Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap!
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Change hands.
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My working out has really helped on my endurance. Change hands again.
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Back to the left hand.
Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap!
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Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap! Whap!
I feel much better now.
It seems I haven't done any bitch slapping in a while. Let's take care of that tonight.
The Clintons...What can I say about these people. They are totally shameless. Bill is on the payroll of the Dubai gummint and has made lots of money speaking. Hillary is totally against the ports deal, which means that she is guilty of racial profiling. Leave it to the Clintons to work both sides of the street. God, how I hate these people. One for each of you buttwipes. Whap! Whap!
George Clooney...He's proud to be a liberal. I wonder if he's also proud of being an anti-American asshole? Whap!
Helen Thomas...What the fuck is keeping her alive? I didn't know bullshit was life sustaining but I guess it is. Hey Helen! Whap!
Sean Penn...Nice little photo op down in Nawlins on his little bitty boat and his own personal photographer. What a fucking idiot. Whap!
Barbra Streisand...Hey Babs! Most computers have a spell check program. Try using it before you post your vacuous bullshit on your site. Three more years of Bush, Babs! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Whap!
Gary Busey and Billy Zane...I actually used to like you two until you showed your true colors. Nice to see how much you hate this country. Whap! Whap!
Al Sharpton... RWPP 'Nuff said. Whap!
Cynthia McCommie...See above. Whap!
Daily Kos...Let's see, he claims to be the number one political site on the web, he writes a book, and only 500 of his readers buy it. All the Dimocrat candidates he backs lose. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Whap!
Russ Feingold...Repeat after me, "I will never be president". And McCain-Feingold is an unconstitutional piece of crap! Whap!
John McCain...Repeat after me, "I will never be president". And McCain-Feingold is an unconstitutional piece of crap! Whap!
Debbie Stabenow...Look. She brought her own sign.
Whap!
Howard Dean...I don't really know why I'm bitch slapping him. I won a bottle of Delamain cognac from my friend Michael when his campaign imploded and he's leading the Dimocrat Party down the tubes, but he is just so freaking annoying. Whap!
Al Franken...I remember when he used to be funny. No, really. He actually was. Whap!
Janeane Garofalo...I remember when she used to be cute. No, really. She actually was. Whap!
Ex-mayor Bill Campbell of Atlanta...Probably the most corrupt mayor Atlanta has ever had. He got lucky that he got a dumb jury and O.J.'d out of the bribery and extortion charges (He used the Marion Berry defense. They wuz picking on an elected black official.), but he did get nailed with three counts of tax evasion. Hey Bill! You're now a felon. There goes the law license. Whap!
Jimmah Carter...He has turned into a national, no, an international disgrace. He was once one of the best ex-presidents, but is now not only one of the worst presidents this country has ever had, but he is one of the worst ex-presidents this country has ever had. Jimmah, please go back to Plains and STFU! Whap!
Cindy Sheehan...Go away! Your 15 minutes were up last year fer chrissakes! Your son hated you. He joined the Army to get away from you. Now we know why. You are a moonbat! Whap!
The Palestinians...How can you fuckheads keep making the wrong decisions? You're not gonna push Israel into the sea. Quit blowing yourselves up and make peace. You people are becoming more and more tedious. Whap!
Moose-limbs...Fuck you sheetheads if you can't take a joke. Don't like the cartoons? I don't really give a rat's ass. It's called freedom of speech. If you don't like the laws in Western Europe, Australia, and the United States, go back to the shitholes you came from. Don't bring your intolerance and medieval bullshit to our countries. You've fucked up your countries. We don't what you fucking up ours. Whap!
President Bush...Veto a spending bill. Just one! I'm begging you! Whap!
My hand is sore. I'm going to bed.
I haven't done any bitch slapping in a long time. My hand is all rested up and I'm raring to go.
Bill Clinton - I just want to bitch slap him because he is such a fucking pussy. Whap!
Hillary Clinton for putting out a book that was filled with bullshit. The smartest woman in the world didn't know her husband was cheating on her? What a crock of shit. Come over here Hillary. Whap!
What ever happened to the Dixie Chicks? You remember them dontcha? They pissed off their fan base by badmouthing the president while they were in Europe. Duh! Country and Western fans live in those red states. They say they are now gonna be rock stars. Good luck twits! Can't wait for your first rock album. I got a present for each of you.Whap! Whap! Whap!
On to Whoopi Goldberg. Ya ever notice that whenever celebrities have to pay the consequences for saying sumpin' stupid they yell gummint censorship? Whoopi, let me 'splain how this cause and effect shit works. You make vulgar remarks about the president. Slimfast thinks that may make a lot of their customers not want to buy their product if you're their spokesperson. They fire your worthless ass. The gummint had nothing to do with it. Whoopi, you're an idiot. Whap!
Linda Ronstadt. She decided that she was gonna recommend Michael Moore's movie to her audience when she performed at the Aladdin in Las Vegas. They didn't take too kindly to that. She got booed off the stage. Posters were ripped down. Cocktails were thrown. She was escorted out of the casino by management and was not even allowed to go back to her luxury suite. Linda, the people came to listen to you sing, not to listen to you talk politics. Whap!
Speaking of that fat bastard Michael Moore, I hope he is proud that Hizbollah really likes his film and is distributing it in Lebanon. He is a fat, socialist, un-American asshole. Whap!
Queasy Mfume and Julian Bond. Let's see. You call the president a thug. You say he is a member of the Taliban wing of the Republican Party and then you wonder why he won't come speak at your convention. GMAFB! Who in their right mind would show up after all that abuse? Fuck you! Whap!
Corinne Brown, representative from Florida who with other moonbat Dimocrat congresscritters asked for the United Nations to supervise this year's presidential election because of the "coup d'etat" staged by the Republicans in 2000. Dammit! Only Dimocrats are allowed to steal elections. How dumb must the people in her district be to have elected this barking moonbat? I'm beginning to think we should have literacy and civics tests before people can vote. That would wipe out over half the Dimocrat electorate right there. I got an idea. Why don't we send Jimmah Carter down to oversee the elections? Since he can't find his ass with his hands anything could happen. Corinne, maybe this could knock some sense into your empty head. Whap!
Jimmah Carter. What a dickhead. The only reason he got the Nobel Peace Prize was to insult America. He should have told 'em to stick it up their asses. Stay away from killer rabbits Jimmah. Whap
John Fonda Kerry. I don't give a shit that you served in Viet Nam. I'm just wondering why you are not running on your liberal record in the Senate. You are a lying sack of shit! And can you ever pander. Let's see I've heard that you learned how to cuss on a tractor. Got lots of them at Swiss boarding schools. And you like to go deer hunting with a 12-gauge shotgun crawling around on your stomach trying to outsmart the deer. Most deer hunters don't crawl around on their stomachs and I've yet to hear of one who uses a shotgun. Who does this asshole think he is? A Massachusetts version of Bill Clinton? Whap!
John "Baby Face' Edwards. You're a slimy trial lawyer. How many doctors have you put out of business? How much have all your lawsuits made insurance premiums, and thus the cost of health care, rise? And you took one third of all the money. Hey Senator "Man of the People", how much does a half gallon of milk cost? When asked that question he didn't know the answer. Whap!
Denise Majette. Thanks for deciding to run for senator and give Cynthia McKinney an opportunity to run for her old seat. It's not that you weren't as liberal as Jihad Cindy (you were), but at least you didn't embarrass us. You said God told you to run for the Senate. You don't have a prayer. Maybe God wanted you to leave public life. Whap!
My hand is tired from all that Whaping so I'm done. Gotta get up early tomorrow so I can stop and vote on my way to work. I'm voting against Cynthia McKinney.
What is it about those assholes in Hollywood that makes them think they are qualified to pontificate on global affairs? And when did they all turn into America hating communists? They're so fucking stupid that they don't realize in a communist society the only thing they'd be qualified to do is sweep streets and clean out toilets. Now there's a neat mental picture, Barbra Streisand on her knees scrubbing out a toilet.
So let's start with Babs. I remember her talking about how Bill Clinton had given her a book with the writings of Jefferson and she was totally fascinated. Yeah, you stupid twit, if you had read or absorbed any of the writings you would have realized that Jefferson believed in a small central gummint with most of the powers devolving to the states. That was the basis of his ongoing feud with John Adams. Adams was a staunch federalist. If Jefferson were to cone back today, he would not recognize the Dimocratic Party. Hell, he wouldn't recognize the federal gummint. And, Jesus, Babs, when you send out your stupid faxes, learn how to spell. Whap!
Alec Baldwin. Alec, have you done anything lately besides hosting Saturday Night Live? And do you still beat Kim? Oh she left your sorry ass? Everytime you open your mouth all that comes out is stupid twaddle. Will you just leave the country fer chrissake? Whap!
George Clooney. Now here is a real fuckwit! Hey George, instead of talking about not bombing Iraq, why don't you talk about not making movies that bomb. Maybe we should just drop your last two bombs on Iraq. And I especially like what Stanley Kaufmann, the movie critic for The New Republic wrote about George Clooney, and the director of Solaris, Steven Soderbergh in his review of that turkey.
In the film world Clooney and Soderbergh are now two of the most powerful figures. Over a century ago Lord Acton noted that power corrupts: now we learn that one of power's possible corruptions is high-minded vacuity.
High minded vacuity. I love it. Whap!
Woody Harrelson. What an idiot! A few months agao, I started fisking that stupid article he wrote for the Guardian and I had to stop because I just couldn't comprehend how his brain worked. In a case of life imitating art, Woody is actually dumber than the character he played in Cheers. Woody, stay in England. Better yet, move to Baghdad. Saddam is looking for a few good human shields and you would fit the job description perfectly. Whap!
Susan Sarandon. Loved her in Rocky Horror Picture Show. One of the best lines I ever heard was it would have been nice to have saved the car in the movie Thelma and Louise, but still have kept the happy ending. Anyway, she was whining about people calling her anti-American when she was being, well, anti-American. Susan, you are a twit. Whap!
Ed Asner. C'mon Ed. You're done. Your career is over. Grant Tinker said it best:
Unfortunately, Ed Asner has the image of Lou Grant and the brain of Ed Asner.
Amen. Whap!
Sean Penn. Poor Sean is suing Steve Bing saying his opposition to the war in Iraq cost him a job. Bing is counter-suing Sean saying he's trying to extort money from him. Gotta admire Bing. He got to nail Liz Hurley. Whine away Sean, you overgrown brat! Whap!
Madonna. The material slut. I hear she's making an antiwar video. BFD! Does anyone really care about Madonna anymore? And if so, why? Whap!
Danny Glover. Now here's a hypocrite. He says he deplores violence, but has made four Lethal Weapon movies. Practice what you preach you asshole! Whap!
I could go on and on but I want to go to bed sometime tonight. I remember when Hollywood used to be filled with patriots rather than hate America ccommunists.
Maybe instead of boycotting French and German products we might want to start boycotting Hollywood products.
Assholes!
Bitch Slapping II
To the delight of my sister, I present another edition of bitch slapping where I demonstrate my white hyperbole by cyber bitch slapping people who have royally pissed me off. For the last session of bitch slapping go here.
Let's start off at the World Summit on bashing the United States poverty and the environment. The Mullman has an interesting take on it. What he left out was less than five miles away from this bullshit summit where people are gorging on gourmet food and creating mountains of waste, people are living in poverty and drinking water out of standpipes. And, here on his Secret Decoder Ring are links to his sources. So to all 40,000 of you hypocritical bastards who are living it up and trashing the enviromnent, here's a big ol' ... Whap! Damn, my hand gets tired bitch slapping over 40,000 people. Shoulda saved this one for last.
I cannot believe I did not bitch slap Bill Clinton last time. Good ol' brave Bill Clinton who told a Jewish group in Canada that if the Iraqi army crossed the Jordan River (not much chance of that happening) he would pick up a rifle and fight and die to protect Israel. I don't know which was the most sickening: the fact that he threw that bullshit out there or the fact that he received a standing ovation. Bill, you lying sack of shit, step right up and ... Whap! And you stupid schmucks in the audience, did you believe that bullshit? If so, then you deserve a big ol ... Whap!
And let's hear it for Billy McKinney who increased the turnout of Jewish voters to vote against his daughter in Georgia's 4th Congressional District, by saying, the night before the election, that the reason the race was so close (which it turned out not to be) was Jews, J-E-W-S. Well, Billy, I got sumpin' to say to you: You are a racist bigot, B-I-G-O-T. Whap!
Helen Thomas, the senile, clueless, reporter for some news organization. Who cares which one. Sweetie, you are a washed up ol' WTD (waitin' to die). You don't have Clinton to worship any more and you've become a dried up old hag. I'm afraid if I bitch slap you you may just blow away, but I'm willing to take that chance. Whap!
Al Sharpton wants to run for president. Please! Please! Please! Run Al run! Run Al run! We can ask him about the Tawana Brawley fiasco and the Steve Pagones lawsuit. For those who don't know, as the lamestream press did not cover it, Steve Pagones was the district attorney in Wappinger Falls that Tawana Brawley accused of whatever it was that was supposed to have happened to her. Pagones sued Reverend Al, C. Vernon Mason, and the other yahoo who was involved in the fiasco, and won. I was up in Poughkeepsie, New York when Pagones won his suit. No news organization outside of Poughkeepsie picked it up. Liberal bias? Nah. Anyway, Reverend Al said he didn't have any money. C'mon. Look at his suits and the fancy medallion. And his kids go to private schools. Gimme a break. Hey Rev! ... Whap!
Phil Donahue. So MSNBC has lousy ratings. Here's an idea. Bring back Phil Donahue. Yeah, that's the ticket. Fox is kicking ass because, quite frankly, people are getting tired of the liberal bias of the lamestream media. So, to compete with Fox, we'll get an over the hill liberal. Jesus, he ain't even a Dimocrat. He's a Green fer crissakes. I cannot watch him because it's just too, too pathetic. I didn't see the show when he had Ann Coulter on, but I read the transcript. It was brutal! My friend Cindy called me last week and told me to turn on Donahue because he had Louis Farrakhan on. I told her I'd find the transcript and read it. Watching an over the hill liberal like Donahue is just too sad. Go join Helen Thomas in the old folks home. Whap! And to the brilliant MSNBC execs ... Whap!
Sheila Jackson Lee. We can always count on her to be about the dumbest member of Congress. She toured the Houston Space Center during the Mars Lander mission. As she was watching the little robot on the surface of Mars she asked if it were anywhere near the flag the astronauts planted. Sheila, there's a village somewhere that's missing an idiot. Whap!
James Carville. 'Gimme some gumbo! Tax cuts for the rich! Ah want mah gumbo! Bush stole the election!' I got some questions. Does he ever shut up? What does Mary Matalan see in him? Does he get a rabies shot every year? How did he keep his mouth shut long enough to have sex and father children? Enquiring minds want to know. Whap!
Jesse Jackson. Does anyone really listen to Jesse Jackson anymore? Does anyone really care? Ya know, this is almost a waste of a bitch slap. Oh well .... Whap! Whatever.
Paul Begala. The other half of Carville and Begala. I just love seeing Chris Kattan on Saturday Night Live do Begala when they do the Hardball satire. Everytime I see Begala I just think of him being someone's bitch in prison. 'Hi, mah name is Bubba. You gonna be mah bitch.' So, it's so appropriate to give him a big ol' ... Whap!
And last, but surely not least, we have New York City Councilman Charles Barron who said,
"I want to go up to the closest white person and say 'You
can't understand this, it's a black thing' and then slap
him, just for my mental health," Barron announced as 2,000
to 3,000 reparations supporters looked on.
And then he said it was 'black hyperbole' and he was joking (yeah, I even have white friends). Charlie, you are not only an idiot, but you are a fucking idiot. So here's some white hyperbole you stupid, racist sonuvabitch. Whap! That's a white thing! And here's another Whap! for good measure.
Damn! My hand is sore and tired. See y'all tomorrow.
I got a real nice e-mail over the weekend. I do read all my e-mail. I also get ideas for what to blog about from e-mail. To those of you who want to take credit for anything you have written to me, let me know and if I quote you, I will gladly give credit where credit is due. Anyway, the e-mail went like this:
You do the Internet a great service with your open-handed bitch slaps of vitriol and rancor. I'm so pleased that you've come along and offered such a splendid read to us all.
All I can say is 'Thank you. The pleasure is all mine.' And now that just reminds me of all the people in this world, in no particular order, who definitely need to be bitch slapped.
Cynthia McKinney. Everytime she opens her mouth, we get all sorts of racist, bigoted bullshit. Oh, I forgot, according to Joseph Lowery, of the Southern Christian Leadership Council, blacks can't be racist because that implies superiority and blacks can't be superor to other races. Huh? Well yeah, that is one definition, but another definition is hatred of other races, and we know Cynthia hates Jews and white people. So ... Whap!
Eleanor Clift. I finally had to quit watching the McLaughlin Group because I just could no longer take the shrieking of Eleanor Clift. Just like I used to yell at the TV during Monday Night Football when How-wierd Co-sell wouldn't shut up, that's the way I feel about Eleanor. Have you ever noticed in a discussion between a conservative and a liberal, the liberal always interrupts and talks over the conservative? But they get pissed when a conservative interrupts them. Once the McLaughlin Group had Laura Ingraham on and she did not take any crap from Eleanor. She verbally bitch slapped Eleanor. Ah, to have witnessed that. It was a thing of beauty! I just wish John McLaughlin would get out of his chair and ... Whap!
Yasser Arafat. Why is this bastard still alive? He's got more lives than a cat. And what's with the freaking table cloth on his head? Does he ever take it off? I see other Palestinians around him and none of them wear table cloths on their heads. What's he hiding under there? Do you think he sleeps in it? And, Jesus, if he can't grow a better beard than that, shave the freakin' thing off. I really like the fact that he wrote a long letter to Colin Powell saying, I'm reforming the Palestinian Authority. I'm still the leader. I'm trying to stop the violence. Give me another chance. Please? Pretty please with sugar and cinnamon on it? I'll be good. I promise. Sorry Yasser. You are the weakest link. G'bye and ... Whap!
Maxine Waters. Look Maxine, the CIA had nuttin' ta do with crack in Watts. That's a figment of your imagination. Likewise they had nuttin' ta do with AIDS. And cut out the reparations crap! Lots of good men died during the Civil war to end slavery. Blacks have a better standard of living in this country than they do in any other country in the world. You want forty acres and a mule? Go to Zimbabwe. In the meantime shut up or ... Whap!
Li'l Dickie Gephardt. I used to live in St. Louis, Believe it or not, when Dickie first started out in politics, he was a conservative Democrat. I realize that's an oxymoron, but he was pro life (lots of Catholics in his district back then) and voted more centrist. But, once he got aspirations to go national he moved to the left. Let's face it, an anti-abortion Democrat is not gonna go anywhere in the party. The thing that grates on my nerves is when Dickie starts talking about winners and losers in 'life's lottery'. Listen craphead, probably 90% of the 'losers in life's lottery' are there because of their own stupid decisions. My sister and I were lower middle class with a father who was an alcoholic. We worked hard and got an education. We had part time jobs as children. When we became adults we worked hard and made responsible decisions. We are both what you would call 'rich'. We did it ourselves. Barring catastrophic illness, or other catastrophies like breaking one's back and becoming a paraplegic (wait a minute, that may not qualify. That happened to me and I overcame it to become one of the evil hated rich), or having a severe accident, there's really not much excuse for not succeeding in this country. The big trick is education and hard work. But, you, craphead, along with the teachers' unions have so screwed up the gummint schools that people (due to social promotion - what dickhead came up with that idea?) are graduating functionally illiterate. Here in Georgia we use the lottery (a way to get the stupid and the poor to pay taxes. I love it! Walk into the Quick Trip, and damned if there isn't a Bubba or Earline gettin' a sixpack of beer, a carton of Marlboros and five lottery tickets. Tax the stupid!) to fund sumpin' called Hope Scholarships. The students need to graduate with a B average, Here in the Georgia schools they can graduate with an A average and still not be able to read and write. So, Dickie, for all you do, this ...Whap! is for you.
Major Owens. A black Congressman from New York. He got up on the House floor and rattled on about how twenty million (then the next day, wait that's wrong it was two million) blacks were thrown overboard when being transported to America. 'Sharks still patrol the waters to this day looking for the dark meat of slaves.' Major, you're a booger eatin moh-ron and deserve a ...Whap!
Little Tommie Daschle. Tommie wants to be President. And .. and ... I'm the Senate Majority Leader. I want my way, and if I don't get it, I'll ... I'll .. I'll hold my breath until I get my way. And if that doesn't work, I'll lay on the floor and kick and scream. This dodo wants to be President? Let's see if we can pull a Dukakis on him. Find a tank, put him in it, and put a helmut on him. Behold, Rocket J. Squirrel. Tommie, just shut up an ...Whap!
Trent Lott. Trent, like Lisa Lupner's father, was born without a spine. Trent, if you ever get to be the Senate Majority Leader again, act like it. C'mere. I got sumpin for ya ... Whap!
Magaret Carlson. She's not as irritating as Eleanor Clift, but just as dumb. Have you ever seen her when she scrunches up her face? She looks just like a chipmunk. I don't know where Simon and Theodore are, but I think we've found Alvin. Magaret, here ya go ... Whap!
Hillary Clinton. I think we may have found Simon. With those puffy cheeks she looks like a chipmunk also. Hey, did ya here that KFC has a Hillary Clinton special? Two small breasts, two large thighs and one left wing. Wait a minute. Put Margaret, Hillary and Tammy Fay Baker together and we do have Simon, Theodore and Alvin. But back to Hillary. You're a piece of work. A real woman would have taken her child and walked away from that bastard you're married to. Most of my woman friends would have made that bastard resign rather than putting the country through the ordeal and embarrassing his wife and child. But being a victim worked. You're a Senator. I didn't realize there were that many stupid people in New York. Anyway, waddle on over here so I can ...Whap! you.
This booger eatin' moh-ron. Jesus, if you're gonna call someone too dumb, at least spell too properly. This is almost as funny as when Hosea Williams led a protest march in Forsyth, Georgia and a bunch of dumb rednecks were protesting the protest and one of them was holding a sign that said 'Niger go home!' Obviously a product of the Georgia school system. Anyway, BEM, drop the sign so I can give ya a big ol' ... Whap!
There are lots more people I'd love to bitch slap, but my hand is gettin' tired. Probably another time.
Feel free to take over.