the story.
Here is an example from the Atlanta Urinal and Constipation. Hey, I'm not above stealing someone elses schtick.
An Atlanta councilman accused of violating ethics rules for having city workers pave part of his driveway in 2004 settled the matter Thursday by paying a fine and promising not to ask for city services that aren't available on the same terms to all city residents.
No party affiliation in the first paragraph.
In what amounts to a plea of "no contest," Councilman Jim Maddox didn't admit or deny the allegations that he used his public office for personal gain. Maddox agreed to pay a fine of $812.26 from his personal funds and refrain from "requesting or accepting city services from city employees that are not available on the same terms to any citizen of the city on request," according to a consent order approved Thursday without comment by the city's Board of Ethics.
No party affiliation in this paragraph either.
What always surprises me is that gummint entities have boards of ethics. If these boards really did their jobs we would have a lot of unemployed politicians since so many of them are ethically challanged. Take the latest Clinton scandal. Bill and Hillary are scumbags par excellence, but they are loved by the liberal media so this story will get absolutely no traction.
But back to the AJC article. I'll save you from reading the rest of the story. Nowhere in the story is the scumbag's political party mentioned. Now this could be because it is pretty obvious that said scumbag is a Dimocrat. I have some info that y'all don't. In the print edition of the paper there was a picture of the scumbag and it is easy to see that he is black. The chance of a Republican being black and an Atlanta city councilman is about the same as my spinal cord regenerating. So after the first paragraph, I knew the scumbag was a Dimocrat. Remember, if the scumbag is a Republican, his party affiliation will be mentioned in the first paragraph.
Slam dunk! Play the game yourself from now on. Media bias? Nah!
Some Beemer owners are assholes. Many people would put me on that list since I own two BMW's, but I have enough sense not to park in front of a fire hydrant. This guy got what he deserved. Unfortunately, he is probably a lawyer who sued the city and got a nice settlement. BTW, that's an old BMW and no way it is worth $28K.
Got it from Poulson.
This one is a twofer - a blonde joke and a Monday Pun. Got it from Mo K.
A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there's
a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup.
So she peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motorhome!
I've won a motorhome!"
The waitress says, "That's impossible.
The biggest prize is a free Lunch."
But the blonde keeps on screaming,
"I've won a motorhome!
I've won a motorhome!"
Finally, the manager comes over and says,
"Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken.
You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome
because we didn't have that as a prize."
The blonde says, "No, it's not a mistake.
I've won a motorhome!"
And she hands the ticket to the
manager and he reads...
"W I N A B A G E L"
Don't remember if I've posted this joke about the blonde gambler or not. Got it from Melissa.
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table.
A very attractive blonde woman from South Carolina arrived ....and
bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier
when I play topless."
With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and
yelled, "Come on, baby.... Southern Girl needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down... and
squealed... "YES! YES! I WON! I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers... and then picked up her
winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one
of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know... I thought you were watching."
Moral ---
Not all Southerners are stupid.
Not all blondes are dumb.
But, all men..... are men.
Since it's now officially summer, why not some beach boobage?
This week's Einstein is some dipstick who decided to take me to task for my opinion on global warming. This week I don't know whether to call it Asshole of the Week or Dumbfuck of the Week. First off he tries to comment on a closed post. Y'see, after a certain time limit, comments automajically close on posts. That way, I don't have to read comments on old posts. He received the following message when he tried to post his comment.
Obviously this booger eatin' moh-ron seemed to have a problem understanding "Comments are not allowed on this entry", even though it is in bold type. Maybe I should put it in all capital letters.
Not to be deterred, our rocket scientist decided to try again with the same success as his first attempt.
Comments on old posts drop into an approval queue that allow me to approve them or delete them. These naturally qualified for deletion, but I decided to share his wisdom with you. I know he is wise, because he typed in all capital letters so I would be sure to read his comment and get the point.
YOU ARE SHORT SIGHTED AND I PITY EVERYONE ON THIS THREAD. GLOBAL WARMING IS REAL. SORRY TO BURST YOUR CONSUMER BUBBLE, BUT WE HAVE A MORAL OBLIGATION TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, WHETHER YOU BELIEVE IT'S MAN-MADE OR NOT. IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN YOU ARE A NEGLIGENT PARENT IF YOU DO NOT FACE UP TO THE THE FACTS, HUMAN EXISTANCE ON THIS PLANET IS FACING IT'S BIGGEST THREAT IN THOUSANDS OF YEARS, GLOBAL WARMING. YOU CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. IT REQUIRES THOUGHTFUL CHANGE WHICH IS DIFFICULT. CHANGE YOUR CONSUMER BEHAVIOUR AND ACTIVELY IMPROVE OUR CHILDREN'S FUTURE: EAT LESS BEEF, GET A FUEL EFFICIENT HYBRID OR BIODIESEL CAR, USE FLORESCENT BULBS, REDUCE FLIGHTS, REDUCE THE AMOUNT OF DISPOSABLES YOU USE, RECYCLE, BRING YOUR OWN CUP, BRING YOUR OWN BAG WHEN SHOPPING, PURCHASE CARBON CREDITS WHEN YOU CAN DO NOTHING ELSE.
YOUR FREIND,
AARON
How many times am I gonna have to post the following graphic that I stole from this guy?
Aaron:
Posting in all caps makes you look like an idiot, which you obviously are since you believe in manmade global warming. Do you realize that Algore said six years ago we had ten more years to turn around our poluting ways before it was too late? We must be running in place because good ol' Al still says we have ten more years. So, I'm marking this on my calendar. June 22, 2017 and we're doomed! It will be too late! By that time the gloom and doom folks are gonna be worried about global cooling and somehow they'll blame it on global warming.
You people are no longer amusing. You're just plain stupid.
YOUR FREIND FRIEND (Remember Aaron, it's i before e except after c.)
GOC.
Here's your award.
This would make the Dims happy. Got it from Woody.
After many faxes, phonecalls, and e-mails, it appears that my two senators got the message from the voters in Georgia.
Georgia Republicans Johnny Isakson and Saxby Chambliss will vote against moving the Senate’s immigration overhaul measure forward, the senators said today.“I think everybody did a noble effort to try to deal with the problem in a comprehensive way,” Isakson said. “But it became apparent that the confidence level was not there.”
It also became apparent that the voters were really pissed off about the amnesty bill.
Isakson said he and Chambliss had heard from voters back home that they didn’t have faith in another measure that promises border action because past promises have yet to be fulfilled.
Funny how that works isn't it? The 1986 immigration bill was also supposed to secure the borders. Didn't happen did it?
I got the following letter from Saxby Chambliss two days ago.
He's running for reelection in 2008.
Melissa sent me a picture of a new planet that was just discovered. I think they are naming it Boobia.
Jacob sent me this link.
A robber in a wheelchair attacked a man in Orlando overnight with his prosthetic leg then took off with cash and a bottle of beer, police said.
Another crip gone bad.
Antonio Jennings, 21, told Orlando police he was walking behind the Mobil gas station on the 2800 block of West Colonial Drive at about 11:30 p.m. Monday when a couple of men approached him.Jennings recognized one man as "Walter" and the other as "Woody," who was in a wheelchair. The victim said Woody struck him in the face with his fake leg, robbed him of $30 in cash, an assortment of identification cards and his bottle of beer.
What is this world coming to when a crip uses a fake leg as a weapon? When reached for comment the local police said, "He won't get far on foot." OK. I made that last part up.
Got it from Rob. I wonder who has the most estrogen, Breck Boy or Hillary Rodent?
My new wheelchair was delivered yesterday. It was ordered the end of January (supposedly). The vendor messed up, but my friend Cindy got all over the rep and it finally arrived last week and was delivered today.
Check out the way it folds up.
Fully assembled.
Remove the wheels and perform some magic ... Voila!
Even Scooter is amazed.
When you apply for Welfare in Mexico what do they give you?
A map of the United States.
That one was from Catfish. This next one is from CharlieB.
Jose and Carlos who are illegally here, are panhandling at the freeway offramp each holding a sign.
Jose drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage free house and has a lot of money to spend.
Carlos only brings in 2 to 3 dollars a day.
Carlos asks Jose how he can bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day.
Jose says, "Look at your sign." It reads: "I have no work, a wife & 6 kids to support"
Carlos looks at Jose's sign.
It reads: "I only need another $10.00 to move back to Mexico"
At the Guild tasting last night, we drank the wines blind. We had a Merlot and a Cab with each course and we had to identify which was which and which we liked the best. The idea for this tasting came from one of our members who donated all the wines we drank. He thinks Merlot has gotten a bad rap ever since Sideways. From the results of the tasting we agree.
First off, I batted .500 by identifying which was which in 2 out of the 4 flights. Elisson batted .250. My friend Michael got all four flights correct, but he's supposed to. He's a wine professional and is the wine buyer for Green's. (Shameless plug for a friend. You want good wine? Go see Michael Bishop at the Green's Buford Highway store and he will take good care of you.) Out of 22 people, only 3 got all four flights correct. The Guild is composed of some serious wine drinkers and the Merlots we drank were every bit as good as the Cabs.
The biggest surprise? The best wine of the night was a Merlot. It was the 1999 Joseph Phelps Napa Valley Merlot.
So don't believe the bullshit of Miles in Sideways. Merlots are every bit as good as Cabs and Pinots. A blind tasting with some very knowledgable wine folks proved it.
I probably should save this for Saturday as an adjunct to Saturday Boobage but I'd forget to post it.
A bra and a pair of knickers have been blamed for a flood and road collapse in County Durham.Northumbrian Water said the underwear was flushed down a toilet and caused a blockage in a sewage pipe in Middleton-St-George, near Darlington.
Holy crap! It must have been a humongous bra and knickers to cause that much damage.
Heavy rain, together with a build up of grease and fat, caused the pipe to burst and the road above to collapse.The road will remain closed for days and Northumbrian Water estimates repairs will cost more than £15,000.
The company has now urged residents to think carefully about what they flush away.
Ya think?
"These pipes are not designed to carry bras and knickers."
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Maybe the bra belonged to this person.
![cleavage2[1].jpg](http://www.grouchyoldcripple.com/archives/cleavage2[1].jpg)
Thanks to Tom for sending me this story.
Hey V-Man! This is real rock 'n' roll. I know DanS and Dudley1 are in agreement here. This is from the days of Sun Records and the old 45's. I remember seeing Jerry Lee on TV kicking away the piano bench and his hair hanging in his eyes. Then he married his 13 year old cousin and that pretty much torpedoed his career until he returned in the 70's and called himself Killer.
Yep! Another night of torture as in eating good food and imbibing good wine. I see that Elisson beat me in posting the menu this time. Anyway, this month's event is at Petite Auberge. One of our members has been clamoring for a merlot tasting. He thinks merlot got a bad rap ever since the movie Sideways came out. All of the wines are from his cellar and will be served blind, not necessarily in the order that I'm posting. Basically this is a cab versus merlot tasting.
Assorted Hors d’Oeuvres
Flight 1:
1995 Truchard Napa Valley Merlot
1995 Beringer Cabernet Sauvignon, Knights Valley
French onion soup with Swiss and Münster cheese
Flight 2:
1996 Pine Ridge Napa Valley Merlot “Crimson Creek”
1996 Hess Collection Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon
Chicken Cordon Bleu served over risotto
Flight 3:
1997 Turnbull Napa Valley Merlot
1997 Mount Veeder Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon
Beef Wellington served with bordelaise and béarnaise sauces
Flight 4:
1999 Joseph Phelps Napa Valley Merlot
1999 Joseph Phelps Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon
Artisan cheese platter served with figs, dates, and walnuts
It's a rough life, but somebody, (SRF©"s like Elisson and I) has gotta do it.
From CharlieB.
With V-Man the IV would have Chatham Artillery Punch in it. I think he's been imbibing too much of that shit as it is with his last two posts on the greatest rock 'n' roll song ever. He first picks "Hey Jude", a song that I was sick of about two months after they released it. I was in the Western Pacific on an all expenses paid tour on an LST courtesy of the US Gummint. I got to hear Filipino bands playing it as nauseum. I got to hear it on juke boxes in Japan ad nauseum. Now I get to hear it in elevators ad nauseum. Beatles as Muzak.
Then he picks Dueling Banjos. Dude! That's bluegrass. It ain't rock 'n' roll. I gave him some suggestions in his comments.
King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash. His country had been at war with the Hittites for years. But he did have the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond at the time. So he decided to take it to Croesus the pawnbroker.
When he asked for a loan, Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars."
¯ The king quickly objected, "But I paid a million dinars for it. Don't you know who I am? I'm King Ozymandias!"
¯ Croesus was not impressed. He replied,
"When you wish to pawn a star, it makes no difference who you are."¯
Holy Jiminy Cricket, Batman! That one was really bad!
No Bach this weekend. Here is Heart of the Sunrise on acoustic guitars.
This one is from Mo K.
A blonde was driving home after a football game, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?"
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
Her roommate rolled her eyes and said, "HELLLLOOO... You need to roll up the windows!"
John sent me a few pictures of the girl in the Beemer from last week. Here's one of them.
This week it has to be David Chase, the creator of the Sopranos, for the lame ending of the series. C'mon, fade to black? And what's with the bullshit of Meadow struggling to parallel park her car? And AJ should have burned up with his SUV. Here's a good ending.
Who fired the shots? The trucker? The black gangbangers? That's a good ending.
I'm pissed about a few other things. WTF ever happened to the Russian commando Paulie and Christopher chased through the woods? I know I'm not the only one asking that question.
Didn't you wish that Dr. Melfi had told Tony she was raped and told him who did it? Tell him! Tell him!
Remember when the Puerto Ricans beat up Chistopher and stole his ride? C'mon, when he got out of rehab he would have gone back with some support and kicked some ass. D'ya think an Italian wiseguy would let some Puerto Ricans beat him up and not want to go back and kick some ass?
On the upside, watching Phil get whacked and then having the car run over him was kinda neat, but the rest of the episode sucked with the exception of the babe that the FBI guy was with.
So, David Chase, for that lame ending of a good series, and for this season, which was also pretty awful, I'm making you Asshole of the Week. Here's your award.
One of my Canadian readers has come up with a similar award on his blog. He calls it the "Full Speed Ahead Award". He explains:
It's the "full speed ahead" award. Then there's a picture of a horse
with... You know, visors on each side of his head so he can't see shit on either side. Thus: Full speed ahead, it can't NOT go ahead.
He gave his first award to Bono. Sometimes I call that asshole Boner.
 | You scored as Sirius Black, You are a gifted wizard and very loyal to your allegiance. Whilst you have a big heart and care very much about those around you, you can be a little arrogant and reckless at times.
Your Harry Potter Alter Ego Is...? created with QuizFarm.com |
Got it from Bou.
I like the little arrogant. Most of my contemporaries at IBM would dispute the little part.
People have asked to see pictures. Pictures? I got pictures. I went down to the Dive Shop to give Bert and Dawn a gift of the old horse collar BC I used when I was a diver back in the 70's and to drop off my wetsuit to send back to the manufacturer to have the zipper fixed. Bert cut me a CD of some of the pictures he took.
Lemme get this straight. You want me to get on that plane?
I made it! Piece of cake!
Let's not forget my wheels!
Risa made it. She's always smiling and laughing. It's a shame she's married.
A small slice of paradise!
Looking at the post from two years ago, I remember the trouble we had getting landscape timbers cut. This year we went to Lowes instead of Home Depot. Another mistake. After we had paid for the landscape timbers (I had one more bed that needed to be raised to match the others) Ryan tried to get two of them cut. We didn't have the hassle we had at Home Depot. Nope! They flat-assed refused to cut them! Crap! Ryan had to cut them himself.
We got up Tuesday morning for odds and ends. Ryan raised my last bed to the desired height. He spread some pinestraw. He treated my azaleas with some pest control stuff. We trimmed sone vines that had crept over the fence from my neighbor's. Ryan blew all the debris off my patio. Sherry took all the dead branches off my hydrangeas. We bagged up all the stuff that we hadn't shredded and put the bags at the curb.
Shortly thereafter, the mailman came by and blissfully ran over one of the bags ripping the bottom open. He didn't stop. Didn't say he was sorry. Gummint worker. As luck would have it, I was out of bags, so I taped up the bottom.
Ryan and Sherry left around 2:30 to head back to Columbia towing the trailer full of all their garden tools. They were sore yesterday and she told me they're still sore today. None of us are spring chickens anymore.
I'll bet the HOA Nazi went home and masturbated after she saw how nice all my bushes were. I'm still not sure which were the "bushes on the right" that needed trimming, but since everything got pruned we must have got them as well.
According to the Brits, this is how we in the United States see us and the rest of the world.
Got it from Dick, who stole it from here.
John Hawkins of Rightwing News polled a bunch of us rabid rightwingers about how we currently feel about the Republican Party. I was one of the respondents. Here are our responses.
Dear Republicans: You better get your act together if you want to win any more elections. If you support amnesty you are guanteeing yourselves to be in the minority for years to come.
Rarely do all the factors line up....lighting, distance, clarity, composition, etc. so that a terrific picture is taken. This is such a time. A spectacular view of the moon from an aircraft.
Got it from Catfish.
Actually, it was Day one and a quarter since Ryan started yesterday afternoon by pruning the encore azaleas in the front yard.
Today we got up bright and early and worked all day. The HOA Nazi probably creamed in her jeans when she saw what we did today. I had gotten a Courtesy Reminder, a Second Notice of Violation, and a Final Notice which threatened fines if I didn't trim the "bushes on the right". Problem is, she was never specific in exactly which "bushes on the right" she was talking about. And these notices didn't come from her, but from the HOA management assholes. She didn't have the balls to deal directly with me. There was some fantastic blogging fodder that I cannot blog about because I'm a little bit smarter than Pumpman in what I put on my blog.
I went in halves on a chipper machine with my sister and her husband just for yard cleanup. When we did the pruning two years ago we filled up over 20 yard waste bags. The most time was spent in cutting the clippings to fit into the bags. Today, we just fed it into the chipper and spread the sawdust in spots where the max weeds were.
It was a long day and Ryan and Sherry are both beat. I sat in my wheelchair all day and fed crap into the chipper.
We were overdue on the pruning party. We normally do it every Spring, but Ryan had his shoulder operated on last year so we didn't do it that year. That was why the yard got so out of control.
So after a hard day's work, I grilled some filet mignon. With that, we had some Yukon Gold baked potatoes, a tossed salad, and some veggies on a stick that I put on the grill. Before that we had some smoked salmon. I also opened up a 2001 Margaux that was excellent. Ryan and I had some sauterne wine after the meal.
One of Sherry's friends called today and asked why I didn't get Mexicans to do the yard work. Ryan and Sherry work cheaper than Mexicans and do a better job.
We only have a few minor things to do tomorrow,
My sister and her husband are in town and we are performing the Great Beautiful Dunwoody Pruning Party. As such, I don't have time for a decent post. Instead let me point you to this article about a guy who did 50 miles an hour in a wheelchair. This was sent to me by multiple readers.
PAW PAW, Mich. - Ben Carpenter got the ride of a lifetime when his electric wheelchair became lodged in the grille of a semitrailer and was accidentally pushed down a highway for several miles at about 50 mph.
Holy crap!
This guy has more on it.
Two men were hunting in the woods. One was a fanatic who hunted as often as possible. His friend was hunting for the first time. He didn't want to hurt anything. After a couple hours, they saw deer tracks. They soon caught up with the deer. The deer was slow because it had a terrible infection in one eye. The eye was swollen closed. The hunter lifted his gun to shoot the deer. But his friend begged him to stop. "Can't you see ...
... that's a bad eye deer?"
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful so she left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.
When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He
thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to
clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note
asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with
milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my tits. I can splash it on my eyes.
From River Rat.
Beamer Boobage.
I'd like to see sumpin' like that in my Z3. I'd even let her drive.
From CharlieB and DBolsman.
This is a communal award. I'm giving this to Ted Kennedy, John McCain (You're never gonna be president Johnny boy), his buttboy, Lindsey Graham, Johnny Isakson, Saxby Chambliss, Jorge Bush, and the rest of the assholes in Washington from both parties who supported the amnesty bill. You guys all deserve the coveted Asshole of the Week Award. Congrats!
McDonalds has now reached Africa.
From Melissa.
On the front page of the Atlanta Urinal and Constipation was the headline: Immigration Bill Dealt Huge Blow.
That sure warmed the cockles of my heart.
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) made good on his promise to pull the bill from the floor if debate were not limited. The measure failed 45-50, with most Republicans voting "no." Georgia Republican Sens. Saxby Chambliss and Johnny Isakson voted against cutting off debate. Sixty votes were needed to approve the procedural vote.
Guess I'll have to go to NumbersUSA and send some more faxes to my senators.
So hopefully the bill is dead. Now, rather than passing comprehensive reform, why don't we control our borders first by building a fence? Not that dinky 700 mile fence that was promised and not delivered, but a full 2100 mile fence. After we've stemmed the tide of the illegals coming into this country by securing our southern border, then we can decide what to do about the 12 to 20 million of the illegals already in this country.
It's common sense. You can bail the water out of the boat as long as you want, but it won't stop filling up until you patch the hole in it.
Just remember, the 1986 immigration bill (written in part by Ted Kennedy) was supposed to stop the horde of illegals coming into this country. Did it work? Hardly. So what makes anyone think that the latest incarnation of immigration "reform" is gonna be any better? Congress loves passing new laws that are unneeded because there are laws already on the books that are not enforced.
Build a fence! Build a fence! Build a fence! Build a fence! Build a fence!
Control the border! Control the border! Control the border! Control the border! Control the border!
Mexico does a better job securing its southern border than we do securing ours. Maybe we oughta outsource our border control to Mexicans since it seems to be that border security is another "job that Americans won't do".
Too bad this wasn't in the San Francisco Chronicle.
Got if from Melissa.
I haven't written anything about my dive trip yet. I guess it's because I didn't want anyone to turn green with envy. Yeah, like that's a good excuse. I always like to write sumpin' about my trips. I never pass up a chance to point out that I'm a SRF© and live the good life in spite of being a Grouchy Old Cripple.
Once again I took MARTA to the airport. Under the old system, you would get a token at a vending machine and use that. Now they have sumpin' known as a Breeze Card. You can put one or multiple trips on it. Now instead of paying $1.75 each way, they tack on a surcharge. So, instead of paying $3.50 for a roundtrip, I got to pay $4.50. Yep! The Breeze Card sure is an improvement. Nice way to institute a fare increase MARTA. Assholes!
I was supposed to get a new wheelchair a few months back, but the vendor fucked up. Cindy kept haranguing the dude about it (He is in her workplace on a regular basis) and now it looks like I'll get it in the next few weeks. In the meantime, she browbeat him into getting me a loaner to take on the trip. Due to my caster problems on the old chair, the footplate is low and can snag on differences in pavement height which can make the chair stop dead and turn me into the Incredible Flying Cripple. Unfortunately, the loaner was just as bad, but at least both caster bearings were OK.
We had a 10:20 flight, so I didn't have to get up at the crack of dawn. I got to the airport at 7:10 which should have been sufficient, so I thought until I saw the line. I only had to wait in it ten minutes until a Delta rep saw me and moved me to the front of the line. Yep! Sometimes being a cripple has its advantages.
Also being a cripple allows me to cut the security line. Only took me ten minutes to get through security. I was out to the gate by 8:00 AM.
I had a seat back in row 43, but the gate agent moved me up to the row just behind the bulkhead seats. Since we were flying a 757, which uses the second door from the front for boarding, I was able to roll my chair on board and it was a quick trip (I wear my braces so I can walk on and off the plane) to my seat. I hate being wheeled on and off a plane in an aisle chair.
The flight to Grand Cayman was uneventful. I had a copy of the Atlanta Urinal and Constipation and a Sudoku book.
We then had to catch a flight to Little Cayman on a 20 seat puddle jumper. I was a guinea pig to see if we could take other crips to this dive resort. Short answer, "No." One of our guys is in a power chair. They might have been able to carry him on and off the plane, which would not be an easy task, but weight restrictions would have put the kibosh to the power chair. As it is, they stowed my chair in the luggage compartment and my wheels with me in the passenger compartment. I pretty much crawled onto the plane and into a seat in the back.
Folks were sweating the weight restrictions. It was 55 pounds for checked baggage and 10 pounds for carry on. My bags were 53 and 10, respectively. My wheelchair didn't count.
So after landing, we hopped a van for the trip to the resort which was only five minutes away. Little Cayman is not a very big island.
Upon arriving at the resort, I immediately had to have my room changed since the resort had put me into a second floor room. I guess Bert and Dawn hadn't told them I was a crip. The room I eventually got, was not the most accessible room in the world, but I was able to make it work. I'm pretty adaptable.
I got unpacked, changed clothes, and headed to the dive shop to fill out paperwork, the kind of stuff that says if I die it's not their fault. Then, it was off to the bar for my free rum punch. Then it was time for supper.
The package included all meals which we ate at the resort. There aren't too many restaurants on Little Cayman. Let me tell you, they had a great cook at this resort. The food was OK, but the desserts were out of this world, especially if you like chocolate, which I do. Everyone ate at least two desserts at every meal.
Sunday was our first day of diving and we started bright and early at 7:45. They had already taken our dive gear down to the boat, but we had to unpack it and set it up on tanks. We also had to get our weights. From then on, the normal starting time would be 8:15.
We made two dives Sunday morning. I didn't go on the afternoon dive due to some residual effects of the antibiotics I had taken for my elbow. I took the last antibiotic on Wednesday, but was still suffering some side effects on Sunday. I hoped that this shit wouldn't go on for the rest of the week.
This ends Part 1.
This must have been the rabbit that attacked Jimmah Carter.
From Peggy.
poulson sent me an essay that was preceded by this comment.
SOME OF YOU ARE NOT OLD ENOUGH TO REMEMBER THAT NEARLY EVERY FAMILY IN AMERICA WAS GROSSLY AFFECTED BY WW II MOST OF YOU DON'T REMEMBER THE RATIONING OF MEAT, SHOES, GASOLINE, AND SUGAR. NO TIRES FOR OUR AUTOMOBILES, AND A SPEED LIMIT OF 35 MILES AN HOUR ON THE ROAD, NOT TO MENTION, NO NEW AUTOMOBILES. READ THIS AND THINK ABOUT HOW WE WOULD REACT TO BEING TAKEN OVER BY FOREIGN POWERS IN 2008.
The essay follows. It is a long read, but well worth it.
Historical Significance for today's world:Sixty-three years ago, Nazi Germany had overrun almost all of Europe and
hammered England to the verge of bankruptcy and defeat. The Nazis had
sunk more than 400 British ships in their convoys between England and
America taking food and war materialsAt that time the US was in an isolationist, pacifist mood, and most
Americans wanted nothing to do with the European or the Asian warThen along came Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941, and in outrage
Congress unanimously declared war on Japan, and the following day on
Germany, who had not yet attacked us. It was a dicey thing. We had few
alliesFrance was not an ally, as the Vichy government of France quickly aligned
itself with its German occupiers. Germany was certainly not an ally, as
Hitler was intent on setting up a Thousand Year Reich in Europe. Japan
was not an ally, as it was well on its way to owning and controlling all
of Asia.Together, Japan and Germany had long-range plans of invading Canada and
Mexico, as launching pads to get into the United States over our
northern and southern borders, after they finished gaining control of
Asia and Europe.America's only allies then were England, Ireland, Scotland, Canada,
Australia, and Russia. That was about it. All of Europe, from Norway to
Italy (except Russia in the East) was already under the Nazi heel.The US was certainly not prepared for war. The US had drastically
downgraded most of its military forces after WW I because of the
depression, so that at the outbreak of WW II, Army units were training
with broomsticks because they didn't have guns, and cars with "tank"
painted on the doors because they didn't have real tanks. A huge chunk of
our Navy had just been sunk or damaged at Pearl Harbor.Britain had already gone bankrupt, saved only by the donation of $600
million in gold bullion in the Bank of England (that was actually the
property of Belgium ) given by Belgium to England to carry on the war
when Belgium was overrun by Hitler (a little known fact).Actually, Belgium surrendered in one day, because it was unable to oppose
the German invasion, and the Germans bombed Brussels into rubble the next
day just to prove they could.Britain had already been holding out for two years in the face of
staggering losses and the near decimation of its Royal Air Force in the
Battle of Britain, and was saved from being overrun by Germany only
because Hitler made the mistake of thinking the Brits were a relatively
minor threat that could be dealt with later. Hitler, first turned his
attention to Russia, in the late summer of 1940 at a time when England
was on the verge of collapse.Ironically, Russia saved America 's butt by putting up a desperate fight
for two years, until the US got geared up to begin hammering away at
Germany.Russia lost something like 24,000,000 people in the sieges of Stalingrad
and Moscow alone . . 90% of them from cold and starvation, mostly
civilians, but also more than a 1,000,000 soldiers.Had Russia surrendered, Hitler would have been able to focus his entire
war effort against the Brits, then America. If that had happened, the
Nazis could possibly have won the war.All of this has been brought out to illustrate that turning points in
history are often dicey things. Now, we find ourselves at another one of
those key moments in history.There is a very dangerous minority in Islam that either has, or wants,
and may soon have, the ability to deliver small nuclear, biological, or
chemical weapons, almost anywhere in the world.The Jihadis, the militant Muslims, are basically Nazis in Kaffiyahs --
they believe that Islam, a radically conservative form of Wahhabi Islam,
should own and control the Middle East first, then Europe, then the
world. To them, all who do not bow to their will of thinking should be
killed, enslaved, or subjugated. They want to finish the Holocaust,
destroy Israel, and purge the world of Jews . This is their mantra.
(goal)There is also a civil war raging in the Middle East -- for the most part
not a hot war, but a war of ideas. Islam is having its Inquisition and
its Reformation, but it is not yet known which side will win -- the
Inquisitors, or the Reformationists.If the Inquisition wins, then the Wahhabis, the Jihadis, will control the
Middle East, the OPEC oil, and the US, European, and Asian economies.The techno-industrial economies will be at the mercy of OPEC -- not an
OPEC dominated by the educated, rational Saudis of today, but an OPEC
dominated by the Jihadis. Do you want gas in your car? Do you want
heating oil next winter? Do you want the dollar to be worth anything?
You had better hope the Jihad, the Muslim Inquisition, loses, and the
Islamic Reformation wins.If the Reformation movement wins, that is, the moderate Muslims who
believe that Islam can respect and tolerate other religions, live in
peace with the rest of the world, and move out of the 10th century into
the 21st, then the troubles in the Middle East will eventually fade away.
A moderate and prosperous Middle East will emerge.We have to help the Reformation win, and to do that we have to fight the
Inquisition, i.e., the Wahhabi movement, the Jihad, Al Qaeda and the
Islamic terrorist movements. We have to do it somewhere. We can't do it
everywhere at once. We have created a focal point for the battle at a
time and place of our choosing . . . . . . . . in Iraq.
Not in New York, not in London, or Paris or Berlin,
but in Iraq, where we are doing two important things.(1) We deposed Saddam Hussein. Whether Saddam Hussein was directly
involved in the 9/11 terrorist attack or not, it is undisputed that
Saddam has been actively supporting the terrorist movement for decades
Saddam is a terrorist! Saddam is, or was, a weapon of mass destruction,
responsible for the deaths of probably more than a 1,000,000 Iraqis and
2,000,000 Iranians.(2) We created a battle, a confrontation, a flash point, with Islamic
terrorism in Iraq. We have focused the battle. We are killing bad
people, and the ones we get there we won't have to get here. We also
have a good shot at creating a democratic, peaceful Iraq, which will be
a catalyst for democratic change in the rest of the Middle East, and an
outpost for a stabilizing American military presence in the Middle East
for as long as it is needed.WW II, the war with the Japanese and German Nazis, really began with a
"whimper" in 1928. It did not begin with Pearl Harbor. It began with
the Japanese invasion of China. It was a war for fourteen years before
the US joined it. It officially ended in 1945 -- a 17 year war -- and
was followed by another decade of US occupation in Germany and Japan to
get those countries reconstructed and running on their own again. a 27
year war.WW II cost the United States an amount equal to approximately a full
year's GDP -- adjusted for inflation, equal to about $12 trillion
dollars. WW II cost America more than 400,000 soldiers killed in action,
and nearly 100,000 still missing in action.The Iraq war has, so far, cost the United States about $160,000,000,000,
which is roughly what the 9/11 terrorist attack cost New York. It has
also cost about 3,000 American lives, which is roughly equivilant to
lives that the Jihad killed (within the United States) in the 9/11
terrorist attack.The cost of not fighting and winning WW II would have been unimaginably
greater -- a world dominated by Japanese Imperialism and German Nazism.This is not a 60-Minutes TV show, or a 2-hour movie in which everything
comes out okay. The real world is not like that. It is messy,
uncertain, and sometimes bloody and ugly. It always has been, and
probably always will be.The bottom line is that we will have to deal with Islamic terrorism until
we defeat it, whenever that is. It will not go away if we ignore it.If the US can create a reasonably democratic and stable Iraq, then we
have an ally, like England, in the Middle East, a platform, from which
we can work to help modernize and moderate the Middle East. The history
of the world is the clash between the forces of relative civility and
civilization, and the barbarians clamoring at the gates to conquer the
world.The Iraq War is merely another battle in this ancient and never ending
war. Now, for the first time ever, the barbarians are about to get
nuclear weapons. Unless some body prevents them from getting them.We have four options:
1. We can defeat the Jihad now, before it gets nuclear weapons.
2. We can fight the Jihad later, after it gets nuclear weapons (which
may be as early as next year, if Iran's progress on nuclear weapons is
what Iran claims it is).3. We can surrender to the Jihad and accept its dominance in the Middle
East now; in Europe in the next few years or decades, and ultimately in
America. (This is one option of the Dimocrat Party. ... GOC)OR
4. We can stand down now, and pick up the fight later when the Jihad is
more widespread and better armed, perhaps after the Jihad has dominated
France and Germany and possibly most of the rest of Europe. It will, of
course, be more dangerous, more expensive, and much bloodier. (This
is the other option of the Dimocrat Party. ... GOC)If you oppose this war, I hope you like the idea that your children, or
grandchildren, may live in an Islamic America under the Mullahs and the
Sharia, an America that resembles Iran today.The history of the world is the history of civilization clashes, cultural
clashes. All wars are about ideas, ideas about what society and
civilization should be like, and the most determined always win.Those who are willing to be the most ruthless always win. The pacifists
always lose, because the anti-pacifists kill them.Remember, perspective is every thing, and America's schools teach too
little history for perspective to be clear, especially in the young
American mind.The Cold War lasted from about 1947 at least until the Berlin Wall came
down in 1989; forty-two years!Europe spent the first half of the 19th century fighting Napoleon, and
from 1870 to 1945 fighting Germany!World War II began in 1928, lasted 17 years, plus a ten year occupation,
and the US still has troops in Germany and Japan. World War II resulted
in the death of more than 50,000,000 people, maybe more than 100,000,000
people, depending on which estimates you accept.The US has taken more than 3,000 killed in action in Iraq. The US took
more than 4,000 killed in action on the morning of June 6, 1944, the
first day of the Normandy Invasion to rid Europe of Nazi Imperialism.In WW II the US averaged 2,000 KIA a week -- for four years. Most of the
individual battles of WW II lost more Americans than the entire Iraq war
has done so far.The stakes are at least as high . . A world dominated by representative
governments with civil rights, human rights, and personal freedoms, or
a world dominated by a radical Islamic Wahhabi movement, by the Jihad,
under the Mullahs and the Sharia (Islamic law).It's difficult to understand why the average American does not grasp
this. They favor human rights, civil rights, liberty and freedom, but
evidently not for Iraqis."Peace Activists" always seem to demonstrate here in America, where it's
safe.Why don't we see Peace Activist demonstrating in Iran, Syria, Iraq,
Sudan, North Korea, in the places that really need peace activism the
most? I'll tell you why! They would be killed!The liberal mentality is supposed to favor human rights, civil rights,
democracy, multiculturalism, diversity, etc., but if the Jihad wins,
wherever the Jihad wins, it is the end of civil rights, human rights,
democracy, multiculturalism, diversity, etc.Americans who oppose the liberation of Iraq are coming down on the side
of their own worst enemy! (Except to Dimocrats,
where Bush and the Republicans are their worst enemy! ... GOC)
This essay was written by Raymond S.Kraft, a writer living in Northern California who has studied the Middle Eastern culture and religion.
Since I wasn't around for Memorial Day post, I'm posting this to celebrate the anniversay of D-Day. Here are the Blue Angels.
Thanks Poulson!
While I was down in the Caymans my Godfather, Russell Strohmeyer, died. He was my mom's first cousin, so if I remember how this stuff works, that made him my first cousin once removed. His mother and my maternal grandmother were sisters.
After my mother's sister died and her husband remarried a drunken bitch, we became closer to Russ's family than my mother's sister's family. Mom got into a little altercation with the drunken bitch at a holiday gathering that made us persona non grata. From then on, holidays were at Russ's, Mom's or Russ's sister Rosemary's (who was my sister's Godmother and Mom's best friend. After Mom died, Rosemary's health started to go downhill. She really missed her.) They were more fun than my mother's sister's family anyway.
I was thinking of writing an eulogy for Russ, since I really did like him a lot, but one of my cousins has a blog and he posted the eulogy his older brother delivered at the funeral. It's much better than anything that I could write. I was so sorry that I was unable to attend because I truly loved my Godfather.
Here is the eulogy in full.
Good Morning.For those of you who may not know me, I’m Steve Strohmeyer. Child #6. The one between Jim and Tom in the chronological order. My mom asked me to come up here and say a few words about Dad. Although I find it very difficult to speak at this time, I’ll do it because my mother asked me to do it.
Let me begin by saying, on behalf of my mother and the rest of the family, thank you to everyone who came here this morning to say farewell to my father. It really means a lot to us. If Dad is looking down right now, I’m sure he’s pleased with the turnout. If I know my dad, I pity the people who knew him and are not in attendance today. He’ll be letting them know about it when they get up there. And they’ll be hearing about it for all eternity. (Yep! That's Russ...GOC)
Who was Russell Strohmeyer? Many of you here today only know the Russell Strohmeyer that moved into Cape Albeon a few years ago. You probably just know him as Shirley’s husband. The guy on the 3rd floor who liked to play cards and always had lots of candy and snacks in the apartment. Dad would have been 86 in a few more days. Now only his sister, our Aunt Rosemary, can say they knew him that long ago. I’ve barely known him 45 years….a little more than half his life, so I can only relate firsthand about his life since then.
There are many words we can use to describe Dad; kind, opinionated, witty, proud, organized, determined, beloved. The list could go on indefinitely.
More than anything else, Dad was a devoted husband. He loved Mom dearly. I’m sure he considered their wedding day to be the best day of his life. He probably thought he was the luckiest man alive. I know my mother…he was the luckiest man alive. It would have been sixty years together in December.
He was a devoted son to his parents. I remember going over to visit Grandma Strohmeyer almost weekly when I was a kid.
He always cared deeply about his sister Rosemary. She has always been like a second mother to us kids. It’s ironic that in his final days, he would once again be sleeping in the room next to hers. (He had to go into a nursing room at the complex a few months before he died...GOC)
He was a father to seven children. Gary, Nancy, Rick, Bill, Jim, me, and Tom. I’m sure it wasn’t easy and many sacrifices had to be made, but I think we all turned out OK. Amazingly, he managed to raise seven children and for some reason his hair didn’t turn gray until his later years. I’ve still got a few more years to go on my two, and I can’t stop the progressive flow of gray.
And I haven’t even mentioned the grandchildren yet. He spoiled them shamelessly. I remember walking through the lobby of Cape Albion with my family after a visit, my kids with their pockets bulging with candy, and someone sitting in the lobby said “I know which apartment you’ve been visiting.”
He was very close to his extended family. He maintained close contact with most of his cousins throughout his adult life. This is evident when I see that the children of several of his cousins are here today. You obviously knew Russ well enough that you decided to come here today and avoid that eternity thing I mentioned earlier. Wise decision.
Despite all of this family, Dad always found time for his friends. Unfortunately, most of his old friends have also passed away, but I’m very glad to see those of you who are still going strong and wanted to be here to say goodbye. He’s probably already putting together a fishing trip with Art Rohmberg or Charlie Nester.
Dad was a religious man. I remember countless road trips where he would silently say the Rosary as we motored down the highway in the station wagon. I also recall frequently going to the Carmelite monastery on Clayton Road to light a candle and pray. This was usually done in conjunction with a visit to the Dash’s house. And now, after years of telling everybody else to do this, he can finally tell all his troubles to Jesus in person. (It was common when playing cards with Russ for him to sing, "Tell all your troubles to Jesus", if you bitched about having a bad hand...GOC)
There are passengers in life, and there are those who sit in the driver’s seat. Dad was definitely in the driver’s seat. Oh, there was that time when we took a family vacation to Yellowstone and Dad let Mom take the driver’s seat for a while, but that was the last time that happened. I think we wound up somewhere in Idaho.
It seems like only yesterday that we were drinking dad’s ice cream floats. I’ll always remember Valentine’s Day as extra special in our house. Christmas was also special. We remember that Dad was obsessed with twinkle bulbs. And Mom truly appreciated Dad putting that red bulb over the garage door. I was probably 15 when I learned that there was such a thing as charcoal lighter fluid. Dad always poured gasoline on the charcoal and threw matches in the general direction of the grill. I’ll remember the well stocked medicine cabinet. I was in my twenties when I realized that penicillin was a prescription drug. Dad gave it to us whenever we had the sniffles. And don’t even talk to me about rolling newspaper logs for the fireplace.
For Dad’s sake I hope there’s no coconut, pineapple, broccoli, cauliflower, or balloons in heaven.
Dad was my great teacher. I learned so much from him. He taught me how to fish, how to ice skate, how to play bridge, how to invest money, and perhaps most importantly, how to be a father and husband to my own family.
Monetarily speaking, Dad wouldn’t exactly be considered a wealthy man. When I see how many people came here today to say farewell to an 86 year old man, I realize that he was wealthy in all the most important aspects.
I’m very sad that Dad has passed away, but he hasn’t really died. Each one of us carries a piece of him inside of us. As long as we can recall memories of him, that piece will still live. I intend to keep my piece right here in my heart. I hope you will also.
Thank you.
I don't think there was a person in the world who met Russ who didn't like him. He was that kind of guy.
Got it from Craig.
OK Hillary. Why don't you and Bill set an example by donating some of your millions to charity? You and Bill struck it rich on the fairy tale books that you wrote about your lives. Bill is raking in money doing speeches. If you're so concerned about sharing the wealth, why not start with sharing some of yours? Silly me. Liberals only want to share other peoples' money, not their own.
That "man of the people" John Edwards, gets $400 haircuts and lives in a 28000 sqare foot mansion. I wonder how much of his wealth he's willing to share? He advocates raising taxes on the "rich". What do you want to bet he has accountants who ensure he pays the least amount in taxes possible.
Dontcha just love all those rich socialists like Pelosi and the Hollywood liberals? They advocate socialism for everyone but themselves. In a real socialist society, they wouldn't have their millions and their mansions. But in their version of socialism they would still have their riches because they would be the elite folks running everything. After all, in their minds, socialism has failed everywhere its been tried because the right people haven't been in charge. This time it will work because they are "the right people".
Remember, Hillary is the smartest woman in the world, and she can finally make socialism work. Look for our socialist utopia to evolve when she is elected president in 2008.
I can hardly wait.
Well Lookee here. My favorite barking moonbat, Cynthia McCommie, is thinking about running for president. (Thanks to Alan for the link.)
On May 25, former Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney participated in a 23-minute interview on Radio Station WBAI. The hosts asked her about the possibility that she may seek the Green Party presidential nomination in 2008. She said, “With the failure of the Democratic Congress to repeal the Patriot Act, the Secret Evidence Act, the Military Tribunals Act, I have to seriously question my relationship with the Democratic Party. The idea has not been ruled out. All the current Democrats running for president support the principle of potential military action against Iran; none of them is for impeachment of the President. They can’t speak for me. I am open to a lot of ideas in 2008.”
Yeah. Most of her ideas are bad. She's a loose cannon. Plus she's a rabid racist. She couldn't even get reelected in her majority black district. She lost to Hank Johnson in the primary. She won both debates. Hank Johnson is about as dynamic as a tree stump.
But the campaign would sure be fun. Think of all the blog fodder I would get out of her running. Please Cynthia, I'm begging you, run! C'mon Greens. You got the perfect candidate here.
In the meantime, Cynthia continues to toil away at her current job.
This one is from Richard.
A police officer was driving through an old part of town when he saw a former lieutenant on foot. The officer stopped and asked, "Hey Pat, this isn't your new beat is it?"¯
Pat said, "Unfortunately it is ever since I arrested a judge on the way to a costume ball."
"Why did you do that?"¯ asked the officer.
Answered the former lieutenant, sadly, "How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?"¯
The officer thought about it for a moment and said,
"Well, I suppose it is best never to book a judge by his cover."¯
I saw this on Lou Dobbs the other night and was gonna search for it when I got back from Little Cayman, but Aussie Bloke had already e-mailed it to me.
Just imagine if a Republican had stood in front of a sign like that. It would have been on the front page of the New York Times and the Washington Post. It would have made all the alphabet networks' newscasts. That it was on CNN was a surprise.
I'm back! Diving at Little Cayman was awesome! I liked it better than Cayman Brac. Little Cayman has a better wall and when you go over it and look down, all you see is blue water. You're looking down 6000 feet into the Cayman Trench.
Two of the sites have tame groupers who will come up and let you pet them. No shit!
I had a great time and hope to go back there again some day. Here's a picture of our group minus two.
You may notice that I've got my arm around one of the wimmins.
